Re: Unfriendly Neighborhood-My local story-HELP!!

July 24, 2006

In a message dated 7/24/2006 4:36:11 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

maryberryrls@... writes:

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks to everyone for " listening "

Any time do u know this neighbor if you do not I would have gone the next

day and not in front of her kids and asked her if you could speak with her and

then given her information and an article on Aspergers, she might be

understanding then again we have people all over that are ignorant and not

understanding. About the shoe issue my son always wanted to wear his Tevas

every where

even when playing basketball with the neighborhood kids they all told him he

was strange and he should put sneakers on he did not care now that he is

older he wears sneakers and is much more appropriate with the teens on our

block.

let us know how your neighbor reacted if u do go see her. Good Luck

July 24, 2006

I think the proper thing to do is to ask the woman what the problem is

and see if you can educate her on the situation and on how people are

just different. Maybe she'll see the light, maybe not. Let her know how

much she hurt your son in her behavior. If she won't listen, then you

and your son, will have to write her off. Explain to your son how some

people just don't understand and are very short sighted on viewing

others. It's okay to be different and if someone doesn't think so then

they aren't worth your time. I know this is hard to deal with. We are

total pariahs in our neighborhood, but that's for more reason than me

just being weird. I am actually suing my last job for discrimination. I

deal with racist bigots in the other half of our duplex. I'll post my

story later, it's maddening. But on your situation I truly wish you and

your son the very best. It is very sad how some people let the outside

appearances dictate their thoughts. Don't get into an argument with her

by the way, if she gets nasty just turn and walk away. She isn't worth

your time.

July 24, 2006

Aw - your story made me cry too - it's the type of stuff I worry about

every day with

my little guy (also named by the way). I saw a t-shirt online that I may

order for my

son (when and if he gets an official diagnosis) - it says " I'm autistic, and I

think you're

weird too! "

I think you are a better person than I, as I would have marched down the road

and popped

that mom right in the kisser! But what good would that do? I do think, though,

that you

would be smart to approach this woman in a non-confrontational way (if

possible). It may

not get you anyway with her - and she may continue to be the most obnoxious,

uncaring

bafoon in the world - but you will know where you stand with her. Give her the

benefit of

the doubt that she was concerned for her children's safety and doesn't

understand what

is all about. Talk to her about your son's situation and maybe you can get

her to see

that all people are different. Maybe she would be willing to have a little

neighborhood

get-together and let the kids play together in a somewhat supervised situation

so that she

could see what is really like.

Just maybe if she gets to know him, she will realize what a special guy he

really is and

hopefully she will realize just how much she and her own children could benefit

from

knowing .

Good luck whatever you decide.

Janna

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I'm new to the list but need some help or assurance on what happened

> to my 12 year old son this past week. I have an unfriendly neighbor,

> and this article just hit home for me this morning.

> is Aspergers. As we all know, there are many different symptoms

> of this disorder. I am lucky as usually wants to interact with

> children and make new friends. (although he flocks to younger kids as

> they don't " pick up " on his social issues as much) He is very

> loving, but takes things very literally.

> sometimes goes outside our yard, and walks around our block,

> talking to himself about whatever subject he is fixated on at the

> moment. (For the past 2 weeks its been American Indians and their

> part in US History) He usually has no shoes on, because he refuses

> to wear shoes except for school, but his feet never seem to bother

> him. Sometimes he " shadow-boxes " , punching at the air if he's

> fixating on becoming the next " HeavyWeight Champion of the World. "

> He never hurts anyone, just minds his own business, and walks around

> the neighborhood.

> A couple nights ago, he came home excited, asking to play " Yatzee "

> with the kids down the street. They live 3 doors down from us, so I

> said sure he could, excited for him that he had met some new

> friends. Of course he rattled off his new friends' names, and

> assured me he'd be back in a bit.

