Re: frustration overload and bizarre response

[Guest guest]

Regarding the school...Of course they're saying it's not necessary!

Then they still have all the power.

Most definitely bring your attorney and advocate!

In the US they are required by federal law to provide a psych

evaluation within I think it's 45 school days of your written

request. Call your local congressmen and tell them what's been going

on and ask for help. This is just the kind of thing they get into.

Regarding your son's attitude... tell him he could be right. It might

his parents and teachers who are messed up and in need of help. And

if he goes to the evaluation, he's perfectly welcome to tell the

evaluators that, and to tell them why he thinks so, and maybe the

evaluators will be able to get help for his parents and teachers so

they can understand better how to parent and teach him.

Have you tried family therapy? With someone who is not " out to get "

your son, but there to help the entire family function as a more

healthy unit?

Oh, and make sure you listen to that CD a lot!

Hugs,

Meira

>

> What do you do with a child who insists it's us, not him, who

is " retarded,

> crazy, stupid, wrong, and needs help " . DS has just been suspended

a third

> time, and this is not counting in-school Saturdays, detention,

countless phone

> calls, etc. from school. He's 12, in 7th grade, absolutely

intelligent and

> incredibly immature, with a DX of AS and PDD-NOS. I'm fighting the

school system

> just to get him evaluated, and have hired an attorney because at

this point they

> are not answering phone calls or letters, and I'm at the end of my

rope.

>

> I want to get the kid help, but he's insisting when the child study

team

> calls him in for the eval, he's not going to go, there is nothing

wrong, it's us

> who are wrong.

>

> Special services " evaluated " him in the fall, told me with his test

scores

> there is obviously no learning disability, and they refused to do

further

> testing. He never saw the school psychologist, and I have come to

realize they

> didn't bother with him, and blew me off. When I asked them why a

smart child is

> failing his courses, which he is, the teachers told me he is

disruptive,

> disorganized, talks back and has behavior issues...well, DUH! So

let's give up on

> him, is that it? I guess that's easier than maybe taking the time

to help

> desperate parents and a disabled child.

>

> Anyhow, tomorrow I'm meeting with the school principal to appeal

his

> suspension, which is pretty nebulous, I'm told for being disruptive

in the class

> despite being asked to stop. It should be interesting. I asked if

I could bring my

> attorney and advocate (not that I have an advocate, yet) and was

told that

> would not be necessary. The " A " word, they don't

> like...Autism...Asperger's...Attorney...Advocate, guess those are

bad words.

>

> I'm so stressed I can't eat, sleep or get enjoyment out of

anything. Right

> now I'm sitting here, about to be late for work, listening to a

Springsteen

> concert CD, which is about the only thing that gives me any

pleasure lately.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

No, it sounds like he's way too volatile towards his parents for

homeschool. He needs therapeutic intervention. And perhaps meds?

There are meds like Risperdal that decrease rage. They're awesome.

Meira

>

> gluten-free diet or homeschool ??

>

> >>> <CyberMommyLJA@...> 3/22/2007 8:41 AM >>>

> What do you do with a child who insists it's us, not him, who

is " retarded,

> crazy, stupid, wrong, and needs help " . DS has just been suspended

a third

> time, and this is not counting in-school Saturdays, detention,

countless phone

> calls, etc. from school. He's 12, in 7th grade, absolutely

intelligent and

> incredibly immature, with a DX of AS and PDD-NOS. I'm fighting the

school system

> just to get him evaluated, and have hired an attorney because at

this point they

> are not answering phone calls or letters, and I'm at the end of my

rope.

>

> I want to get the kid help, but he's insisting when the child study

team

> calls him in for the eval, he's not going to go, there is nothing

wrong, it's us

> who are wrong.

>

> Special services " evaluated " him in the fall, told me with his test

scores

> there is obviously no learning disability, and they refused to do

further

> testing. He never saw the school psychologist, and I have come to

realize they

> didn't bother with him, and blew me off. When I asked them why a

smart child is

> failing his courses, which he is, the teachers told me he is

disruptive,

> disorganized, talks back and has behavior issues...well, DUH! So

let's give up on

> him, is that it? I guess that's easier than maybe taking the time

to help

> desperate parents and a disabled child.

>

> Anyhow, tomorrow I'm meeting with the school principal to appeal

his

> suspension, which is pretty nebulous, I'm told for being disruptive

in the class

> despite being asked to stop. It should be interesting. I asked if

I could bring my

> attorney and advocate (not that I have an advocate, yet) and was

told that

> would not be necessary. The " A " word, they don't

> like...Autism...Asperger's...Attorney...Advocate, guess those are

bad words.

