Re: The negativity is driving me crazy!

[Guest guest]

My son is the same way, everything sucks... everyone is stupid... he hates

everything... I find myself saying, " Everything can't suck and if you don't stop

being so negative, I am going to start punishing you for it! ... " but don't know

how to punish negative opinions... or if it would even work... he is 14, btw.

So that is part of our normal every day life... everything sucks, everyone is

stupid and he doesn't want to do anything! You're not alone... Tami

( ) The negativity is driving me crazy!

Is anyone else experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of

negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do it " , " I don't

like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH!

It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through it with him

and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to get him to change his

focus, or he's going to have a really hard time making friends in the fall in

middle school. Kids tend to like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he

turns them off through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's

fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to tolerate " terrible "

all the time.

He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT by the way

and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a brother with Aspergers

who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm going in and telling her what's

going on, because he won't see it, won't remember to tell her.

Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where people would

understand.

---------------------------------

gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus there's much

more to come.

[Guest guest]

I come from a large AS family (dad and 3 of 6 sibblings). The

negativity issue is one of the most difficult things. My dad, a

classical AS case, is 80 and he still sees something wrong in

everything. My sisters call him " pa' que " ( " what for??? " ) cause he

finds everything useless. And he's always doing " bad " when you ask,

always sick of something... but at 80 he walks 5 miles a day, has a

90/60 blood pressure, 64' heart rate... can't be healthier. Since

I've had memory he complains of an abdominal pain that no one has

ever been able to diagnose after millions of endoscopies,

colonscopies, CTs, MRI's, etc... and it has not gotten better

without any of the many treatments he's receieved. Everytime he sees

us he asks if we know what his pain can be (in exactly the same

words always), and worst, every time he meets some of our friends

he'll ask again. He asks his urologist, his GP, orthopedist, even

his dentist...

And of course, my son is just like him too. I could never get

a " good " when in the morning I ask him how he slept. I told him it

was not a good idea to always say 'bad' because then we couldn't

tell when he was REALLY sick. And I think we are progressing... now

he answers: " not too well " ... lol.

By the way, my dad's story is not a bad one for all of us that are

so concerned about our children's future. He was an illiterate

farmer who married a school teacher at the age of 30. He was a

succesful agricultural bussinessman, found that his langauge issues

were a source of amusement for others, made it too for himself, and

ended up being a sincerely funny guy. One day my oldest brother

(also a severe case of AS) ran over a neighboor's hen in the family

pick up truck. The neighboors took the dead hen to my father and

asked... Mr. Velez, how can we fix this? " ... my dad replied: " you

can make a really good stew with onions and tomatos " ... we all

laughed until our stomach hurt, and so did he, but that was just his

literal interpretation of the question. He just learned that he

could do that, be funny, and people loved him for his sense of

humor. We are working with our son at realizing that he can turn his

language skills into a source of fun and socialization. We might be

wrong, but who knows... it might be a good alternative for AS

children. At least better than getting frustrated.

I'm not saying that my dad is a model because he could have been a

much better husband and father, but for all the limitations, not

even a diagnosis -let alone any resource to help him, they are now a

happy old couple despite a lot of suffering they've gone through. He

is a very peaceful person, spends a lot of time happy in solitude,

hated to see us fight as children, avoided violence at all costs

though ended up being a victim of it :-( . Often he was hard to deal

with, but as long as he could spend his time minding his own stuff

he was right. He's always been a happy fellow in reality, but I'm

sure it took a very loving, caring, patient and tolerant wife to be

so. [and, though she still tries, she has not yet been able to get

him to aim right when he pees...]

Have a great day. F

[Guest guest]

Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game. When he cant beat a

video game on the first try it is because the game makers made it so you could

not win or they cheated and created this so it is impossible. If he does not

know how to do his homework it is because the teacher gave it to him knowing he

could not do it so he would not get recess. If i catch him beating his sister

while she is sleeping, she started it. If i tell him to go clean his room

because it is a mess, it is because i went in there and messed it up on purpose

it drives me crazy and i try to get him to see that video games were meant to be

challenging and there is no way possible for his sleeping sister to have started

with him but he just doesnt get the reasoning then we end up arguing which leds

to him escalting into a full scale tantrum.

Bonnett <zoemakes5@...> wrote: Is anyone else

experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of negativity.

Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do it " , " I don't like it " , " I

don't care " . AHHHHH!

It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through it with him

and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to get him to change his

focus, or he's going to have a really hard time making friends in the fall in

middle school. Kids tend to like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he

turns them off through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's

fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to tolerate " terrible "

all the time.

He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT by the way

and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a brother with Aspergers

who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm going in and telling her what's

going on, because he won't see it, won't remember to tell her.

Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where people would

understand.

---------------------------------

gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus there’s much

more to come.

[Guest guest]

Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait...

there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she

even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her

favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in

the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating.

My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and

other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I

have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself

anymore.

Have a great day. F

>

> Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game.

[Guest guest]

My boy likes to make conclusions like " How come every time I wear

this shirt, I get injured " ( he means a simple cut), he calls it an

Injury, it's always more serious to him, another one is " How come

whenever I use the computer, it shuts off autimatically " That

happened twice. He's got that " Whoa is me " factor, He always gets

frustrated for the tinyest things...

>

> Is anyone else experiencing this? DS is going through one of his

bouts of negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I

can't do it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH!

> It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working

through it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I

need to get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really

hard time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to

like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off

through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's

fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to

tolerate " terrible " all the time.

> He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is

GREAT by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up

with a brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in

life. I'm going in and telling her what's going on, because he

won't see it, won't remember to tell her.

> Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where

people would understand.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus

there's much more to come.

>

>

[Guest guest]

That is so funny that you said that about the theif. He is constantly telling me

someone broke in and stole his matchbox car of a game he cant find. i ask him is

it really likely that someone came in went in your room took a .79 cent car

bypassed the tvs stereos and gamecube and then left and he just looks at me

seriously and says yes that is what happened. Glad to see i am not the only one

that has these extremely selective theifs in there neighborhood. lol

luivelez <luivelez@...> wrote:

Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait...

there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she

even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her

favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in

the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating.

My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and

other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I

have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself

anymore.

Have a great day. F

>

> Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game.

---------------------------------

Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates.

[Guest guest]

I just have to say LOL, having just had a glass of wine. I have never even used

" LOL " in an email, but that is so funny and so familiar -- my son has so many

thieves and villains lurking in the woods and in the woodwork -- at a party the

other night there was a monster lurking on the other side of the hedge and he

wanted to use a long stick to poke him. I love it, to tell you the truth.

Wilke <msfixit3269@...> wrote: That is so funny that you

said that about the theif. He is constantly telling me someone broke in and

stole his matchbox car of a game he cant find. i ask him is it really likely

that someone came in went in your room took a .79 cent car bypassed the tvs

stereos and gamecube and then left and he just looks at me seriously and says

yes that is what happened. Glad to see i am not the only one that has these

extremely selective theifs in there neighborhood. lol

luivelez <luivelez@...> wrote:

Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait...

there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she

even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her

favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in

the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating.

My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and

other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I

have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself

anymore.

Have a great day. F

>

> Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game.

---------------------------------

Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates.

[Guest guest]

I understand perfectly. Sometimes the negativity does just get to you.

My son has the same problem. He always see the cup half empty. I try

hard everyday to point out all the good things compared to the bad

things. I believe these children are just " wired " that way. My only

advise is to ask your son to list all the good things in his life and

now list the bad things. Everyday remind him to check the chart and

remember that there are more good than bad. Make up your own chart

about yourself and compare with each other. My son likes to ask me

every now and then how did I get Asperger. I have always said that God

makes everyone different and special and he thought you were very

special. I tell him that God made Mommy special too and sometimes my

brain gets all jumbled up. Sometimes if you can put a comforting face

to someone else they love it seems to make them feel better. My son

will say to me " my head is all jumbled up, is yours Mommy " I always say

yes and that I understand. Just the look on his face make the small

white lie well worth it. These children need someone close to really

relate to them. Sometimes they feel so alone that knowing someone close

to them is going through the same stuff as him. Try that out Let me

know how it works out. []

> >

> > Is anyone else experiencing this? DS is going through one of his

> bouts of negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I

> can't do it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH!

> > It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working

> through it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I

> need to get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really

> hard time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to

> like Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off

> through his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's

> fairly impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to

> tolerate " terrible " all the time.

> > He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is

> GREAT by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up

> with a brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in

> life. I'm going in and telling her what's going on, because he

> won't see it, won't remember to tell her.

> > Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where

> people would understand.

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus

> there's much more to come.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

...just an " out there " kind of response. I thought for a very long

time that LOL meant " lots of love " not " laugh out loud " . I had been using it

for two years as a symbol of support on a forum for people who have suffered

loss of their child, still birth and miscarriage that I belong to! OMG! I felt

so bad when I found out what it meant! I immediately posted my apology on that

board when I found out, and the rest of the ladies (and man) were so very sweet.

They said the first couple of times they saw it they were pretty surprised, but

realized I certainly didn't mean it as " oh how funny " so they just left it

alone! TWO YEARS! You would have thought that they would have PM'd me or

emailed me or something but they didn't want to hurt my feelings!

Sorry for the tangent, but when you talked about using LOL, I just had to

share!

on <cathrob@...> wrote:

I just have to say LOL, having just had a glass of wine. I have never

even used " LOL " in an email, but that is so funny and so familiar -- my son has

so many thieves and villains lurking in the woods and in the woodwork -- at a

party the other night there was a monster lurking on the other side of the hedge

and he wanted to use a long stick to poke him. I love it, to tell you the truth.

Wilke <msfixit3269@...> wrote: That is so funny that you said

that about the theif. He is constantly telling me someone broke in and stole his

matchbox car of a game he cant find. i ask him is it really likely that someone

came in went in your room took a .79 cent car bypassed the tvs stereos and

gamecube and then left and he just looks at me seriously and says yes that is

what happened. Glad to see i am not the only one that has these extremely

selective theifs in there neighborhood. lol

luivelez <luivelez@...> wrote:

Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait...

there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she

even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her

favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in

the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating.

My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and

other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I

have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself

anymore.

Have a great day. F

>

> Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game.

---------------------------------

Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates.

[Guest guest]

---Now THAT is funny! made my day. LOL!!!

toni

In , Bonnett

<zoemakes5@...> wrote:

>

> ...just an " out there " kind of response. I thought for a

very long time that LOL meant " lots of love " not " laugh out loud " .

I had been using it for two years as a symbol of support on a forum

for people who have suffered loss of their child, still birth and

miscarriage that I belong to! OMG! I felt so bad when I found out

what it meant! I immediately posted my apology on that board when I

found out, and the rest of the ladies (and man) were so very sweet.

They said the first couple of times they saw it they were pretty

surprised, but realized I certainly didn't mean it as " oh how funny "

so they just left it alone! TWO YEARS! You would have thought

that they would have PM'd me or emailed me or something but they

didn't want to hurt my feelings!

> Sorry for the tangent, but when you talked about using LOL, I

just had to share!

>

> on <cathrob@...> wrote:

> I just have to say LOL, having just had a glass of wine.

I have never even used " LOL " in an email, but that is so funny and

so familiar -- my son has so many thieves and villains lurking in

the woods and in the woodwork -- at a party the other night there

was a monster lurking on the other side of the hedge and he wanted

to use a long stick to poke him. I love it, to tell you the truth.

>

> Wilke <msfixit3269@...> wrote: That is so funny that you

said that about the theif. He is constantly telling me someone broke

in and stole his matchbox car of a game he cant find. i ask him is

it really likely that someone came in went in your room took a .79

cent car bypassed the tvs stereos and gamecube and then left and he

just looks at me seriously and says yes that is what happened. Glad

to see i am not the only one that has these extremely selective

theifs in there neighborhood. lol

> luivelez <luivelez@...> wrote:

> Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh,

wait...

> there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager

she

> even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to

steal... her

> favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables

in

> the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating.

>

> My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this

and

> other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I

> have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being

himself

> anymore.

>

> Have a great day. F

>

>

> >

> > Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game.

>

> ---------------------------------

> Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously

low rates.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My son blames everyone else around him. If he is playing his gameboy

and I am talking on the phone and he gets out or something, it is my

fault because he lost. Because I was talking. Cleaning his room, of

course he never makes the mess. He too, has negativity, he hates

trying new things. I am trying to get him to ride his bike without

his training wheels, I can't. He never even got on the bike. Or I'd

tell him to make his bed. I can't, I am too little. (He will be 6

next month). I started TRYING to teach him to tie his shoes, I

CAN'T. For someone who can't do alot, he sure gets alot done.

I do not know what to do!!!

Cori

's mom

Is anyone else

experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of

negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do

it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH!

