Re: Ahhhhh the grocery store....

June 10, 2006

Huggs.. And been there done that..

I handle it.. Like you have.. Just giving things for him to do.. And such

can be a great help. And not being rushed while shopping.

Please don't feel you owe anyone an explanation at the grocery store. But if

you wish to make this a learning experience for those around you..

Sometimes you can make cards.. Explaining.. " I am not naughty I have autism

and this can help.

But.. As a grocery store employee.. I am much happier.. With a meltdown and

a firm NO>> rather than the child's meltdown resulting in the kid getting

the treat they wanted.

SO three cheers for sticking to your guns.. Our kids are smart.. And just as

manipulative as the average child.

Perhaps a discussion about earned stickers etc.. And helping the store

resulting in a treat.. Over time... Can help.

-- ( ) Ahhhhh the grocery store....

Just had an " exciting " trip to the grocery store. Its so hard to take Jeff

with me, I try so hard to get him to find things for me so he feels like he

has responsibilty, etc, which he tends to like. I ask him to grab me some

hamburger buns, etc when we get to that aisle. He likes to feel like hes

helping me but we always get to that point when he wants something I wont

buy him. In todays case it was a stuffed animal in the toy aisle. (I tried

so hard to power walk past it too! lol) Anyway, of course there

was a melt down and his shoes were thrown across the store, etc. How do you

guys handle meltdowns in stores? I know surely the other people just think I

need Super Nanny! LOL.

Just had to vent, it was not a fun evening at Kroger! :*(

Holly

Motor City Kennels

American Staffordshire Terriers and English Bulldogs

Home to CH IPK's Scar the Black Dragon

__________________________________________________

June 11, 2006

LOL. BTDT with both of my kids (one w/ AS & one w/o).

About the Super Nanny, I absolutely recommend watching and trying some

of her techniques. When I was searching for help with CJ, and finally

came across the NJ Child Behavioral Health Program (a.k.a. Value

Options, which is called " wraparound services " in some other states),

they suggested that while I was waiting for someone to be assigned to

do a needs assessment, I should try to watch the Super Nanny, because

her techniques are very helpful across the board. We used to do time

outs, but after one episode, we implemented " The Naughty Step " , which

worked out sooooo much better. At this point, all I have to do is say

" 1 (Draw out the word one, and hold up one finger), 2 (twoooooooo)-

grounded (drawing out the number and the word grounded), I'm on 2, and

you'll be grounded if I get to the next number.... " and I VERY rarely

get to 3. Often, all I have to do is hold up the fingers from across

a room, and I don't have to say a word, which is soooo wonderful. :-)

" Grounded " in this house is the loss of all electronic equipt., not

the loss of their toys or books. I want them to be able to play.

I've found that works the best for both kids, my 4 y/o & my 8 y/o (CJ

w/ A.S.), but it's different for each person. I used to take away

Yu-Gi-Oh cards, a certain predetermined # for each type of behavior

violation, and that worked well for quite awhile. " Grounding " is the

best bet for us now.

As for buying rewards, the reward system is a good idea; however,

maybe you can come up with something else instead of buying toys, etc

at the store. Maybe you can go to the Dollar Store if they have one

in the same shopping center, or if you can get something in advance

that he really likes, tell him that if he's really good, listens (you

don't get all the way to " 3 " ), and doesn't throw any fits, you'll give

him one of whatever it is. Maybe it could be related to whatever his

favorite topic or toy is at the time (i.e. if he was old enough for

Yu-Gi-Oh cards, you could reward him with one card if he behaved, or

if he likes bugs, you could get those squishy stretchy bugs and give

him one when he behaves while you're out). Just a few ideas.

As for my 4 y/o DD, she expects she's going to get everything she

wants, and throws a crying fit, yells at me, etc. I try to ignore the

bad behavior as much as I can. I also try to go shopping alone as

much as I can - it's my respite time. :-) I won't be able to do that

over the summer, so I'm going to have to come up with some ideas to

handle both kids. My 8 y/o DS w/ AS can't eat food (GI disorder,

g-tube fed a special formula), so going to the store is very hard for

him. I have been shopping when he isn't around, but I may not have

that option over the summer (last day of school is 6/21 here).

