Re: Telling child about Asperger dx

[Guest guest]

So yes:)

tell tell tell:)

What a wonderful thing, to be able to know why we do the things we

do, and NO it isn't because we are lazy, stupid, odd, etc. those

were my labels:)

*smiles*

lisa B

>

> I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to

my

> situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone

through

> the same experience.

>

> I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> about my daughter.

>

> She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> 13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known

sooner

> and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt

with

> and understood.

>

> It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> good and referred me to others that could help.

>

> Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> y'know).

>

> Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't

stupid

> arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it

took

> to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were

arguing

> about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it

wasn't

> a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found

it

> interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

>

> Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

>

[Guest guest]

Sweetie TELL HER!! I swear.. Its the best thing in my opinion... My son is

10 and is high functioning as your daughter is.. Or at least I am assuming..

Because of the difficulty to diagnose..

And it may just be the eureka moment she is looking for. An explanation and

a reason for her " autism " kicking in.. As my son says..

It makes them realize.. They aren't odd.. That there are LOTS of children

out there just like her.. And are dealing with all kinds of things..

With the managers permission I would like to link you to an online msn group

that my friend has.. That is child friendly.. I encourage you to join to..

Its a great way to connect with other kids her own age too..

( Please managers can I post the linK??)

-- ( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to my

situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone through

the same experience.

I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

about my daughter.

She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known sooner

and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt with

and understood.

It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

good and referred me to others that could help.

Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

y'know).

Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't stupid

arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it took

to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were arguing

about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it wasn't

a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

[Guest guest]

K I am going to assume its ok.. The management here is awesome..

Please check it out..

http://www.msnusers.com/AutismFamilies-KidsPlayground

Tell them strongkindredspirit sent ya!

-- ( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to my

situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone through

the same experience.

I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

about my daughter.

She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known sooner

and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt with

and understood.

It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

good and referred me to others that could help.

Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

y'know).

Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't stupid

arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it took

to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were arguing

about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it wasn't

a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

[Guest guest]

I can't believe that a dr would say not to tell her. Well, actually

I can, we've been through our share of " ignorant " dr's as well. I

would tell her, so she can learn to handle it now as she's growing

up instead of having it dumped in her lap all at once when she's

older. Ir would be like saying, " By the way, you have AS, now go out

into the world and act as if nothing's different " . If your child had

diabetes, you wouldn't hide that. They would have to learn all about

it to live a happy and healthy life. Same with AS. She probably

already knows she's a little " different " than other children and

this will help her understand she's not " weird " and help her to

learn how to " manage " it.

- :-)

>

> I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to

my

> situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone

through

> the same experience.

>

> I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> about my daughter.

>

> She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> 13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known

sooner

> and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt

with

> and understood.

>

> It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> good and referred me to others that could help.

>

> Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> y'know).

>

> Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't

stupid

> arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it

took

> to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were

arguing

> about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it

wasn't

> a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found

it

> interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

>

> Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

>

[Guest guest]

My son was also dx with Aspie just this year. I too asked if I should

explain this to my son. My Dr. said that there was no sense in it because it

would only be labling him. He knows he's different but he also knows that

other ppl in the world are different too. So I too agreed that it would be

sense less. In regards to ur dd I would suggest not telling her unless she

ask. The day my son ask us I will be honest with him but also explain that

in one way or another we're all different.

From: " lglwheel " <jacysmom@...>

>Reply-

>

>Subject: ( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

>Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2006 12:26:24 -0000

>

>I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to my

>situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone through

>the same experience.

>

>I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

>about my daughter.

>

>She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

>13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

>wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known sooner

>and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt with

>and understood.

>

>It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

>dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

>that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

>good and referred me to others that could help.

>

>Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

>about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

>with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

>least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

>different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

>because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

>y'know).

>

>Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

>people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't stupid

>arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it took

>to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were arguing

>about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

>argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it wasn't

>a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

>is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

>concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

>interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

>

>Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

>when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

>

>

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Amen!!! And please tell us what you decide and how the conversation goes!

-- ( ) Re: Telling child about Asperger dx

So yes:)

tell tell tell:)

What a wonderful thing, to be able to know why we do the things we

do, and NO it isn't because we are lazy, stupid, odd, etc. those

were my labels:)

*smiles*

lisa B

>

> I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to

my

> situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone

through

> the same experience.