> It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through

it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to

get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard

time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like

Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through

his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly

impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to

tolerate " terrible " all the time.

> He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT

by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a

brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm

going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it,

won't remember to tell her.

> Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where

people would understand.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus

there's much more to come.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My son (5)is the same way. Always blaming me for him dying on his game because I

was talking too loud or doing something to distract him. He also uses the same I

am too little excuse for doing things. Everything is always negative. I am

hoping that this is something he will grow out of. For now everyday we talk

about the best part of our day and then pray about it. I am hoping that it will

help him also see that there are good things that happen too.

Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy!

My son blames everyone else around him. If he is playing his gameboy

and I am talking on the phone and he gets out or something, it is my

fault because he lost. Because I was talking. Cleaning his room, of

course he never makes the mess. He too, has negativity, he hates

trying new things. I am trying to get him to ride his bike without

his training wheels, I can't. He never even got on the bike. Or I'd

tell him to make his bed. I can't, I am too little. (He will be 6

next month). I started TRYING to teach him to tie his shoes, I

CAN'T. For someone who can't do alot, he sure gets alot done.

I do not know what to do!!!

Cori

's mom

Is anyone else

experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of

negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do

it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH!

> It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through

it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to

get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard

time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like

Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through

his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly

impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to

tolerate " terrible " all the time.

> He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT

by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a

brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm

going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it,

won't remember to tell her.

> Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where

people would understand.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus

there's much more to come.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my -- that is funny, I'm laughing too. I bet you're not the only one.

tsbthatsme <kbtoni@...> wrote: ---Now THAT is funny! made my

day. LOL!!!

toni

In , Bonnett

<zoemakes5@...> wrote:

>

> ...just an " out there " kind of response. I thought for a

very long time that LOL meant " lots of love " not " laugh out loud " .

I had been using it for two years as a symbol of support on a forum

for people who have suffered loss of their child, still birth and

miscarriage that I belong to! OMG! I felt so bad when I found out

what it meant! I immediately posted my apology on that board when I

found out, and the rest of the ladies (and man) were so very sweet.

They said the first couple of times they saw it they were pretty

surprised, but realized I certainly didn't mean it as " oh how funny "

so they just left it alone! TWO YEARS! You would have thought

that they would have PM'd me or emailed me or something but they

didn't want to hurt my feelings!

> Sorry for the tangent, but when you talked about using LOL, I

just had to share!

>

> on <cathrob@...> wrote:

> I just have to say LOL, having just had a glass of wine.

I have never even used " LOL " in an email, but that is so funny and

so familiar -- my son has so many thieves and villains lurking in

the woods and in the woodwork -- at a party the other night there

was a monster lurking on the other side of the hedge and he wanted

to use a long stick to poke him. I love it, to tell you the truth.

>

> Wilke <msfixit3269@...> wrote: That is so funny that you

said that about the theif. He is constantly telling me someone broke

in and stole his matchbox car of a game he cant find. i ask him is

it really likely that someone came in went in your room took a .79

cent car bypassed the tvs stereos and gamecube and then left and he

just looks at me seriously and says yes that is what happened. Glad

to see i am not the only one that has these extremely selective

theifs in there neighborhood. lol

> luivelez <luivelez@...> wrote:

> Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh,

wait...

> there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager

she

> even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to

steal... her

> favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables

in

> the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating.

>

> My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this

and

> other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I

> have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being

himself

> anymore.

>

> Have a great day. F

>

>

> >

> > Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game.

>

> ---------------------------------

> Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously

low rates.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have given up on the shoe tying. Corey is 12 almost 13 and we have been trying

to teach shoe tying since he was 5. I have had teachers, caseworkers, relatives,

siblings, and myself trying and he just cant get it. It was frustrating for him

because he really wanted to do it but just could'nt. I just realized that the

harder i pushed him to learn the more pain and frustration i was causing him so

i gave up and went with velcro and slip ons.

mytwoboys97_00 <mytwoboys97_00@...> wrote: My son blames everyone

else around him. If he is playing his gameboy

and I am talking on the phone and he gets out or something, it is my

fault because he lost. Because I was talking. Cleaning his room, of

course he never makes the mess. He too, has negativity, he hates

trying new things. I am trying to get him to ride his bike without

his training wheels, I can't. He never even got on the bike. Or I'd

tell him to make his bed. I can't, I am too little. (He will be 6

next month). I started TRYING to teach him to tie his shoes, I

CAN'T. For someone who can't do alot, he sure gets alot done.