> About 15 min later, returned, looking puzzled and so sad. He

> explained to me that when he went back to the house, the kids had

> gone inside and never came back out. He waited for them, but they

> never showed. Then the mother came out and proceeded to yell at him,

> telling him she wanted him to stay away from her children, that he

> was " wierd " , and that if he didn't go home she was going to call the

> cops on him. (on what grounds, I don't know) He advised her he didn't

> do anything wrong, just wanted to play with her kids. As he was

> telling this to me, he was ok until he got to the part when he was

> telling me about her calling him wierd. The look I will never

> forget, the tone in his voice, " She called me wierd, Mom. " he

> sobbed. " I'm not wierd " . He began crying so hard, I just started

> crying with him. " I told her she was being rude, Mom " , " and she just

> said I was the rude one and kept on screaming. "

> Then the anger hit. Both with and with me. " You have to

> protect me, Mom " .

> wanted me to go down there and confront her. I wanted to go

> down there and confront her. In the past, I might have. I was caught

> between not wanting to cause a scene, and feeling like I was letting

> my son down by not causing one.

> If this mother didn't want her children playing with my son, she

> could of said they had gone in for the evening, or were having

> dinner, etc., instead of verbally abusing my son. I understand she

> might feel uncomfortable, but this was unexcusable.

> This is the first of I fear many encounters we may have with others

> that just don't know or care to know of my son's AS. Especially since

> he is starting 7th grade, is beginning to notice girls, and is

> socially " odd or eccentric " , these next 4-6 years I'm sure will be

> hard for him. Was I right in not confronting the other Mom? It

> broke my heart to not tear out the door and say " Hey, my " wierd " son

> is disabled. " And 1 in every 170 kids are now born with a type of

> his disability, so there is a chance you and your kids may come in

> contact with many more " wierdos " in the future. " I thought about

> leaving her a note about Autism/AS in her mailbox, etc. Believe

> me ,many ideas have crossed my mind.

> I want to help my son, but also don't want to cause a confrontation

> everytime. We need to learn how to deal with this as a family.

> cried himself to sleep that night.

> Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

> Thanks to everyone for " listening "

>

> Grantz

> AJ, AZ

>

July 24, 2006

That is a sad story. It upset me. But you know, I have AS too and if

my son is anything like me he will be unable to tell most of the time

when people are giving him crap and when he can tell he won't give a

crap. But we probably won't get that lucky and nothing is sadder than

having a hurt child and not being able to help. I'm sorry.

Amber

> >

> > Hello everyone,

> >

> > I'm new to the list but need some help or assurance on what happened

> > to my 12 year old son this past week. I have an unfriendly neighbor,

> > and this article just hit home for me this morning.

> > is Aspergers. As we all know, there are many different symptoms

> > of this disorder. I am lucky as usually wants to interact with

> > children and make new friends. (although he flocks to younger kids as

> > they don't " pick up " on his social issues as much) He is very

> > loving, but takes things very literally.

> > sometimes goes outside our yard, and walks around our block,

> > talking to himself about whatever subject he is fixated on at the

> > moment. (For the past 2 weeks its been American Indians and their

> > part in US History) He usually has no shoes on, because he refuses

> > to wear shoes except for school, but his feet never seem to bother

> > him. Sometimes he " shadow-boxes " , punching at the air if he's

> > fixating on becoming the next " HeavyWeight Champion of the World. "

> > He never hurts anyone, just minds his own business, and walks around

> > the neighborhood.

> > A couple nights ago, he came home excited, asking to play " Yatzee "

> > with the kids down the street. They live 3 doors down from us, so I

> > said sure he could, excited for him that he had met some new

> > friends. Of course he rattled off his new friends' names, and

> > assured me he'd be back in a bit.

> > About 15 min later, returned, looking puzzled and so sad. He

> > explained to me that when he went back to the house, the kids had

> > gone inside and never came back out. He waited for them, but they

> > never showed. Then the mother came out and proceeded to yell at him,

> > telling him she wanted him to stay away from her children, that he

> > was " wierd " , and that if he didn't go home she was going to call the

> > cops on him. (on what grounds, I don't know) He advised her he didn't

> > do anything wrong, just wanted to play with her kids. As he was

> > telling this to me, he was ok until he got to the part when he was

> > telling me about her calling him wierd. The look I will never

> > forget, the tone in his voice, " She called me wierd, Mom. " he

> > sobbed. " I'm not wierd " . He began crying so hard, I just started

> > crying with him. " I told her she was being rude, Mom " , " and she just

> > said I was the rude one and kept on screaming. "

> > Then the anger hit. Both with and with me. " You have to

> > protect me, Mom " .

