Re: Probably one of the most unpleasant days..........

[Guest guest]

>

Keep your chin up. This to will pass. We have all wanted to crawl

under a rock at certain times. We will all pray for your family. I

wish I could say I have never felt this way. I have a sixteen year old

and eleven year old both autism spectrum,ODD,ADD, " mood Disorder " . God

Bless you, " One day at a time " Dee

[Guest guest]

After all the horror stories lately on this group (in-laws and such) it sounds

like you have " lucked out " in finding a caring, supportive group. I certainly

wouldn't give that up---people like this are hard to find!

Pat-Mom to Josh and Sara (16 yo and 13 yo, both AS)

tstak2 <tstak2@...> wrote:

We were having something going on at our church today. So my other

child wanted to go, and my autistic son said he wanted to go. He

had a pretty good week this week, no major outbursts so I told him

if they had something for his age he could go. Before I dropped him

off, I asked him " Are you sure? " He usually doesn't want to go out

in public. He said " yes I'm sure, I want to go " After I saw there

were only about 4 kids in his age group I was ok. So he played

soccar with a few kids, then they went in and he was fine. They

went in to do crafts and the teacher gave them beads and suggested

they make happy faces. That did it, he exploded. The teacher took

him out of the room and asked him why he said " I wanted to make a

sad face " The teacher told him he could make a sad face, that was

fine, but he started crying and screaming more, so I took him out to

the car where he continued to scream and say he was going to break

the car windows, I learned my lesson from before and stood outside

the car. He calmed down and said he wanted to go back in, so I took

him in and they were in a room to have snack, and he started

screaming again, this time saying " I'm going

to beat up my Mom, I'm going to kick her @#$*#(# @## " The teacher

physcially took him outside which I was very thankful for and talked

to him. He took him back in the sanctuary and he screamed probabaly

the loudest I've ever heard and came after me, pushing me trying to

hit me and pulling my shirt. (I don't know what I did, I was just

standing out in the front waiting for this to all be over) I am so

so embarrassed!!!!!!! I don't know if I can go back to this church,

I mean they are all supportive and I probably have 20 people praying

for us right now, and probably about five people or more came up to

me telling me about their experiences or they have had autism in

their family and they knew what I was going through, but still I am

so embarrassed. OH the pastor gave

me a hug but after I had been out in the sun getting him to the car

and then me standing out in the sun, after driving there in a hot

car, I know I must have smelled real nice. I'm embarrassed about

two things now, but I just don't know what to do anymore. Thank

you for listening.

[Guest guest]

Hi!

I know what you mean! My son is aggressive, and we go

to a church nearby, and they've seen him screaming

(and some don't know, or " get it " ). I've been

embarassed, too!

But, it sounds like they're very understanding - you

said the teacher and Pastor were. Conflict, or issues

like this, are opportunites for growing: " iron

sharpens iron " . Just think of it as you gave them a

good opportunity for prayer, learning patience, and

loving someone who's having a hard day!

Hope it helps!

- Adrienne

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I don't know why but Seth always acts like he's possesed the moment we

step in the doors of the church. I swear to you. It's actually kind

of embarrasing and I'm not the type who gets embarrased easily. I

swear I keep waiting for him to start projectile vomiting. What is it

about church? Well, I know for one he hates the clothes but that

can't be all of it.

Amber

-- In , Adrienne Lehmann

<adriennerob@...> wrote:

>

> Hi!

>

> I know what you mean! My son is aggressive, and we go

> to a church nearby, and they've seen him screaming

> (and some don't know, or " get it " ). I've been

> embarassed, too!

>

> But, it sounds like they're very understanding - you

> said the teacher and Pastor were. Conflict, or issues

> like this, are opportunites for growing: " iron

> sharpens iron " . Just think of it as you gave them a

> good opportunity for prayer, learning patience, and

> loving someone who's having a hard day!

>

> Hope it helps!