I do not know what to do!!!

Cori

's mom

Is anyone else

experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of

negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do

it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH!

> It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through

it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to

get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard

time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like

Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through

his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly

impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to

tolerate " terrible " all the time.

> He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT

by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a

brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm

going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it,

won't remember to tell her.

> Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where

people would understand.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus

there's much more to come.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My 17 yo boys tie their tennis shoes in 50 knots and just cram their

feet in the shoes. I think they *can* tie their shoes they just don't

choose too. It took them until about 3rd grade before they could tie

them though... Toni

Wilke wrote:

>

> I have given up on the shoe tying. Corey is 12 almost 13 and we have

> been trying to teach shoe tying since he was 5. I have had teachers,

> caseworkers, relatives, siblings, and myself trying and he just cant

> get it. It was frustrating for him because he really wanted to do it

> but just could'nt. I just realized that the harder i pushed him to

> learn the more pain and frustration i was causing him so i gave up and

> went with velcro and slip ons.

>

> mytwoboys97_00 <mytwoboys97_00@...

> <mailto:mytwoboys97_00%40>> wrote: My son blames everyone

> else around him. If he is playing his gameboy

> and I am talking on the phone and he gets out or something, it is my

> fault because he lost. Because I was talking. Cleaning his room, of

> course he never makes the mess. He too, has negativity, he hates

> trying new things. I am trying to get him to ride his bike without

> his training wheels, I can't. He never even got on the bike. Or I'd

> tell him to make his bed. I can't, I am too little. (He will be 6

> next month). I started TRYING to teach him to tie his shoes, I

> CAN'T. For someone who can't do alot, he sure gets alot done.

>

> I do not know what to do!!!

>

> Cori

> 's mom

>

> Is anyone else

> experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of

> negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do

> it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH!

> > It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through

> it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to

> get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard

> time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like

> Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through

> his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly

> impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to

> tolerate " terrible " all the time.

> > He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT

> by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a

> brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm

> going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it,

> won't remember to tell her.

> > Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where

> people would understand.

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus

> there's much more to come.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I just realized that the harder i pushed him to

>> learn the more pain and frustration i was causing him so i gave up

>> and

>> went with velcro and slip ons.

>>

Look how many adult males wear loafers. All is not lost.

Jackie

[Guest guest]

TG for velcro or I would go bare footed everywhere

I can tie shoes but because of my being disabled by someone who could not

" HANG UP AND DRIVE " I have got too damn fat to tie shoes

so it's velcro or nuthin

no it is not a " male thing " it's a FAT THING )

Jackie Geipel <jackie@...> wrote:

I just realized that the harder i pushed him to

>> learn the more pain and frustration i was causing him so i gave up

>> and

>> went with velcro and slip ons.

>>

Look how many adult males wear loafers. All is not lost.

Jackie

---------------------------------

How low will we go? Check out Messenger’s low PC-to-Phone call rates.

[Guest guest]

I am very lucky in the clean bedroom deaprtment. My son is obsessive about his

room being tidy. He refuses to play in there and when his sister wants to upset

him she just goes in and puts something on the floor. Hmmm I wonder how many

more years it will be before his cleanliness becomes a problem.

Beck

Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy!

My son blames everyone else around him. If he is playing his gameboy

and I am talking on the phone and he gets out or something, it is my

fault because he lost. Because I was talking. Cleaning his room, of

course he never makes the mess. He too, has negativity, he hates

trying new things. I am trying to get him to ride his bike without

his training wheels, I can't. He never even got on the bike. Or I'd

tell him to make his bed. I can't, I am too little. (He will be 6

next month). I started TRYING to teach him to tie his shoes, I

CAN'T. For someone who can't do alot, he sure gets alot done.

I do not know what to do!!!

Cori

's mom

Is anyone else

experiencing this? DS is going through one of his bouts of

negativity. Everything is terrible, nothing is fun, " I can't do

it " , " I don't like it " , " I don't care " . AHHHHH!

