Re: Birthday parties - A Rant

[Guest guest]

When my son was younger, he is now 9, I really avoided certain social

situations, birthday parties being one of them. He just couldn't handle the

noise

and confusion, never mind the social interactions. As he got a little older

we worked on social stories and things got a little bit easier. My two sons

were very different in that respect. My older son, who is 15, was like a

bull in a china cabinet. He wanted to go to the parties and be with other

children, but didn't know what was socially appropriate...but we worked on

that.

My younger son, was fearful of other children. He would totally breakdown

and hide in those kinds of situations. Again, we've worked on it over the

years and he does a bit better in those kinds of situations, but I am still

very

protective. For social outings we usually engage in groups at the autism

project in our state or in very small groups of children/parents from our PTA.

Pam

[Guest guest]

Hi

Sorry to hear that you are having a rough evening. I can relate to the tears and

feelings. I usually go to the parties, but give my son a run down of the things

that will happen there. Anything- things may smell different, people will try

and talk to you, it will be noisy and very busy ect. I try and watch him and if

I see that he is obviously overwhelmed then I try and find an out for him like

going to a quiet room and reading by himself. He needs time to re-group. It is

so hard sometimes to see our kids going through that and especially because we

want so much for them to be having fun with the other kids. When people asked me

questions before we had the diagnosis I told them that he was not a big fan of

loud places and preferred to stick to himself. Nobody questioned it too much.

Hope you feel better soon. Have a good cry it always helps me:)

( ) Birthday parties - A Rant

Hello all...I just have a question for all of you out there who are

a bit more seasoned at this than I am...I took my 3 yr old ds to a

birthday party for his cousin today (with his sister) and there were

about 10 kids there. It was the norm of course, pretty loud,

rambunctious kids hyped up on sugar...a normal birthday party. And

of course immediately retreated to the swingset where no one

was playing. And when they came over there to play, he left and hid

behind a large bush until they left. And when we went inside for

cake and ice cream, he went back to his cousin's bedroom and found a

toy that said the ABC's and stayed there. Even when I tried to coax

him out, he came out once, saw all the people and immediately went

back to her room (when I tried to get him to come back out again I

could tell he was nearing a meltdown, so I just let him be and when

the kids went back outside I got him to come out for some ice

cream) I am sure this all sounds like pretty normal behaviour, but

how do we as parents deal? It breaks my heart to see him like this,

and I am not fully prepared to deal with the questions and stares

b/c we don't have a " full diagnosis " yet (I feel like an idiot

saying that) and I just don't know what to say to people. (If one

more person says to me " Does he always count like that? " I might

just scream!) What do you do? Do you continue to take him to the

parties in the hopes that he will become more accustomed to being

around kids (that was my hope)? I have just been so upset about

this all evening and have been in tears since my sweet guy went to

bed b/c I just hate to see him so uncomfortable and to struggle...

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any advise you have!

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I know how hard it is. I think I didn't want to believe there was anything

" wrong " with my son

and I hoped the same thing as you-that he would end up having fun. How could a

kid not

have fun at a birthday party, right? I now know this kind of thing is a recipe

for disaster. It

must be terribly hurtful and frustrating for you to be asked why he acts like he

does. I don't

really take my son to parties anymore, and I think we're both a lot happier. A

one on one

playdate is much more beneficial (and still might produce a meltdown!). Social

situations can

be extremely overwhelming for these guys. It sure is hard as a parent to see

your child

struggle, not fit in, and be unhappy isn't it? It makes me sad too. You sound

like a very

sensitive and wonderful mom-your son is very lucky.

[Guest guest]

I also have a 3 yr old and she was so much like your son. I say was because

before she got into and started attending the preschool class. It got her better

prepared for groups. We also attended a party this weekend and I was suprised at

how well she did. She did however end the party with her own bag of toys

(presents) that she thought she needed more than the birthday girl. No amt of

coaxing, bribing, explaining worked. I finally pried the bag from and we left

with her screaming, kicking over my shoulder. She then cried for hrs. until she

went to sleep. I know you mean about the stares from others. I do avoid alot of

activities that would cause meltdowns. To me some just aren't worth the trouble.

