Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 Our almost 14 year old is just like this! He ALWAYS has been, I might add; he really does think money grows on a tree (or, we think he does anyway)....our other Aspies son is very normal about his wants / age appropriate; the 14 year old is in for a big shocker when he works and has to pay for something!! He just does not get it! Ruthie Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 TRUE--and we are very careful to pick consequences for our children that fit each of the three of them separately. 'the repeating you'---I would praise the daylights out of that: Oh, honey, I am sooooo glad that you understand and believe, too, that "too much TV is not good anyway." That just makes me SOOO proud to be your mom when I hear you say things like that!! I just know that you are going to leave home when you are grown up and have some great skills.....even at 13, my son EATS this up---I obviously have to say it age appropriately! Another GREAT idea that works for us, especially with the 13 year old---okay, here's the deal....."tell the plan"......, if that does not go as planned, what do you feel would be an appropriate consequence? 99 percent of the time, his idea is much more STRICT than anything we had in mind, and think, over the years, he may have chosen his consequence ONCE---pretty much does what we had planned to avoid his own consequence! Also, he feels mature by this. With a need or not, ice cream outing is a reward, earn it or don't. We often hear (and have since 18 months of age HONESTLY) from the 13 year old, fine, don't care, did not want that anyway, etc.--we call him our sabatoger. We do NOT make things that are NOT A CHOICE a reward or consequence, PERIOD. He never misses a sporting activity regardless of homework issues, behavior, etc. and it has been this way since 6 years of age / HE NEEDS THE EXERCISE AND SOCIAL NETWORKING AND TO BELONG TO SOMETHING--and he loves it----if we take it for a consequence, he won't ever go out again, and we know that, so that is NOT a choice. He wants to go to a Raiders (OAKLAND) football game, so we bought him tickets for his birthday (November 22) to see them at the Chiefs---NOT GOING TO BE A CHOICE--he cannot earn it (tickets are too expensive for that!!!) so he knows it is a birthday and Christmas gift this year. Best loss for him is the cable to the gaming system. He gets so much time everyday, can earn EXTRA TIME for good behavior, and looses it for things he know are rule breakers. It works. He will stop mid-sentence and re-phrase it / he quit cursing and verbally abusing us in a month's time (FOR REAL----he is doing it). We just can't believe we finally have a system that is working; I do credit tons of professionals and parents for their ideas though / we try almost everything that comes down the pike that is free! Ruthie Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Discover the new Windows Vista Learn more! Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows. Answers - Check it out. Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Travel. Looking for a deal? Find great prices on flights and hotels with FareChase. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 another great idea. [something for her]. she must be so excited to complete her list. C <justformom@...> wrote: I have done the list thing...for my 4 yo and it works for her! I always make sure I put something for her at the end of the list :-) Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Discover the new Windows Vista Learn more! Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows. Answers - Check it out. Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Travel. Don't let your dream ride pass you by. Make it a reality with Autos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 Thank you, Roxanna! and I have found the parts of the law (I love law---have to admit the special ed law is very drab and boring--in my opinion--no wonder not many attorneys in our huge city areas do it---we found ONE--and fortunately, he is wonderful and highly regarded around here---thank GOD!) that say they cannot do this, and we are sooo ready to meet with our attorney (I think)...and meeting next week.... What do you do when THEIR evaluations, done by the school, are NOT what all the other professionals say and / or make it out like he is normal / fine and all the professionals (including the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics---a very well-known, high ranking HOSPITAL THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY) are wrong? Then what??? That is part of what we are going through, and why we have a lawyer now... we are mad about it, as we are poorer than church mice at this point and feel we should not HAVE HAD TO GET A LAWYER but no more days are passing without help for him!!! Our son is almost 14, with IEP / 504 eligible diagnosis since FIRST GRADE / now in 8th, and we are STILL FIGHTING---really hard fighting since 5th grade!!! Ruthie ( ) PLEASE HELP ME My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 I have done the list thing...for my 4 yo and it works for her! I always make sure I put something for her at the end of the list :-) Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Discover the new Windows Vista Learn more! Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows. Answers - Check it out. Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Travel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 Hello Liz My dd is 20 yrs old and I so totally understand what you are saying. I find the hard part for us is that we have our 11yr old identical twin boys who are so much more needy than our dd that she has missed out on a lot of things that she needed. She is mild Aspergers and internalizes everything so the focus was mainly on the boys. Also she didn't get her DX until she was 14 so I made some mistakes along the way not knowing what I was doing or dealing with. I find I am very stretched trying to deal with 3 children with ASD, plus a wonderful Aspie hubby too. There are no services here in New Brunswick Canada for adults with ASD and also there are a lot of services missing for the ASD kids too. So we pretty much go it on our own which gets tiring. 1 advantage I have is she is a great built in sitter since she is wired like them, she understands them and our boys don't get away with anything when she is watching them. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone on this board. There are parents here with older Aspies too. Marie Helping you earn $ from home www.freedom4families.com > >> > >>> > >>> Liz, > >>> that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is > >>> close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to " stop > >>> arguing " or to " act right, behave " in the store again. They can > >>> sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for > >>> them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) > >>> but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this > >>> during the summer. > >>> {great idea} - Do you live in New Yo rk City? I miss it there > >>> so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the > >>> middle of no where. LOL > >>> thanks Liz > >>> Rose > >>> > >> > >> > >> > >> Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell. > >> > > > > > > > > Don't let your dream ride pass you by. Make it a reality with > > Autos. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 Hi Marie,It IS hard when you no longer have access to the public schools and publicly funded resources. I wanted to pass along a website that I've found useful. It's a life skills inventory. You can print it out and pick an item or two each week and have her practice them. I need to do that more with my ds. The website is:http://www1.dshs.wa.gov/pdf/ms/forms/10_267.pdfYou can find other similar websites by googling life skills inventory.LizOn Sep 25, 2007, at 11:34 AM, Marie Downey wrote:Hello LizMy dd is 20 yrs old and I so totally understand what you are saying. I find the hard part for us is that we have our 11yr old identical twin boys who are so much more needy than our dd that she has missed out on a lot of things that she needed. She is mild Aspergers and internalizes everything so the focus was mainly on the boys. Also she didn't get her DX until she was 14 so I made some mistakes along the way not knowing what I was doing or dealing with. I find I am very stretched trying to deal with 3 children with ASD, plus a wonderful Aspie hubby too. There are no services here in New Brunswick Canada for adults with ASD and also there are a lot of services missing for the ASD kids too. So we pretty much go it on our own which gets tiring. 1 advantage I have is she is a great built in sitter since she is wired like them, she understands them and our boys don't get away with anything when she is watching them. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone on this board. There are parents here with older Aspies too.MarieHelping you earn $ from homewww.freedom4families.com> >>> >>>> >>> Liz,> >>> that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is > >>> close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to "stop > >>> arguing" or to "act right, behave" in the store again. They can > >>> sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for > >>> them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) > >>> but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this > >>> during the summer.> >>> {great idea} - Do you live in New Yo rk City? I miss it there > >>> so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the > >>> middle of no where. LOL> >>> thanks Liz> >>> Rose> >>>> >>> >>> >>> >> Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.> >>> >> >> >> > Don't let your dream ride pass you by. Make it a reality with > > Autos.> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 That so wouldn't work for us -- getting our son to go out in public, willingly, is a huge problem in itself. He passes up visits to parties, toy stores, you name it...even Disneyland isn't the lure you'd think it would be. He's just more comfortable at home, and wants to stay in his controlled environment, so we have to make him go out in public so he can learn how to behave. Telling him we'll take him home would just thrill him and upset the other three kids, so we've had to get creative in getting him to behave...doesn't always work, but since we take him to family restaurants only, he blends in with all the loud and drunk adults anyway MS wrote: If they are acting inappropriate, I will bring them out to the car if we are in a restaurant and talk to them until they are ready to go back in. Then as further issues arize, I mention that they will go to the car again and that usually works. Every now and again they need a reminder because you need to follow through or else they know you are bluffin' From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Rose Sent: Monday, September 24, 2007 3:01 PM Subject: Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Liz, that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to "stop arguing" or to "act right, behave" in the store again. They can sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this during the summer. {great idea} - Do you live in New York City? I miss it there