>

> I'm so stressed I can't eat, sleep or get enjoyment out of

anything. Right

> now I'm sitting here, about to be late for work, listening to a

Springsteen

> concert CD, which is about the only thing that gives me any

pleasure lately.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You're quite welcome! (Takes a bow, still flying with happiness....)

Please keep us in your hopes and prayers that it holds this

afternoon....!!!!

Meira

>

> How wonderful!! What great news!! Congratulations!

>

> I'm saving your tips for when my kids do that! lol Thank you for

sharing

> this with us!

>

>

> -Jenn, AEP (ADD, Bi-Polar, Anxiety/Depression)

>

> Proud Momma of Cory Albert (14yrs ADHD), h Dawn (12yrs

> Anxiety/Depression)

> and Jerry Lee " Trey " (9yrs ADHD, Bi-Polar, Asperger's)

> -- ( ) Re: frustration overload and bizarre

response

>

> IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

lol I sure will! =) Let us know how it goes if you can

-Jenn, AEP (ADD, Bi-Polar, Anxiety/Depression)

Proud Momma of Cory Albert (14yrs ADHD), h Dawn (12yrs

Anxiety/Depression)

and Jerry Lee " Trey " (9yrs ADHD, Bi-Polar, Asperger's)

-- ( ) Re: frustration overload and bizarre

response

>

> IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

I learned something when I was a Nanny. People make mistakes and

what is important is just to admit it and make a goal of what would

be a better response. Dealing now with my daughter tests that

point, but even if I make the same mistake I try to remind myself of

what I want to do and forgive myself. Sometimes I have to leave the

room before I react negatively. If I scream at her or say something

I know I will regret, I apologize and we hug. I gave up on the idea

of being Supermom long ago. It is important for her to see me like

this to understand no one is perfect, including mom. What is

important is being responsible for your behavior. If she role

models that I think I would be doing my job.

Jen

, " coffeenut5 " <coffeenut5@...>

wrote:

>

> Can I ask what you guys do with frustration overload when there is

no

> release for it? No one to take over for a few moments, no end in

sight

> to the testing, no close friend to talk to. This morning was just

> horrible, the worst yet. After hours of the defiance, the backtalk,

> and the testing, I just spanked his butt (once), put him in his

room,

> slammed the door and just screamed. Then went into my own room and

> cried. Because I feel like a such a failure. I just don't know the

> right responses anymore (I think he knows this), and my patience

has

> run out. I know that if anyone will understand this, it's you guys.

>

> Thanks,

> Penny

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Oh wow did we have a tough morning. She got on the bus two

hours

> > ago and I'm just now recovered enough to talk about it. She

fought

> > me on *everything* and when I'd count, to take points from the

> > behavior portionfo the chart, she got very nasty. I kept having

to

> > send her to her room. It finally got to the point, after an

hour

> > and 40 minutes of fighting with her, that I said to her, " You

know

> > what, I don't care. It's not worth fighting with you anymore.

If

> > you don't want to get dressed, fine, go to school in your dipe

and

> > jammies. If you don't want to take your meds, fine, have no

control

> > whatsoever over your behaviors and spend the day in the time-out

> > room at school. If you don't want to brush your teeth, fine,

let

> > them rot out. If you want to use your sleeve instead of your

> > napkin, fine, walk around school all day covered in old food. I

> > don't care. Just know that at 7am you ARE getting on that

> > schoolbus. " And I walked out of the room. Next thing I know,

she's

> > making a mad

> > > dash through the house to get everything done in the 20

minutes

> > she had left. And when the school bus showed up, she ran out of

the

> > house to get on it. Unbelievable. I think I'm going to post a

list

> > of natural consequences next to her chore chart and stop

insisting

> > she do anything other than get on the bus at 7am and into her

room

> > at 7pm, for a few days, and see what happens. My life will

either

> > become infinitely simplified or I'll pull all of my hair out.

> > > Meira

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

My husband most likely has AS and was just like this when he was

younger. Even today he still thinks everyone else is messed up and

thinks he is normal. I don't think this midset changes, just self

control. He needs a behavior plan in place. Smart kids get bored

fast. They need to be challenged and kept busy. I would talk with

him about what he want to do when he is older. He is old enough to

apply his interests to a possible career. Maybe a non-tradional

school would be better. When I was growing up we had a school that

allowed problem children to finish school at their own pace. Most

of these kids we very bright with emotional problems. They did

great in this school and also focused on their talents.

