Re: 10 things a child with Autism wants you to know

[Guest guest]

10 Things The Student with Autism Wishes You Knew (By Ellen Notbohm)

(...and it makes sense for other kids too!)

Author's note: When my article Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You

Knew was first published in November 2004, I could scarcely have imagined the

response. Reader after reader wrote to tell me that the piece should be

required reading for all social service workers, teachers and relatives of

children

with autism. " Just what my daughter would say if she could, " said one mother.

" How I wish I had read this five years ago. It took my husband and I such a

long time to 'learn' these things, " said

another. As the responses mounted, I decided that the resonance was coming

from the fact that the piece spoke with a child's voice, a voice not heard often

enough. There is great need - and I hope, great willingness – to understand

the world as special needs children experience it. So the voice

of our child returns now to tell us what children with autism wish their

teachers knew.

1. Behavior is communication. All behavior occurs for a reason. It tells you,

even when my words can't, how I perceive what is happening around me.

Negative behavior interferes with my learning process. But merely interrupting

these

behaviors is not enough; teach me to exchange these behaviors with proper

alternatives so that real learning can flow.

Start by believing this: I truly do want to learn to interact appropriately.

No child wants the negative feedback we get from " bad " behavior. Negative

behavior usually means I am overwhelmed by disordered

sensory systems, cannot communicate my wants or needs or don't understand

what is expected of me. Look beyond the behavior to find the source of my

resistance. Keep notes as to what happened immediately before the behavior:

people

involved, time of day, activities, settings. Over time,

a pattern may emerge.

2. Never assume anything. Without factual backup, an assumption is only a

guess. I may not know or understand the rules. I may have heard the instructions

but not understood them. Maybe I knew it yesterday but can't retrieve it

today. Ask yourself:

Are you sure I really know how to do what is being asked of me? If I suddenly

need to run to the bathroom every time I'm asked to do a math sheet, maybe I

don't know how or fear my effort will not be good enough. Stick with me

through enough repetitions of the task to where I feel competent. I may need

more

practice to master tasks than other kids.

Are you sure I actually know the rules? Do I understand the reason for the

rule (safety, economy, health)? Am I breaking the rule because there is an

underlying cause? Maybe I pinched a snack out of

my lunch bag early because I was worried about finishing my science project,

didn't eat breakfast and am now famished.

3. Look for sensory issues first. A lot of my resistant behaviors come from

sensory discomfort. One example is fluorescent lighting, which has been shown

over and over again to be a major problem for

children like me. The hum it produces is very disturbing to my hypersensitive

hearing, and the pulsing nature of the light can distort my visual

perception, making objects in the room appear to be in constant movement. An

incandescent lamp on my desk will reduce the flickering, as will the new,

natural light

tubes. Or maybe I need to sit closer to you; I don't understand what you are

saying because there are too many noises " in between " - that lawnmower outside

the window, Jasmine whispering to , chairs scraping, pencil sharpener

grinding.

Ask the school occupational therapist for sensory-friendly ideas for the

classroom. It's actually good for all kids, not just me.

4. Provide me a break to allow for self-regulation before I need it. A quiet,

carpeted corner of the room with some pillows, books and headphones allows me

a place to go to re-group when I feel overwhelmed, but isn't so far

physically removed that I won't be able to rejoin the activity flow of the

classroom

smoothly.

5. Tell me what you want me to do in the positive rather than the imperative.

" You left a mess by the sink! " is merely a statement of fact to me. I'm not

able to infer that what you really mean is " Please rinse out your paint cup and

put the paper towels in the trash. " Don't make me guess or have to figure out

what I should do.

6. Keep your expectations reasonable. That all-school assembly with hundreds

of kids packed into bleachers and some guy droning on about the candy sale is

uncomfortable and meaningless to me. Maybe I'd be better off helping the

school secretary put together the newsletter.

7. Help me transition between activities. It takes me a little longer to

motor plan moving from one activity to the next. Give me a five-minute warning

and

a two-minute warning before an activity changes - and build a few extra

minutes in on your end to compensate. A simple clock face or timer on my desk

gives

me a visual cue as to the time of the next transition and helps me handle it

more independently.