Tammie

jackfaithsmom0304 <jackfaithsmom0304@...> wrote:

Hello all...I just have a question for all of you out there who are

a bit more seasoned at this than I am...I took my 3 yr old ds to a

birthday party for his cousin today (with his sister) and there were

about 10 kids there. It was the norm of course, pretty loud,

rambunctious kids hyped up on sugar...a normal birthday party. And

of course immediately retreated to the swingset where no one

was playing. And when they came over there to play, he left and hid

behind a large bush until they left. And when we went inside for

cake and ice cream, he went back to his cousin's bedroom and found a

toy that said the ABC's and stayed there. Even when I tried to coax

him out, he came out once, saw all the people and immediately went

back to her room (when I tried to get him to come back out again I

could tell he was nearing a meltdown, so I just let him be and when

the kids went back outside I got him to come out for some ice

cream) I am sure this all sounds like pretty normal behaviour, but

how do we as parents deal? It breaks my heart to see him like this,

and I am not fully prepared to deal with the questions and stares

b/c we don't have a " full diagnosis " yet (I feel like an idiot

saying that) and I just don't know what to say to people. (If one

more person says to me " Does he always count like that? " I might

just scream!) What do you do? Do you continue to take him to the

parties in the hopes that he will become more accustomed to being

around kids (that was my hope)? I have just been so upset about

this all evening and have been in tears since my sweet guy went to

bed b/c I just hate to see him so uncomfortable and to struggle...

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any advise you have!

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/26/2006 11:12:34 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

madideas@... writes:

My 9 yo requested that we not SING " Happy Birthday " to him. We had invited

his class to a bowling party to celebrate since he had never had a party

before. I'm sure kids thought it was weird but we didn't sing. And he

spent most of his time sliding up and down the wall instead of bowling.

Ugh. Lol. But we finally felt we could do something like that. All the

years prior - he just wasn't ready. He probably wasn't this time either.

But it wasn't too bad.

My son's 9th birthday party was very successful...until we went to Del's

(Frozen Lemonade) and several of his friend's arrived first (we took several

cars to the book store) and he freaked because they were getting Del's before

him. Oh boy...major meltdown and a few of the kid's (especially one little boy

new to the school this year so he didn't know Conor) just kind of hung back

with their mouths dropped open. This is when Autism is difficult for

me...those spur of the moment meltdowns or episodes that there is no way to save

our

children from. Pam

[Guest guest]

I want to try to put in a preschool of some sort (we have head start

that he could start in the fall) but I can't get him even close to potty trained

and they won't take him otherwise! ARGG

Tammie <kjsa3612@...> wrote: I also have a 3 yr old and she was

so much like your son. I say was because before she got into and started

attending the preschool class. It got her better prepared for groups. We also

attended a party this weekend and I was suprised at how well she did. She did

however end the party with her own bag of toys (presents) that she thought she

needed more than the birthday girl. No amt of coaxing, bribing, explaining

worked. I finally pried the bag from and we left with her screaming, kicking

over my shoulder. She then cried for hrs. until she went to sleep. I know you

mean about the stares from others. I do avoid alot of activities that would

cause meltdowns. To me some just aren't worth the trouble.

Tammie

jackfaithsmom0304 <jackfaithsmom0304@...> wrote:

Hello all...I just have a question for all of you out there who are

a bit more seasoned at this than I am...I took my 3 yr old ds to a

birthday party for his cousin today (with his sister) and there were

about 10 kids there. It was the norm of course, pretty loud,

rambunctious kids hyped up on sugar...a normal birthday party. And

of course immediately retreated to the swingset where no one

was playing. And when they came over there to play, he left and hid

behind a large bush until they left. And when we went inside for

cake and ice cream, he went back to his cousin's bedroom and found a

toy that said the ABC's and stayed there. Even when I tried to coax

him out, he came out once, saw all the people and immediately went

back to her room (when I tried to get him to come back out again I

could tell he was nearing a meltdown, so I just let him be and when

the kids went back outside I got him to come out for some ice

cream) I am sure this all sounds like pretty normal behaviour, but

how do we as parents deal? It breaks my heart to see him like this,

and I am not fully prepared to deal with the questions and stares

b/c we don't have a " full diagnosis " yet (I feel like an idiot

saying that) and I just don't know what to say to people. (If one

more person says to me " Does he always count like that? " I might

just scream!) What do you do? Do you continue to take him to the

parties in the hopes that he will become more accustomed to being

around kids (that was my hope)? I have just been so upset about

this all evening and have been in tears since my sweet guy went to

bed b/c I just hate to see him so uncomfortable and to struggle...

