Guest guest Posted June 20, 2006 Report Share Posted June 20, 2006 My son is the same way, everything sucks... everyone is stupid... he hates everything... I find myself saying, " Everything can't suck and if you don't stop being so negative, I am going to start punishing you for it! ... " but don't know how to punish negative opinions... or if it would even work... he is 14, btw. So that is part of our normal every day life... everything sucks, everyone is stupid and he doesn't want to do anything! You're not alone... Tami ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy! Is anyone else experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH! It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to tolerate " terrible " all the time. He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it, won't remember to tell her. Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where people would understand. --------------------------------- gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus there's much more to come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2006 Report Share Posted June 20, 2006 I come from a large AS family (dad and 3 of 6 sibblings). The negativity issue is one of the most difficult things. My dad, a classical AS case, is 80 and he still sees something wrong in everything. My sisters call him " pa' que " ( " what for??? " ) cause he finds everything useless. And he's always doing " bad " when you ask, always sick of something... but at 80 he walks 5 miles a day, has a 90/60 blood pressure, 64' heart rate... can't be healthier. Since I've had memory he complains of an abdominal pain that no one has ever been able to diagnose after millions of endoscopies, colonscopies, CTs, MRI's, etc... and it has not gotten better without any of the many treatments he's receieved. Everytime he sees us he asks if we know what his pain can be (in exactly the same words always), and worst, every time he meets some of our friends he'll ask again. He asks his urologist, his GP, orthopedist, even his dentist... And of course, my son is just like him too. I could never get a " good " when in the morning I ask him how he slept. I told him it was not a good idea to always say 'bad' because then we couldn't tell when he was REALLY sick. And I think we are progressing... now he answers: " not too well " ... lol. By the way, my dad's story is not a bad one for all of us that are so concerned about our children's future. He was an illiterate farmer who married a school teacher at the age of 30. He was a succesful agricultural bussinessman, found that his langauge issues were a source of amusement for others, made it too for himself, and ended up being a sincerely funny guy. One day my oldest brother (also a severe case of AS) ran over a neighboor's hen in the family pick up truck. The neighboors took the dead hen to my father and asked... Mr. Velez, how can we fix this? " ... my dad replied: " you can make a really good stew with onions and tomatos " ... we all laughed until our stomach hurt, and so did he, but that was just his literal interpretation of the question. He just learned that he could do that, be funny, and people loved him for his sense of humor. We are working with our son at realizing that he can turn his language skills into a source of fun and socialization. We might be wrong, but who knows... it might be a good alternative for AS children. At least better than getting frustrated. I'm not saying that my dad is a model because he could have been a much better husband and father, but for all the limitations, not even a diagnosis -let alone any resource to help him, they are now a happy old couple despite a lot of suffering they've gone through. He is a very peaceful person, spends a lot of time happy in solitude, hated to see us fight as children, avoided violence at all costs though ended up being a victim of it :-( . Often he was hard to deal with, but as long as he could spend his time minding his own stuff he was right. He's always been a happy fellow in reality, but I'm sure it took a very loving, caring, patient and tolerant wife to be so. [and, though she still tries, she has not yet been able to get him to aim right when he pees...] Have a great day. F Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2006 Report Share Posted June 20, 2006 Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game. When he cant beat a video game on the first try it is because the game makers made it so you could not win or they cheated and created this so it is impossible. If he does not know how to do his homework it is because the teacher gave it to him knowing he could not do it so he would not get recess. If i catch him beating his sister while she is sleeping, she started it. If i tell him to go clean his room because it is a mess, it is because i went in there and messed it up on purpose it drives me crazy and i try to get him to see that video games were meant to be challenging and there is no way possible for his sleeping sister to have started with him but he just doesnt get the reasoning then we end up arguing which leds to him escalting into a full scale tantrum. Bonnett <zoemakes5@...> wrote: Is anyone else experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH! It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to tolerate " terrible " all the time. He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it, won't remember to tell her. Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where people would understand. --------------------------------- gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus there’s much more to come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2006 Report Share Posted June 20, 2006 Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait... there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating. My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself anymore. Have a great day. F > > Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 My boy likes to make conclusions like " How come every time I wear this shirt, I get injured " ( he means a simple cut), he calls it an Injury, it's always more serious to him, another one is " How come whenever I use the computer, it shuts off autimatically " That happened twice. He's got that " Whoa is me " factor, He always gets frustrated for the tinyest things... > > Is anyone else experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH! > It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to tolerate " terrible " all the time. > He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it, won't remember to tell her. > Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where people would understand. > > > --------------------------------- > gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus there's much more to come. