Re: Please tell me there's hope, feeling so sad now!

[Guest guest]

Dear Aspie's mom:

Of course there is hope! But you must know

that sadness will not go away ever, anyway no one can be happy all the time. I

have always believed that suffering is part of growing. I am trying to give as

much space as possible to my AS daughter (15) . She is so different from the

rest of the girls, everyone is different of course, but you know what I mean

when I say that my AS d. is extremely out of the ordinary. By now she has

learned to enjoy herself, she told me that never before she has felt so good

about

herself as now. (There was a time that she said I hate my life and I wish I

were dead) It is not easy for us, it has never been easy. Many times I wish

things were different but at the same time I feel extremely proud of her. She is

assertive and wise but extremely complicated. There are not really recipes for

our children. AS are very similar but very different even among themselves.

Understanding and Patience are important and from that point we can build a

bridge that must be reinforced all the time. Her belief in God is a great part

of

her inner strength and the amazing thing is that she found her faith without

our help and thanks to her my faith is stronger than it ever was.

Do not dismay, there is always hope.

Ana

[Guest guest]

My son is 15 and all I can say at this point is to stay on top of it as much

as you can. If you see or sense your son is depressed, seek out help. My

experience has been that our Asperger children have to go through puberty and

teenagerhood too...but certain things (social interaction, depression,

isolation) can be so much worse for them than the typical teenager. They need

to

have their space as well as parents who are involved and aren't afraid to step

in when needed...this is a very hard balance for a parent of a teenager with

Asperger's. Pam

[Guest guest]

,

We had noticed that our son, , was a little

" different " when he was 18 months. Granted, now that I

know, I can see that his high-maintenance needs when

he was a baby may have been a huge indicator. I didn't

know where to go, what to do. We managed to find the

special education pre-school for him and he qualified

under " developmentally delayed " . When he was 4, it was

suggested that he may be ADHD. So we went through our

local mental health facility to find out. We saw THE

BEST psych in our county whom I won't take my dog to

now. He never saw my son, yet claimed he was a

" typical child. " We went back a year later and was

given a counselor who'd never dealt with anyone under

the age of 7. So, he started school. No one ever said

a thing. The only " idication " there was was that he

struggled in language arts. Every year at the

parent-teacher conferences, it was the same. We didn't

really have any trouble with him during this time. He

was in speech therapy, but that was it. By the end of

1st-grade, he finished speech therapy. When he was in

3rd-grade, I noticed that he cried an awful lot over

nothing. I was doing home-daycare, and he'd go play

with the kids, but when they didn't play the way they

were supposed to (making rules up as they went),

instead of getting mad, he'd come home crying. Which I

knew wasn't right. I had received a magazine regarding

PDD and autism, and when I read it, I realized that it

was my son. So started the process to find out.

He had done find in school. Sunday school was another

matter. He did okay in the older grades, but when he

was in the nursery, he'd go in kicking and screaming

every Sunday until they had the same person in there

every week. Then he was fine.

I remember when we got the diagnosis (in 2001), I

recall going through the " grieving process " . I didn't

know which was better-knowing for sure what he had, or

not knowing. I felt like the word Autism was the big

" A-word " . But we still hadn't had real problems.

Then, his OCD hit right before middle school

(6th-grade). Then the nightmare began. The school was

a nightmare, and his anxiety was a nightmare. We

almost placed him in a hospital because things were so

bad. He gave me the biggest fright then. It was all so

scary. It was really exhausting. I was in tears almost

every day.

We changed psych's. Came off all meds. He was fine

except for a little anxiety. Started Prozac. Things

really calmed down. This past year has been great!

He's made mostly A's and B's in classes. (one C) He

even had a girlfriend. He's been walking to the

library by himself for over a year. I can send him to

the grocery store by himself to get me stuff. He'll

walk to his grandmother's (about 2 miles) by himself.

He was awarded 2 Outstanding achievement awards this

year in Pre-Algebra and has done so well they've

recommended him taking Algebra 1 all in one year

instead of breaking it down in 2 years.