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any advise you have!

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

I would avoid birthday parties until he is older or can handle groups

better. We've had a lot of situations just like this with family and people

asking " Why is he hiding under the table " and " why does he hide in the

bedroom counting money? " It depends on the person asking as to what I

reply. Sometimes all you need do is smile and shrug as if to say, " I don't

know.. " And walk off. You could say, " He's always like that.. " Or " He's

afraid of large groups " or " He's just a different kind of kid. " or any kind

of answer that you are comfortable with. It's not so much which answer as

that you find one and practice it so you can use it when you need to!

If you want to say he has AS or HFA, you can just say, " He's being evaluated

for HFA. "

My 9 yo requested that we not SING " Happy Birthday " to him. We had invited

his class to a bowling party to celebrate since he had never had a party

before. I'm sure kids thought it was weird but we didn't sing. And he

spent most of his time sliding up and down the wall instead of bowling.

Ugh. Lol. But we finally felt we could do something like that. All the

years prior - he just wasn't ready. He probably wasn't this time either.

But it wasn't too bad.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of jackfaithsmom0304

Sent: Sunday, June 25, 2006 11:48 PM

Subject: ( ) Birthday parties - A Rant

Hello all...I just have a question for all of you out there who are

a bit more seasoned at this than I am...I took my 3 yr old ds to a

birthday party for his cousin today (with his sister) and there were

about 10 kids there. It was the norm of course, pretty loud,

rambunctious kids hyped up on sugar...a normal birthday party. And

of course immediately retreated to the swingset where no one

was playing. And when they came over there to play, he left and hid

behind a large bush until they left. And when we went inside for

cake and ice cream, he went back to his cousin's bedroom and found a

toy that said the ABC's and stayed there. Even when I tried to coax

him out, he came out once, saw all the people and immediately went

back to her room (when I tried to get him to come back out again I

could tell he was nearing a meltdown, so I just let him be and when

the kids went back outside I got him to come out for some ice

cream) I am sure this all sounds like pretty normal behaviour, but

how do we as parents deal? It breaks my heart to see him like this,

and I am not fully prepared to deal with the questions and stares

b/c we don't have a " full diagnosis " yet (I feel like an idiot

saying that) and I just don't know what to say to people. (If one

more person says to me " Does he always count like that? " I might

just scream!) What do you do? Do you continue to take him to the

parties in the hopes that he will become more accustomed to being

around kids (that was my hope)? I have just been so upset about

this all evening and have been in tears since my sweet guy went to

bed b/c I just hate to see him so uncomfortable and to struggle...

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any advise you have!

[Guest guest]

We are not potty trained either. Have you had him evaluated by your local school

district? Thats where my daughter goes and thewy do not have to be potty

trained.

Tammie

<jackfaithsmom0304@...> wrote:

I want to try to put in a preschool of some sort (we have head

start that he could start in the fall) but I can't get him even close to potty

trained and they won't take him otherwise! ARGG

Tammie <kjsa3612@...> wrote: I also have a 3 yr old and she was so much

like your son. I say was because before she got into and started attending the

preschool class. It got her better prepared for groups. We also attended a party

this weekend and I was suprised at how well she did. She did however end the

party with her own bag of toys (presents) that she thought she needed more than

the birthday girl. No amt of coaxing, bribing, explaining worked. I finally

pried the bag from and we left with her screaming, kicking over my shoulder. She

then cried for hrs. until she went to sleep. I know you mean about the stares

from others. I do avoid alot of activities that would cause meltdowns. To me

some just aren't worth the trouble.