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 That is so funny that you said that about the theif. He is constantly telling me someone broke in and stole his matchbox car of a game he cant find. i ask him is it really likely that someone came in went in your room took a .79 cent car bypassed the tvs stereos and gamecube and then left and he just looks at me seriously and says yes that is what happened. Glad to see i am not the only one that has these extremely selective theifs in there neighborhood. lol luivelez <luivelez@...> wrote: Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait... there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating. My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself anymore. Have a great day. F > > Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game. --------------------------------- Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 I just have to say LOL, having just had a glass of wine. I have never even used " LOL " in an email, but that is so funny and so familiar -- my son has so many thieves and villains lurking in the woods and in the woodwork -- at a party the other night there was a monster lurking on the other side of the hedge and he wanted to use a long stick to poke him. I love it, to tell you the truth. Wilke <msfixit3269@...> wrote: That is so funny that you said that about the theif. He is constantly telling me someone broke in and stole his matchbox car of a game he cant find. i ask him is it really likely that someone came in went in your room took a .79 cent car bypassed the tvs stereos and gamecube and then left and he just looks at me seriously and says yes that is what happened. Glad to see i am not the only one that has these extremely selective theifs in there neighborhood. lol luivelez <luivelez@...> wrote: Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait... there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating. My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself anymore. Have a great day. F > > Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game. --------------------------------- Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 I understand perfectly. Sometimes the negativity does just get to you. My son has the same problem. He always see the cup half empty. I try hard everyday to point out all the good things compared to the bad things. I believe these children are just " wired " that way. My only advise is to ask your son to list all the good things in his life and now list the bad things. Everyday remind him to check the chart and remember that there are more good than bad. Make up your own chart about yourself and compare with each other. My son likes to ask me every now and then how did I get Asperger. I have always said that God makes everyone different and special and he thought you were very special. I tell him that God made Mommy special too and sometimes my brain gets all jumbled up. Sometimes if you can put a comforting face to someone else they love it seems to make them feel better. My son will say to me " my head is all jumbled up, is yours Mommy " I always say yes and that I understand. Just the look on his face make the small white lie well worth it. These children need someone close to really relate to them. Sometimes they feel so alone that knowing someone close to them is going through the same stuff as him. Try that out Let me know how it works out. [] > > > > Is anyone else experiencing this? DS is going through one of his > bouts of negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I > can't do it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH! > > It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working > through it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I > need to get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really > hard time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to > like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off > through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's > fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to > tolerate " terrible " all the time. > > He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is > GREAT by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up > with a brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in > life. I'm going in and telling her what's going on, because he > won't see it, won't remember to tell her. > > Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where > people would understand. > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus > there's much more to come. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 ...just an " out there " kind of response. I thought for a very long time that LOL meant " lots of love " not " laugh out loud " . I had been using it for two years as a symbol of support on a forum for people who have suffered loss of their child, still birth and miscarriage that I belong to! OMG! I felt so bad when I found out what it meant! I immediately posted my apology on that board when I found out, and the rest of the ladies (and man) were so very sweet. They said the first couple of times they saw it they were pretty surprised, but realized I certainly didn't mean it as " oh how funny " so they just left it alone! TWO YEARS! You would have thought that they would have PM'd me or emailed me or something but they didn't want to hurt my feelings! Sorry for the tangent, but when you talked about using LOL, I just had to share! on <cathrob@...> wrote: I just have to say LOL, having just had a glass of wine. I have never even used " LOL " in an email, but that is so funny and so familiar -- my son has so many thieves and villains lurking in the woods and in the woodwork -- at a party the other night there was a monster lurking on the other side of the hedge and he wanted to use a long stick to poke him. I love it, to tell you the truth. Wilke <msfixit3269@...