Jen

>

> What do you do with a child who insists it's us, not him, who

is " retarded,

> crazy, stupid, wrong, and needs help " . DS has just been suspended

a third

> time, and this is not counting in-school Saturdays, detention,

countless phone

> calls, etc. from school. He's 12, in 7th grade, absolutely

intelligent and

> incredibly immature, with a DX of AS and PDD-NOS. I'm fighting

the school system

> just to get him evaluated, and have hired an attorney because at

this point they

> are not answering phone calls or letters, and I'm at the end of my

rope.

>

> I want to get the kid help, but he's insisting when the child

study team

> calls him in for the eval, he's not going to go, there is nothing

wrong, it's us

> who are wrong.

>

> Special services " evaluated " him in the fall, told me with his

test scores

> there is obviously no learning disability, and they refused to do

further

> testing. He never saw the school psychologist, and I have come to

realize they

> didn't bother with him, and blew me off. When I asked them why a

smart child is

> failing his courses, which he is, the teachers told me he is

disruptive,

> disorganized, talks back and has behavior issues...well, DUH! So

let's give up on

> him, is that it? I guess that's easier than maybe taking the time

to help

> desperate parents and a disabled child.

>

> Anyhow, tomorrow I'm meeting with the school principal to appeal

his

> suspension, which is pretty nebulous, I'm told for being

disruptive in the class

> despite being asked to stop. It should be interesting. I asked if

I could bring my

> attorney and advocate (not that I have an advocate, yet) and was

told that

> would not be necessary. The " A " word, they don't

> like...Autism...Asperger's...Attorney...Advocate, guess those are

bad words.

>

> I'm so stressed I can't eat, sleep or get enjoyment out of

anything. Right

> now I'm sitting here, about to be late for work, listening to a

Springsteen

> concert CD, which is about the only thing that gives me any

pleasure lately.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds good, I agree

jennifer_thorson <jennifer_thorson@...> wrote: I learned

something when I was a Nanny. People make mistakes and

what is important is just to admit it and make a goal of what would

be a better response. Dealing now with my daughter tests that

point, but even if I make the same mistake I try to remind myself of

what I want to do and forgive myself. Sometimes I have to leave the

room before I react negatively. If I scream at her or say something

I know I will regret, I apologize and we hug. I gave up on the idea

of being Supermom long ago. It is important for her to see me like

this to understand no one is perfect, including mom. What is

important is being responsible for your behavior. If she role

models that I think I would be doing my job.

Jen

, " coffeenut5 " <coffeenut5@...>

wrote:

>

> Can I ask what you guys do with frustration overload when there is

no

> release for it? No one to take over for a few moments, no end in

sight

> to the testing, no close friend to talk to. This morning was just

> horrible, the worst yet. After hours of the defiance, the backtalk,

> and the testing, I just spanked his butt (once), put him in his

room,

> slammed the door and just screamed. Then went into my own room and

> cried. Because I feel like a such a failure. I just don't know the

> right responses anymore (I think he knows this), and my patience

has

> run out. I know that if anyone will understand this, it's you guys.

>

> Thanks,

> Penny

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Oh wow did we have a tough morning. She got on the bus two

hours

> > ago and I'm just now recovered enough to talk about it. She

fought

> > me on *everything* and when I'd count, to take points from the

> > behavior portionfo the chart, she got very nasty. I kept having

to

> > send her to her room. It finally got to the point, after an

hour

> > and 40 minutes of fighting with her, that I said to her, " You

know

> > what, I don't care. It's not worth fighting with you anymore.

If

> > you don't want to get dressed, fine, go to school in your dipe

and

> > jammies. If you don't want to take your meds, fine, have no

control

> > whatsoever over your behaviors and spend the day in the time-out

> > room at school. If you don't want to brush your teeth, fine,

let

> > them rot out. If you want to use your sleeve instead of your

> > napkin, fine, walk around school all day covered in old food. I

> > don't care. Just know that at 7am you ARE getting on that

> > schoolbus. " And I walked out of the room. Next thing I know,

she's

> > making a mad

> > > dash through the house to get everything done in the 20

minutes

> > she had left. And when the school bus showed up, she ran out of

the

> > house to get on it. Unbelievable. I think I'm going to post a

list

> > of natural consequences next to her chore chart and stop

insisting

> > she do anything other than get on the bus at 7am and into her

room

> > at 7pm, for a few days, and see what happens. My life will

either

> > become infinitely simplified or I'll pull all of my hair out.

