Guest guest Posted June 11, 2004 Report Share Posted June 11, 2004 I completely support your contention that parents need to research things as thoroughly as possible, aside from this board. However, this board provides jumping off points for many parents, as there is such a vast amount of info. out there, and sad to say, not all of it is correct. So the anecdotal helps in that it correlates more closely with what is " actually " going on with these kids versus what Doctors or pharmaceutical companies would have us believe. Plus, most of the info. is so slanted towards a commercial end that often times claims are made regarding a product that are simply unrealistic, dare I say it, a lie. Then you add in the mix most studies are conducted on adults and not children, ( contrary to Physician belief, children are not simply mini adults, they are entities unto themselves). So be patient with those of us that throw questions out there. I'm not asking you to repeat yourself to the same individuals over and over, but bear in mind the subject lines take time to wade through and aren't always accurate/topic specific when you're trying to find info. on a topic that was already covered. My husband is the bread winner, for a long time that was it. In terms of treatment and research he was more of a hindrance than a help, for a long time. Finally after months of marriage counseling, we are a team in this, in that he supports, doesn't fight me. 80% of marriages that bear a special needs child end up in divorce, so be upset if you'd like that fathers aren't more involved, but that the couple isn't divorced is a feat in and of itself. Because then resources are split, time is no longer available for research, therapy, etc. I wouldn't lower the bar for fathers, which is why my husband and I are still in therapy, but that is reality and there is no time to wallow in the injustice of it all. in summary > what i think is happening is people are not doing off board research > work, only reading posts that suit them and also because of the lack > of involvement by thier husbands in problem solving are just getting > caught in circular suppelment mazes creating a trap of non > improvement or modulated regression that is creating a dependency on > asking and needing helpful information posted in reply that just goes > on in endless circles without improvement and i am being caught in > this > > doctors in theory of course should be supplying the assistance of > the male reasoning process but unfortnately the medical education has > become so malign that dcotring is less than helpful and > counterproductive > > the cruelty of life is observable and can be a simple as the way the > dice has rolled and though one feels for the truama of as children > i really should be backing out of the board to the extent that > posting yields some help to me as well rather than banging my head > against a brick wall.......... > > io really am thr only male posting consitently on this boord and i > must be recovering to the point that is now an issues and feel like > this is a girls own classroom with all the problems. > > so if the husbands don't take an interest why should i? > > you can't separate the parent from the child so a lot of what happens > here is just not my issue and unfortuate as it is for the children i > just have to back out. > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2004 Report Share Posted June 12, 2004 Talk about not using the board properly! Good grief! I've only been actively reading this board for about a week, but I'm already sick of you, NOT the people asking questions and seeking advice. If you can't be helpful to the members of this board, then go away. If you have an issue with a member on the board, either take it up with them individually or for goodness sakes let it go! Quit bogging down this board with your complaints. I have done research on enzymes but came here for anecdotal evidence prior to starting them with my son. I can research until my head is about to explode and make a decision based on that, but I find anecdotal evidence from other parents to be extremely helpful. I know you're probably trying to dazzle us poor women with your vast manly vocabulary, but perhaps you should try to use correct capitalization, punctuation, spelling, and eliminate the run on sentences. I appreciate any advice given me, regardless of gender. I don't care who or what you are, if you have something to add I'll listen and evaluate. Get off the gender horse! I too am the primary researcher in my house - not because my husband isn't interested, but because I have the time and a scientific mind more suited to researching medical issues than he. I give my husband the overview of what I find, but he trusts me to make good judgments and do what's best for our son. It's not disinterest, it's placing the responsibility with the one who is best suited to do it. I handle the science and he gets the nitty gritty of what we have to DO - and does it. Seeing results is enough for him to know that I'm doing the right thing, without him feeling like he must know more than me. Sorry everybody. I'm new to this board and quite frustrated with this line of bickering. Hope I haven't offended anyone. I will not add to this any further and I hope nobody else does either. Let's get back to what we're here for. > what i think is happening is people are not doing off board research > work, only reading posts that suit them and also because of the lack > of involvement by thier husbands in problem solving are just getting > caught in circular suppelment mazes creating a trap of non > improvement or modulated regression that is creating a dependency on > asking and needing helpful information posted in reply that just goes > on in endless circles without improvement and i am being caught in > this > > doctors in theory of course should be supplying the assistance of > the male reasoning process but unfortnately the medical education has > become so malign that dcotring is less than helpful and > counterproductive > > the cruelty of life is observable and can be a simple as the way the > dice has rolled and though one feels for the truama of as children > i really should be backing out of the board to the extent that > posting yields some help to me as well rather than banging my head > against a brick wall.......... > > io really am thr only male posting consitently on this boord and i > must be recovering to the point that is now an issues and feel like > this is a girls own classroom with all the problems. > > so if the husbands don't take an interest why should i? > > you can't separate the parent from the child so a lot of what happens > here is just not my issue and unfortuate as it is for the children i > just have to back out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2004 Report Share Posted June 12, 2004 ok, i am sick of being used anyway. " you can't be helpful to the members of this board, then go away. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2004 Report Share Posted June 12, 2004 Everyone on this board is either a user or being used or what is the point? When I taught special education for eight years, I saw that it usually took the husband a full year behind the wife to even accept the diagnosis. I asked my husband about this in our own situation, because it seemed true many years later for us, too. He said he thought this was because I spent so much more time with our child than he did and he simply didn't see the problems so readily. I do know several at-home or work-at-home fathers of AS, and they are quite well-informed seekers. They seem to be on much more equal ground with their wives regarding being informed about alternative treatments than the reversed more traditional couples. Maybe post your frustration separately, not as a response to a individual, especially someone new? Since I am female, I can say that we tend not to take to well to being chastised publicly, at least until we've already got our footing (bring it on, LOL). Will add that some people don't realize how long you've been on boards and the progress made. I have a really hard time holding my tongue about some things I see you being brave enough to uncover (agree with you on the " Law " of Inf...), but usually there is no convincing someone unless they asked to be convinced and will otherwise take offense if it is approached on a personal level rather than " here is what worked for me " or " look at the info I found " . Personal level is interpreted as an attack rather than frustration with the overall picture that you see as an AS adult who has been on so many boards for so long. (Now realizing you could publicly flog me for not cutting back more on my son's sugar intake!) > what i think is happening is people are not doing off board research > work, only reading posts that suit them and also because of the lack > of involvement by thier husbands in problem solving are just getting > caught in circular suppelment mazes creating a trap of non > improvement or modulated regression that is creating a dependency on > asking and needing helpful information posted in reply that just goes > on in endless circles without improvement and i am being caught in > this > > doctors in theory of course should be supplying the assistance of > the male reasoning process but unfortnately the medical education has > become so malign that dcotring is less than helpful and > counterproductive > > the cruelty of life is observable and can be a simple as the way the > dice has rolled and though one feels for the truama of as children > i really should be backing out of the board to the extent that > posting yields some help to me as well rather than banging my head > against a brick wall.......... > > io really am thr only male posting consitently on this boord and i > must be recovering to the point that is now an issues and feel like > this is a girls own classroom with all the problems. > > so if the husbands don't take an interest why should i? > > you can't separate the parent from the child so a lot of what happens > here is just not my issue and unfortuate as it is for the children i > just have to back out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2004 Report Share Posted June 12, 2004 In a message dated 6/12/2004 1:30:27 PM Eastern Standard Time, mrrva@... writes: > You don't have to like what andrew says but don't tell > him to go away. I need his insight, prickliness, > clear articulation and all. > Seconding. He has many times been ahead of the curve and we need him here. Nell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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