>

> - Adrienne

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Have you checked to see if there is a support group for that? <g>

Pat-Mom to Josh and Sara (16 yo and 13 yo, both AS)

Amber <tootsanderson@...> wrote:

I don't know why but Seth always acts like he's possesed the moment we

step in the doors of the church. I swear to you. It's actually kind

of embarrasing and I'm not the type who gets embarrased easily. I

swear I keep waiting for him to start projectile vomiting. What is it

about church? Well, I know for one he hates the clothes but that

can't be all of it.

Amber

-- In , Adrienne Lehmann

<adriennerob@...> wrote:

>

> Hi!

>

> I know what you mean! My son is aggressive, and we go

> to a church nearby, and they've seen him screaming

> (and some don't know, or " get it " ). I've been

> embarassed, too!

>

> But, it sounds like they're very understanding - you

> said the teacher and Pastor were. Conflict, or issues

> like this, are opportunites for growing: " iron

> sharpens iron " . Just think of it as you gave them a

> good opportunity for prayer, learning patience, and

> loving someone who's having a hard day!

>

> Hope it helps!

>

> - Adrienne

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Max is the same way!!! We finally discovered that he's very sensitive

to smells like perfumes, colognes, and cleaners. It has gotten better

as he's gotten older, but we also REALLY went to work cleaning up his

diet and that, I think, has gone a long way in the way he reacts. We

have him on the Feingold program and it's been great. If he doens't

have to work on dealing w/ the allergies or whatever in his diet, then

his body is better equipped to process and deal w/ the environmental

factors that are problematic for him.

And Asperger's or not, those smells STINK and we tell ppl he's very

sensitive to perfumes & cleaners and the like. Sometimes ppl honestly

don't understand it, other times they think I'm full of it, but the

bottom line is that *I* know what sets my son off and I make sure ppl

know.

~

>

> I don't know why but Seth always acts like he's possesed the moment we

> step in the doors of the church. I swear to you. It's actually kind

> of embarrasing and I'm not the type who gets embarrased easily. I

> swear I keep waiting for him to start projectile vomiting. What is it

> about church? Well, I know for one he hates the clothes but that

> can't be all of it.

>

> Amber

[Guest guest]

I just wanted to second what Pat said -- hold onto them! You may feel

uncomfortable now, but I guarantee you they're feeling more worried for

you and your son than anything else, and there are days you'll need that

support. (And sadly enough, as I've learned, if you leave one place,

there's no guarantee the next place is any better, or that you won't

have at least a repeat of a prior bad experience.)

All our family knows about our ds, but it's never really discussed. Now

and then I hear " that's no excuse.... " or " he looks fine to me, " but our

family isn't real involved so they don't see much of ds's behavior. It's

a shame, as ds is such a loving doll when he's not having a

meltdown..he's definitely a child of extremes! We've got a lot of

support from friends though, and our church, they are wonderful. No

church is perfect (ours has ups and downs like anyone's) but we know if

we went elsewhere, we'd probably get a lot less support than what we

have now.

If your son's teacher is willing to work with him, hang on for dear

life! Perhaps offer to give a little speech on autism -- we did this

(and will again next month) to the team of people who handle children's

ministry. We even shared a little of what our frustration is like, how

it feels to be stared at for things others don't understand, how

embarrassing it can be when he bites us and we look like we have no

control, how we feel when others make comments, and just how tiring

and/or challenging daily life can be.

I think we're harder on ourselves at times than we need to be. People

may be staring and thinking 'how can I help?' when I'm thinking 'quit

staring!' as I find myself at this point usually assuming the worst,

when it's often not the case. (And when it is the case, smile, wave and

walk away...)

Good luck to you, my heart goes out to you. What you described is a

frequent event in our lives -- our son is only 5 -- and there are days I

can deal with it better than others. And when my son wants to hurt/kill

me or jump in front of a car or break something, and people hear...well,

there's not a lot you can do than wait until he calms down and gains

control of himself again.

Donna

PATRICIA MAIN wrote:

>

> After all the horror stories lately on this group (in-laws and such)

> it sounds like you have " lucked out " in finding a caring, supportive

> group. I certainly wouldn't give that up---people like this are hard

> to find!