> > > Meira

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Sounds good, I agree

jennifer_thorson <jennifer_thorson@...> wrote: I learned

something when I was a Nanny. People make mistakes and

what is important is just to admit it and make a goal of what would

be a better response. Dealing now with my daughter tests that

point, but even if I make the same mistake I try to remind myself of

what I want to do and forgive myself. Sometimes I have to leave the

room before I react negatively. If I scream at her or say something

I know I will regret, I apologize and we hug. I gave up on the idea

of being Supermom long ago. It is important for her to see me like

this to understand no one is perfect, including mom. What is

important is being responsible for your behavior. If she role

models that I think I would be doing my job.

Jen

, " coffeenut5 " <coffeenut5@...>

wrote:

>

> Can I ask what you guys do with frustration overload when there is

no

> release for it? No one to take over for a few moments, no end in

sight

> to the testing, no close friend to talk to. This morning was just

> horrible, the worst yet. After hours of the defiance, the backtalk,

> and the testing, I just spanked his butt (once), put him in his

room,

> slammed the door and just screamed. Then went into my own room and

> cried. Because I feel like a such a failure. I just don't know the

> right responses anymore (I think he knows this), and my patience

has

> run out. I know that if anyone will understand this, it's you guys.

>

> Thanks,

> Penny

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Oh wow did we have a tough morning. She got on the bus two

hours

> > ago and I'm just now recovered enough to talk about it. She

fought

> > me on *everything* and when I'd count, to take points from the

> > behavior portionfo the chart, she got very nasty. I kept having

to

> > send her to her room. It finally got to the point, after an

hour

> > and 40 minutes of fighting with her, that I said to her, " You

know

> > what, I don't care. It's not worth fighting with you anymore.

If

> > you don't want to get dressed, fine, go to school in your dipe

and

> > jammies. If you don't want to take your meds, fine, have no

control

> > whatsoever over your behaviors and spend the day in the time-out

> > room at school. If you don't want to brush your teeth, fine,

let

> > them rot out. If you want to use your sleeve instead of your

> > napkin, fine, walk around school all day covered in old food. I

> > don't care. Just know that at 7am you ARE getting on that

> > schoolbus. " And I walked out of the room. Next thing I know,

she's

> > making a mad

> > > dash through the house to get everything done in the 20

minutes

> > she had left. And when the school bus showed up, she ran out of

the

> > house to get on it. Unbelievable. I think I'm going to post a

list

> > of natural consequences next to her chore chart and stop

insisting

> > she do anything other than get on the bus at 7am and into her

room

> > at 7pm, for a few days, and see what happens. My life will

either

> > become infinitely simplified or I'll pull all of my hair out.

> > > Meira

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I am the happiest Mommy around. It's still holding!!!! She loves

me!!! My house is calm and peaceful!!!! My child is compliant!!!!

She's forgetful and distractible and goofy and weird... and she's

happy and calm and listening to within her capabilities!!!!!! To

celebrate, I made her tonight the meal she missed last night. She

was quite pleased with herslf. She even took a shower without a

fuss!!!!! She's off brushing her teeth so I thought I'd jump in real

quick. Happy me....

=)

Meira

> > How wonderful!! What great news!! Congratulations!

> > I'm saving your tips for when my kids do that! lol Thank you for

> sharing

> > this with us!

> > -------Original Message-------

> >

> > From: meiraharvey

> > IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Oh how absolutely wonderful!! I'm SO happy for you both! BIG hugs for you

and her! Congrats!!

-Jenn, AEP (ADD, Bi-Polar, Anxiety/Depression)

Proud Momma of Cory Albert (14yrs ADHD), h Dawn (12yrs

Anxiety/Depression)

and Jerry Lee " Trey " (9yrs ADHD, Bi-Polar, Asperger's)

-- ( ) Re: frustration overload and bizarre response

I am the happiest Mommy around. It's still holding!!!! She loves

me!!! My house is calm and peaceful!!!! My child is compliant!!!!

She's forgetful and distractible and goofy and weird... and she's

happy and calm and listening to within her capabilities!!!!!! To

celebrate, I made her tonight the meal she missed last night. She

was quite pleased with herslf. She even took a shower without a

fuss!!!!! She's off brushing her teeth so I thought I'd jump in real

quick. Happy me....

=)

Meira

> > How wonderful!! What great news!! Congratulations!

> > I'm saving your tips for when my kids do that! lol Thank you for

> sharing

> > this with us!

> > -------Original Message-------

> >

> > From: meiraharvey

> > IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Awesome!!!! I'm so glad to hear the good news!!

Jenn <wyledbunch@...> wrote: Oh how absolutely wonderful!! I'm SO

happy for you both! BIG hugs for you

and her! Congrats!!