He went to Ohio with his church youth group last

summer. (8-hour drive from here!) They stayed 3 days!

He's gone to a youth conference in DC last year and

again this year. He's gone to another conference 3

hours away last Aug. and again this year. He went to a

Snow Camp at a place in PA with the youth back in Feb.

I would have NEVER in a million years believed he

could do it! Especially the trip to Ohio! (He even

went swimming in Lake Erie and went to Cedar Point

Park!)

Taking Home Ec in middle school did wonders for him.

He loves to help cook, and I can rely on him to turn

the oven on and put things in or take them out if I am

not home. (If I leave instructions or call him.)

And to think 2 years ago he couldn't function because

he thought everything was going to cause him to die!!!

He turned in all of his homework on time except for

one project (which he had done, but needed a little

more time to elaborate on it.) He took care of his

assignments and made sure they were all on time and

done. I didn't have to do a thing this year except for

that one science project that was very difficult for

him to " see " the outcome of. But he managed to do it.

His pre-algebra teacher said that he even helps the

students in the classroom with their work if he's done

with his.

While he still has his periods of being by himself, he

does have a few friends. He has one over right now. He

goes to youth group at the youth pastor's home on

Friday nights and participates in the different

events/activities they have.

So, he's come a long way. I never would have believed

it would ever be this good when we were going through

the really rough times. I don't know if he'll ever be

able to live on his own because of his anxiety. He

still needs reassurance at times-he'll ask a question

and once I reassure him he's fine, he'll go on without

a problem.

He just turned 14. He got a cell phone for his

birthday because he likes to ride his scooter to the

library and has fallen a few times, so I wanted him to

have a cell in case he needed it. But he has to earn

money towards the minutes for it. (It's a pay as you

go kind). So he now has different chores he has to do

during the week (without griping) in order to receive

an allowance to save towards minutes. And he can get

docked for not complying or giving me a hard time. He

still has angry outbursts, but nothing like before.

And I am able to disolve them pretty quickly. (Like

telling him I'll take the phone or dock his

allowance). That's given me some leverage!

It's been a struggle, but we've gotten to a " happy

place " for the time being. He's doing well, and we are

pleased and happy. There are some days where I still

have " blue periods " about different things. He

recently told us he'd been bullied by this kid that

bullied him last year. He hadn't told anyone. So I had

to go see to that. But I had to remember that he did

have some guys that he regards as good friends. He

also had some people sign his yearbook.

He gets online and chats, too. While he had a

girlfriend (she liked someone else-she's a teenager!),

he'd IM her and even call her on the phone!!!!!!!

Great phone skill builder!!!!!

So, hang in there. There is hope. And believe me, we

were at a point where we thought there was absolutely

NO hope! The group is a great place to go when you are

feeling blue. When I first started out with the idea

of Asperger's and joined the group, I remember how

frustrating it was to deal with so many issues from

the disorder. And everyone here has just been so

supportive and basically my life-line through all the

hard times!

Melinda, 37

Mom to , 14, AS, ADHD, OCD

Casey, 11 going on 15, NT

, 5 going on 15 as well, speech delay

One due in Dec.

[Guest guest]

>

> I've been looking on a couple of Asperger's websites, and

honestly " lurking " on boards that have older teens and adults,

looking for insights on ways to help my DS through the process.

> I get mired in the depression, deep-seated self-hatred, hatred of

others (pretty much everyone, and suicidal thoughts. I just got done

reading two posts that had the most " hits " of any by far, and they

were about " Have you ever felt suicidal " and " What everyone has done

wrong " .

> I'm so very sad now, wondering if this is the life my DS will end

up with. As he gets older, will his sad times be longer and more

pervasive? Will I not be able to be there to help him out of it?

Will he never be able to self-regulate and be proud of his

accomplishments?

> Please tell me of successful happy Aspies?

