Need advice asap

[Guest guest]

It sounds like the teacher doesn't have any kids.. They are definitely way

off base and jumping to conclusions!

-- Re: ( ) Need advice asap

>

> I went into work today and theres no way I can get out of work. I

am waiting for my mother in law to call me back to see what she can

do for me tomorrow. I just think that telling me my son was

masterbating really was harsh. I know he has NO clue what that means,

my goodness - he is 6 1/2. My hubby is in Alabama right now and is so

upset over all this and I havent even told him about my conversation

w/ the social worker yet!

>

> Holly

Dear Holly,

What part of Alabama are you moving to? I live in the north part of

Alabama in a small town and my ds was the first in the school system

to have the Asperger's diagnosis. We have had a hard time getting

appropriate services for him. We've even talked to the state

education people and are not really getting anywhere. Our son is

homeschooled right now. He's 12. So don't count on Alabama's

educational system to help unless you will be residing in a large

town.

Dr. Jan Mathieson in Birmingham is an excellent pediatric

neurologist. Dr. Brunsvold in Birmingham is an excellent pediatric

psychiatrist. 's Place in Birmingham offers full

psycho/educational assessments on autistic kids (including asperger's

kids). They also have an afterschool social skills program for

aspies. The state autism society has their office located at

's Place. Ask for at the autism office.

As for the other thing, my son would rub up against something all the

time when he was that age. I guess it felt good and he didn't even

realize what he was doing. I had to keep on him over and over that

was something to do in private. He did it a lot when he was stressed

or was playing a computer or video game. I think they call it

stimming (similar to repeatedly rocking or spinning or etc.). It is

not what adult men or teenagers do and anyone with any knowledge

about autism (i.e. teachers and/or administrators and/or special ed

people) should know this.

I'm sorry this happened to you and your ds. People can be so stupid

about our kids. Good luck with your move.

C

[Guest guest]

HI TAKE HIM ANYWAY GO TO THE SAME PICNIC SPOT YOURSELF AND HAVE A PICNIC

TOGETHER THEY CARNT STOP YOU DOING THAT LOL

yours faithfully michelle

Send instant messages to your online friends http://uk.messenger.

[Guest guest]

Ditto!

Every behavior has a function and his certainly is not to be

disrespectful, but to stop whatever is causing him anxiety or

discomfort...whether it is the surrounding environment or

misunderstanding an assignment or fearing to make a mistake...With

our son, we have learned that rewards work better than punishment (or

removal of something) b/c the negative only increases the anxiety

whereas, an appropriate reward can motivate as well as increase self-

confidence. Just be sure to document, document, document!

>

> Dear Ms. Teacher.

> If Jayden's behavior has been problematic and interfering with his

learning and others then it would seem reasonable at this time to do

a functional behavioral analysis and institute a positive behavioral

support plan. Please contact me to discuss this as soon as

possible. Thank you for your patience.

> ( ) NEED ADVICE ASAP

>

>

> I got this email from my son's teacher today.

> Wind,

> Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad.

He

> has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean

> ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his

> stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things

that he

> is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any

> directions, and thinks that if he pouts and drags his feet long

> enough that I will just forget or it will go away. Therefore, I

am

> taking away his lunch recess today and sending him to Homework

Help

> in the library. I will continue to do this for every day that

this

> continues until he seems to understand that he cannot do whatever

he

> wants. He refused to do his reading assignment and then would not

> work on his writing with Mrs. Heimerl either. We just can't

tolerate

> the disrespect he is demonstrating and blame it on the aspergers.

> Is there anything from the homefront that is going on that may be

> contributing to this, besides just coming back from break? Did he

> take a break from his meds while on break and they need time to

kick

> in again? I just haven't seen him quite this bad before and am

> looking for a reason. As of right now I have not shared this with

> Mrs. Petrovich, so you only need to reply back to me.

> Thanks for your help,

> Marie

>

> I am trying to formualte a response and so far, what I've come up

> with, is not nice. LOL Please help!! here's my response so far...

>

> Marie,

> He has been fine at home so I have no idea why he is having

trouble

> at school. I would prefer you not try to interpret what he is

> thinking or feeling because you, nor I, have any idea. I

seriously

> doubt he doesn't want to work or follow directions because he

> certainly does not enjoy getting into trouble. And, if i recall

our

> conference, he is trying to do exactly what YOU suggested. in

front

> of him..avoiding the work. When asked about negative behaviors he

> rarely knows why he did them and feels bad about it.

>

> Thanks for your help!!

>

[Guest guest]

I am assuming from your id that you are from Michigan. I only say

this because if you were from another country other than the US this

would not necesarily apply but if the teacher knows that your son has

AS I assume that you have a 504 or IEP in place. With this

assumption there should be a plan in place for behavior or education

problems. Is the teacher following the plan?