-Jenn, AEP (ADD, Bi-Polar, Anxiety/Depression)

Proud Momma of Cory Albert (14yrs ADHD), h Dawn (12yrs

Anxiety/Depression)

and Jerry Lee " Trey " (9yrs ADHD, Bi-Polar, Asperger's)

-- ( ) Re: frustration overload and bizarre response

I am the happiest Mommy around. It's still holding!!!! She loves

me!!! My house is calm and peaceful!!!! My child is compliant!!!!

She's forgetful and distractible and goofy and weird... and she's

happy and calm and listening to within her capabilities!!!!!! To

celebrate, I made her tonight the meal she missed last night. She

was quite pleased with herslf. She even took a shower without a

fuss!!!!! She's off brushing her teeth so I thought I'd jump in real

quick. Happy me....

=)

Meira

> > How wonderful!! What great news!! Congratulations!

> > I'm saving your tips for when my kids do that! lol Thank you for

> sharing

> > this with us!

> > -------Original Message-------

> >

> > From: meiraharvey

> > IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Yesterday wasc miraculous, both morning and night.

This morning was wonderful too- until 20 minutes before the bus came

for her when I asked her to brush her hair. She lost it. Completely

and utterly lost it. At 7am I picked up her shoes and coat and

backpack and lunchbox and put her and them on the bus. By time we

were at the bus, she was even worse. Her driver and aide are

wonderful. They told me not to worry about a thing, that they would

take care of her and keep her safe. At least I had a day and a bit

of peace, yes? Maybe this is a fluke? Sigh. I guess we'll see this

afternoon.

Oh and to make things even lovlier, my husband dropped something and

startled me and I jumped, and my finger got caught between the chair

arm and the table.

I think I'm going to go to physical therapy now and take out my

sadness and frustration on the equipment there.

Could use some hugs,

Meira

>

> Oh wow did we have a tough morning. She got on the bus two hours

ago and I'm just now recovered enough to talk about it. She fought

me on *everything* and when I'd count, to take points from the

behavior portionfo the chart, she got very nasty. I kept having to

send her to her room. It finally got to the point, after an hour and

40 minutes of fighting with her, that I said to her, " You know what,

I don't care. It's not worth fighting with you anymore. If you don't

want to get dressed, fine, go to school in your dipe and jammies. If

you don't want to take your meds, fine, have no control whatsoever

over your behaviors and spend the day in the time-out room at

school. If you don't want to brush your teeth, fine, let them rot

out. If you want to use your sleeve instead of your napkin, fine,

walk around school all day covered in old food. I don't care. Just

know that at 7am you ARE getting on that schoolbus. " And I walked

out of the room. Next thing I know, she's making a mad

> dash through the house to get everything done in the 20 minutes she

had left. And when the school bus showed up, she ran out of the

house to get on it. Unbelievable. I think I'm going to post a list

of natural consequences next to her chore chart and stop insisting

she do anything other than get on the bus at 7am and into her room at

7pm, for a few days, and see what happens. My life will either

become infinitely simplified or I'll pull all of my hair out.

> Meira

>

>

[Guest guest]

heres' a ((((((BIG HUG))))), wish I could give you one in person..I hope she

is better this afternoon and tonight...Toni

( ) Re: frustration overload and bizarre response

> Yesterday wasc miraculous, both morning and night.

> This morning was wonderful too- until 20 minutes before the bus came

> for her when I asked her to brush her hair. She lost it. Completely

> and utterly lost it. At 7am I picked up her shoes and coat and

> backpack and lunchbox and put her and them on the bus. By time we

> were at the bus, she was even worse. Her driver and aide are

> wonderful. They told me not to worry about a thing, that they would

> take care of her and keep her safe. At least I had a day and a bit

> of peace, yes? Maybe this is a fluke? Sigh. I guess we'll see this

> afternoon.

>

> Oh and to make things even lovlier, my husband dropped something and

> startled me and I jumped, and my finger got caught between the chair

> arm and the table.

>

> I think I'm going to go to physical therapy now and take out my

> sadness and frustration on the equipment there.

>

> Could use some hugs,

> Meira

>

>

> >

> > Oh wow did we have a tough morning. She got on the bus two hours

> ago and I'm just now recovered enough to talk about it. She fought

> me on *everything* and when I'd count, to take points from the

> behavior portionfo the chart, she got very nasty. I kept having to

> send her to her room. It finally got to the point, after an hour and

> 40 minutes of fighting with her, that I said to her, " You know what,

> I don't care. It's not worth fighting with you anymore. If you don't

> want to get dressed, fine, go to school in your dipe and jammies. If

> you don't want to take your meds, fine, have no control whatsoever

> over your behaviors and spend the day in the time-out room at

> school. If you don't want to brush your teeth, fine, let them rot

> out. If you want to use your sleeve instead of your napkin, fine,

> walk around school all day covered in old food. I don't care. Just

> know that at 7am you ARE getting on that schoolbus. " And I walked

> out of the room. Next thing I know, she's making a mad

> > dash through the house to get everything done in the 20 minutes she

> had left. And when the school bus showed up, she ran out of the

> house to get on it. Unbelievable. I think I'm going to post a list

> of natural consequences next to her chore chart and stop insisting

> she do anything other than get on the bus at 7am and into her room at

> 7pm, for a few days, and see what happens. My life will either

> become infinitely simplified or I'll pull all of my hair out.