>

> I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> about my daughter.

>

> She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> 13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known

sooner

> and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt

with

> and understood.

>

> It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> good and referred me to others that could help.

>

> Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> y'know).

>

> Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't

stupid

> arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it

took

> to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were

arguing

> about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it

wasn't

> a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found

it

> interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

>

> Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, I'm really surprised that both of your dr. suggested this. Not questioning

at all the they actually DID, but surprised that they would.

With my DS, it was never a question. We've worked with a psychiatrist and

psychologists from the very beginning and DS has been an integral part of the

entire process. It has helped him immensely to be able to say " I have

Aspergers " and have some understanding that that is what causes him to respond

the way he does and not have the kind of control that he wants to have.

Honestly, I think just by naming it gives him a sense of control. I'm also very

up front will all of this teachers/coaches/care-givers, to help them understand,

it would be very hard to do if he didn't know.

I wouldn't not tell him if he had Diabetes or kidney disease, so why not

Aspergers. Honestly, it didn't even occur to me.

Shana Calkins <wofbop@...> wrote:

My son was also dx with Aspie just this year. I too asked if I should

explain this to my son. My Dr. said that there was no sense in it because it

would only be labling him. He knows he's different but he also knows that

other ppl in the world are different too. So I too agreed that it would be

sense less. In regards to ur dd I would suggest not telling her unless she

ask. The day my son ask us I will be honest with him but also explain that

in one way or another we're all different.

From: " lglwheel "

>Reply-

>

>Subject: ( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

>Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2006 12:26:24 -0000

>

>I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to my

>situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone through

>the same experience.

>

>I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

>about my daughter.

>

>She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

>13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

>wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known sooner

>and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt with

>and understood.

>

>It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

>dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

>that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

>good and referred me to others that could help.

>

>Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

>about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

>with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

>least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

>different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

>because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

>y'know).

>

>Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

>people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't stupid

>arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it took

>to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were arguing

>about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

>argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it wasn't

>a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

>is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

>concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

>interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

>

>Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

>when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

>

>

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Aspergers and autism are nothing to be ashamed of.. I think that doctor does

need an education and it is description or diagnoses. Not a label.

-- ( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

>Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2006 12:26:24 -0000

>

>I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to my

>situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone through

>the same experience.

>

>I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

>about my daughter.

>

>She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

>13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

>wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known sooner

>and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt with

>and understood.

>

>It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

>dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

>that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

>good and referred me to others that could help.

>

>Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

>about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

>with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

>least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

>different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

>because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

>y'know).

>

>Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

>people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't stupid

>arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it took

>to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were arguing

>about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

>argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it wasn't

>a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

>is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

>concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

>interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

>

>Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

>when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

>

>

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

When BJ (16 aspie) was dianosed after years of knowing something

was " wrong " and not ever getting a word for it. We were at a mental

health testing place, that also offers councling, and after several

hours of testing,,and several years of waiting, they had me and BJ

come into a room, for what I thought was more testing. The lady,

started out my telling us what BJ didnt have,,and then,,the

word,,Aspergers. OK,,I do have to say,,I would have perfered BJ to

be out of the room, and let me have time to deal with this for a few

minutes. She then told us how she got that dianosis, and of the

hardships, and struggles that usually come with aspergers. OK,,I

wanted to protect my baby, she didnt sugar coat anything!!! I kept

watching BJ to see if he was ok, with all this news,,and he was

zoned out. I ask the lady later, when BJ went out for a sec,,,

would it have not been better NOT to tell him??? She informed me,

how will he tell them the truth with his councling, if he cant trust

them to tell him the truth??? I guess this is why they get 130.00

dollars an hour,,they know better than I do. In the long run, I am

glad they told him. The cat is out of the bag, and we can be

completely honest and talk open about it to everyone who is

interested. BJ even reads the post here, and sees how the struggles

are not all his alone. I think knowing is a BIG relieve, but,,I

have fought schools for 13 years. If you wait for your daughter to

ask,,she may not ever do it. If you deside to tell her,,maybe she

will come to terms of Aspergers, and can start dealing with issues

that are Aspie related. Just an idea,,, I dont know if I would have

been strong enought to tell BJ, if they didnt do it at councling.