>

> Pat-Mom to Josh and Sara (16 yo and 13 yo, both AS)

>

> tstak2 <tstak2@... <mailto:tstak2%40>> wrote:

> We were having something going on at our church today. So my other

> child wanted to go, and my autistic son said he wanted to go. He

> had a pretty good week this week, no major outbursts so I told him

> if they had something for his age he could go. Before I dropped him

> off, I asked him " Are you sure? " He usually doesn't want to go out

> in public. He said " yes I'm sure, I want to go " After I saw there

> were only about 4 kids in his age group I was ok. So he played

> soccar with a few kids, then they went in and he was fine. They

> went in to do crafts and the teacher gave them beads and suggested

> they make happy faces. That did it, he exploded. The teacher took

> him out of the room and asked him why he said " I wanted to make a

> sad face " The teacher told him he could make a sad face, that was

> fine, but he started crying and screaming more, so I took him out to

> the car where he continued to scream and say he was going to break

> the car windows, I learned my lesson from before and stood outside

> the car. He calmed down and said he wanted to go back in, so I took

> him in and they were in a room to have snack, and he started

> screaming again, this time saying " I'm going

> to beat up my Mom, I'm going to kick her @#$*#(# @## " The teacher

> physcially took him outside which I was very thankful for and talked

> to him. He took him back in the sanctuary and he screamed probabaly

> the loudest I've ever heard and came after me, pushing me trying to

> hit me and pulling my shirt. (I don't know what I did, I was just

> standing out in the front waiting for this to all be over) I am so

> so embarrassed!!!!!!! I don't know if I can go back to this church,

> I mean they are all supportive and I probably have 20 people praying

> for us right now, and probably about five people or more came up to

> me telling me about their experiences or they have had autism in

> their family and they knew what I was going through, but still I am

> so embarrassed. OH the pastor gave

> me a hug but after I had been out in the sun getting him to the car

> and then me standing out in the sun, after driving there in a hot

> car, I know I must have smelled real nice. I'm embarrassed about

> two things now, but I just don't know what to do anymore. Thank

> you for listening.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think church can be a sensory overload for some kids. There are different

sounds (music) and smells (incense) and the fact that they have to sit or

stand still in one space can create difficulty. Pam

[Guest guest]

I agree. Maybe he's uncomfortable with alot of flickering candles around him.

Or he's picking up on the general quiet atmosphere of the place. Or the size.

He might even be sensing the tension Mom probably has as you go in there.

Pat-Mom to Josh and Sara (16 yo and 13 yo, both AS)

ppanda65@... wrote:

I think church can be a sensory overload for some kids. There are

different

sounds (music) and smells (incense) and the fact that they have to sit or

stand still in one space can create difficulty. Pam

[Guest guest]

I didn't think about it, but maybe that's why our church works so well

-- it's not 'formal' as far as choir robes and constant candles and

stained glass windows with colored lights pouring in. Hmmm, something to

think about if I ever move!

I'm with you on the whole 'sitting in one place the whole time' deal. I

won't do that, never have done it with any of our kids. I know for some

families, it's what they feel works best but I want my kids happy and

comfortable in church. One reason we chose our church specifically is

because they offer different services to the different ages, all at

once. They can sit with mom/dad if they want, but we have something for

everyone, baby on up. My 'can't sit still' 11 yod wouldn't have done

good forced to sit in our sermon week after week, but learns a lot and

has a good time doing it in children's church.

PATRICIA MAIN wrote:

>

> I agree. Maybe he's uncomfortable with alot of flickering candles

> around him. Or he's picking up on the general quiet atmosphere of the

> place. Or the size. He might even be sensing the tension Mom probably

> has as you go in there.

>

> Pat-Mom to Josh and Sara (16 yo and 13 yo, both AS)

>

> ppanda65@... <mailto:ppanda65%40aol.com> wrote:

> I think church can be a sensory overload for some kids. There are

> different

> sounds (music) and smells (incense) and the fact that they have to sit or

> stand still in one space can create difficulty. Pam

>

>

[Guest guest]

No candles, bright lights or sitting still for long, one of his

teachers thought it could be the echoing in the church. One day my

son clapped real loud and the teacher noticed him listening as

though he were waiting for an echo and maybe there was one he could

hear but no one else could. His music teacher says a lot of people

can feel emotions of other people and since he cannot control his

emotions he acts out what other people are feeling. If someone was

sad that day maybe he picked up on that and was sad outwardly. Who

knows, we may never know.