Meltdowns: With CJ, I had to put him over my shoulder while kicking

and screaming, pay for what I bought (no cart), and carry him out to

the van over my shoulder while pregnant with . At this point,

the 1-2-3 usually works. If not, I try to get out of there as soon as

humanly possible. CJ's meltdowns usually occur in other places (Drs

offices, hospitals, home, social situations) but 's occur at the

stores at this point and they are just the normal 4 y/o angry tantrums.

I hope this helps.

Debbie (in NJ)

June 11, 2006

Hi all. I just wanted to thank Holly for sharing her Kroger story

because I too just had the worst shopping trip Friday night to Kroger

with my HFA four-year-old and it really, really helps to read about

the same experiences that others are having too. : )

K.

June 11, 2006

Holly,

How old is Jeff? Will he fit in the seat of a grocery cart?

Liz

On Jun 10, 2006, at 4:28 PM, Holly wrote:

> Just had an " exciting " trip to the grocery store. Its so hard to

> take Jeff with me, I try so hard to get him to find things for me

> so he feels like he has responsibilty, etc, which he tends to like.

> I ask him to grab me some hamburger buns, etc when we get to that

> aisle. He likes to feel like hes helping me but we always get to

> that point when he wants something I wont buy him. In todays case

> it was a stuffed animal in the toy aisle. (I tried so hard to power

> walk past it too! lol) Anyway, of course there was a melt down and

> his shoes were thrown across the store, etc. How do you guys handle

> meltdowns in stores? I know surely the other people just think I

> need Super Nanny! LOL.

>

> Just had to vent, it was not a fun evening at Kroger! :*(

>

> Holly

June 11, 2006

We have had all of the same problems, one time my Son asked for a model

airplane and I said No and he yelled AYE AYE CAPTAIN at me as loud as he could

in

front of the check stands with everyone starring at me and him, I was the

one who almost melted or wanted too,(and this was a 14 year old, so this of

course looked very crazy to all the others in line) no easy answers, Moms need

to find someone I think to stay with the kids, so they can go at it alone, get

some time to themselves, because the temptations of everything in the

stores, as well as all the noise......lights......etc.......are just about too

much

for an aspie.

June 11, 2006

Holly, I wish we lived closer and we could work out a deal to swap

kids and go to Kroger. It's a sad state of affairs when a solo trip

to Kroger is considered a little guilty pleasure! LOL

I usually spend the drive to the store discussing what we're going

to do and go over how we're going to have to walk through the

checkout lanes that have candy & how we're not going to buy any.

I'm sure that my son hears " blah blah blah candy...blah blah

cookies " . Then I try to tell him what items we're buying that he

will like. I usually let him pick out what kind of chips or juice

to buy. I'm also a gum chewer & a lot of times, I'll let him pick

what kind of gum we get. (which kind of goes against the whole " not

buying anything in the checkout aisle " rule, but he hasn't really

made that connection yet.)

At Target and WalMart (which is usually fertile ground for fits) I

usually just buy a bag of popcorn on the way in and as long as there

is popcorn, there will be no fit.

I guess I'm confessing that all my parenting skills involve bribery.

OH! I forgot my favorite shopping technique. Across the street

from our Publix, is a drop off childcare place called KidStop. They

have a section for kids who are 5 and up that has every video game

system available and for $7, I can leave him there to play games for

an hour while I shop in peace. It's easily worth triple that! He

does really well while he's there, but getting him to leave usually

triggers a HUGE fit. At least it's not in aisle five at the grocery

store... LOL

Good luck! I hope you have a delightfully peaceful trip to the

store next time.

>

> Huggs.. And been there done that..

> I handle it.. Like you have.. Just giving things for him to do..

And such

> can be a great help. And not being rushed while shopping.

> Please don't feel you owe anyone an explanation at the grocery

store. But if

> you wish to make this a learning experience for those around you..