Barbra

> My son was also dx with Aspie just this year. I too asked if I

should

> explain this to my son. My Dr. said that there was no sense in it

because it

> would only be labling him. He knows he's different but he also

knows that

> other ppl in the world are different too. So I too agreed that it

would be

> sense less. In regards to ur dd I would suggest not telling her

unless she

> ask. The day my son ask us I will be honest with him but also

explain that

> in one way or another we're all different.

>

>

> From: " lglwheel "

> >Reply-

> >

> >Subject: ( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

> >Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2006 12:26:24 -0000

> >

> >I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to

my

> >situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone

through

> >the same experience.

> >

> >I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> >about my daughter.

> >

> >She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> >13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> >wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known

sooner

> >and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt

with

> >and understood.

> >

> >It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> >dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> >that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> >good and referred me to others that could help.

> >

> >Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> >about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> >with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> >least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> >different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> >because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> >y'know).

> >

> >Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> >people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't

stupid

> >arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it

took

> >to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were

arguing

> >about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> >argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it

wasn't

> >a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> >is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> >concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

> >interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

> >

> >Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> >when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Is your PC infected? Get a FREE online computer virus scan from

McAfee®

> Security. http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?

cid=3963

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My son is only 5 and I am have already starting mentioning his dx to him. I

personally think it's about time we bought these disorders out into the

open. I know that we are all different in our own way but we don't hide the

fact that we have diabetes, or that we are hearing impaired so why should we

have to hide Autsim. From what I've seen it is hard enough for these kids

growing up feeling different from their peers without them having the extra

burden of not knowing why. I made up my mind early on that my son would

know that he has ASD and that it is nothing to be ashamed of, he can still

do anything he sets his mind to just like anyone else.

beck

( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

> >Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2006 12:26:24 -0000

> >

> >I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to my

> >situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone through

> >the same experience.

> >

> >I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> >about my daughter.

> >

> >She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> >13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> >wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known sooner

> >and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt with

> >and understood.

> >

> >It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> >dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> >that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> >good and referred me to others that could help.

> >

> >Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> >about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> >with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> >least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> >different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> >because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> >y'know).

> >

> >Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> >people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't stupid

> >arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it took

> >to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were arguing

> >about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> >argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it wasn't

> >a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> >is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> >concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

> >interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

> >

> >Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> >when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

> _________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

I remember when we first got the Dx, we left the doc's office, and walked to

the car. Ds was SO but I mean SO quiet that I started to get really worried

(the doc had told him that she thinks he has AS). we got in the car, and I

will never forget his first words:

He sighed abig long vocal sigh, and said: " at least I am not dumb or

crazy " .

Now, I don't know if the doc would have told him " you ae AS " hadn't he asked

her right up front on their first meeting : " so do you think I have AS or

not? " (he was about 9) , but knowing her for a few years now, I am sure the

doc would have told him he has such and such difficulties, even if she did

not mention at first the term AS.

I agree that there is a big relief in KNOWING/ it can also show us a more

defined way of solving problems and dealing with difficulties. But the

question of how much to tell depends on the child's age and understanding. I

believe moms know best what and when to tell.

F

( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

> >Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2006 12:26:24 -0000

> >

> >I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to

my

> >situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone

through

> >the same experience.

> >

> >I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> >about my daughter.

> >

> >She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> >13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> >wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known

sooner

> >and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt

with

> >and understood.

> >

> >It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> >dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> >that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> >good and referred me to others that could help.

> >

> >Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> >about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> >with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> >least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> >different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> >because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> >y'know).

> >

> >Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> >people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't

stupid

> >arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it

took

> >to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were

arguing

> >about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> >argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it

wasn't

> >a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> >is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> >concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

> >interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

> >

> >Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> >when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

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[Guest guest]

I agree with you, Beck

F

Re: ( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

My son is only 5 and I am have already starting mentioning his dx to him. I

personally think it's about time we bought these disorders out into the

open. I know that we are all different in our own way but we don't hide the

fact that we have diabetes, or that we are hearing impaired so why should we

have to hide Autsim. From what I've seen it is hard enough for these kids

growing up feeling different from their peers without them having the extra

burden of not knowing why. I made up my mind early on that my son would

know that he has ASD and that it is nothing to be ashamed of, he can still

do anything he sets his mind to just like anyone else.

beck

( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

> >Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2006 12:26:24 -0000

> >

> >I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to my

> >situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone through

> >the same experience.