> > Meira

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Thank you Toni. I have this sense of doom as schoolbus time

approaches... I think I;m going to give her the Freedom and Natural

Consequences Talk again, see if it does any good. Wish me luck. Meira

>

> heres' a ((((((BIG HUG))))), wish I could give you one in person..I

hope she

> is better this afternoon and tonight...Toni

> ( ) Re: frustration overload and bizarre

response

>

>

> > Yesterday wasc miraculous, both morning and night.

> > This morning was wonderful too- until 20 minutes before the bus

came

> > for her when I asked her to brush her hair. She lost it.

Completely

> > and utterly lost it. At 7am I picked up her shoes and coat and

> > backpack and lunchbox and put her and them on the bus. By time we

> > were at the bus, she was even worse. Her driver and aide are

> > wonderful. They told me not to worry about a thing, that they

would

> > take care of her and keep her safe. At least I had a day and a

bit

> > of peace, yes? Maybe this is a fluke? Sigh. I guess we'll see

this

> > afternoon.

> >

> > Oh and to make things even lovlier, my husband dropped something

and

> > startled me and I jumped, and my finger got caught between the

chair

> > arm and the table.

> >

> > I think I'm going to go to physical therapy now and take out my

> > sadness and frustration on the equipment there.

> >

> > Could use some hugs,

> > Meira

> >

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/23/2007 3:15:05 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

meira-harvey@... writes:

> . I have this sense of doom as schoolbus time

> approaches...

I have that same feeling of dread come pick up time. Also when my cell rings

and I see the school phone number in the caller ID. It's never, ever good

news.

[Guest guest]

Interesting how once I dropped a few names and made a stink at school today,

I got a return phone call from the Special Ed people...nah, it's just a

coincidence.

Barbara

[Guest guest]

Good luck! I know how you feel, I used to get a knot in my stomach everyday when

it was time to go get the boys from school.

( ) Re: frustration overload and bizarre

response

>

>

> > Yesterday wasc miraculous, both morning and night.

> > This morning was wonderful too- until 20 minutes before the bus

came

> > for her when I asked her to brush her hair. She lost it.

Completely

> > and utterly lost it. At 7am I picked up her shoes and coat and

> > backpack and lunchbox and put her and them on the bus. By time we

> > were at the bus, she was even worse. Her driver and aide are

> > wonderful. They told me not to worry about a thing, that they

would

> > take care of her and keep her safe. At least I had a day and a

bit

> > of peace, yes? Maybe this is a fluke? Sigh. I guess we'll see

this

> > afternoon.

> >

> > Oh and to make things even lovlier, my husband dropped something

and

> > startled me and I jumped, and my finger got caught between the

chair

> > arm and the table.

> >

> > I think I'm going to go to physical therapy now and take out my

> > sadness and frustration on the equipment there.

> >

> > Could use some hugs,

> > Meira

> >

[Guest guest]

Okay, I did it. I gave her the freedom and natural consequences talk

when she got home Friday. She was upset about it, but accepted it.

She refused to eat dinner until after dinner was over, then wanted

it. " Oh well " I said. Saturday morning, she pulled the same thing

for breakfast and lunch. " Oh well " I said each time and walked away,

no battles all day. By Saturday dinner, she got it that I was

serious, and sat down with us for dinner. Still no battles. This

morning, Sunday, she sat down with us for breakfast, and now is

asking me if she can please put her clean laundry away.

It seems like Wedsnesday night, I gave up too fast. I was so happy

that It Worked, and that I Was Right, that I caved when she cried

that she needed me and loved me and didn't want freedom anymore, that

she wanted to go back to the old plan of doing what's she told.

Well, the old plan had us battling again. I guess she gets something

out of that battling. Negative attention? Power over Mommy's

emotions and reactions? Well, it doesn't work for me.