> > wanted me to go down there and confront her. I wanted to go

> > down there and confront her. In the past, I might have. I was caught

> > between not wanting to cause a scene, and feeling like I was letting

> > my son down by not causing one.

> > If this mother didn't want her children playing with my son, she

> > could of said they had gone in for the evening, or were having

> > dinner, etc., instead of verbally abusing my son. I understand she

> > might feel uncomfortable, but this was unexcusable.

> > This is the first of I fear many encounters we may have with others

> > that just don't know or care to know of my son's AS. Especially since

> > he is starting 7th grade, is beginning to notice girls, and is

> > socially " odd or eccentric " , these next 4-6 years I'm sure will be

> > hard for him. Was I right in not confronting the other Mom? It

> > broke my heart to not tear out the door and say " Hey, my " wierd " son

> > is disabled. " And 1 in every 170 kids are now born with a type of

> > his disability, so there is a chance you and your kids may come in

> > contact with many more " wierdos " in the future. " I thought about

> > leaving her a note about Autism/AS in her mailbox, etc. Believe

> > me ,many ideas have crossed my mind.

> > I want to help my son, but also don't want to cause a confrontation

> > everytime. We need to learn how to deal with this as a family.

> > cried himself to sleep that night.

> > Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

> > Thanks to everyone for " listening "

> >

> > Grantz

> > AJ, AZ

> >

>

July 24, 2006

Kids in junior high are just plain mean. They're mean whether you've

got Asperger's or whether you don't. My dd was gifted, and different,

and she got grief just the same. got some grief, too. Some of

you have heard this story before, so I beg your indulgence. When

was in high school, he was harrassed constantly by the kid who

sat next to him. One day, the kid said, " You're so ugly that no girl

will ever want to go out with you. " replied, " And you would

know this HOW? " Zing! The kids around him started to laugh, and the

poor kid didn't even know he'd been gotten. Role play some of these

situations with your kids. Sort of social stories for big kids. What

you can say if so and so teases you again. If you can help him come

up with a witty comeback, it helps a lot. Or any prepared response is

good. Just rehearse it. Good luck. Most of us with older kids have

been there.

Liz

On Jul 24, 2006, at 7:54 PM, Amber wrote:

>

> That is a sad story. It upset me. But you know, I have AS too and if

> my son is anything like me he will be unable to tell most of the time

> when people are giving him crap and when he can tell he won't give a

> crap. But we probably won't get that lucky and nothing is sadder than

> having a hurt child and not being able to help. I'm sorry.

>

> Amber

>

> > >

> > > Hello everyone,

> > >

> > > I'm new to the list but need some help or assurance on what

> happened

> > > to my 12 year old son this past week. I have an unfriendly

> neighbor,

> > > and this article just hit home for me this morning.

> > > is Aspergers. As we all know, there are many different

> symptoms

> > > of this disorder. I am lucky as usually wants to interact

> with

> > > children and make new friends. (although he flocks to younger

> kids as

> > > they don't " pick up " on his social issues as much) He is very

> > > loving, but takes things very literally.

> > > sometimes goes outside our yard, and walks around our block,

> > > talking to himself about whatever subject he is fixated on at the

> > > moment. (For the past 2 weeks its been American Indians and their

> > > part in US History) He usually has no shoes on, because he refuses

> > > to wear shoes except for school, but his feet never seem to bother

> > > him. Sometimes he " shadow-boxes " , punching at the air if he's

> > > fixating on becoming the next " HeavyWeight Champion of the World. "

> > > He never hurts anyone, just minds his own business, and walks

> around

> > > the neighborhood.

> > > A couple nights ago, he came home excited, asking to play " Yatzee "

> > > with the kids down the street. They live 3 doors down from us,

> so I

> > > said sure he could, excited for him that he had met some new

> > > friends. Of course he rattled off his new friends' names, and

> > > assured me he'd be back in a bit.

