Desperate for help

[Guest guest]

Hello all, my son just turned 4 a few days ago...things have been

crazy..my in laws were here for 9 days, day before they arrived my

husband started a new job and works 4pm-2am, than my in laws left and

my dad arrived for a visit..needless to say suddenly my son is shocking

me in behavior. He flipped out at something during his birthday party.

he began throwing himself aorund screaming, i had to hold on to him to

prevent him from hurting himself, instead i ended up with brusises on

my face, arms and stomach. i cant believe i got beat up. after this 20

minute episode, he calmed down. and appologized for being fresh and

said he was so so sorry.. he felt very guily. But today, he just looked

at me and said " mommy i cut you " he didnt say it angry, just said it,

it sent me into tears...has anyone found there AS children saying

things wayyyyyy out of line or typical when the stress levels are

unbearable to them? am i the only ones whos child has said something

so " psychotic " sounding...please offer some advice and experiences

youve all had.....thank you!!!!

Mandee

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this behavior.

Yes, I have experienced it as well. When my son, who

is now 20, gets stressed out, usually by extra people

or noises or lights or routine changes, he does strike

out at me verbally, and sometimes physically.

When this started, it stopped me in my tracks. But I

know now that at the moment when he " loses it " he

really has no concept of reality. He is not

psychotic, but these rage episodes appear to be

psychotic. Just as we all " lose it " at some point of

stress or fear...these kids can lose it, but at a much

lower threshold.

So how do we manage it? First, I have had to learn

how to " see the signs " and help him " see the signs "

BEFORE the explosion. And I have had to learn to give

him permission to remove himself from the group to a

" safe " room. We have a " safe " room in the house,

where he can always go to calm down BEFORE the

storm...and yes, the good news is that he has learned

to know when he is becoming so stressed he may have an

outburst...so we let him isolate himself from the

group on his own terms. When he calms down and is

ready again for the " overload " he must deal with, he

chooses to come back.

During his teen years, the rages, although very few,

became more serious, because he was now 6 foot and 200

pounds. His psychiatrist put him on Depakote,

stablizer, which has had a positive impact...he can

now handle more stress and avoid the outbursts.

But, what helped when he was young was the " safe room "

and permission to leave a situation when he felt

stress building up.

Hope this helps. It used to hurt my feelings so much,

but once I understood that he really did not mean what

he was saying, and that he really wanted help to avoid

these outbursts, I tried to approach the problem more

objectively and give him tools to use. It does get

better.

Lots of love -

--- angel_alysn <angel_alysn@...> wrote:

> Hello all, my son just turned 4 a few days

> ago...things have been

> crazy..my in laws were here for 9 days, day before

> they arrived my

> husband started a new job and works 4pm-2am, than my

> in laws left and

> my dad arrived for a visit..needless to say suddenly

> my son is shocking

> me in behavior. He flipped out at something during

> his birthday party.

> he began throwing himself aorund screaming, i had to

> hold on to him to

> prevent him from hurting himself, instead i ended up

> with brusises on

> my face, arms and stomach. i cant believe i got beat

> up. after this 20

> minute episode, he calmed down. and appologized for

> being fresh and

> said he was so so sorry.. he felt very guily. But

> today, he just looked

> at me and said " mommy i cut you " he didnt say it

> angry, just said it,

> it sent me into tears...has anyone found there AS

> children saying

> things wayyyyyy out of line or typical when the

> stress levels are

> unbearable to them? am i the only ones whos child

> has said something

> so " psychotic " sounding...please offer some advice

> and experiences

> youve all had.....thank you!!!!

>

> Mandee

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I also see this behavior in my 10 year old at school mainly when he is stressed.

I am desperately trying to help him identify the beginning so that he can remove

himself from the situation. Usually in school, his desire to do everything

" perfectly " makes him not want to remove himself. I hope that as he matures he

will come to be able to remove himself on his own, but he just can't do that

now.

Suze

Re: ( ) Desperate for help

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this behavior.