So Freedom and Natural Consequences Plan it is. It works for us. I'm

keeping it. She's not going to waste away if she skips a few meals

to prove a point. She's not going to lose her hold on the academic

world if she chooses to not do her homework for a few nights. And if

she goes to school in socks only with her shoes and clean dry socks

in her backback for a few days, she will not die of hypothermia.

I've been thinking a lot about what someone said to me a few days

ago, that's been weighing heavily on my mind. He said that if he

didn't force his child to do his homework every night, he was setting

him up for failure, and that he was sure that was true for all Aspie

kids, and that he felt I did a grave disservice to my most recent

client and mu own child. I'm sure he meant well in what he said, but

it was very hurtful. And untrue.

As parents, we each have to define for ourselves, and for our own

children, the definition of failure. And the definition of success.

Do I want my child to go to college? Yes. Do I think she will be able

to succeed there? No. Do I care? Yes. Do I plan to help her get

there and get through it if that's what she wants? Absolutely. Is it

my main goal for her? Not even close.

Right now that simply can't be *our* priority. *Our* priority right

now is finding a way for this child to function in the universe. We

have to find a way for her to not tantrum and scream and lose it. We

have to find a way to have a calm and loving and peaceful and

supportive and safe home. The three of us... hopefully soon to be

the four or five of us...need peace and calm more than we need

college prep. We need dry sheets in the morning more than we need a

graduate degree. We need the house to remain standing someday when

she finds her way through the latest set of babygates more than we

need her to have her own house and yard and white picket fence. I

think the homeschooling moms probably agree with me.

The reason a lot of us homeschool is because the pressure of

traditional school is simply too much for our Aspie kids. The

gentleman who so severely criticized me said it himself- the reason

nighttime homework is such a battle is because these kids have been

holding it together all day, and to hold it together all night too is

simply too much for them. I agree completely. Which is why I made

that recommendation for that child, and why I follow it for my own

when she gets too agitated.

We each have to make our own choices. Gather all of the information,

educate ourselves to the best of our abilities, get and give support

and advice to others in our situation, and do what we feel is best

for our own individual kids.

I hope this makes sense. Off to Sunday School...

Meira, who hasn't had to deal with a tantrum or backtalk at all for

over 24 hours, and is loving it!!!!

> >

> > heres' a ((((((BIG HUG))))), wish I could give you one in

person..I

> hope she

> > is better this afternoon and tonight...Toni

> > ( ) Re: frustration overload and

bizarre

> response

> >

> >

> > > Yesterday wasc miraculous, both morning and night.

> > > This morning was wonderful too- until 20 minutes before the

bus

> came

> > > for her when I asked her to brush her hair. She lost it.

> Completely

> > > and utterly lost it. At 7am I picked up her shoes and coat and

> > > backpack and lunchbox and put her and them on the bus. By

time we

> > > were at the bus, she was even worse. Her driver and aide are

> > > wonderful. They told me not to worry about a thing, that they

> would

> > > take care of her and keep her safe. At least I had a day and

a

> bit

> > > of peace, yes? Maybe this is a fluke? Sigh. I guess we'll see

> this

> > > afternoon.

> > >

> > > Oh and to make things even lovlier, my husband dropped

something

> and

> > > startled me and I jumped, and my finger got caught between

the

> chair

> > > arm and the table.

> > >

> > > I think I'm going to go to physical therapy now and take out

my

> > > sadness and frustration on the equipment there.

> > >

> > > Could use some hugs,

> > > Meira

> > >

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I completely agree with you Meira and wonderful news Meira that you're

making such great progress! Congratulations!

-Jenn, AEP (ADD, Bi-Polar, Anxiety/Depression)

Proud Momma of Cory Albert (14yrs ADHD), h Dawn (12yrs

Anxiety/Depression)

and Jerry Lee " Trey " (9yrs ADHD, Bi-Polar, Asperger's)

-- ( ) Re: frustration overload and bizarre response

Okay, I did it. I gave her the freedom and natural consequences talk

when she got home Friday. She was upset about it, but accepted it.

She refused to eat dinner until after dinner was over, then wanted

it. " Oh well " I said. Saturday morning, she pulled the same thing

for breakfast and lunch. " Oh well " I said each time and walked away,

no battles all day. By Saturday dinner, she got it that I was

serious, and sat down with us for dinner. Still no battles. This

morning, Sunday, she sat down with us for breakfast, and now is

asking me if she can please put her clean laundry away.

It seems like Wedsnesday night, I gave up too fast. I was so happy

that It Worked, and that I Was Right, that I caved when she cried

that she needed me and loved me and didn't want freedom anymore, that

she wanted to go back to the old plan of doing what's she told.

Well, the old plan had us battling again. I guess she gets something

out of that battling. Negative attention? Power over Mommy's

emotions and reactions? Well, it doesn't work for me.