> > > About 15 min later, returned, looking puzzled and so sad. He

> > > explained to me that when he went back to the house, the kids had

> > > gone inside and never came back out. He waited for them, but they

> > > never showed. Then the mother came out and proceeded to yell at

> him,

> > > telling him she wanted him to stay away from her children, that he

> > > was " wierd " , and that if he didn't go home she was going to

> call the

> > > cops on him. (on what grounds, I don't know) He advised her he

> didn't

> > > do anything wrong, just wanted to play with her kids. As he was

> > > telling this to me, he was ok until he got to the part when he was

> > > telling me about her calling him wierd. The look I will never

> > > forget, the tone in his voice, " She called me wierd, Mom. " he

> > > sobbed. " I'm not wierd " . He began crying so hard, I just started

> > > crying with him. " I told her she was being rude, Mom " , " and she

> just

> > > said I was the rude one and kept on screaming. "

> > > Then the anger hit. Both with and with me. " You have to

> > > protect me, Mom " .

> > > wanted me to go down there and confront her. I wanted to go

> > > down there and confront her. In the past, I might have. I was

> caught

> > > between not wanting to cause a scene, and feeling like I was

> letting

> > > my son down by not causing one.

> > > If this mother didn't want her children playing with my son, she

> > > could of said they had gone in for the evening, or were having

> > > dinner, etc., instead of verbally abusing my son. I understand she

> > > might feel uncomfortable, but this was unexcusable.

> > > This is the first of I fear many encounters we may have with

> others

> > > that just don't know or care to know of my son's AS. Especially

> since

> > > he is starting 7th grade, is beginning to notice girls, and is

> > > socially " odd or eccentric " , these next 4-6 years I'm sure will be

> > > hard for him. Was I right in not confronting the other Mom? It

> > > broke my heart to not tear out the door and say " Hey, my

> " wierd " son

> > > is disabled. " And 1 in every 170 kids are now born with a type of

> > > his disability, so there is a chance you and your kids may come in

> > > contact with many more " wierdos " in the future. " I thought about

> > > leaving her a note about Autism/AS in her mailbox, etc. Believe

> > > me ,many ideas have crossed my mind.

> > > I want to help my son, but also don't want to cause a

> confrontation

> > > everytime. We need to learn how to deal with this as a family.

>

> > > cried himself to sleep that night.

> > > Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

> > > Thanks to everyone for " listening "

> > >

> > > Grantz

> > > AJ, AZ

> > >

> >

>

July 25, 2006

,

I can really empithize with you and and you " neighbor "

I know your first response is to want to go down and throw rocks at

her until you 'rock her to sleep'

I been there, I have confronted may a neighbor,teacher,stranger

and the only thing that did was make me feel better

Did nothing to change the way the others behaved tword DD

(ugh I am not a good speller hope you can understand what I am saying)

So I tried a new tactict, I tell everyone who comes into contact with

her that Annie has " As, and Schizophrenia "

She is not a danger to anyone so forget what Hollywood tells you about

these ailments and you would not how attitudes have changed DD now has

kids (younger than her of course)who come and ask her to come out and

demostrate her Gymnastics

When we go to the park she draws a croud not because of her odd

behavior but because she is VERY good at Gymnastics (mostly self

tought because she can't take the type of coaching in this sport)

The biggest thing I could offfer you to help is to not embarassed

by 's behavor but to educate your neigbors (and family in some

places) about AS and as we have seen over the past 6 years sense DX

people understand (or pretend to )that they are special needs kids NOT

BAD or " Wierd " !

hope this helps

Robyn &

July 25, 2006

I don't know! I am by no means an expert of any kind but I too am fed up with

society and it's lack of understanding for our kids. I think it is really time

to bring this disorder into the limelight. If your son had been visually

impaired I think her attitude would have been different. I personally would

have taken her round some information on aspergers. Your son has a disability

that might impair his social interactions with others, what is her excuse?

Beck

Re: ( ) Re: Unfriendly Neighborhood-My local

story-HELP!!