>

>

You know my dad is happy. And so is my f-i-l. They have both

struggles through things at different points and both have been

treated for depression but they have found understanding wives and

careers that don't require them to interact with others very often

and they have both been success. They have hard times too and I know

it sounds so cliche to say it but I think support from family and few

good friends will make all the difference.

Amber

> ---------------------------------

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>

[Guest guest]

Hi There,

Let me star off by telling you that it takes a concerted effort on

everyone's part.

1. You need a strong group to be there to sound off

2. If the fear and depession are yours not just your son's

a.know that it is ok to get help for yourself

b.go and get the help

3.There are many places to get info. seach it all out

you can go to The ARC of the Us to get some help

4.Antidepressants are not always the answer but they have worked for

me.

5.If the depression is with your Aspy child then get them to a doctor

that understands your son's need, You may have to train them as we did

The biggest things that have helped us was the abillity to see it for

what it is,the illness is not your child.....

neve has been....it does take time but let me tell you where we have

been

at age 5 " Annie " was diagnosed as autistic,then as she was more able

to speak she was re-diagnosed as AS,PDD,AND Paranoid Schizophrenia

In Texas,we were told after this last one that Annie could never go

back the a " regular " School and more than likley she would have to be

placed in a permanate " residental " setting by the time she was 15.

Well as it was we were prepairong for this eventuallity

when we made the decision to move to East Tennessee.

The change was fantastic for Annie!

We got a very good treatment team. her Doctor understands AS and even

though she is semi-retired she chose to work with mainly AS because of

the great need for her in this area.

After 3 years here Annie is 16 going on 17

and for the first time sense being disgnosed as AS Annie has gone

over 1 1/2 years with out having to be hospitalized for either

behavior.

And her meds are stable and they have taken the " treatment resistant "

tag off of her profile

There IS hope and DON'T LET ANYONE tell you there isn't

[Guest guest]

I know exactally how you feel. Alone and wishing that there was somthing you

could do or have done to change the situation you are in. My son is 5 1/2 and

was dx with Aspergers in Jan 06. With all the medical complicaitons he had over

the past 51/2 years, we are lucky that he is here. but as for support, the fil

thinks that when Hunteris 10 he will grow out of all this. My brothers and DH

brother's don't really ecknowladge him. One brother is starting to come around,

but basically the only support we have is an Aunt who is 500 miles away and my

best friend who is 90 min away. If it wasn't for my friend I don't think I would

still be here. Both my parents are gone, and I know that they would have been

supportive but I don't have that choice. My DH, tries the best he can, he is

still in Denial. But there is hope. Hunter is part of a state progam that help

me with his behavior. There is even a family support group that I could go to

their meeting if I choose to.

It is ok to feel this way, you are human, and you are not alone. This is why I

signed up of this perticular group, so that I would not feel alone.

I wish you luck, also I fogot to mention that I too am on meds for Depression.

and It does help.

Leanne R. Back

---------------------------------

Ring'em or ping'em. Make PC-to-phone calls as low as 1¢/min with

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[Guest guest]

hello hello

I am sure you have gotten tons of responses (I am just very far

behind in posting) but I wanted you to know that

YES there is hope.

Sometimes we ASPIES CAn have lots of success and than failure and

misery.

But as long as we know we have a soft spot to land when we fall

(family, loved one, etc) we will come out in the end.

Always having support is the key. Regardless of what we go through.

I really hope that helps!

I can see he already has you and that is important thatyou are

looking out for him. Keep smiling and chugging along. IT will pay

off in the end

*smiles* lisa B

>

> I've been looking on a couple of Asperger's websites, and

honestly " lurking " on boards that have older teens and adults,

looking for insights on ways to help my DS through the process.

> I get mired in the depression, deep-seated self-hatred, hatred

of others (pretty much everyone, and suicidal thoughts. I just got

done reading two posts that had the most " hits " of any by far, and

they were about " Have you ever felt suicidal " and " What everyone has

done wrong " .

> I'm so very sad now, wondering if this is the life my DS will

end up with. As he gets older, will his sad times be longer and

more pervasive? Will I not be able to be there to help him out of

it? Will he never be able to self-regulate and be proud of his

accomplishments?

