Re: aggression and meltdowns as they get older

July 11, 2006

Sounds familiar. When he's angry, my 11 year old says the first

thing that pops into his head. Usually that involves explosions and

bazookas. Not the greatest things to say in a school environment

these days! Luckily the school knows that he is just spouting off

and isn't making a real threat. We just keep working on it, giving

him appropriate things to say instead. And we practice it when he

isn't angry. It's gotten better but still happens from time to

time. I also make a real point to have him watch those news

broadcasts when students are arrested for making threats. Then we

talk about the similarities of what he says and the things those

kids on the news did.

I hear that depression is common with aspie kids. Seems like

everything they do & say is wrong so I guess I would be depressed

too. I try real hard to point out the stuff he does right. It's

hard though since we take it for granted that they should say & do

the right things all the time. Seems a bit silly sometimes to

say " Oh , that was a real nice thing you said.... " but It's all

I can think of doing.

>

> My son Connor who just turned 8, has been having more and more

> meltdowns lately and I am starting to believe there is a lot of

> confusion and anxiety surrounding him. It seems the older he gets

> the worse it gets. He already has a hard time expressing his

anger

> and the only way he seems to express it is by hitting or making

> threats. I consistently tell him, " Connor use your words " The

> other day I asked him how his day was at day camp and of course I

> get the usual response of " fine " and then I asked him a more

> specific question like " Well what did you do? " He said this boy

was

> teasing him, so he said if he didn't stop teasing him he would get

a

> ball bat and hit him! I was shocked!!!! He never made threats

like

> that before. Obvibously, I told him that was not the appropriate

> way to handle matters and when someone is teasing you, you need to

> go tell an adult. After that, I cried in the bathroom until there

> were no more tears to cry. Connor is a very compassionate child,

I

> know he would never intentionally hurt someone. Lately, he has

> become more withdrawn and unhappy. My husband, family and I show

> him all the love he can stand. I never go one day without giving

> him a huge hug and a I love you. At this point, I feel helpless

> like there is nothing else I can do but give him unconditional

> love. Is there any pointers out there? I am at my wits end! Do

> any of you have experiences like this? Thanks, Tonya

>

> Connor 8, DX ADHD,HFA

> a handsome, smart and artisic child.

>

July 11, 2006

Hi Tonya,

I unfortunately do not have any advise but can relate. My son has always been

very loving and gentle. But it seems in the last week he has had an overnight

change. He threatened to stab somebody with a pencil because they were being

mean. He also got fed up and bit an older boy at the spray park for making fun

of him. I understand his frustration with being made fun of. But it shocked me

to see my child lashing out this way. I have also cried till there was nothing

left. I am wondering if anyone else has experienced things progressively getting

worse. My son's clothing aversions and his need to line things up are getting

stronger. I have also noticed that he has become more adamant about his distaste

for the colour pink. It used to be that he wouldn't wear it and now he won't eat

pink candy or have anything to do with it. I don't understand and am wondering

if anyone else experiences these changes and problems. Sorry that I have no

advise to give Tonya but I find it comforting to know that I am not alone, I

hope you do as well.

( ) aggression and meltdowns as they get older

My son Connor who just turned 8, has been having more and more

meltdowns lately and I am starting to believe there is a lot of

confusion and anxiety surrounding him. It seems the older he gets

the worse it gets. He already has a hard time expressing his anger

and the only way he seems to express it is by hitting or making

threats. I consistently tell him, " Connor use your words " The

other day I asked him how his day was at day camp and of course I

get the usual response of " fine " and then I asked him a more

specific question like " Well what did you do? " He said this boy was

teasing him, so he said if he didn't stop teasing him he would get a

ball bat and hit him! I was shocked!!!! He never made threats like

that before. Obvibously, I told him that was not the appropriate

way to handle matters and when someone is teasing you, you need to

go tell an adult. After that, I cried in the bathroom until there

were no more tears to cry. Connor is a very compassionate child, I

know he would never intentionally hurt someone. Lately, he has

become more withdrawn and unhappy. My husband, family and I show

him all the love he can stand. I never go one day without giving

him a huge hug and a I love you. At this point, I feel helpless

like there is nothing else I can do but give him unconditional

love. Is there any pointers out there? I am at my wits end! Do

any of you have experiences like this? Thanks, Tonya

Connor 8, DX ADHD,HFA

a handsome, smart and artisic child.

July 13, 2006

We experience similar things with our son (almost 7). The last two

weeks of school, for example, he was not at all the sweet and polite

boy he usually is. He bit two of his classmates, told another one he

hated him, and started calling them names that rhymed with their

names (pretty amusing and not anything nasty, but still very

inappropriate). He had never done that much before or had such a

long meltdown. We associated it with his difficulties expressing his

anxiety because the school year was ending, and his teacher had gone

on maternity leave. The grumpiness of the substitute teacher didn't

help much either.

Perhaps, as they grow older they are more aware of the real world

and they experience more stress and anxiety, and kids that are

angels otherwise, have sometimes difficulties coping with it. We

often feel that the more our son gets exposed to the social world

and to communications (mass media, computer games, etc.,), the more

sources of frustrations he finds. This week I actually caught myself

longing for the rural upbringing I had... it was so much simpler to

grow up like that.

Every time he succesfully sorts out a social challenge (like every

week of summer camp) we feel great relief, and we credit our work

helping him with his AS. It might be undeserved credit, but it feels

really well :-) so what the heck!

Have a great day. F

>

> Hi Tonya,

> I unfortunately do not have any advise but can relate. My son has

always been very loving and gentle. But it seems in the last week he

July 13, 2006

I wish I could say that aggression and meltdowns minimize with age,

but I personally can't.

I have a 14-year old son who was diagnosed with autism at age 2 and

then Asperger's at age 9. My son is almost 6 feet tall with a chest

as broad as a football player. You can imagine what a meltdown is

like with a child like that especially in public. I wish someone

could help with this.

I've met some parents of Asperger's childern who say that meltdowns

are a rarity and their children are quite pleasant. I hope that is

the norm.

My son is often mistaken for an adult when we're out in public and

he has the tendency to frighten some people. The good thing about

meltdowns when they're young (if that is a good thing) is that they

usually can be more easily removed from a situation. Moving my son

is like moving a rock. :-)

I think the key is finding ways to sooth them without allowing them

to manipulate the situation with their aggression. That is a fine

line to walk.

Good luck and if you find any suggestions regarding this exhausting

topic, please let me know.

> >

> > Hi Tonya,

> > I unfortunately do not have any advise but can relate. My son

has

> always been very loving and gentle. But it seems in the last week

he

>

July 13, 2006

Thanks for the reply. I agree with you, I think a lot of it has to do with

stressful situations as well as new things daily to deal with as they get older.

I am hoping that it doesn't continually progress. If it does I guess it's a

bridge we will cross when we get there.

Thanks again:)

( ) Re: aggression and meltdowns as they get older