A quick story from my history. I had a teacher that wasn't really

good at dealing with my son's issues. I received a letter from the

principal after several instances behavior problems. The letter

essentially stated that if the behavior problems continued I would be

called to pick him up from school after insidences. To me this

sounded like informal suspension so I contaced the state department

of education and talked with the head of special ed. Her first

question was what does the IEP say should be done when he has a

behavior problem. It had been set up in our IEP that they would send

him to the Special Ed room until he was calm enough to return to

class. She said that they needed to follow the plan. I called and

talked to the principal and basically said I got your letter but

shouldn't you be following the IEP. From that day on they started

following the IEP and working much closer with the spec ed teacher.

Things have improved immesurably since then mostly because the spec

ed teacher was more involved in his education.

I understand that the teacher is frustrated and coming accross a

little harshly. Over the years we have had many times when we

thought things were fine only to find out that for a week or more

they had had problems at school. Often this led to our talking to

the Psychiatrist and adjusting my sons meds. Sometimes it is just

about other things like holidays. My son always has problems for the

week or two before any holdidy. When I get the calls or notes that

indicate a problem a big part of me is frustrated that they waited so

long to let me know. But when I think about it I realize that they

are also trying to figure out if something has changed in the

classroom that is causing the problems. They are trying to do their

job and teach. I have always tried to take these challenges and use

it to prove to them that I want to be a part of the team. I do my

part to see if I can figure out what is at the root of the problem.

I let them know that I want to help them figure out a solution. Maybe

she just wants to know that she has your support. You can always go

to war with the school later if diplomacy doesn't work but maybe you

should just call or go to the school and talk to the teacher, spec ed

teacher etc.

Vickie

> I got this email from my son's teacher today.

> Wind,

> Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad. He

> has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean

> ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his

> stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things that

he

> is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any

> directions, and thinks that if he pouts and drags his feet long

> enough that I will just forget or it will go away. Therefore, I am

> taking away his lunch recess today and sending him to Homework

Help

> in the library. I will continue to do this for every day that this

> continues until he seems to understand that he cannot do whatever

he

> wants. He refused to do his reading assignment and then would not

> work on his writing with Mrs. Heimerl either. We just can't

tolerate

> the disrespect he is demonstrating and blame it on the aspergers.

> Is there anything from the homefront that is going on that may be

> contributing to this, besides just coming back from break? Did he

> take a break from his meds while on break and they need time to

kick

> in again? I just haven't seen him quite this bad before and am

> looking for a reason. As of right now I have not shared this with

> Mrs. Petrovich, so you only need to reply back to me.

> Thanks for your help,

> Marie

>

> I am trying to formualte a response and so far, what I've come up

> with, is not nice. LOL Please help!! here's my response so far...

>

> Marie,

> He has been fine at home so I have no idea why he is having trouble

> at school. I would prefer you not try to interpret what he is

> thinking or feeling because you, nor I, have any idea. I seriously

> doubt he doesn't want to work or follow directions because he

> certainly does not enjoy getting into trouble. And, if i recall

our

> conference, he is trying to do exactly what YOU suggested. in front

> of him..avoiding the work. When asked about negative behaviors he

> rarely knows why he did them and feels bad about it.

>

> Thanks for your help!!

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, request a FBA be done and ASAP...but it may be the teacher that is causing the problems...plus the loud classroom. Just be firm with this teacher but always do it in a round about way...otherwise you will have a year of Hell....that happened to me with my son in 5th grade and I ddin't even know he had Aspergers.

I'll never forget the IEP team meeting that year...his teacher/case manager walked in and she had the look of the wicked witch of the West....thank goodness I had my two advocates with me. Needless to say this was the worst year for my son...and the next year he had her for the special reading program. Ughhhhhhhhhh!

So, always be careful of your wording....if you are angry....type or write something and then rip it up...and then start again. I know...I have been there. This teacher doesn't know anything about AS and like you said doesn't want to be bothered by a child who doesn't fit in. I know...I see it ....been there and done it.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: <@ hotmail.com>Subject: ( ) Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP Date: Wednesday, January 7, 2009, 3:18 PM

Hi, I don't know the history, if any, with school or teacher, etc. But I would also add that you will talk to Jayden to see what you can find out. I imagine you'll ask him about it, if he didn't have a problem before break, then it might just be he needs time to adjust being back in school and having to get back into routine, doing work, etc. May be she'll have to take a different approach to getting him back to work again. I wonder how'll he handle the Homework Library.Just me, but I would appreciate the email from her, otherwise you don't know what's going on until later, if at all, gives you a chance to talk to him, correct anything you need to (re talk about how he needs to do the work, what's the problem, etc.) I always appreciated the teachers calls with each of my sons and wished they'd called a few times they didn't (we did calls more than emails). Of course over the years

there were teachers I really didn't like myself but still had to get through the year with them.>> I got this email from my son's teacher today.> Wind, > Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad. He > has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean > ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his > stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things that he > is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any

[Guest guest]

Oh, well there's definitely lots to discuss at that meeting. Hope

you can get some good things set up to help him out with the

classroom (noise, too many people, etc.) and decide how to handle

work when he has problems (like the story questions). I agree about

the work, giving more time or breaking things down, etc., no need not

to do it when he's capable and support accommodations can help.