> It is so hard to be patient with him, to focus on working through

it with him and not just yelling " get over it already! " I need to

get him to change his focus, or he's going to have a really hard

time making friends in the fall in middle school. Kids tend to like

Ethan, they all smile and say hi, etc. But he turns them off through

his behavior. Alot of that is his negative focus. It's fairly

impossible for a child to live up to " perfect " and to

tolerate " terrible " all the time.

> He has an appointment with his psychologist tomorrow (who is GREAT

by the way and I'm thankful every day for her, she grew up with a

brother with Aspergers who was undiagnosed until later in life. I'm

going in and telling her what's going on, because he won't see it,

won't remember to tell her.

> Anyway, enough of my vent, I figured this would be a place where

people would understand.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> gets better. Check out the new email design. Plus

there's much more to come.

>

>

[Guest guest]

No doubt they CAN tie them - but it isn't easy to do and often times, it is

probably not tight enough to stay. My 17 yo does the same thing with his

shoes for those reasons. Whenever possible, I buy Velcro. But meanwhile,

he just shoves the feet in. lol. It works.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Toni

Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 6:22 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy!

My 17 yo boys tie their tennis shoes in 50 knots and just cram their

feet in the shoes. I think they *can* tie their shoes they just don't

choose too. It took them until about 3rd grade before they could tie

them though... Toni

[Guest guest]

That's a good idea but I think I would also go over reasons why he has

" died " on his games and not let him blame you. When my kids do that, I tend

to get annoyed and then we must discuss reasons one has died on the game

that are not related to mom's breathing or scooting the chair. Sometimes I

give them a few choices to pick from if they are at such a loss that they

cannot think of a reason other than being my fault. That sure cuts down on

having it blamed on me again.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Doornbos

Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 1:40 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy!

My son (5)is the same way. Always blaming me for him dying on his game

because I was talking too loud or doing something to distract him. He also

uses the same I am too little excuse for doing things. Everything is always

negative. I am hoping that this is something he will grow out of. For now

everyday we talk about the best part of our day and then pray about it. I am

hoping that it will help him also see that there are good things that happen

too.

[Guest guest]

One good idea I heard at a conference once was to make a tablet for " LOST "

things. Each time something is lost, it gets recorded in the tablet. Date,

time, last known place it was seen, etc. Then when it gets found, enter

date, time, who found it and where it was hiding.

This can help make " lost " more " concrete " an experience and also provide

ideas for looking. Sometimes, these kids think " looking " means glancing

around quickly and that's it. So actually looking up the last time it was

lost can help the kids learn how to find.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Wilke

Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 10:52 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy!

That is so funny that you said that about the theif. He is constantly

telling me someone broke in and stole his matchbox car of a game he cant

find. i ask him is it really likely that someone came in went in your room

took a .79 cent car bypassed the tvs stereos and gamecube and then left and

he just looks at me seriously and says yes that is what happened. Glad to

see i am not the only one that has these extremely selective theifs in there

neighborhood. lol

luivelez <luivelez (DOT) <mailto:luivelez%40> com> wrote:

Gee... Kymberly! I had no idea you knew my AS sister... oh, wait...

there is no way you could've known her. When she was a teenager she

even said one day that thieves had broken into our home to steal... her

favorite BRA!!!!! They didn't care for any of the OTHER valuables in

the house... just her bra. Gosh! she was irritating.

My son has a lot of that too. I'm using social stories for this and

other things. It works very well with him. Sometimes too well... I

have to be careful to avoid manipulating him into not being himself

anymore.

Have a great day. F

[Guest guest]

Try not to argue. No matter what excuse is given, the problem has to be

resolved. So I would focus on that part of the problem. For instance, if

he is hitting his sister, the rule is we don't hit for any reason. So even

if she started it in her sleep (lol), he has no reason to hit her. If the

teacher gave it to him knowing he couldn't do it, then he must need some

help. So sit down and help him. Don't get into an argument over why the

teacher would do that. We all know she didn't. And he probably knows that

too and is blaming others to get out of being responsible for his own self.

I don't mean that he is being a brat in that way because I know blame is

terribly hard for even NT kids/people. And it's a hard concept for kids

with autism. Cause and effect is difficult and I would try to get that

worked on in Speech or other therapy at school or wherever he can get it.

We've worked a lot with my 9 yo on these things and also on the concept of

" It's okay. " So it's okay not to win. It's okay to mess up. It's okay to

not understand your homework, math can be hard! It's okay when you try hard

and eventually lose the game - that happens to EVERYONE. It's okay to want

to slug your sister, don't we all! But we don't act on that because we know

it's not right to hit someone. Etc.