Tammie

jackfaithsmom0304 <jackfaithsmom0304@...> wrote:

Hello all...I just have a question for all of you out there who are

a bit more seasoned at this than I am...I took my 3 yr old ds to a

birthday party for his cousin today (with his sister) and there were

about 10 kids there. It was the norm of course, pretty loud,

rambunctious kids hyped up on sugar...a normal birthday party. And

of course immediately retreated to the swingset where no one

was playing. And when they came over there to play, he left and hid

behind a large bush until they left. And when we went inside for

cake and ice cream, he went back to his cousin's bedroom and found a

toy that said the ABC's and stayed there. Even when I tried to coax

him out, he came out once, saw all the people and immediately went

back to her room (when I tried to get him to come back out again I

could tell he was nearing a meltdown, so I just let him be and when

the kids went back outside I got him to come out for some ice

cream) I am sure this all sounds like pretty normal behaviour, but

how do we as parents deal? It breaks my heart to see him like this,

and I am not fully prepared to deal with the questions and stares

b/c we don't have a " full diagnosis " yet (I feel like an idiot

saying that) and I just don't know what to say to people. (If one

more person says to me " Does he always count like that? " I might

just scream!) What do you do? Do you continue to take him to the

parties in the hopes that he will become more accustomed to being

around kids (that was my hope)? I have just been so upset about

this all evening and have been in tears since my sweet guy went to

bed b/c I just hate to see him so uncomfortable and to struggle...

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any advise you have!

---------------------------------

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more to come.

[Guest guest]

YUP typical and normal...

I handle it by knowing he isn't into them and won't enjoy them. Try the

smaller parties first too when you want to introduce him to them

If its any solace.. Chase loves them now.. He's 10 and doing well. But

sometimes you will find him in a corner.. Talking to an equally overwhelmed

cat... So.. Its just the way our kids are too.

I personally hate commotion too.. So I can relate.

-- ( ) Birthday parties - A Rant

Hello all...I just have a question for all of you out there who are

a bit more seasoned at this than I am...I took my 3 yr old ds to a

birthday party for his cousin today (with his sister) and there were

about 10 kids there. It was the norm of course, pretty loud,

rambunctious kids hyped up on sugar...a normal birthday party. And

of course immediately retreated to the swingset where no one

was playing. And when they came over there to play, he left and hid

behind a large bush until they left. And when we went inside for

cake and ice cream, he went back to his cousin's bedroom and found a

toy that said the ABC's and stayed there. Even when I tried to coax

him out, he came out once, saw all the people and immediately went

back to her room (when I tried to get him to come back out again I

could tell he was nearing a meltdown, so I just let him be and when

the kids went back outside I got him to come out for some ice

cream) I am sure this all sounds like pretty normal behaviour, but

how do we as parents deal? It breaks my heart to see him like this,

and I am not fully prepared to deal with the questions and stares

b/c we don't have a " full diagnosis " yet (I feel like an idiot

saying that) and I just don't know what to say to people. (If one

more person says to me " Does he always count like that? " I might

just scream!) What do you do? Do you continue to take him to the

parties in the hopes that he will become more accustomed to being

around kids (that was my hope)? I have just been so upset about

this all evening and have been in tears since my sweet guy went to

bed b/c I just hate to see him so uncomfortable and to struggle...

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any advise you have!

[Guest guest]

Hello

I am new to the group, and I am thrilled about all the email that pretain to

what we are going through. We have a 5 1/2 yr old Aspergers child and a 14 month

old baby so things have been challenging around here.

On June 19th we had Hunter's birthday party for his school friends. there were

31 kids total who came. (4 differnt classes). Hunter did better then we

expected. First we had his BT with us, and Second we planned his party at Chucki

E Cheese (where he wanted the party), But had it on a Monday night. What a

difference. We were basically the only people there, and we had the whole party

section. Hunter gets over stimmed at CC and doesn't know where to go first. He

parrall plays, so in a way this place was perfect for his party. He didn't have

to be left out or he could sit out if he choose. When he was over whelmed, he

just went into the party section near the stage and sat with his BT. And we let

him.