> Sometimes you can make cards.. Explaining.. " I am not naughty I

have autism

> and this can help.

> But.. As a grocery store employee.. I am much happier.. With a

meltdown and

> a firm NO>> rather than the child's meltdown resulting in the kid

getting

> the treat they wanted.

> SO three cheers for sticking to your guns.. Our kids are smart..

And just as

> manipulative as the average child.

> Perhaps a discussion about earned stickers etc.. And helping the

store

> resulting in a treat.. Over time... Can help.

>

> -- ( ) Ahhhhh the grocery store....

>

> Just had an " exciting " trip to the grocery store. Its so hard to

take Jeff

> with me, I try so hard to get him to find things for me so he

feels like he

> has responsibilty, etc, which he tends to like. I ask him to grab

me some

> hamburger buns, etc when we get to that aisle. He likes to feel

like hes

> helping me but we always get to that point when he wants something

I wont

> buy him. In todays case it was a stuffed animal in the toy aisle.

(I tried

> so hard to power walk past it too! lol) Anyway, of course there

> was a melt down and his shoes were thrown across the store, etc.

How do you

> guys handle meltdowns in stores? I know surely the other people

just think I

> need Super Nanny! LOL.

>

> Just had to vent, it was not a fun evening at Kroger! :*(

>

> Holly

>

> Motor City Kennels

> American Staffordshire Terriers and English Bulldogs

> Home to CH IPK's Scar the Black Dragon

>

> __________________________________________________

>

June 11, 2006

Hi!

I sympathize...I usually don't even take Max (or Ben,

his 2.5-year-old brother).

Strange thing, though. Max found an inchworm right

before going into Shaw's. He asked me if he could take

it in. I didn't have a thing to keep it in the car, so

I said, " yes " . Do you know it was BY FAR the best trip

to the grocery store? The only thing is that 1) it's

embarassing, 2) it's easy to loose, and he's got to be

OK with that. But maybe it'll buy you some time? I

don't know.

Hope it helps.

- Adrienne

--- Holly <ritaNricosmama@...> wrote:

> Just had an " exciting " trip to the grocery store.

> Its so hard to take Jeff with me, I try so hard to

> get him to find things for me so he feels like he

> has responsibilty, etc, which he tends to like. I

> ask him to grab me some hamburger buns, etc when we

> get to that aisle. He likes to feel like hes helping

> me but we always get to that point when he wants

> something I wont buy him. In todays case it was a

> stuffed animal in the toy aisle. (I tried so hard to

> power walk past it too! lol) Anyway, of course there

> was a melt down and his shoes were thrown across the

> store, etc. How do you guys handle meltdowns in

> stores? I know surely the other people just think I

> need Super Nanny! LOL.

>

> Just had to vent, it was not a fun evening at

> Kroger! :*(

>

> Holly

>

> Motor City Kennels

> American Staffordshire Terriers and English

> Bulldogs

> Home to CH IPK's Scar the Black Dragon

>

> __________________________________________________

>

June 11, 2006

My son has not melted down in the supermarket yet but he does have a knack for

saying in appropriate things to me and others. Yesterday i went in for some

milk and he said " mum I farted " at the top of his voice. He wasn't being rude

or silly just stating it matter of factly. I tried to ignore it but he just

said it louder and louder until I acknowledged it and then he went about his

business.

Beck

Re: ( ) Ahhhhh the grocery store....

We have had all of the same problems, one time my Son asked for a model

airplane and I said No and he yelled AYE AYE CAPTAIN at me as loud as he could

in

front of the check stands with everyone starring at me and him, I was the

one who almost melted or wanted too,(and this was a 14 year old, so this of

course looked very crazy to all the others in line) no easy answers, Moms need

to find someone I think to stay with the kids, so they can go at it alone, get

some time to themselves, because the temptations of everything in the

stores, as well as all the noise......lights......etc.......are just about too

much

for an aspie.