> > I think church can be a sensory overload for some kids. There

are

> > different

> > sounds (music) and smells (incense) and the fact that they have

to sit or

> > stand still in one space can create difficulty. Pam

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

We go to a non denominational church which is less churchy than the one i grew

up in. My son will not go to sunday school or the youth program because there

are to many people there. He always wants to be with me. The problem was he

could not stand to be in the service because the music is played by a band very

loudly. We were blessed that our church has an area set up for people with

" issues " who still want to attend. We now sit in a seperate room on couches and

watch the entire service on a video monitor. This way we both are able to enjoy

it.

PATRICIA MAIN <mainpatr@...> wrote: I agree. Maybe he's

uncomfortable with alot of flickering candles around him. Or he's picking up on

the general quiet atmosphere of the place. Or the size. He might even be sensing

the tension Mom probably has as you go in there.

Pat-Mom to Josh and Sara (16 yo and 13 yo, both AS)

ppanda65@... wrote:

I think church can be a sensory overload for some kids. There are different

sounds (music) and smells (incense) and the fact that they have to sit or

stand still in one space can create difficulty. Pam

[Guest guest]

Candles are a big problem for us. I can not burn a candle in my house when ds is

there. something about candles or the smoke they emit makes him sick. He can

tell if there is one burning anywhere in the house even if he can not see it. He

is very hyper sensitive to alot of smells. The other thing that has helped

change is behavior is cutting out Red #40 products from his diet and personal

hygeine product. He used to be super agressive and wild when i cut this from his

diet he made a 180 degree turn around in behavior.

<carriebeary77@...> wrote: Max is the same way!!! We

finally discovered that he's very sensitive

to smells like perfumes, colognes, and cleaners. It has gotten better

as he's gotten older, but we also REALLY went to work cleaning up his

diet and that, I think, has gone a long way in the way he reacts. We

have him on the Feingold program and it's been great. If he doens't

have to work on dealing w/ the allergies or whatever in his diet, then

his body is better equipped to process and deal w/ the environmental

factors that are problematic for him.

And Asperger's or not, those smells STINK and we tell ppl he's very

sensitive to perfumes & cleaners and the like. Sometimes ppl honestly

don't understand it, other times they think I'm full of it, but the

bottom line is that *I* know what sets my son off and I make sure ppl

know.

~

>

> I don't know why but Seth always acts like he's possesed the moment we

> step in the doors of the church. I swear to you. It's actually kind

> of embarrasing and I'm not the type who gets embarrased easily. I

> swear I keep waiting for him to start projectile vomiting. What is it

> about church? Well, I know for one he hates the clothes but that

> can't be all of it.

>

> Amber

---------------------------------

Groups are talking. We & acute;re listening. Check out the handy changes to

Groups.

[Guest guest]

My son cried at church everytime he heard singing or preaching, even

when he was two months old. I didn't knwo what was going on at that

time, but I managed to relate the music to his uncomfort. I would

take him out for a while. As soon as he could, like 8 months or so,

he started covering his ears, and whenever I could I helped by

making sure we were away from speakers, etc. He cried for about 2

years, then things starter slowly to get better. I always sang to

him no matter what, and made sure he did not miss going to church

and getting exposed. He is 10 now, he now likes music in church and

sings along, as long as he is not right in front of the speakers.

Every now and then, he still covers his ears with loud screams or

pitches, but in general, he has outgrown it. God bless

Ana

> >

> > I don't know why but Seth always acts like he's possesed the

moment we

> > step in the doors of the church. I swear to you. It's actually

kind

> > of embarrasing and I'm not the type who gets embarrased easily. I

> > swear I keep waiting for him to start projectile vomiting. What

is it

> > about church? Well, I know for one he hates the clothes but that

> > can't be all of it.

> >

> > Amber

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Groups are talking. We & acute;re listening. Check out the handy

changes to .

>

>