Yes, I have experienced it as well. When my son, who

is now 20, gets stressed out, usually by extra people

or noises or lights or routine changes, he does strike

out at me verbally, and sometimes physically.

When this started, it stopped me in my tracks. But I

know now that at the moment when he " loses it " he

really has no concept of reality. He is not

psychotic, but these rage episodes appear to be

psychotic. Just as we all " lose it " at some point of

stress or fear...these kids can lose it, but at a much

lower threshold.

So how do we manage it? First, I have had to learn

how to " see the signs " and help him " see the signs "

BEFORE the explosion. And I have had to learn to give

him permission to remove himself from the group to a

" safe " room. We have a " safe " room in the house,

where he can always go to calm down BEFORE the

storm...and yes, the good news is that he has learned

to know when he is becoming so stressed he may have an

outburst...so we let him isolate himself from the

group on his own terms. When he calms down and is

ready again for the " overload " he must deal with, he

chooses to come back.

During his teen years, the rages, although very few,

became more serious, because he was now 6 foot and 200

pounds. His psychiatrist put him on Depakote,

stablizer, which has had a positive impact...he can

now handle more stress and avoid the outbursts.

But, what helped when he was young was the " safe room "

and permission to leave a situation when he felt

stress building up.

Hope this helps. It used to hurt my feelings so much,

but once I understood that he really did not mean what

he was saying, and that he really wanted help to avoid

these outbursts, I tried to approach the problem more

objectively and give him tools to use. It does get

better.

Lots of love -

--- angel_alysn <angel_alysn@...> wrote:

> Hello all, my son just turned 4 a few days

> ago...things have been

> crazy..my in laws were here for 9 days, day before

> they arrived my

> husband started a new job and works 4pm-2am, than my

> in laws left and

> my dad arrived for a visit..needless to say suddenly

> my son is shocking

> me in behavior. He flipped out at something during

> his birthday party.

> he began throwing himself aorund screaming, i had to

> hold on to him to

> prevent him from hurting himself, instead i ended up

> with brusises on

> my face, arms and stomach. i cant believe i got beat

> up. after this 20

> minute episode, he calmed down. and appologized for

> being fresh and

> said he was so so sorry.. he felt very guily. But

> today, he just looked

> at me and said " mommy i cut you " he didnt say it

> angry, just said it,

> it sent me into tears...has anyone found there AS

> children saying

> things wayyyyyy out of line or typical when the

> stress levels are

> unbearable to them? am i the only ones whos child

> has said something

> so " psychotic " sounding...please offer some advice

> and experiences

> youve all had.....thank you!!!!

>

> Mandee

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hey Mandee,

In answer to your question,

" has anyone found there AS children saying

> things wayyyyyy out of line or typical when the stress levels are

> unbearable to them? am i the only ones whos child has said something

> so " psychotic " sounding... "

yes!!! YES!!!! i HAVE one of these little guys! No, you are not the

only one. My son can get REALLY frustrated, and during high stress, he

throws things around, and will say I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

IT is frustrating, and at times embarrassing (depending on how strong

I am feeling at the time)

My work with him, has been, when he is feeling fine, we read stories

about his autism (my autism is a 1 when I am happy, a 5 when I am

MAD!) We have lots of talks about his " anger holder " That is what he

has called it when he gets mad. IF he is raging, his anger holder is

HUGE, if he fine it is little. Very cute. Anyway, I also know that If

I see signs that he is getting to that point, I do my best to get him

out of that situation, or distracted! Whichever works first.

my famous line, of course,

MY CHILD HAS A PROBLEM AND IS NOT THE PROBLEM!

That helps me look at him differently each and every time, and so, in

turn, I treat him better!

Hope that is informing!!!!