> >

> >I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> >about my daughter.

> >

> >She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> >13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> >wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known sooner

> >and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt with

> >and understood.

> >

> >It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> >dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> >that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> >good and referred me to others that could help.

> >

> >Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> >about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> >with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> >least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> >different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> >because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> >y'know).

> >

> >Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> >people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't stupid

> >arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it took

> >to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were arguing

> >about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> >argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it wasn't

> >a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> >is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> >concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

> >interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

> >

> >Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> >when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

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[Guest guest]

I agree with all of you about the value of telling your aspie, but I haven't

done so yet. I guess part of me imagines that he will be able to " pass " one of

these days and that he will be better off feeling like he CAN " fit in. " I have

a friend whose 17 year old is definitely on the spectrum but they never got that

diagnosis, just treated the symptoms, and she's doing so so well, going to a

great college in the Fall. They say she has LD, that's it.

So I guess I can see how there's a grey zone. I will probably tell my son

soon, but I can see the hesitation.

Bonnett <zoemakes5@...> wrote:

Wow, I'm really surprised that both of your dr. suggested this. Not

questioning at all the they actually DID, but surprised that they would.

With my DS, it was never a question. We've worked with a psychiatrist and

psychologists from the very beginning and DS has been an integral part of the

entire process. It has helped him immensely to be able to say " I have Aspergers "

and have some understanding that that is what causes him to respond the way he

does and not have the kind of control that he wants to have. Honestly, I think

just by naming it gives him a sense of control. I'm also very up front will all

of this teachers/coaches/care-givers, to help them understand, it would be very

hard to do if he didn't know.

I wouldn't not tell him if he had Diabetes or kidney disease, so why not

Aspergers. Honestly, it didn't even occur to me.

Shana Calkins <wofbop@...> wrote:

My son was also dx with Aspie just this year. I too asked if I should

explain this to my son. My Dr. said that there was no sense in it because it

would only be labling him. He knows he's different but he also knows that

other ppl in the world are different too. So I too agreed that it would be

sense less. In regards to ur dd I would suggest not telling her unless she

ask. The day my son ask us I will be honest with him but also explain that

in one way or another we're all different.

From: " lglwheel "

>Reply-

>

>Subject: ( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

>Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2006 12:26:24 -0000

>

>I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to my

>situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone through

>the same experience.

>

>I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

>about my daughter.

>

>She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

>13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

>wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known sooner

>and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt with

>and understood.

>

>It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

>dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

>that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

>good and referred me to others that could help.

>

>Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

>about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

>with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

>least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

>different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

>because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

>y'know).

>

>Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

>people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't stupid

>arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it took

>to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were arguing

>about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

>argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it wasn't

>a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

>is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

>concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

>interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

>

>Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

>when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________________

Is your PC infected? Get a FREE online computer virus scan from McAfee®

Security. http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963

[Guest guest]

---I'm dumbfounded that the dr.s suggested NOT telling a child she

has aspergers! My kids didn't get diagnosed until they were 16 and

they went on wikipedia and printed out the description and took it

to school to show their teachers and some classmates. They were so

excited to have an explanation for why they were *different*. They

are proud now not to be NTs and feel they are superior to all us

lowly NTS. I think it is almost neglect on the drs part or extreme

misunderstanding where aspies are coming from to suggest not telling

a child they have aspergers. I would think the child needs to know

so that she can research and connect with other kids that are like

her. Also a 'label' of aspergers is no worse than a 'label' of

blindness or diabetes. The children can't help that their brains are

wired differently and I think they could BENEFIT more by knowing and

learning some coping skills and social skills etc. Just my

opinion....Toni

In , " "

<cmcintosh5@...> wrote:

>

> Aspergers and autism are nothing to be ashamed of.. I think that

doctor does

> need an education and it is description or diagnoses. Not a label.

>

> -- ( ) Telling child about Asperger dx

> >Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2006 12:26:24 -0000

> >

> >I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to

my

> >situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone

through

> >the same experience.

> >

> >I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> >about my daughter.

> >

> >She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> >13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> >wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known

sooner

> >and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt

with

> >and understood.

> >

> >It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> >dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> >that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> >good and referred me to others that could help.