> Please tell me of successful happy Aspies?

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Sneak preview the all-new .com. It's not radically

different. Just radically better.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My daughter is 10, and one of her biggest issues was loud noises when she was

younger. She would not watch a fireworks show without screaming, and screaming,

and screaming. She would cover her head and hide under something if people

started shooting off fireworks in the neighborhood.

Well, last July 4th, after much prayer, counseling, and intensvie OT, she sat

through an entire fireworks show - and enjoyed it. It was so great to actually

see her smile while things blew up around her! She didn't even whimper.

She still has anxiety about loud noises, but it's getting better. Just hang

in there. While your child may never be what the world considers " normal, " he

is precious and special just the way he is. Just love him for who he is and

don't worry about the future. Pray for guidance.

Danny

Bonnett <zoemakes5@...> wrote:

I've been looking on a couple of Asperger's websites, and honestly

" lurking " on boards that have older teens and adults, looking for insights on

ways to help my DS through the process.

I get mired in the depression, deep-seated self-hatred, hatred of others (pretty

much everyone, and suicidal thoughts. I just got done reading two posts that had

the most " hits " of any by far, and they were about " Have you ever felt suicidal "

and " What everyone has done wrong " .

I'm so very sad now, wondering if this is the life my DS will end up with. As he

gets older, will his sad times be longer and more pervasive? Will I not be able

to be there to help him out of it? Will he never be able to self-regulate and be

proud of his accomplishments?

Please tell me of successful happy Aspies?

---------------------------------

Sneak preview the all-new .com. It's not radically different. Just

radically better.

[Guest guest]

My son can not stand fireworks shows either. We tried for years but just couldnt

get through it. Now we watch them on tv with the sound turned down. On the 4th

of july we get someone to video record the show for us then we watch it on tv.

There is also a big fireworks display around labor day and it is a really big

deal around here, and it is televised so we just watch it with the sound down,

not as cool cause you miss the music accompianment but still nice.

Danny Rester <cdrester@...> wrote: My daughter is 10, and one of

her biggest issues was loud noises when she was younger. She would not watch a

fireworks show without screaming, and screaming, and screaming. She would cover

her head and hide under something if people started shooting off fireworks in

the neighborhood.

Well, last July 4th, after much prayer, counseling, and intensvie OT, she sat

through an entire fireworks show - and enjoyed it. It was so great to actually

see her smile while things blew up around her! She didn't even whimper.

She still has anxiety about loud noises, but it's getting better. Just hang in

there. While your child may never be what the world considers " normal, " he is

precious and special just the way he is. Just love him for who he is and don't

worry about the future. Pray for guidance.

Danny

Bonnett <zoemakes5@...> wrote:

I've been looking on a couple of Asperger's websites, and honestly " lurking " on

boards that have older teens and adults, looking for insights on ways to help my

DS through the process.

I get mired in the depression, deep-seated self-hatred, hatred of others (pretty

much everyone, and suicidal thoughts. I just got done reading two posts that had

the most " hits " of any by far, and they were about " Have you ever felt suicidal "

and " What everyone has done wrong " .

I'm so very sad now, wondering if this is the life my DS will end up with. As he

gets older, will his sad times be longer and more pervasive? Will I not be able

to be there to help him out of it? Will he never be able to self-regulate and be

proud of his accomplishments?

Please tell me of successful happy Aspies?

---------------------------------

Sneak preview the all-new .com. It's not radically different. Just

radically better.

[Guest guest]

We bought our son a set of industrial strength ear muff type things. (I can't

think what they're called) and we take them along when we know that there will

be loud noises. He puts them on and it really helps dull the noise.

Beck

Re: ( ) Please tell me there's hope, feeling so sad

now!