B

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your encouraging words. I have been down lately. Things were

going great than bam! our whole worlds a mess. I know my dear son is not

psychotic..but to others they look at him like he is...it is very hard..my son

is one of the sweetest, most snuggable little boys...i have seen him angry to

the point where he has no idea of what he is even doing, i have seen him kick

and scream..i have just never heard him say such harsh things..but it comes with

the age too i suppose. I didnt even se this outburst coming..and man did i get

brusied physically and emotionally. Ughh hes improving this week now that

company is gone and life is more normal and routine again. i almost hope we

never had visitors again Do many of you find yourself sheltering yourselves

from places/people to avoid problems? sometimes latelty, i have to avoid things

simply to keep my sanity. i cant fight every battle..so if i know ones gonna

come..i run. Thank you all again. It means the world to know

there are others like me and xavier! Love and thanks to you all!

Mandee

advocateforaspies <advocateforaspies@...> wrote:

Hey Mandee,

In answer to your question,

" has anyone found there AS children saying

> things wayyyyyy out of line or typical when the stress levels are

> unbearable to them? am i the only ones whos child has said something

> so " psychotic " sounding... "

yes!!! YES!!!! i HAVE one of these little guys! No, you are not the

only one. My son can get REALLY frustrated, and during high stress, he

throws things around, and will say I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

IT is frustrating, and at times embarrassing (depending on how strong

I am feeling at the time)

My work with him, has been, when he is feeling fine, we read stories

about his autism (my autism is a 1 when I am happy, a 5 when I am

MAD!) We have lots of talks about his " anger holder " That is what he

has called it when he gets mad. IF he is raging, his anger holder is

HUGE, if he fine it is little. Very cute. Anyway, I also know that If

I see signs that he is getting to that point, I do my best to get him

out of that situation, or distracted! Whichever works first.

my famous line, of course,

MY CHILD HAS A PROBLEM AND IS NOT THE PROBLEM!

That helps me look at him differently each and every time, and so, in

turn, I treat him better!

Hope that is informing!!!!

B

[Guest guest]

my son is 9 and he has been exhibiting this type of behavior for

years. As he has gotten older, he has had less outbursts, but when

he loses it, it can be pretty bad.

Unfortunately he is a large 9 year old. Two weeks ago he lost it at

the psychologists office. I think he scared the psychologist. My

psychologist lent me the book called " The Explosive Child " by Ross

W. Greene, Ph.d. This book has been very helpful - for the most

part I know that my child is at times explosive and inflexible.

Over time I have learned his trigger points, but there is always the

unexpected, and there is life in general. Right now I am preparing

him for my sisters wedding, It will be a LONG weekend.

> Hello all, my son just turned 4 a few days ago...things have

been

> crazy..my in laws were here for 9 days, day before they arrived my

> husband started a new job and works 4pm-2am, than my in laws left

and

> my dad arrived for a visit..needless to say suddenly my son is

shocking

> me in behavior. He flipped out at something during his birthday

party.

> he began throwing himself aorund screaming, i had to hold on to

him to

> prevent him from hurting himself, instead i ended up with brusises

on

> my face, arms and stomach. i cant believe i got beat up. after

this 20

> minute episode, he calmed down. and appologized for being fresh

and

> said he was so so sorry.. he felt very guily. But today, he just

looked

> at me and said " mommy i cut you " he didnt say it angry, just said

it,

> it sent me into tears...has anyone found there AS children saying

> things wayyyyyy out of line or typical when the stress levels are

> unbearable to them? am i the only ones whos child has said

something

> so " psychotic " sounding...please offer some advice and experiences

> youve all had.....thank you!!!!

>

> Mandee

[Guest guest]

YOU HAVE NOT FAILED YOUR SON!!!! You are seeking help and looking for answers.

Please don't feel that way. You are trying to get answers. Its the system that can be hard to road map. Yes I feel that a decision to join the military is NOT for our children.. However I do admire those who do choose to serve.

I am in Canada and will try to do some research for you..