> wrote: That is so funny that you said that about the theif. He is constantly telling me someone broke in and stole his matchbox car of a game he cant find. i ask him is it really likely that someone came in went in your room took a .79 cent car bypassed the tvs stereos and gamecube and then left and he just looks at me seriously and says yes that is what happened. Glad to see i am not the only one that has these extremely selective theifs in there neighborhood. lol luivelez <luivelez@...> wrote: Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait... there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating. My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself anymore. Have a great day. F > > Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game. --------------------------------- Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 ---Now THAT is funny! made my day. LOL!!! toni In , Bonnett <zoemakes5@...> wrote: > > ...just an " out there " kind of response. I thought for a very long time that LOL meant " lots of love " not " laugh out loud " . I had been using it for two years as a symbol of support on a forum for people who have suffered loss of their child, still birth and miscarriage that I belong to! OMG! I felt so bad when I found out what it meant! I immediately posted my apology on that board when I found out, and the rest of the ladies (and man) were so very sweet. They said the first couple of times they saw it they were pretty surprised, but realized I certainly didn't mean it as " oh how funny " so they just left it alone! TWO YEARS! You would have thought that they would have PM'd me or emailed me or something but they didn't want to hurt my feelings! > Sorry for the tangent, but when you talked about using LOL, I just had to share! > > on <cathrob@...> wrote: > I just have to say LOL, having just had a glass of wine. I have never even used " LOL " in an email, but that is so funny and so familiar -- my son has so many thieves and villains lurking in the woods and in the woodwork -- at a party the other night there was a monster lurking on the other side of the hedge and he wanted to use a long stick to poke him. I love it, to tell you the truth. > > Wilke <msfixit3269@...> wrote: That is so funny that you said that about the theif. He is constantly telling me someone broke in and stole his matchbox car of a game he cant find. i ask him is it really likely that someone came in went in your room took a .79 cent car bypassed the tvs stereos and gamecube and then left and he just looks at me seriously and says yes that is what happened. Glad to see i am not the only one that has these extremely selective theifs in there neighborhood. lol > luivelez <luivelez@...> wrote: > Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait... > there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she > even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her > favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in > the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating. > > My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and > other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I > have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself > anymore. > > Have a great day. F > > > > > > Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game. > > --------------------------------- > Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 My son blames everyone else around him. If he is playing his gameboy and I am talking on the phone and he gets out or something, it is my fault because he lost. Because I was talking. Cleaning his room, of course he never makes the mess. He too, has negativity, he hates trying new things. I am trying to get him to ride his bike without his training wheels, I can't. He never even got on the bike. Or I'd tell him to make his bed. I can't, I am too little. (He will be 6 next month). I started TRYING to teach him to tie his shoes, I CAN'T. For someone who can't do alot, he sure gets alot done. I do not know what to do!!! Cori 's mom Is anyone else experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH! > It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to tolerate " terrible " all the time. > He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it, won't remember to tell her. > Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where people would understand. > > > --------------------------------- > gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus there's much more to come. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 My son (5)is the same way. Always blaming me for him dying on his game because I was talking too loud or doing something to distract him. He also uses the same I am too little excuse for doing things. Everything is always negative. I am hoping that this is something he will grow out of. For now everyday we talk about the best part of our day and then pray about it. I am hoping that it will help him also see that there are good things that happen too. Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy! My son blames everyone else around him. If he is playing his gameboy and I am talking on the phone and he gets out or something, it is my fault because he lost. Because I was talking. Cleaning his room, of course he never makes the mess. He too, has negativity, he hates trying new things. I am trying to get him to ride his bike without his training wheels, I can't. He never even got on the bike. Or I'd tell him to make his bed. I can't, I am too little. (He will be 6 next month). I started TRYING to teach him to tie his shoes, I CAN'T. For someone who can't do alot, he sure gets alot done. I do not know what to do!!! Cori 's mom Is anyone else experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH! > It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to tolerate " terrible " all the time. > He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it, won't remember to tell her. > Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where people would understand. > > > --------------------------------- > gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus there's much more to come. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 Oh my -- that is funny, I'm laughing too. I bet you're not the only one. tsbthatsme <kbtoni@...> wrote: ---Now THAT is funny! made my day. LOL!!! toni In , Bonnett <zoemakes5@...