On June 10th we had a BBQ for my brother who we haddn't seen in @6 years. and

his two kids. The party was at my house, and there was 25 people there,

Including His BA. Hunter was a time bomb ready to explode, and when the

explosion finally happened watch out. He was self abusive and dangerous to

others. It was really scarry, but understanding, there was three people staying

with us in our house that he didn't know, and a party with many poeple he

doesn't see to often. major over whelming for him. I am just glad that they are

over.

Thanks

Leanne R. Back

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Ohh that sounds so much like my son! He would freak out at parties! But as he

got older he learnt to cope better. It is hard because my son LOVES going to

parties but gets overwhelmed quickly. I usually stay with him and if I see it

is getting too much we leave early. I think you did extremely well. I would

keep going to the parties. And don't be afraid to honestly tell people that you

rare looking into a diagnosis. I have found that when I tell the party host

that my son has ASD they accommodate my sons needs better. My son still now

will wander off on his own but he enjoys playing with the different toys that

people have. I just let him be. As long as he is happy. Did your son feel

that he had bad time? Or were you just so focused on the fact that he wasn't

playing with the other kids that you felt uncomfortable? at a recent party that

my son went to there were two HFA kids and both of them played off on their own

riding scooters and bikes and keeping out ofthe way of the other party goers.

But both had a great time.

Beck

Beck

( ) Birthday parties - A Rant

Hello all...I just have a question for all of you out there who are

a bit more seasoned at this than I am...I took my 3 yr old ds to a

birthday party for his cousin today (with his sister) and there were

about 10 kids there. It was the norm of course, pretty loud,

rambunctious kids hyped up on sugar...a normal birthday party. And

of course immediately retreated to the swingset where no one

was playing. And when they came over there to play, he left and hid

behind a large bush until they left. And when we went inside for

cake and ice cream, he went back to his cousin's bedroom and found a

toy that said the ABC's and stayed there. Even when I tried to coax

him out, he came out once, saw all the people and immediately went

back to her room (when I tried to get him to come back out again I

could tell he was nearing a meltdown, so I just let him be and when

the kids went back outside I got him to come out for some ice

cream) I am sure this all sounds like pretty normal behaviour, but

how do we as parents deal? It breaks my heart to see him like this,

and I am not fully prepared to deal with the questions and stares

b/c we don't have a " full diagnosis " yet (I feel like an idiot

saying that) and I just don't know what to say to people. (If one

more person says to me " Does he always count like that? " I might

just scream!) What do you do? Do you continue to take him to the

parties in the hopes that he will become more accustomed to being

around kids (that was my hope)? I have just been so upset about

this all evening and have been in tears since my sweet guy went to

bed b/c I just hate to see him so uncomfortable and to struggle...

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any advise you have!

[Guest guest]

jackfaithsmom0304 <jackfaithsmom0304@...> wrote:

Hello all...I just have a question for all of you out there who are

a bit more seasoned at this than I am...I took my 3 yr old ds to a

birthday party for his cousin today (with his sister) and there were

about 10 kids there. It was the norm of course, pretty loud,

rambunctious kids hyped up on sugar...a normal birthday party. And

of course immediately retreated to the swingset where no one

was playing. And when they came over there to play, he left and hid

behind a large bush until they left. And when we went inside for

cake and ice cream, he went back to his cousin's bedroom and found a

toy that said the ABC's and stayed there. Even when I tried to coax

him out, he came out once, saw all the people and immediately went

back to her room (when I tried to get him to come back out again I

could tell he was nearing a meltdown, so I just let him be and when

the kids went back outside I got him to come out for some ice

cream) I am sure this all sounds like pretty normal behaviour, but

how do we as parents deal? It breaks my heart to see him like this,

and I am not fully prepared to deal with the questions and stares

b/c we don't have a " full diagnosis " yet (I feel like an idiot

saying that) and I just don't know what to say to people. (If one

more person says to me " Does he always count like that? " I might

just scream!) What do you do? Do you continue to take him to the

parties in the hopes that he will become more accustomed to being

around kids (that was my hope)? I have just been so upset about

this all evening and have been in tears since my sweet guy went to

bed b/c I just hate to see him so uncomfortable and to struggle...