This is a fine group of really supportive and informative people.. So chin up.. We'll do what we can.. And I think its your perseverance that has gotten your son this far.. So please don't be so down on yourself. You care~ and that counts for a whole lot! ( especially when they repeat.. " how much longer for 8.5 hours LOL)

-- ( ) Desperate for help

Hi All,Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there!Are any members in here from the Twin Cities MN, the southern tier suburbs?I am looking for help for my eighteen year-old who has pervasive developmental disorder.Does anyone know of a good counselor/therapist for young adults who deals with PDD issues and alcohol abuse? We prefer someone who practices in the Bloomington, Burnsville, Apple Valley, Rosemount, or Eagan area.Also, are there any autism associations or support groups in the area that we can join?My son is going to Transition Plus and technical college, but he has tons of issues. He is on academic probation due to missing three days of school. This automatically gives him failing grades.In technical college, he does not know his teacher's names when I asked him five weeks after school. He does not use his school planner that he was issued. We had to constantly nibble away at him to do and keep track of his homework on time, and to focus on school instead of cars. He always zoned out and is forgetful because he is disorganized.I keep telling him that the books will not study on its on, LOL! He has to actually open it at read it. I found out later that he did most of his computer work at school.Will any tutoring programs like Huntington or Sylvan Learning help? I finally may have some money available for something like this.What programs are available to him in the area that can help with with social skills, focusing, academics,etc...? He was good in math in elementary school, but in HS they put him in special ed remdial math & reading programs which I think hurt him because when he did sign up for algebra he did not have the core math foundation knowledge that he should have learned in junior high. However, he does have a bigger challenge with his PDD.He was on special ed all throuhout high school. Although his IQ tested high, it was hard for him to stay focused on his schoolwork especially with with his obsessiveness/compulsiveness.I wished that we could do more for him earlier. I wished that we could have afford to get him private tutors then, that we could have sent him to some special programs to teach him proper manners and ettiquette, to work with him more with his academics.This kid can drive you crazy. When he was eleven, we went on a long airplane ride to visit with m parents. He kept asking how much longer every fifteen minutes. The airplane ride from Hawaii was 8.5 hours long!We did did sent him to Camp Buckskin one year, and he had a great time. But, at $3,200.00 we could not send him every year. We are very concern and nervous as he is thinking about enlisting in the military next year. I just cannot believe that the military will allow kids like him to sign up cognizant of his disability. Is there anything that parents can do?I asked him why the military. He said it may be good for him in terms of discipline, and he wants the adventure. It sounds like a line from a recruiter. I know that the recruiters have been calling him at home since the end of his sophomore year in HS.Someone suggested to look into conservatorship or guardianship for him to protect him. I guess we never looked at the legal help aspects for him before. Where does one get information about these?I believe that with his high functioning PDD that he is borderline, and he could go either way. There must be something that we can do to unlock the genie inside his head. Any academic successes will help with his self-esteem now.I am desperate. I feel that if I don't do something to help him turn around, that we will fail to reach him before it is too late.Lately, his life is in a tailspin. In addition to his academic probation, he was arrested for DWI recently. Also, I caught him binge drinking with friends. He has undergone chemical health assessment under the advisement of his attorney (which he is paying for himself). He had a prior speeding ticket for excessive speeding. You see, he is obessesed with cars and racing.We took the car away that we provided him for school. His insurance is cancelled so he can no longer drive.He has to earn the trust of his parents back.I apologize for the long winding post.I am desperate, and I an feeling like we have failed our son on this Father's Day.Any help or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.CJ

