Re: A visit from CPS

March 29, 2005

On Mar 29, 2005, at 7:29 AM, Roxanna Neely wrote:

> It sounds like your sister is much like your father. Same attitude

> towards people they perceive as " weak. " It reminds me of a country

> song (LOL) seriously - " Standing outside the Fire " by Garth .

> It talks about being different and how people perceive this as being

> weak - when it really is that we work harder to do even typical

> things. Well, something like that.

***AND some people are just so divorced from their feelings that they

really have no capability of empathy. They see needing others as

weakness, absolutely. I love " Standing Outside the Fire " but my

favorite song by Garth (and maybe ever) is The Change. It is my reply

to Those People:

The Change

Garth

(Fresh Horses)

One hand

Reaches out

And pulls a lost soul from harm

While a thousand more go unspoken for

They say what good have you done

By saving just this one

It's like whispering a prayer

In the fury of a storm

And I hear them saying you'll never change things

And no matter what you do it's still the same thing

But it's not the world that I am changing

I do this so this world will know

That it will not change me

This heart

Still believes

The love and mercy still exist

While all the hatred rage and so many say

That love is all but pointless in madness such as this

It's like trying to stop a fire

With the moisture from a kiss

And I hear them saying you'll never change things

And no matter what you do it's still the same thing

But it's not the world that I am changing

I do this so this world will know

That it will not change me

As long as one heart still holds on

Then hope is never really gone

I hear them saying you'll never change things

And no matter what you do it's still the same thing

But it's not the world that I am changing

I do this so this world we know

Never changes me

What I do is so

This world will know

That it will not change me

>

> So picture your dad as the pig. <g> He isn't going to sing. Even

> though you need him to! It just ain't going to happen. Limit your

> exposure to people who are not part of the solution. Even if those

> people are family. Find people who can help you and who are

> supportive of you. Find them at church if you are so inclined, at

> support groups for autism, at special needs programs, organize your

> own real life mothers group to meet once per month.

**I have found that we have 2 families. One is our Family of Origin,

(FOO, and sometimes it is FOOey on us, since we don'tget to pick!) and

one is our Family of Choice (FOC). These are people who are warm,

caring, supportive and willing to give support (and receive it!

Nothing is worse than a one-way friendship). It takes effort to

cultivate those FOC relationships. I have a friend who calls it BTB

friendships....the kind of friend that you could call to help you bury

a body. LOL But I think we have to make that effort. We really,

really do. Because we need support so much, based upon our kids. AND

we have a lot of empathy and caring to provide for others.

> There are ways to find people who can be part of the solution. Then

> when you are feeling fragile, you can reach out to people that you

> know will give you what you need and not spin your wheels teaching

> that damn pig to sing!

***Yes another friend calls this " dating. " LOL! She says it is

getting kids together for playdates, or going to coffee when the kids

are in school, or heading to the park, that kind of thing. It often

feels like we can't do those things, but we still need to! I have a

wonderful group of very dear friends, and we get together every month

for dinner and prayer. It makes a huge difference in my life. Knowing

I have that support makes me feel less alone. Usually. I think there

will always be that feeling of " I am the only one going through this "

and that is why the Internet is such magic. Groups like this go a long

way towards dispelling that feeling.

>

Tina

livin' in Alphabet Soup with:

, 6, AS/HFA , anxiety

Jordan 10, GAD, BP, OCD

Jasmine as NT as it gets, for now

dw to Jon- AS but fixated on computers= $$

" The three most important voices: the voice of your heart, the voice of

your gut and the voice of your child. " -Heidi Lissauer -adult with

autism who has autistic children, as well

March 30, 2005

Thanks, Roxanna,

I must be slower than most people about matters of the heart! Thank you for

talking some sense into me. Hopefully this time it will sink in, and I will

stop torturing myself over what can't be helped.

There is a Huntington Beach support group, and I called one of the

organizers today. She spent 1.5 hours with me giving me the scoop on our

school district and tactics that might work. I'm grateful to her for the

time and care she took with me. She has seen much of this already and also

has a CPS referral, so she sort of said, " So what? " The picture does look

fairly bleak for HB; yet this district has held out on us and is playing

games. One of her daughters got a referral to a non-public therapeutic

school, and she recommends it. It is the same school that I interviewed

about Sasha. However, she urged me to try to work with the district to find

a different SDC placement, with an emphasis on re-introducing Sasha to

mainstream as he gains social skills. So we were on the same page about that.

Everything you are writing about pigs (that poor maligned animal) seems to

be true about certain members of my son's IEP team. It's quite annoying.

Anyway, I need to type up a memo for Pete's review outlining our agenda for

the next IEP team meeting. However, we cannot hold that meeting until I

have toured the SDC classes with the autism specialist in tow. The school

has 30 days to respond to my written request, which will be made on April

4. So it looks as though our oft postponed meeting won't occur until early

May -- or later.

Sigh.

Sorry you are blessed with much pork in your family.

T.

At 07:29 AM 3/29/2005 -0800, you wrote:

>It sounds like your sister is much like your father. Same attitude

>towards people they perceive as " weak. " It reminds me of a country song

>(LOL) seriously - " Standing outside the Fire " by Garth . It talks

>about being different and how people perceive this as being weak - when it

>really is that we work harder to do even typical things. Well, something

>like that.

>

>At any rate, you have to stop looking to the family for support. All it

>is going to do is depress you more! We all wish we had that back up

>family support system but some of us don't. A friend once told me it's

>like trying to teach a pig to sing - all you do is annoy the

>pig. <g> But as you can see, a pig isn't going to sing - no matter how

>much you want it to do so!!

>

>So picture your dad as the pig. <g> He isn't going to sing. Even though

>you need him to! It just ain't going to happen. Limit your exposure to

>people who are not part of the solution. Even if those people are

>family. Find people who can help you and who are supportive of you. Find

>them at church if you are so inclined, at support groups for autism, at

>special needs programs, organize your own real life mothers group to meet

>once per month. There are ways to find people who can be part of the

>solution. Then when you are feeling fragile, you can reach out to people

>that you know will give you what you need and not spin your wheels

>teaching that damn pig to sing!

>

>PS: we have families who are full of pigs. No singers. So I sure KWYM!

>

>Roxanna

>

>Look alive. Here comes a buzzard.

>-- Pogo

March 30, 2005

Tombrello <suso903tomb@...> wrote: