Re: The negativity is driving me crazy!

[Guest guest]

Suzanne,

My son CJ (8) just learned to tie his shoes about 7 mos ago. He

doesn't do it quite right, and he does try. It really is " too hard "

for him due to his motor skills problems. He used to put them on the

wrong feet, but that has changed now as he's gotten older. I used to

think he was being a smart aleck, but I recently had a rude awakening

when I got mad at him for putting his clean shirt on top of his dirty

shirt, after I had told him (multiple times) to change his shirt. It

wasn't until he broke down and cried, saying he didn't understand what

I meant, that I realized there was something more going on. I began

to realize that many of the times I thought he was just being a smart

aleck, he really didn't " get it " , whatever " it " was at the time. That

was the turning point that made me start looking into other issues,

which led us to the AS dx.

He very frequently puts his shirts on backwards. I used to think it

was on purpose, but he will apologize to me and he'll let me turn it

around (won't usually bother to do it himself). Occasionally, he'll

ask if why it really matters. He doesn't care how he looks, and

doesn't understand why anyone else is.

It could also be that he's asserting his independence and wants some

control over something in his life. If so, you have to decide if it's

really such a big deal for him to want to be a bit different. Is it

possible to give him control over that since you need to keep control

over so many other things in his life?

If it were me, knowing what I do now about my own son, I'd just accept

that he has a problem tying his shoes, doesn't care to do it " right " ,

and doesn't pay attn to which way his shirt is facing. If it doesn't

make a big difference (i.e. the logo or whatever isn't on his back),

don't worry too much about it. I suspect he'll care about it someday,

at least I hope so. :-)

Debbie (in NJ)

>

> Although Reggie can tie his shoes for his OT " it's just too hard " So

> we bought velcro this last time. Well " it's just too hard " again. He

> is always pulling the tabs out before putting his feet if we are

> watching him otherwise he just shoves his feet in and smashes down

> the back. And they are always on the wrong feet. Now I firmly

> believe that if he can put them on the wrong feet everyday that this

> is on purpose. Am I wrong for thinking this? And he puts his shirt

> on backwards at least 90% of the time and hates if I ask him to turn

> it around. He sees nothing wrong with backwards and wrong feet so I

> try to ignore it but when we are going places I'd like him to look

> put together and not like a " rag a muffin " . But i try to not make

> it a battle.

[Guest guest]

My son is a prefectionist. So I gave up with regular laces and stuck with

velcro, I couldn't take it ether. Though he is only 51/2 I can see this going o

and on and on.

Leanne

Roxanna <madideas@...> wrote:

No doubt they CAN tie them - but it isn't easy to do and often times,

it is

probably not tight enough to stay. My 17 yo does the same thing with his

shoes for those reasons. Whenever possible, I buy Velcro. But meanwhile,

he just shoves the feet in. lol. It works.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Toni

Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 6:22 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy!

My 17 yo boys tie their tennis shoes in 50 knots and just cram their

feet in the shoes. I think they *can* tie their shoes they just don't

choose too. It took them until about 3rd grade before they could tie

them though... Toni

[Guest guest]

My 9.5 yo sons' mantra is " I hate today " . If i hear that too many

more times I think I'm going to lose it.

Kim

Conner, 9.5, ADD/AS/COBP ???, Abilify, Tenex, Metadate ER, Prozac