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Dear CJ,My ds 19 had a difficult time his first semester of college, too. He had to do a lot of writing, and that threw him, and he was just so disorganized. I paid for him to meet with a tutor/mentor, whom I assumed was  helping with the executive function stuff like organization, but he was barely meeting with him. What I learned was this.1. Help him stay organized by helping him go through his syllabus and online homework board every two weeks.2.  Allow him  (at least initially) to dictate his papers to me and I will type them up. I will not stay up until all hours to do this.There was a HUGE difference between his first semester grades and his second semester grades, even though he was thrown off base by my surgery in March.If I can help at all, feel free to email.Best,Liz-------Original Message------- From: hafadailaheDate: 17/06/2007 8:34:08 AM Subject: ( ) Desperate for help Hi All,Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there!Are any members in here from the Twin Cities MN, the southern tier suburbs?I am looking for help for my eighteen year-old who has pervasive developmental disorder.Does anyone know of a good counselor/therapist for young adults who deals with PDD issues and alcohol abuse? We prefer someone who practices in the Bloomington, Burnsville, Apple Valley, Rosemount, or Eagan area.Also, are there any autism associations or support groups in the area that we can join?My son is going to Transition Plus and technical college, but he has tons of issues. He is on academic probation due to missing three days of school. This automatically gives him failing grades.In technical college, he does not know his teacher's names when I asked him five weeks after school. He does not use his school planner that he was issued. We had to constantly nibble away at him to do and keep track of his homework on time, and to focus on school instead of cars. He always zoned out and is forgetful because he is disorganized.I keep telling him that the books will not study on its on, LOL! He has to actually open it at read it. I found out later that he did most of his computer work at school.Will any tutoring programs like Huntington or Sylvan Learning help? I finally may have some money available for something like this.What programs are available to him in the area that can help with with social skills, focusing, academics,etc...? He was good in math in elementary school, but in HS they put him in special ed remdial math & reading programs which I think hurt him because when he did sign up for algebra he did not have the core math foundation knowledge that he should have learned in junior high. However, he does have a bigger challenge with his PDD.He was on special ed all throuhout high school. Although his IQ tested high, it was hard for him to stay focused on his schoolwork especially with with his obsessiveness/compulsiveness.I wished that we could do more for him earlier. I wished that we could have afford to get him private tutors then, that we could have sent him to some special programs to teach him proper manners and ettiquette, to work with him more with his academics.This kid can drive you crazy. When he was eleven, we went on a longairplane ride to visit with m parents. He kept asking how much longer every fifteen minutes. The airplane ride from Hawaii was 8.5 hours long!We did did sent him to Camp Buckskin one year, and he had a great time. But, at $3,200.00 we could not send him every year. We are very concern and nervous as he is thinking about enlisting inthe military next year. I just cannot believe that the military will allow kids like him to sign up cognizant of his disability. Is there anything that parents can do?I asked him why the military. He said it may be good for him in terms of discipline, and he wants the adventure. It sounds like a line from a recruiter. I know that the recruiters have been calling him at homesince the end of his sophomore year in HS.Someone suggested to look into conservatorship or guardianship forhim to protect him. I guess we never looked at the legal help aspectsfor him before. Where does one get information about these?I believe that with his high functioning PDD that he is borderline, and he could go either way. There must be something that we can do to unlock the genie inside his head. Any academic successes will help with his self-esteem now.I am desperate. I feel that if I don't do something to help him turn around, that we will fail to reach him before it is too late.Lately, his life is in a tailspin. In addition to his academic probation, he was arrested for DWI recently. Also, I caught him binge drinking with friends. He has undergone chemical health assessment under the advisement of his attorney (which he is paying for himself). He had a prior speeding ticket for excessive speeding. You see, he is obessesed with cars and racing.We took the car away that we provided him for school. His insurance is cancelled so he can no longer drive.He has to earn the trust of his parents back.I apologize for the long winding post.I am desperate, and I an feeling like we have failed our son on this Father's Day.Any help or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.CJMessages in this topic (0)Reply (via web post) | Start a new topicRecent Activity 19New Members 2New LinksVisit Your GroupCancer Supporton Connect w/ othersfind help & shareGet cancer supportConnect w/ othersfind help & shareYoga GroupsFind Enlightenment & exhange insightswith other members   <6D58EEE9-6E28-48EC-AF74-C5238CD470B4><F4E2BE71-DD18-47CD-8633-D011F6FDD72B>

[Guest guest]