> >

> >Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> >about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> >with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> >least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> >different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> >because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> >y'know).

> >

> >Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> >people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't

stupid

> >arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it

took

> >to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were

arguing

> >about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> >argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it

wasn't

> >a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> >is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> >concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

> >interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

> >

> >Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> >when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Is your PC infected? Get a FREE online computer virus scan from

McAfee®

> Security. http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?

cid=3963

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>

[Guest guest]

Here's my two pennies.....for what it's worth.....I agree.....tell

her! My son just turned 8 and was just diagnosed 6 months ago.....he

knows. My first reaction was that he was too young to know but then

he asked me why he was seeing a " talk doctor " - his behavior

therapist. I tried to explain it in very simple terms......he knows

he has aspergers syndrome and that his brain works different than

other kids.....not wrong or bad, just different. It is the reason

that he gets upset and frustrated easily but it is also the reason he

is very smart and good in school (academically). Good luck!

>

> I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to my

> situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone through

> the same experience.

>

> I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> about my daughter.

>

> She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> 13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known sooner

> and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt with

> and understood.

>

> It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> good and referred me to others that could help.

>

> Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> y'know).

>

> Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't stupid

> arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it

took

> to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were arguing

> about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it wasn't

> a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

> interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

>

> Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

>

[Guest guest]

I agree that children should know. They already know that there is something

different about them. Why not let them have the same feeling we do and put a

name to it. I feel that I would rather my kids have to get used to being

aspergers then someone that just doesn't fit in. It's like anything else, the

longer you wait to say something the harder it gets. Hope things go well with

whatever you decide:)

( ) Re: Telling child about Asperger dx

Here's my two pennies.....for what it's worth.....I agree.....tell

her! My son just turned 8 and was just diagnosed 6 months ago.....he

knows. My first reaction was that he was too young to know but then

he asked me why he was seeing a " talk doctor " - his behavior

therapist. I tried to explain it in very simple terms......he knows

he has aspergers syndrome and that his brain works different than

other kids.....not wrong or bad, just different. It is the reason

that he gets upset and frustrated easily but it is also the reason he

is very smart and good in school (academically). Good luck!

>

> I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to my

> situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone through

> the same experience.

>

> I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> about my daughter.

>

> She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> 13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known sooner

> and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt with

> and understood.

>

> It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> good and referred me to others that could help.

>

> Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> y'know).

>

> Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't stupid

> arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it

took

> to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were arguing

> about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it wasn't

> a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found it

> interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

>

> Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

>

[Guest guest]

My son has known for a long time he has autism, and he seems to be

really enjoying this book:

Asperger syndrome, the universe and everything

it is written by a kid with Aspi when he was 10.

>

> I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to

my

> situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone

through

> the same experience.

>

> I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> about my daughter.

>

> She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> 13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known

sooner

> and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt

with

> and understood.

>

> It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> good and referred me to others that could help.

>

> Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> y'know).

>

> Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't

stupid

> arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it

took

> to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were

arguing

> about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it

wasn't

> a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found

it

> interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

>

> Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

>

[Guest guest]

I like to explain it as everyone has things they are working on and list the

things that your child is working on. For some children it is tying their

shoes, or learning to ride a bike, for others it is learning to get along with

others or writing their name in cursive. No one on this earth has nothing

that they are working on or striving towards. Pam

[Guest guest]

How did you explain it to him? My son is also 8. So far I have told

him he is a visual thinker, very intelligent, and his brain works a

little differently than a lot of other people. I told him it's wired a

little differently, and while he's very good at so many things, he needs

help with others (writing), just like many other visual thinkers.

I was planning to tell him either during or after we meet with a local

expert about it. He will have his ADOS testing tomorrow morning, and

then I meet with the Dev Ped on 7/5 (alone) to go over what else we may

need to put in his IEP. After that, I want to meet with a local man

(the expert) who is very experienced with what supports and

modifications may be needed and can help me get them from the school. I

figured that since he'll want to meet my son, that would be a good time

to tell him, with his help.

Any suggestions you might have would be appreciated.