June 12, 2006

I am new and what a relief to read these stories! I am sitting here

eating a Blizzard from Dairy Queen b/c I am feeling so sorry for

myself (it has been a very tough day) and I really am feeling better

to know that I am not the only one who has trouble going to Target and

Walmart (among other things). My AS son is almost 5 and thinks that

every single time we go to Walmart or Target, he gets a toy. Meltdown

city when I say no. I swear that I walk out sweaty from the effort it

takes to get out of these places without a toy! The regular grocery

store is not a problem, thank goodness, but I wonder how much money

I've wasted by buying things at the regular store versus Walmart or

Target!

Thank goodness for you all!

>

> Just had an " exciting " trip to the grocery store. Its so hard to

take Jeff with me, I try so hard to get him to find things for me so

he feels like he has responsibilty, etc, which he tends to like. I

ask him to grab me some hamburger buns, etc when we get to that aisle.

He likes to feel like hes helping me but we always get to that point

when he wants something I wont buy him. In todays case it was a

stuffed animal in the toy aisle. (I tried so hard to power walk past

it too! lol) Anyway, of course there was a melt down and his shoes

were thrown across the store, etc. How do you guys handle meltdowns in

stores? I know surely the other people just think I need Super Nanny!

LOL.

>

> Just had to vent, it was not a fun evening at Kroger! :*(

>

> Holly

>

> Motor City Kennels

> American Staffordshire Terriers and English Bulldogs

> Home to CH IPK's Scar the Black Dragon

>

> __________________________________________________

>

June 20, 2006

On Jun 20, 2006, at 12:18 PM, on wrote:

>

> Another example -- last summer I started letting him pay for his

> own treats at special times, and he'd go and say, in a loud, high-

> pitched, stilted way, " excuse me please, I'd like to buy this candy

> with this money here, " and he'd get laughs or stares or sidelong

> glances.

Which, truthfully, is more polite than the public behavior I've seen

from many supposedly NT people. I try to do the pre-emptive

tweaking instruction, too.

It's getting better. We've got the pastor-hand-shaking thing down now.

Jackie

June 20, 2006

I go through that with my son. Especially the nose

picker thing. They call him all kinds of names at

school. I am at a loss with how to tell him to stop as

well. I have tried everything.

--- janiemop30 <jsilance@...> wrote:

>

> My worst nightmare is going to the toy department at

> super wal-mart. My

> son is seven and loves baby toys. Talk about funny

> looks. He beats

> everything on his chin. This is his thing. When he

> does not have a toy

> he uses my hand. When he get excited or frustrated

> it is even worse.

> Nothing is more embarassing than having my seven

> year old beating a toy

> that was intended for a six month old on his chin.

> Another thing that he

> does is licking the milk carton or anything else

> that has moisture on

> the outside of the package. He also eats the ice out

> of the coolers that

> sit around the grocery. That is not to mention his

> rude comments and

> gestures. He is a nose picker and frequently eats

> it. Any hints on how

> to get kids to quit eating non food items?

>

> Janie

>

> My son has not melted

> > > down in the supermarket yet but he does have a

> knack for saying in

> > > appropriate things to me and others. Yesterday i

> went in for some

> milk

> > > and he said " mum I farted " at the top of his

> voice. He wasn't being

> > > rude or silly just stating it matter of factly.

> I tried to ignore it

> > > but he just said it louder and louder until I

> acknowledged it and

> then

> > > he went about his business.

> > > Beck

> > > Re: ( ) Ahhhhh the

> grocery store....

> > >

> > > We have had all of the same problems, one time

> my Son asked for a

> model

> > > airplane and I said No and he yelled AYE AYE

> CAPTAIN at me as loud

> as

> > > he could in

> > > front of the check stands with everyone starring

> at me and him, I

> was the

> > > one who almost melted or wanted too,(and this

> was a 14 year old, so

> > > this of

> > > course looked very crazy to all the others in

> line) no easy answers,

> > > Moms need

> > > to find someone I think to stay with the kids,

> so they can go at it

> > > alone, get

> > > some time to themselves, because the temptations

> of everything in

> the

> > > stores, as well as all the

> noise......lights......etc.......are just

> > > about too much

> > > for an aspie.