8. Don't make a bad situation worse. I know that even though you are a mature

adult, you can sometimes make bad decisions in the heat of the moment. I

truly don't mean to melt down, show anger or otherwise disrupt your classroom.

You

can help me get over it more quickly by not responding with inflammatory

behavior of your own. Beware of these responses that prolong rather than resolve

a

crisis:

_ Raising pitch or volume of your voice. I hear the yelling and shrieking,

but not the words.

_ Mocking or mimicking me. Sarcasm, insults or name-calling will not

embarrass me out of the & nbsp; behavior.

_ Making unsubstantiated accusations

_ Invoking a double standard

_ Comparing me to a sibling or other student

_ Bringing up previous or unrelated events

_ Lumping me into a general category ( " kids like you are all the same " )

9. Criticize gently. Be honest - how good are you at accepting " constructive "

criticism? The maturity and self-confidence to be able to do that may be

light years beyond my abilities right now. Should you never correct me? Of

course

not. But do it kindly, so that I actually hear you.

Please! Never, ever try to impose discipline or correction when I am angry,

distraught, overstimulated, shut down, anxious or otherwise emotionally unable

to interact with you.

Again, remember that I will react as much, if not more, to the qualities of

your voice than to the actual words. I will hear the shouting and the

annoyance, but I will not understand the words and therefore will

not be able to figure out what I did wrong. Speak in low tones and lower your

body as well, so that you are communicating on my level rather than towering

over me.

Help me understand the inappropriate behavior in a supportive,

problem-solving way rather than punishing or scolding me. Help me pin down the

feelings that

triggered the behavior. I may say I was angry but maybe I was afraid,

frustrated, sad or jealous. Probe beyond my first response.

Practice or role-play - show me-a better way to handle the situation next

time. A storyboard, photo essay or social story helps. Expect to role-play lots

over time. There are no one-time fixes. And when I do get it right " next time, "

tell me right away. It helps me if you yourself are modeling proper behavior

for responding to criticism.

10. Offer real choices - and only real choices. Don't offer me a choice or

ask a " Do you want...? " question unless are willing to accept no for an answer.

" No " may be my honest answer to " Do you want to read out loud now? " or " Would

you like to share paints with ? " It's hard for me to trust you when

choices are not really choices at all.

You take for granted the amazing number of choices you have on a daily basis.

You constantly choose one option over others knowing that both having choices

and being able to choose provides you

control over your life and future. For me, choices are much more limited,

which is why it can be harder to feel confident about myself. Providing me with

frequent choices helps me become more

actively engaged in everyday life.

Whenever possible, offer a choice within a 'have-to'. Rather than saying:

" Write your name and the date on the top of the page, " say: " Would you like to

write your name first, or would you like to write the date first? " or " Which

would you like to write first, letters or numbers? " Follow by showing me: " See

how is writing his name on his paper? "

Giving me choices helps me learn appropriate behavior, but I also need to

understand that there will be times when you can't. When this happens, I won't

get as frustrated if I understand why:

" I can't give you a choice in this situation because it is dangerous. You

might get hurt. "

" I can't give you that choice because it would be bad for Danny " (have

negative effect on another child).

" I give you lots of choices but this time it needs to be an adult choice. "

The last word: believe. That car guy Henry Ford said, " Whether you think you

can or whether you think you can't, you are usually right. " Believe that you

can make a difference for me. It requires accommodation and adaptation, but

autism is an open-ended disability. There are no inherent upper limits on

achievement. I can sense far more than I can communicate, and the number one

thing I

can sense is whether or not you think I " can do it. " Expect more and you will

get more. Encourage me to be

everything I can be, so that I can stay the course long after I've left your

classroom.

Ellen Notbohm is author of the new book Ten Things Every Child with Autism

Wishes You Knew, winner of Parenting Media's Greatest Products of 2005 Award,

and co-author of 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism

Spectrum Disorders, winner of Learning Magazine's 2006

Teacher's Choice Award. She can be reached at ellen@...

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