> wrote: > > ...just an " out there " kind of response. I thought for a very long time that LOL meant " lots of love " not " laugh out loud " . I had been using it for two years as a symbol of support on a forum for people who have suffered loss of their child, still birth and miscarriage that I belong to! OMG! I felt so bad when I found out what it meant! I immediately posted my apology on that board when I found out, and the rest of the ladies (and man) were so very sweet. They said the first couple of times they saw it they were pretty surprised, but realized I certainly didn't mean it as " oh how funny " so they just left it alone! TWO YEARS! You would have thought that they would have PM'd me or emailed me or something but they didn't want to hurt my feelings! > Sorry for the tangent, but when you talked about using LOL, I just had to share! > > on <cathrob@...> wrote: > I just have to say LOL, having just had a glass of wine. I have never even used " LOL " in an email, but that is so funny and so familiar -- my son has so many thieves and villains lurking in the woods and in the woodwork -- at a party the other night there was a monster lurking on the other side of the hedge and he wanted to use a long stick to poke him. I love it, to tell you the truth. > > Wilke <msfixit3269@...> wrote: That is so funny that you said that about the theif. He is constantly telling me someone broke in and stole his matchbox car of a game he cant find. i ask him is it really likely that someone came in went in your room took a .79 cent car bypassed the tvs stereos and gamecube and then left and he just looks at me seriously and says yes that is what happened. Glad to see i am not the only one that has these extremely selective theifs in there neighborhood. lol > luivelez <luivelez@...> wrote: > Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait... > there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she > even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her > favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in > the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating. > > My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and > other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I > have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself > anymore. > > Have a great day. F > > > > > > Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game. > > --------------------------------- > Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 I have given up on the shoe tying. Corey is 12 almost 13 and we have been trying to teach shoe tying since he was 5. I have had teachers, caseworkers, relatives, siblings, and myself trying and he just cant get it. It was frustrating for him because he really wanted to do it but just could'nt. I just realized that the harder i pushed him to learn the more pain and frustration i was causing him so i gave up and went with velcro and slip ons. mytwoboys97_00 <mytwoboys97_00@...> wrote: My son blames everyone else around him. If he is playing his gameboy and I am talking on the phone and he gets out or something, it is my fault because he lost. Because I was talking. Cleaning his room, of course he never makes the mess. He too, has negativity, he hates trying new things. I am trying to get him to ride his bike without his training wheels, I can't. He never even got on the bike. Or I'd tell him to make his bed. I can't, I am too little. (He will be 6 next month). I started TRYING to teach him to tie his shoes, I CAN'T. For someone who can't do alot, he sure gets alot done. I do not know what to do!!! Cori 's mom Is anyone else experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH! > It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to tolerate " terrible " all the time. > He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it, won't remember to tell her. > Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where people would understand. > > > --------------------------------- > gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus there's much more to come. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 My 17 yo boys tie their tennis shoes in 50 knots and just cram their feet in the shoes. I think they *can* tie their shoes they just don't choose too. It took them until about 3rd grade before they could tie them though... Toni Wilke wrote: > > I have given up on the shoe tying. Corey is 12 almost 13 and we have > been trying to teach shoe tying since he was 5. I have had teachers, > caseworkers, relatives, siblings, and myself trying and he just cant > get it. It was frustrating for him because he really wanted to do it > but just could'nt. I just realized that the harder i pushed him to > learn the more pain and frustration i was causing him so i gave up and > went with velcro and slip ons. > > mytwoboys97_00 <mytwoboys97_00@... > <mailto:mytwoboys97_00%40>> wrote: My son blames everyone > else around him. If he is playing his gameboy > and I am talking on the phone and he gets out or something, it is my > fault because he lost. Because I was talking. Cleaning his room, of > course he never makes the mess. He too, has negativity, he hates > trying new things. I am trying to get him to ride his bike without > his training wheels, I can't. He never even got on the bike. Or I'd > tell him to make his bed. I can't, I am too little. (He will be 6 > next month). I started TRYING to teach him to tie his shoes, I > CAN'T. For someone who can't do alot, he sure gets alot done. > > I do not know what to do!!! > > Cori > 's mom > > Is anyone else > experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of > negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do > it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH! > > It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through > it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to > get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard > time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like > Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through > his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly > impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to > tolerate " terrible " all the time. > > He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT > by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a > brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm > going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it, > won't remember to tell her. > > Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where > people would understand. > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus > there's much more to come. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 I just realized that the harder i pushed him to >> learn the more pain and frustration i was causing him so i gave up >> and >> went with velcro and slip ons. >> Look how many adult males wear loafers. All is not lost. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 TG for velcro or I would go bare footed everywhere I can tie shoes but because of my being disabled by someone who could not " HANG UP AND DRIVE " I have got too damn fat to tie shoes so it's velcro or nuthin no it is not a " male thing " it's a FAT THING ) Jackie Geipel <jackie@...> wrote: I just realized that the harder i pushed him to >> learn the more pain and frustration i was causing him so i gave up >> and >> went with velcro and slip ons. >> Look how many adult males wear loafers. All is not lost. Jackie --------------------------------- How low will we go? Check out Messenger’s low PC-to-Phone call rates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2006 Report Share Posted June 26, 2006 I am very lucky in the clean bedroom deaprtment. My son is obsessive about his room being tidy. He refuses to play in there and when his sister wants to upset him she just goes in and puts something on the floor. Hmmm I wonder how many more years it will be before his cleanliness becomes a problem. Beck Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy! My son blames everyone else around him. If he is playing his gameboy and I am talking on the phone and he gets out or something, it is my fault because he lost. Because I was talking. Cleaning his room, of course he never makes the mess. He too, has negativity, he hates trying new things. I am trying to get him to ride his bike without his training wheels, I can't. He never even got on the bike. Or I'd tell him to make his bed. I can't, I am too little. (He will be 6 next month). I started TRYING to teach him to tie his shoes, I CAN'T. For someone who can't do alot, he sure gets alot done. I do not know what to do!!! Cori 's mom Is anyone else experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH! > It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to tolerate " terrible " all the time. > He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it, won't remember to tell her. > Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where people would understand. > > > --------------------------------- > gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus there's much more to come. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 No doubt they CAN tie them - but it isn't easy to do and often times, it is probably not tight enough to stay. My 17 yo does the same thing with his shoes for those reasons. Whenever possible, I buy Velcro. But meanwhile, he just shoves the feet in. lol. It works. Roxanna Autism Happens _____ From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Toni Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 6:22 PM Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy! My 17 yo boys tie their tennis shoes in 50 knots and just cram their feet in the shoes. I think they *can* tie their shoes they just don't choose too. It took them until about 3rd grade before they could tie them though... Toni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 That's a good idea but I think I would also go over reasons why he has " died " on his games and not let him blame you. When my kids do that, I tend to get annoyed and then we must discuss reasons one has died on the game that are not related to mom's breathing or scooting the chair. Sometimes I give them a few choices to pick from if they are at such a loss that they cannot think of a reason other than being my fault. That sure cuts down on having it blamed on me again. Roxanna Autism Happens _____ From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Doornbos Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 1:40 AM Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy! My son (5)is the same way. Always blaming me for him dying on his game because I was talking too loud or doing something to distract him. He also uses the same I am too little excuse for doing things. Everything is always negative. I am hoping that this is something he will grow out of. For now everyday we talk about the best part of our day and then pray about it. I am hoping that it will help him also see that there are good things that happen too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 One good idea I heard at a conference once was to make a tablet for " LOST " things. Each time something is lost, it gets recorded in the tablet. Date, time, last known place it was seen, etc. Then when it gets found, enter date, time, who found it and where it was hiding. This can help make " lost " more " concrete " an experience and also provide ideas for looking. Sometimes, these kids think " looking " means glancing around quickly and that's it. So actually looking up the last time it was lost can help the kids learn how to find. Roxanna Autism Happens _____ From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Wilke Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 10:52 AM Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy! That is so funny that you said that about the theif. He is constantly telling me someone broke in and stole his matchbox car of a game he cant find. i ask him is it really likely that someone came in went in your room took a .79 cent car bypassed the tvs stereos and gamecube and then left and he just looks at me seriously and says yes that is what happened. Glad to see i am not the only one that has these extremely selective theifs in there neighborhood. lol luivelez <luivelez (DOT) <mailto:luivelez%40> com> wrote: Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait... there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating. My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself anymore. Have a great day. F Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 Try not to argue. No matter what excuse is given, the problem has to be resolved. So I would focus on that part of the problem. For instance, if he is hitting his sister, the rule is we don't hit for any reason. So even if she started it in her sleep (lol), he has no reason to hit