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Do you ?

> > > Get on board. You're invited to try the new

> Beta.

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> > >

> >

>

__________________________________________________

June 20, 2006

This is embarrasing....I avoid taking Jake to the store at all

possible costs. Not always, but sometimes, a little tourettes sneaks

in at the store. It's always one of three things that he will blurt

out loudly, and repeatedly: 1-I LIKE CHOCOLATE! or 2-SHAKE THAT LEG!

or 3-SUCK MY BALLS!

I just try to continue shopping while ignoring him and the glares

from other shoppers. Usually it only lasts a few minutes, long

agonizingly embarrasing minutes. Good thing drinking makes me sick,

or I'd be in a different support group.

Theresa =)

> > My son has not melted

> > > > down in the supermarket yet but he does have a

> > knack for saying in

> > > > appropriate things to me and others. Yesterday i

> > went in for some

> > milk

> > > > and he said " mum I farted " at the top of his

> > voice. He wasn't being

> > > > rude or silly just stating it matter of factly.

> > I tried to ignore it

> > > > but he just said it louder and louder until I

> > acknowledged it and

> > then

> > > > he went about his business.

> > > > Beck

> > > > Re: ( ) Ahhhhh the

> > grocery store....

> > > >

> > > > We have had all of the same problems, one time

> > my Son asked for a

> > model

> > > > airplane and I said No and he yelled AYE AYE

> > CAPTAIN at me as loud

> > as

> > > > he could in

> > > > front of the check stands with everyone starring

> > at me and him, I

> > was the

> > > > one who almost melted or wanted too,(and this

> > was a 14 year old, so

> > > > this of

> > > > course looked very crazy to all the others in

> > line) no easy answers,

> > > > Moms need

> > > > to find someone I think to stay with the kids,

> > so they can go at it

> > > > alone, get

> > > > some time to themselves, because the temptations

> > of everything in

> > the

> > > > stores, as well as all the

> > noise......lights......etc.......are just

> > > > about too much

> > > > for an aspie.

> > > >

> > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> > > >

> > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> > > >

> > > > ---------------------------------

> > > > Do you ?

> > > > Get on board. You're invited to try the new

> > Beta.

> > > >

> > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

> __________________________________________________

>

June 30, 2006

I know your frustration here! My 4 yr old, about a year ago did a

similar thing at the grocery store.... Luckily after I had checked out

and was almost done bagging my grocerys at Shop N Save... Full on

violent fit with kicking and screaming .... don't you love how when

your child is throwing a fit they suddenly weight 3 times their

weight??? I had my 11 yr old with me, so she pushed the cart to the

car as I desperatly held on to this screaming flailing maniac monster,

that couldn't possibly be MY child... I got to the car, and by this

time, a couple, who had just parked across from me, decided to sit on

their car's trunk to " watch the show " ... It was nearly impossible to

get him into the car much less the car seat.. he tried crawling under

the car... once I got him strapped in, just long enough for him to

wiggle out and take off out the other door.... I didn't know what to

do... I really couldn't spank him... it would make it worse and all

these people were watching me... Eventually I did get him in the car

seat, and the door safely shut.. I was walking around to get in

myself, tears streaming down my face, when a woman walks up to me and

pats my shoulder and tells me it will be okay.... she has 3 kids and

was homeless and knew raising children was tough... I told her thank

you, but at the time I wanted to scream at her to leave me alone! I

was so broke down exhausted from the battle I didn't want to have

someone commenting on it... but looking back on the situation, I

beleive in some way it was a sign the lord gave me to let me know

everything Would be okay....As at the point in our life, we did not

know what was wrong with my son.. I hadn't even heard the word

Aspergers before... and now that a roller coaster of a year has past I

have learned to handle my son differently in different situations and

the tantrums have become less.... So I can only tell you that I hope

you find supportive people in your life to help you deal with the

frustrations of raising an Aspie, and remember it is not always

difficult...

Good Luck!