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any advise you have!

I know your guy is a little young and it may be hard to get his opinion-

but I've tuned in to a few aspie chat rooms and there were alot of comments

about not being asked whether or not they (the aspies themselves) wanted to

do these things or be put in these situations. We can not sheild our kids from

every stressful/social situation we would probably do them more harm- but I

have learned that my son(now8) does well if we compromise on social situations.

I explain to him how it would be rude not to show up at certain things when

other people are wanting you to be there. We agree to attend certain functions

( and you know which ones are potential meltdown situations) -and agree how

much stuff we are going to do there- if it is something that is hard to get out

of we bring something that he can do there quietly. I would much rather people

comment on the quiet boy who sat out red red rover to read a book in the grass

than the boy who was hysterical and

crying because no one could adequately explain why the b'day cake had

spongebob and starwars characters on it. I know it is a little sad to your

child isolate him/herself but it is even more heartbreaking to see them

attempt something for our sakes and be deliberately outcast because they have a

different idea of what is fun and interesting.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

It's funny that you mentioned specifically hiding under the table b/c not on

this particular instance, but when I recently took my kids to visit Grammy at

her work when we were vacationing there (she works in a beauty shop, lots of

overbearing ladies) we went into the shop and the ladies were pretty respectful

of his personal space but still all excited and kinda loud... took one

look around and promptly crawled underneath of one of the waiting room chairs

(which are all covered with floor length slip covers) and he stayed in his cave

until we left a few minutes later. My poor little guy, he was just like.. " I DO

NOT THINK SO! " or at least that's what I'm sure he was thinking! Just a little

share!

Roxanna <madideas@...> wrote:

I would avoid birthday parties until he is older or can handle groups

better. We've had a lot of situations just like this with family and people

asking " Why is he hiding under the table " and " why does he hide in the

bedroom counting money? " It depends on the person asking as to what I

reply. Sometimes all you need do is smile and shrug as if to say, " I don't

know.. " And walk off. You could say, " He's always like that.. " Or " He's

afraid of large groups " or " He's just a different kind of kid. " or any kind

of answer that you are comfortable with. It's not so much which answer as

that you find one and practice it so you can use it when you need to!

If you want to say he has AS or HFA, you can just say, " He's being evaluated

for HFA. "

My 9 yo requested that we not SING " Happy Birthday " to him. We had invited

his class to a bowling party to celebrate since he had never had a party

before. I'm sure kids thought it was weird but we didn't sing. And he

spent most of his time sliding up and down the wall instead of bowling.

Ugh. Lol. But we finally felt we could do something like that. All the

years prior - he just wasn't ready. He probably wasn't this time either.

But it wasn't too bad.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of jackfaithsmom0304

Sent: Sunday, June 25, 2006 11:48 PM

Subject: ( ) Birthday parties - A Rant

Hello all...I just have a question for all of you out there who are

a bit more seasoned at this than I am...I took my 3 yr old ds to a

birthday party for his cousin today (with his sister) and there were

about 10 kids there. It was the norm of course, pretty loud,

rambunctious kids hyped up on sugar...a normal birthday party. And

of course immediately retreated to the swingset where no one

was playing. And when they came over there to play, he left and hid

behind a large bush until they left. And when we went inside for

cake and ice cream, he went back to his cousin's bedroom and found a

toy that said the ABC's and stayed there. Even when I tried to coax

him out, he came out once, saw all the people and immediately went

back to her room (when I tried to get him to come back out again I

could tell he was nearing a meltdown, so I just let him be and when

the kids went back outside I got him to come out for some ice

cream) I am sure this all sounds like pretty normal behaviour, but

how do we as parents deal? It breaks my heart to see him like this,

and I am not fully prepared to deal with the questions and stares

b/c we don't have a " full diagnosis " yet (I feel like an idiot

saying that) and I just don't know what to say to people. (If one

more person says to me " Does he always count like that? " I might

just scream!) What do you do? Do you continue to take him to the

parties in the hopes that he will become more accustomed to being

around kids (that was my hope)? I have just been so upset about

this all evening and have been in tears since my sweet guy went to

bed b/c I just hate to see him so uncomfortable and to struggle...

