Re: Need help with my 12 year old and some websites.

February 20, 2006

Hello Shona,

I completely understand your concern. It's normal for a boy that age

to be curious but those porn sites are just scary. Personally, I think

they can corrupt grown men so I shudder to think what ideas a boy would

get from them. Good for you for not freaking on him, that shows allot

of restraint and I hope when I am someday faced with a similar situation

I can keep my cool as well. The magazines are a good idea (something

relatively innocent, maybe vintage pin up mags ). I'd also check out

a few books at the library about sexuality and sex ed that you think he

might be willing to read. I know we all want our kids to be open and

able to talk to us about anything, but this sort of thing would mortify

most kids to talk to their parents about. I'd also stress the points

that whatever he saw on those sites is not normal for 99% of the

population, that it demeans women, gives people unrealistic expectations

and that it won't teach him anything about actual relationships, love or

real sex. I'd also install some serious filters AND keystroke loggers

(in case curiosity gets the best of him). You could also change the PC

passwords so he can only log on when monitored. I had a friend whose

daughter recently went through a somewhat similar situation at 13 and

was setting herself up to be victimized. No matter how many times they

talked, her daughter still would sneak internet time and put herself

further in to the mess. Anyway, my point is, kids are sneaky,

especially when it's something forbidden, so please be careful. I hope

it all works out for you and your son didn't see anything too

disturbing.

Best wishes,

Tabitha

P.S. My 8 year old recently found my copy of Monty Pythons Meaning of

Life and watched it without letting me know. Let me tell you, he had

ALLOT of questions after that one . The tape is now hidden...

( ) Need help with my 12 year old and some

websites.

Hi all, I don't post often, I'm just quiet for the most part but I read

most of the posts. I have a very important question to ask. I just found

my 12 year old Aspie son Curtis on some porno sites. I did not freak on

him, I did however ask where he found them, if anyone told him about

them, or where he heard about them. His dad and I have said a million

times that he can always come to us with questions regarding sex. I

explained to him how bad these sites are, first of all because kids can

get reeled in by some perverts. I know I shouldn't be shocked, he is (or

will be on Saturday) 12 years old, but it threw me for a loop. I'd

rather buy him a magazine to look at if he has to look at this stuff,

but I sure would like to know what your opinions are on this subject. He

is a very quiet boy and never opens his mouth to anyone, but I always

thought he would talk to us about anything, no matter how private.

Can anyone tell me what I can do?

Thank you!!!

Shona

February 21, 2006

Shona,

My name is . I haven't been able to post in a while myself,

however, I read your post and would like to share my experience with the

porn problem. My son will be 15 in April. At 12, he was very inappropriate

around his little brother. They had sex-ed at his school and it triggered

all kinds of inappropriate behavior. He would swing " it " in his brothers

face while he was sitting on the floor watching TV (his little brother was

6), he would CONSTANTLY hit him in the groin and laugh. Then he discovered

himself. He obsessed for 2 years. Masturbating all over the house, in the

kitchen, the living room with a pillow over his middle, when he was upset

with me, he would do it to feel good. It was scary for me because I am a

single Mom and we read the book " What's going on down there " It's a very

good book by the way. Anyway, last year he discoverd internet porn. The

kid was drawn to the computer like a moth to a flame. Even when his PO

renewed his Probation rules and put on there no internet or you will go to

detention, he still did it. I would get up to use the restroom and say

don't touch it and log off, he still got around my password and with in a

few minutes had me at teens for cash 49 times, barely legal.com, lesbian

porn. It downloaded so many problems, I had to get my computer guy to fix

it. It costs AJ $150.00. He also served 2 days of detention. Now I have

wireless control. I disable my desktop from the internet through a series

of numbers and codes/passwords so even if he is tempted, it is impossible

for him to get on the web. My advice is disconnect the internet while he is

on the computer. They cant help it. AJ also broke through the filters at

the public Library and brought home graphic pictures of Lesbian Porn. No

more Library. Have your husband read the book I recommended with him. It's

simple and funny and it appeases their natural male curiosity. I did get

him a Playboy at 13 and he stopped masturbating around the house. Now he

just does it in his room. I don't recommend doing this because he obsessed

even more and when I took it away, he went into a melt down. Sensory

overload is a bad thing. Anyway, I don't know if that helped, but Good

Luck.

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Shona Eldering

Sent: Monday, February 20, 2006 10:01 PM

Asperger's Group

Subject: ( ) Need help with my 12 year old and some websites.

Hi all, I don't post often, I'm just quiet for the most part but I read most

of the posts. I have a very important question to ask. I just found my 12

year old Aspie son Curtis on some porno sites. I did not freak on him, I did

however ask where he found them, if anyone told him about them, or where he

heard about them. His dad and I have said a million times that he can always

come to us with questions regarding sex. I explained to him how bad these

sites are, first of all because kids can get reeled in by some perverts. I

know I shouldn't be shocked, he is (or will be on Saturday) 12 years old,

but it threw me for a loop. I'd rather buy him a magazine to look at if he

has to look at this stuff, but I sure would like to know what your opinions

are on this subject. He is a very quiet boy and never opens his mouth to

anyone, but I always thought he would talk to us about anything, no matter

how private.

Can anyone tell me what I can do?

Thank you!!!

Shona

February 21, 2006

My suggestion is to put a filter on the computer to block the pornographic

sites. It is so easy today for kids to become addicted to pornography and

because AS kids sometimes do not have the best judgment, it's probably best to

just block these sites. You are handling things very well and I congratulate

you for not " freaking out " about what he was doing.

February 21, 2006

YUP sounds like typical Neuro typical behaviour ! I still remember my

mother FREAKING when my dad bought my 16 year old brother a playboy..

Now a days with the Internet.. Its scary what kind of distorted images they

can see. You are handling things very well and please please please keep us

updated ! I have a ten year old boy and know this will be an issue we will

all probably have to deal with.

Thanks.

-- ( ) Need help with my 12 year old and some