I was so happy recently at the end of a magic show we put on at our school

and several kids were devastated at not being picked to help on stage. My 9

yo said, " Better luck next time! " and was happy to have enjoyed the show.

It was a WOW moment when I could see all the years of practice is paying

off. But it takes a long time. I have a 17 yo who still never accepts the

blame for anything. He never had a lot of help w/ early intervention like

we do today so it's something that will likely always be a problem to some

degree.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Wilke

Sent: Tuesday, June 20, 2006 8:25 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy!

Our problem is not so much negativity as the blame game. When he cant beat a

video game on the first try it is because the game makers made it so you

could not win or they cheated and created this so it is impossible. If he

does not know how to do his homework it is because the teacher gave it to

him knowing he could not do it so he would not get recess. If i catch him

beating his sister while she is sleeping, she started it. If i tell him to

go clean his room because it is a mess, it is because i went in there and

messed it up on purpose it drives me crazy and i try to get him to see that

video games were meant to be challenging and there is no way possible for

his sleeping sister to have started with him but he just doesnt get the

reasoning then we end up arguing which leds to him escalting into a full

scale tantrum.

[Guest guest]

Yes, you should see ns' shoes, they have 35 knots in them and he

*colored* them red and purple.. Very unique. Nobody else has any like

him...It definitely works!! Toni

Roxanna wrote:

>

> No doubt they CAN tie them - but it isn't easy to do and often times,

> it is

> probably not tight enough to stay. My 17 yo does the same thing with his

> shoes for those reasons. Whenever possible, I buy Velcro. But meanwhile,

> he just shoves the feet in. lol. It works.

>

> Roxanna

>

> Autism Happens

>

> _____

>

> From:

> <mailto: %40>

> [mailto:

> <mailto: %40>] On Behalf Of Toni

> Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 6:22 PM

>

> <mailto: %40>

> Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy!

>

> My 17 yo boys tie their tennis shoes in 50 knots and just cram their

> feet in the shoes. I think they *can* tie their shoes they just don't

> choose too. It took them until about 3rd grade before they could tie

> them though... Toni

>

>

[Guest guest]

I do talk with him about reasons other than distractions in the house that he

may have died. I also suggest to him that if he honestly feels like he is being

bothered by the house noise then he should go to his room or into the bathroom.

That we he doesn't get overwhelmed pushing him into melt down. He is also only

five and some of it is " normal " five year old behaviour with the added AS

ability to dwell. lol Somedays talking works and others I may as well talk to

myself. Thanks for the post.

That's a good idea but I think I would also go over reasons why he has

" died " on his games and not let him blame you. When my kids do that, I tend

to get annoyed and then we must discuss reasons one has died on the game

that are not related to mom's breathing or scooting the chair. Sometimes I

give them a few choices to pick from if they are at such a loss that they

cannot think of a reason other than being my fault. That sure cuts down on

having it blamed on me again.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Doornbos

Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 1:40 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy!

My son (5)is the same way. Always blaming me for him dying on his game

because I was talking too loud or doing something to distract him. He also

uses the same I am too little excuse for doing things. Everything is always

negative. I am hoping that this is something he will grow out of. For now

everyday we talk about the best part of our day and then pray about it. I am

hoping that it will help him also see that there are good things that happen

too.

[Guest guest]

Although Reggie can tie his shoes for his OT " it's just too hard " So we

bought velcro this last time. Well " it's just too hard " again. He is always

pulling the tabs out before putting his feet if we are watching him

otherwise he just shoves his feet in and smashes down the back. And they are

always on the wrong feet. Now I firmly believe that if he can put them on

the wrong feet everyday that this is on purpose. Am I wrong for thinking

this? And he puts his shirt on backwards at least 90% of the time and hates

if I ask him to turn it around. He sees nothing wrong with backwards and

wrong feet so I try to ignore it but when we are going places I'd like him

to look put together and not like a " rag a muffin " . But i try to not make

it a battle.

Suzanne

-- Re: ( ) The negativity is driving me crazy!

>

> My 17 yo boys tie their tennis shoes in 50 knots and just cram their

> feet in the shoes. I think they *can* tie their shoes they just don't

> choose too. It took them until about 3rd grade before they could tie

> them though... Toni

>

>