So Freedom and Natural Consequences Plan it is. It works for us. I'm

keeping it. She's not going to waste away if she skips a few meals

to prove a point. She's not going to lose her hold on the academic

world if she chooses to not do her homework for a few nights. And if

she goes to school in socks only with her shoes and clean dry socks

in her backback for a few days, she will not die of hypothermia.

I've been thinking a lot about what someone said to me a few days

ago, that's been weighing heavily on my mind. He said that if he

didn't force his child to do his homework every night, he was setting

him up for failure, and that he was sure that was true for all Aspie

kids, and that he felt I did a grave disservice to my most recent

client and mu own child. I'm sure he meant well in what he said, but

it was very hurtful. And untrue.

As parents, we each have to define for ourselves, and for our own

children, the definition of failure. And the definition of success.

Do I want my child to go to college? Yes. Do I think she will be able

to succeed there? No. Do I care? Yes. Do I plan to help her get

there and get through it if that's what she wants? Absolutely. Is it

my main goal for her? Not even close.

Right now that simply can't be *our* priority. *Our* priority right

now is finding a way for this child to function in the universe. We

have to find a way for her to not tantrum and scream and lose it. We

have to find a way to have a calm and loving and peaceful and

supportive and safe home. The three of us... hopefully soon to be

the four or five of us...need peace and calm more than we need

college prep. We need dry sheets in the morning more than we need a

graduate degree. We need the house to remain standing someday when

she finds her way through the latest set of babygates more than we

need her to have her own house and yard and white picket fence. I

think the homeschooling moms probably agree with me.

The reason a lot of us homeschool is because the pressure of

traditional school is simply too much for our Aspie kids. The

gentleman who so severely criticized me said it himself- the reason

nighttime homework is such a battle is because these kids have been

holding it together all day, and to hold it together all night too is

simply too much for them. I agree completely. Which is why I made

that recommendation for that child, and why I follow it for my own

when she gets too agitated.

We each have to make our own choices. Gather all of the information,

educate ourselves to the best of our abilities, get and give support

and advice to others in our situation, and do what we feel is best

for our own individual kids.

I hope this makes sense. Off to Sunday School...

Meira, who hasn't had to deal with a tantrum or backtalk at all for

over 24 hours, and is loving it!!!!

> >

> > heres' a ((((((BIG HUG))))), wish I could give you one in

person..I

> hope she

> > is better this afternoon and tonight...Toni

> > ( ) Re: frustration overload and

bizarre

> response

> >

> >

> > > Yesterday wasc miraculous, both morning and night.

> > > This morning was wonderful too- until 20 minutes before the

bus

> came

> > > for her when I asked her to brush her hair. She lost it.

> Completely

> > > and utterly lost it. At 7am I picked up her shoes and coat and

> > > backpack and lunchbox and put her and them on the bus. By

time we

> > > were at the bus, she was even worse. Her driver and aide are

> > > wonderful. They told me not to worry about a thing, that they

> would

> > > take care of her and keep her safe. At least I had a day and

a

> bit

> > > of peace, yes? Maybe this is a fluke? Sigh. I guess we'll see

> this

> > > afternoon.

> > >

> > > Oh and to make things even lovlier, my husband dropped

something

> and

> > > startled me and I jumped, and my finger got caught between

the

> chair

> > > arm and the table.

> > >

> > > I think I'm going to go to physical therapy now and take out

my

> > > sadness and frustration on the equipment there.

> > >

> > > Could use some hugs,

> > > Meira

> > >

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Jenn!!!

>

> I completely agree with you Meira and wonderful news Meira that you're

> making such great progress! Congratulations!

>

>

> -Jenn, AEP (ADD, Bi-Polar, Anxiety/Depression)

>

[Guest guest]

LOL... Nuh uh,,,

>

> Interesting how once I dropped a few names and made a stink at school

today,

> I got a return phone call from the Special Ed people...nah, it's just

a

> coincidence.

>

> Barbara

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You're welcome! =)

-Jenn, AEP (ADD, Bi-Polar, Anxiety/Depression)

Proud Momma of Cory Albert (14yrs ADHD), h Dawn (12yrs

Anxiety/Depression)

and Jerry Lee " Trey " (9yrs ADHD, Bi-Polar, Asperger's)

-- ( ) Re: frustration overload and bizarre response

Thank you Jenn!!!

>

> I completely agree with you Meira and wonderful news Meira that you're

> making such great progress! Congratulations!

>

>

> -Jenn, AEP (ADD, Bi-Polar, Anxiety/Depression)

>