her. If the teacher gave it to him knowing he couldn't do it, then he must need some help. So sit down and help him. Don't get into an argument over why the teacher would do that. We all know she didn't. And he probably knows that too and is blaming others to get out of being responsible for his own self. I don't mean that he is being a brat in that way because I know blame is terribly hard for even NT kids/people. And it's a hard concept for kids with autism. Cause and effect is difficult and I would try to get that worked on in Speech or other therapy at school or wherever he can get it. We've worked a lot with my 9 yo on these things and also on the concept of " It's okay. " So it's okay not to win. It's okay to mess up. It's okay to not understand your homework, math can be hard! It's okay when you try hard and eventually lose the game - that happens to EVERYONE. It's okay to want to slug your sister, don't we all! But we don't act on that because we know it's not right to hit someone. Etc. I was so happy recently at the end of a magic show we put on at our school and several kids were devastated at not being picked to help on stage. My 9 yo said, " Better luck next time! " and was happy to have enjoyed the show. It was a WOW moment when I could see all the years of practice is paying off. But it takes a long time. I have a 17 yo who still never accepts the blame for anything. He never had a lot of help w/ early intervention like we do today so it's something that will likely always be a problem to some degree. Roxanna Autism Happens _____ From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Wilke Sent: Tuesday, June 20, 2006 8:25 PM Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy! Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game. When he cant beat a video game on the first try it is because the game makers made it so you could not win or they cheated and created this so it is impossible. If he does not know how to do his homework it is because the teacher gave it to him knowing he could not do it so he would not get recess. If i catch him beating his sister while she is sleeping, she started it. If i tell him to go clean his room because it is a mess, it is because i went in there and messed it up on purpose it drives me crazy and i try to get him to see that video games were meant to be challenging and there is no way possible for his sleeping sister to have started with him but he just doesnt get the reasoning then we end up arguing which leds to him escalting into a full scale tantrum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 Yes, you should see ns' shoes, they have 35 knots in them and he *colored* them red and purple.. Very unique. Nobody else has any like him...It definitely works!! Toni Roxanna wrote: > > No doubt they CAN tie them - but it isn't easy to do and often times, > it is > probably not tight enough to stay. My 17 yo does the same thing with his > shoes for those reasons. Whenever possible, I buy Velcro. But meanwhile, > he just shoves the feet in. lol. It works. > > Roxanna > > Autism Happens > > _____ > > From: > <mailto: %40> > [mailto: > <mailto: %40>] On Behalf Of Toni > Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 6:22 PM > > <mailto: %40> > Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy! > > My 17 yo boys tie their tennis shoes in 50 knots and just cram their > feet in the shoes. I think they *can* tie their shoes they just don't > choose too. It took them until about 3rd grade before they could tie > them though... Toni > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 I do talk with him about reasons other than distractions in the house that he may have died. I also suggest to him that if he honestly feels like he is being bothered by the house noise then he should go to his room or into the bathroom. That we he doesn't get overwhelmed pushing him into melt down. He is also only five and some of it is " normal " five year old behaviour with the added AS ability to dwell. lol Somedays talking works and others I may as well talk to myself. Thanks for the post. That's a good idea but I think I would also go over reasons why he has " died " on his games and not let him blame you. When my kids do that, I tend to get annoyed and then we must discuss reasons one has died on the game that are not related to mom's breathing or scooting the chair. Sometimes I give them a few choices to pick from if they are at such a loss that they cannot think of a reason other than being my fault. That sure cuts down on having it blamed on me again. Roxanna Autism Happens _____ From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Doornbos Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 1:40 AM Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy! My son (5)is the same way. Always blaming me for him dying on his game because I was talking too loud or doing something to distract him. He also uses the same I am too little excuse for doing things. Everything is always negative. I am hoping that this is something he will grow out of. For now everyday we talk about the best part of our day and then pray about it. I am hoping that it will help him also see that there are good things that happen too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 Although Reggie can tie his shoes for his OT " it's just too hard " So we bought velcro this last time. Well " it's just too hard " again. He is always pulling the tabs out before putting his feet if we are watching him otherwise he just shoves his feet in and smashes down the back. And they are always on the wrong feet. Now I firmly believe that if he can put them on the wrong feet everyday that this is on purpose. Am I wrong for thinking this? And he puts his shirt on backwards at least 90% of the time and hates if I ask him to turn it around. He sees nothing wrong with backwards and wrong feet so I try to ignore it but when we are going places I'd like him to look put together and not like a " rag a muffin " . But i try to not make it a battle. Suzanne -- Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy! > > My 17 yo boys tie their tennis shoes in 50 knots and just cram their > feet in the shoes. I think they *can* tie their shoes they just don't > choose too. It took them until about 3rd grade before they could tie > them though... Toni > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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