#1. should read Help him stay organized by helping him go through his syllabus and online homework board and writing down all his assignments for a 2 week period.On Jun 17, 2007, at 8:59 PM, Liz Bohn wrote:Dear CJ,My ds 19 had a difficult time his first semester of college, too. He had to do a lot of writing, and that threw him, and he was just so disorganized. I paid for him to meet with a tutor/mentor, whom I assumed was  helping with the executive function stuff like organization, but he was barely meeting with him. What I learned was this.1. Help him stay organized by helping him go through his syllabus and online homework board every two weeks.2.  Allow him  (at least initially) to dictate his papers to me and I will type them up. I will not stay up until all hours to do this.There was a HUGE difference between his first semester grades and his second semester grades, even though he was thrown off base by my surgery in March.If I can help at all, feel free to email.Best,Liz-------Original Message------- From: hafadailaheDate: 17/06/2007 8:34:08 AM Subject: ( ) Desperate for help Hi All,Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there!Are any members in here from the Twin Cities MN, the southern tier suburbs?I am looking for help for my eighteen year-old who has pervasive developmental disorder.Does anyone know of a good counselor/therapist for young adults who deals with PDD issues and alcohol abuse? We prefer someone who practices in the Bloomington, Burnsville, Apple Valley, Rosemount, or Eagan area.Also, are there any autism associations or support groups in the area that we can join?My son is going to Transition Plus and technical college, but he has tons of issues. He is on academic probation due to missing three days of school. This automatically gives him failing grades.In technical college, he does not know his teacher's names when I asked him five weeks after school. He does not use his school planner that he was issued. We had to constantly nibble away at him to do and keep track of his homework on time, and to focus on school instead of cars. He always zoned out and is forgetful because he is disorganized.I keep telling him that the books will not study on its on, LOL! He has to actually open it at read it. I found out later that he did most of his computer work at school.Will any tutoring programs like Huntington or Sylvan Learning help? I finally may have some money available for something like this.What programs are available to him in the area that can help with with social skills, focusing, academics,etc...? He was good in math in elementary school, but in HS they put him in special ed remdial math & reading programs which I think hurt him because when he did sign up for algebra he did not have the core math foundation knowledge that he should have learned in junior high. However, he does have a bigger challenge with his PDD.He was on special ed all throuhout high school. Although his IQ tested high, it was hard for him to stay focused on his schoolwork especially with with his obsessiveness/compulsiveness.I wished that we could do more for him earlier. I wished that we could have afford to get him private tutors then, that we could have sent him to some special programs to teach him proper manners and ettiquette, to work with him more with his academics.This kid can drive you crazy. When he was eleven, we went on a longairplane ride to visit with m parents. He kept asking how much longer every fifteen minutes. The airplane ride from Hawaii was 8.5 hours long!We did did sent him to Camp Buckskin one year, and he had a great time. But, at $3,200.00 we could not send him every year. We are very concern and nervous as he is thinking about enlisting inthe military next year. I just cannot believe that the military will allow kids like him to sign up cognizant of his disability. Is there anything that parents can do?I asked him why the military. He said it may be good for him in terms of discipline, and he wants the adventure. It sounds like a line from a recruiter. I know that the recruiters have been calling him at homesince the end of his sophomore year in HS.Someone suggested to look into conservatorship or guardianship forhim to protect him. I guess we never looked at the legal help aspectsfor him before. Where does one get information about these?I believe that with his high functioning PDD that he is borderline, and he could go either way. There must be something that we can do to unlock the genie inside his head. Any academic successes will help with his self-esteem now.I am desperate. I feel that if I don't do something to help him turn around, that we will fail to reach him before it is too late.Lately, his life is in a tailspin. In addition to his academic probation, he was arrested for DWI recently. Also, I caught him binge drinking with friends. He has undergone chemical health assessment under the advisement of his attorney (which he is paying for himself). He had a prior speeding ticket for excessive speeding. You see, he is obessesed with cars and racing.We took the car away that we provided him for school. His insurance is cancelled so he can no longer drive.He has to earn the trust of his parents back.I apologize for the long winding post.I am desperate, and I an feeling like we have failed our son on this Father's Day.Any help or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.CJMessages in this topic (0)Reply (via web post) | Start a new topicRecent Activity 19New Members 2New LinksVisit Your GroupCancer Supporton Connect w/ othersfind help & shareGet cancer supportConnect w/ othersfind help & shareYoga GroupsFind Enlightenment & exhange insightswith other members   <6D58EEE9-6E28-48EC-AF74-C5238CD470B4><F4E2BE71-DD18-47CD-8633-D011F6FDD72B>