Debbie (in NJ)

vonsmom13 wrote:

> Here's my two pennies.....for what it's worth.....I agree.....tell

> her! My son just turned 8 and was just diagnosed 6 months ago.....he

> knows. My first reaction was that he was too young to know but then

> he asked me why he was seeing a " talk doctor " - his behavior

> therapist. I tried to explain it in very simple terms......he knows

> he has aspergers syndrome and that his brain works different than

> other kids.....not wrong or bad, just different. It is the reason

> that he gets upset and frustrated easily but it is also the reason he

> is very smart and good in school (academically). Good luck!

>

[Guest guest]

You mean I'm not perfect?????? (choke, choke, cough) Don't tell my

husband! ;-)

That's primarily how I've been handling it, although I haven't told him

about Asperger's yet. He may have heard me mention the name, but

doesn't know what it is yet. I have told him that everyone has things

that they're good at and things that they need to work on. No one is

good at everything, but some people are better at others at certain

things. We recently read a book about Einstein, and I keep reminding

him about his struggles, which helps a lot. It also helps when we have

the neighbor's boy over and my son is frustrated by some of the things

he does, that I remind him how similar that boy is to him when he was

the same age, and prior to medication. CJ already knows he has ADHD,

and I have told him that I STRONGLY suspect that the neighbor's boy has

it as well (at least ADHD). We also talk about how everyone has

different problems. CJ has a g-tube and can't eat food (Eosinophilic

Esophagitis), so I have made it a point to make sure he sees that others

around him have their own problems. I also make sure he realizes how

good he has it because he can walk, talk, hear, see, and do most

everything else. It could be a lot worse, and that keeps things in

perspective. I don't view Asperger's as a bad thing - it's just another

difference, and something to work around, so hopefully I'll be able to

convey it to him in that manner.

Thanks for your take on it. It helps to see how others are handling it.

Debbie (in NJ)

ppanda65@... wrote:

> I like to explain it as everyone has things they are working on and

> list the

> things that your child is working on. For some children it is tying their

> shoes, or learning to ride a bike, for others it is learning to get

> along with

> others or writing their name in cursive. No one on this earth has nothing

> that they are working on or striving towards. Pam

>

[Guest guest]

I finally got a chance to sit down with dd and discuss her diagnosis

with her. I wanted to wait until after her recent doctor visit.

She didn't really respond, but she always likes to " think " about

things for a couple of days before she asks questions. I have

signed her up for a Kids Workshop and she's kind of resisting, but I

think she will change her mind. I offered to let her read the book

I got to learn more about Asperger's but she refused.

I hope her knowing will help her more. Her doctor added a new med

and hopefully this will help a lot.

I'm also trying to locate a support group in the Opelika/Auburn area

or any of the surrounding areas. Anyone out there know of any? I'm

also interested in volunteering to host one if anyone is interested

in that.

>

> I've been reading the posts and don't see anything pertaining to

my

> situation, so I thought I would see if anyone else has gone

through

> the same experience.

>

> I'm new to the group but haven't posted in awhile so I'll explain

> about my daughter.

>

> She is now 14 but was diagnosed several months before she turned

> 13. If I had listened to my mother when she said something was

> wrong when she didn't talk at 3 years old I would have known

sooner

> and a lot of things we went through may have been better dealt

with

> and understood.

>

> It took 5 doctors and three years before I could get any kind of

> dx. It's amazing how ignorant some dr's are. I had two doctors

> that were just heartless and wouldn't listen to me. Two were very

> good and referred me to others that could help.

>

> Anyway, the psychiatrist that made the dx told me not to tell her

> about the Asperger dx. She also has ADHD and OCD which when mixed

> with Asperger's makes for some very interesting days to say the

> least. Now I think she needs to know. I know she knows she's

> different and I think she needs to know why. I've been hesitant

> because once I tell her I can't take it back (can't unring a bell

> y'know).

>

> Just an aside, my daughter tends to have " stupid " arguments with

> people (we don't bring this up because to aspies they aren't

stupid

> arguments). The other day my daughter was asking me how long it

took

> to get to Orlando from here because she and her friend were

arguing

> about it. She said she told her friend that it was a stupid

> argument (I couldn't believe my ears) and her friend said it

wasn't

> a stupid argument and now they aren't talking to each other. This

> is how their friendship has gone for the past 4 years so I'm not

> concerned because they will eventually work it out. But I found

it

> interesting that my daughter finally recognized a stupid argument.

>

> Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any suggestions about

> when and how to tell her about her dx, please let me know.

>