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any advise you have!

[Guest guest]

,

I think that was a good thing. He has learned some self coping skills. When my

daughter was getting OT her therapist told us it was our goal to give her the

tools to cope in over welming situations. It seems your son was smart and

recognized how to cope.

I remember taking my daughter to my other childrens award ceremonies, parties,

etc. was a nightmare until............I bought a jeep stroller with canopy, and

a tray in front. At one outing she grabbed her blankie and pulled it over the

front (like a cave) and I had my first enjoyable event. I later brought along

some little water toys since she loved water and put her some ice on the tray in

front as it melted her fish swam etc... lol worked out well until one of her

animals squirted the man in front of us once.

Anyhow, be proud your little guy is one smart cookie.

Tammie

<jackfaithsmom0304@...> wrote:

It's funny that you mentioned specifically hiding under the table b/c

not on this particular instance, but when I recently took my kids to visit

Grammy at her work when we were vacationing there (she works in a beauty shop,

lots of overbearing ladies) we went into the shop and the ladies were pretty

respectful of his personal space but still all excited and kinda loud...

took one look around and promptly crawled underneath of one of the waiting room

chairs (which are all covered with floor length slip covers) and he stayed in

his cave until we left a few minutes later. My poor little guy, he was just

like.. " I DO NOT THINK SO! " or at least that's what I'm sure he was thinking!

Just a little share!

Roxanna <madideas@...> wrote:

I would avoid birthday parties until he is older or can handle groups

better. We've had a lot of situations just like this with family and people

asking " Why is he hiding under the table " and " why does he hide in the

bedroom counting money? " It depends on the person asking as to what I

reply. Sometimes all you need do is smile and shrug as if to say, " I don't

know.. " And walk off. You could say, " He's always like that.. " Or " He's

afraid of large groups " or " He's just a different kind of kid. " or any kind

of answer that you are comfortable with. It's not so much which answer as

that you find one and practice it so you can use it when you need to!

If you want to say he has AS or HFA, you can just say, " He's being evaluated

for HFA. "

My 9 yo requested that we not SING " Happy Birthday " to him. We had invited

his class to a bowling party to celebrate since he had never had a party

before. I'm sure kids thought it was weird but we didn't sing. And he

spent most of his time sliding up and down the wall instead of bowling.

Ugh. Lol. But we finally felt we could do something like that. All the

years prior - he just wasn't ready. He probably wasn't this time either.

But it wasn't too bad.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of jackfaithsmom0304

Sent: Sunday, June 25, 2006 11:48 PM

Subject: ( ) Birthday parties - A Rant

Hello all...I just have a question for all of you out there who are

a bit more seasoned at this than I am...I took my 3 yr old ds to a

birthday party for his cousin today (with his sister) and there were

about 10 kids there. It was the norm of course, pretty loud,

rambunctious kids hyped up on sugar...a normal birthday party. And

of course immediately retreated to the swingset where no one

was playing. And when they came over there to play, he left and hid

behind a large bush until they left. And when we went inside for

cake and ice cream, he went back to his cousin's bedroom and found a

toy that said the ABC's and stayed there. Even when I tried to coax

him out, he came out once, saw all the people and immediately went

back to her room (when I tried to get him to come back out again I

could tell he was nearing a meltdown, so I just let him be and when

the kids went back outside I got him to come out for some ice

cream) I am sure this all sounds like pretty normal behaviour, but

how do we as parents deal? It breaks my heart to see him like this,

and I am not fully prepared to deal with the questions and stares

b/c we don't have a " full diagnosis " yet (I feel like an idiot

saying that) and I just don't know what to say to people. (If one

more person says to me " Does he always count like that? " I might

just scream!) What do you do? Do you continue to take him to the

parties in the hopes that he will become more accustomed to being

around kids (that was my hope)? I have just been so upset about

this all evening and have been in tears since my sweet guy went to

bed b/c I just hate to see him so uncomfortable and to struggle...

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any advise you have!