My son can not stand fireworks shows either. We tried for years but just

couldnt get through it. Now we watch them on tv with the sound turned down. On

the 4th of july we get someone to video record the show for us then we watch it

on tv. There is also a big fireworks display around labor day and it is a really

big deal around here, and it is televised so we just watch it with the sound

down, not as cool cause you miss the music accompianment but still nice.

Danny Rester <cdrester@...> wrote: My daughter is 10, and one of her

biggest issues was loud noises when she was younger. She would not watch a

fireworks show without screaming, and screaming, and screaming. She would cover

her head and hide under something if people started shooting off fireworks in

the neighborhood.

Well, last July 4th, after much prayer, counseling, and intensvie OT, she sat

through an entire fireworks show - and enjoyed it. It was so great to actually

see her smile while things blew up around her! She didn't even whimper.

She still has anxiety about loud noises, but it's getting better. Just hang in

there. While your child may never be what the world considers " normal, " he is

precious and special just the way he is. Just love him for who he is and don't

worry about the future. Pray for guidance.

Danny

Bonnett <zoemakes5@...> wrote:

I've been looking on a couple of Asperger's websites, and honestly " lurking "

on boards that have older teens and adults, looking for insights on ways to help

my DS through the process.

I get mired in the depression, deep-seated self-hatred, hatred of others

(pretty much everyone, and suicidal thoughts. I just got done reading two posts

that had the most " hits " of any by far, and they were about " Have you ever felt

suicidal " and " What everyone has done wrong " .

I'm so very sad now, wondering if this is the life my DS will end up with. As

he gets older, will his sad times be longer and more pervasive? Will I not be

able to be there to help him out of it? Will he never be able to self-regulate

and be proud of his accomplishments?

Please tell me of successful happy Aspies?

---------------------------------

Sneak preview the all-new .com. It's not radically different. Just

radically better.

[Guest guest]

Chase and I watch them from the car cuddled under a blanket LOL he hates

the noise.. But wants to be in the action..

-- Re: ( ) Please tell me there's hope, feeling so sad

now!

We bought our son a set of industrial strength ear muff type things. (I can

t think what they're called) and we take them along when we know that there

will be loud noises. He puts them on and it really helps dull the noise.

Beck

Re: ( ) Please tell me there's hope, feeling so

sad now!

My son can not stand fireworks shows either. We tried for years but just

couldnt get through it. Now we watch them on tv with the sound turned down.

On the 4th of july we get someone to video record the show for us then we

watch it on tv. There is also a big fireworks display around labor day and

it is a really big deal around here, and it is televised so we just watch it

with the sound down, not as cool cause you miss the music accompianment but

still nice.

Danny Rester <cdrester@...> wrote: My daughter is 10, and one of her

biggest issues was loud noises when she was younger. She would not watch a

fireworks show without screaming, and screaming, and screaming. She would

cover her head and hide under something if people started shooting off

fireworks in the neighborhood.

Well, last July 4th, after much prayer, counseling, and intensvie OT, she

sat through an entire fireworks show - and enjoyed it. It was so great to

actually see her smile while things blew up around her! She didn't even

whimper.

She still has anxiety about loud noises, but it's getting better. Just

hang in there. While your child may never be what the world considers

normal, " he is precious and special just the way he is. Just love him for

who he is and don't worry about the future. Pray for guidance.

Danny

Bonnett <zoemakes5@...> wrote:

I've been looking on a couple of Asperger's websites, and honestly

lurking " on boards that have older teens and adults, looking for insights on

ways to help my DS through the process.

I get mired in the depression, deep-seated self-hatred, hatred of others

(pretty much everyone, and suicidal thoughts. I just got done reading two

posts that had the most " hits " of any by far, and they were about " Have you

ever felt suicidal " and " What everyone has done wrong " .

I'm so very sad now, wondering if this is the life my DS will end up with.

As he gets older, will his sad times be longer and more pervasive? Will I

not be able to be there to help him out of it? Will he never be able to

self-regulate and be proud of his accomplishments?

Please tell me of successful happy Aspies?

---------------------------------

Sneak preview the all-new .com. It's not radically different. Just

radically better.