I have 3 sons, one with OCD/Aspergers/dysgraphia (all grown now, only

if you go by age, LOL) and there were times with each of them I

wondered about some " reading comprehension " or processing problem,

either because they didn't seem to understand a story or couldn't

tell me what they read, varied; some grades they seemed fine, others

had me wondering! I actually had one tested by the school

twice, " just passed " the testing (way I looked at results he " just

passed'). Anyway, he's doing okay in college. They all seemed to

improve in that area. I used to mention to the school that 's

perception (my Aspie) might affect what he writes about topics

(stories read, etc.) but he did well overall. When his OCD began so

severely, had to get a 504 Plan for him (middle school) but by high

school he didn't even use the accommodations/modifications in it, if

so very rarely.

Do update us after that meeting.

>

> A brief history of the teacher...I met with her before school began

and gave her some info about the sensory disorder, a book on

classroom tips and also info on asperger's.  At the first conference

she asked that we bring the kids along.  I brought my son.  His work

was great...he rarely gets anything wrong and has meltdowns if he

does...perfectionist 100%.  While there she told me that she heard he

had some meltdowns with rocket math last year (1 minute to get their

individualized number of problems) so she was wondering if I'd mind

[Guest guest]

Hi. I'm kind of new here and was just reading messages to aquaint

myself with the board, but I felt the need to comment on this one.

Call an IEP review meeting and have it added to the IEP that the

student can take home assignments when they are not completed at

school. I agree that the student should not be punished if the

appropriate environment cannot be provided.

If you call and IEP review (which is your absolute right), they have

to honor your request and the teacher will know you are serious.

Who is on your son's IEP? And, by the way, teachers will not give

you anything you give them - just my experience. The teachers I've

given stuff to read didn't read it and ended up retaliating against

my son. I rely on the special ed and autism consultant to help me

get this information/training/understanding to the teacher.

> >

> > I got this email from my son's teacher today.

> > Wind,

> > Jayden's behavior over the past three days has been really bad.

He

> > has a huge attitude when asked to do anything, and I do mean

> > ANYTHING. My patience has run out and I won't tolerate his

> > stubborness, when the things I am asking him to do are things

that

> he

> > is capable of. He simply doesn't want to work or follow any

>

[Guest guest]

I agree. Go, in person, and speak with the principal. Also call the

school office and ask for the phone number of the school district's

autism consultant or specialist and see if you can meet with that

person. The autism consultant that is on my son's IEP helps me

communicate (and teach) the teacher how best to deal with my son and

explain certain behaviors that are related to his diagnosis.

I have learned to be " in their face " in a polite and professional way

goes a long way. And when they learn that you aren't just going to

give up, they generally will work with you because they have learned

that you aren't going to give them the choice not to.

Have you ever gone to your son's classroom and observed? I have done

that when the occasion called for it. Gets the teacher's attention,

that's for sure.

Every time we have an IEP review for my son, we also discuss things

like too much noise and stuff. My son also has a lot of trouble

concentrating when it's too noisy. The team is there to help you

find solutions.

Good luck! Don't give up!

>

> > While I appreciate a note to the teacher, in my opinion, you now

> need to forward what you sent the teacher to the principal at the

> school, the guidance counselor, and if you don't have any school

plans

> in place already, ask for an IEP and a 504 NOW and first, and add

the

> behavioral assessment to it. A teacher MAY NEVER GET THAT TO THE

> RIGHT PERSON, and the school is, by law, required to evaluate the

> child immediately for a 504 and an IEP when you request it, so

please

> do send your note to others than just the teacher. The principal

> needs to know the issues you are having with the teacher, too, as

your

> letter was impressive, and that is nothing to keep private; I would

> share it, excellent, and well done. The guidance counselor has a

huge

> role in ensuring your child has the IEP / 504, etc. Good luck!!!

>

> This is what I was going to say too. I would go so far as to say

that

> your response should be more to the school administration than to

the

> teacher. If this teacher is talking about your son

being " stubborn " ,

> she is not understanding Asperger. They need to find out why he is

> avoiding " everything " .

>

> Whatever you do, don't just send a response to the teacher. If you

> already have, send copies to everybody on the IEP or 504 team, the

> counselor and principal if your child does not have any official

supports.

>

> Personally, I have learned not to waste too much time on teachers

who

> have so little understanding of Asperger and so little idea of how

to

> effectively teach them. You'll just waste precious learning time

for

> your child and get you both upset (yourself and the teacher). It is

> highly unlikely you will solve anything just between the two of you

> without help from one of the teacher's bosses. If it were me, I

would

> go straight to whoever is heading your child's team, like I said the

> principal and counselor if your child does not have official

supports,

> and let them know the teacher needs help and initiate resolving the

> problem.

>

> Hope this helps!

>

> Ruth (I have a 14yo son with Asperger, with a twin brother heading

in

> that direction, but not clinical.)

>