so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the middle of no where. LOL thanks Liz Rose Liz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote: We live in an area where there are lots of restaurants within walking distance off our house. So if ds complains too much while we're eating out, we just tell him, "Fine. Go home then." He doesn't like to walk home by himself, but he knows he has a choice -- either go home or stop complaining. Liz On Sep 24, 2007, at 1:20 PM, Lowry wrote: Have you tried telling them that if they misbehave, you will just take them home. THat is the only thing that worked for us when it came to eating out at a family restaurant....if Adam misbehaved we just up and left whether we had eaten or not, we paid our bill of course but our attitude was "too bad , so sad" Adam, I guess you don't want to eat out tonite. love and hugs , wife, mom and grandma to my beloved aspies Luggage? GPS? Comic books? Check out fitting gifts for grads at Search. Messages in this topic (0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 Ruthie, your thoughts on "choice" I agree and do the same. I don't take away a special birthday present. that's theirs. I don't take away sports, needs exercise and socializing. there are just some things I don't take away. but the things you mentioned, I also take away, TV, computer. But it doesn't work as a consequence for him. out of site/out of mind. for now. I still use that. Your first paragraph, I had to laugh. but, the timing for him to repeat what I said in the past. Urggggg!!!. also, my son doesn't get sarcasm. Nor does he realize it if he says something, and it come out/sounding sarcastic to someone else. after he explains what he meant by what he said. I have to explain how it can sound to another person. *too bad all the people on this site don't live closer to each other. everybody has such great ideas, and so many ideas, we won't get that from any doctor. LOL ***can you picture all of US going to a CSE meeting in the same school? That would be one awesome school!!!!!!! RoseRUTHIE BRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123@...> wrote: TRUE--and we are very careful to pick consequences for our children that fit each of the three of them separately. 'the repeating you'---I would praise the daylights out of that: Oh, honey, I am sooooo glad that you understand and believe, too, that "too much TV is not good anyway." That just makes me SOOO proud to be your mom when I hear you say things like that!! I just know that you are going to leave home when you are grown up and have some great skills.....even at 13, my son EATS this up---I obviously have to say it age appropriately! Another GREAT idea that works for us, especially with the 13 year old---okay, here's the deal....."tell the plan"......, if that does not go as planned, what do you feel would be an appropriate consequence? 99 percent of the time, his idea is much more STRICT than anything we had in mind, and think, over the years, he may have chosen his consequence ONCE---pretty much does what we had planned to avoid his own consequence! Also, he feels mature by this. With a need or not, ice cream outing is a reward, earn it or don't. We often hear (and have since 18 months of age HONESTLY) from the 13 year old, fine, don't care, did not want that anyway, etc.--we call him our sabatoger. We do NOT make things that are NOT A CHOICE a reward or consequence, PERIOD. He never misses a sporting activity regardless of homework issues, behavior, etc. and it has been this way since 6 years of age / HE NEEDS THE EXERCISE AND SOCIAL NETWORKING AND TO BELONG TO SOMETHING--and he loves it----if we take it for a consequence, he won't ever go out again, and we know that, so that is NOT a choice. He wants to go to a Raiders (OAKLAND) football game, so we bought him tickets for his birthday (November 22) to see them at the Chiefs---NOT GOING TO BE A CHOICE--he cannot earn it (tickets are too expensive for that!!!) so he knows it is a birthday and Christmas gift this year. Best loss for him is the cable to the gaming system. He gets so much time everyday, can earn EXTRA TIME for good behavior, and looses it for things he know are rule breakers. It works. He will stop mid-sentence and re-phrase it / he quit cursing and verbally abusing us in a month's time (FOR REAL----he is doing it). We just can't believe we finally have a system that is working; I do credit tons of professionals and parents for their ideas though / we try almost everything that comes down the pike that is free! Ruthie Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Discover the new Windows Vista Learn more! Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows. Answers - Check it out. Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Travel. Looking for a deal? Find great prices on flights and hotels with FareChase. Building a website is a piece of cake. Small Business gives you all the tools to get online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 LOL, that's SO true -- what they can do, what they should be doing, and what they are legally supposed to do are three entirely separate things. Going from one to the other is not as easy as it ought to be. Roxanna wrote: LOL, I once asked a sped atty, "Can the school do this?" and she laughed at me and said, "They are doing it..." lol. Schools can do a lot of things, some of them not legal or even ethical. But no, they actually need to evaluate and provide appropriate services. Roxanna Autism Happens ----- Original Message ----- From: RUTHIE BRYAN DOLEZAL To: Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2007 9:26 PM Subject: Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME First, I am not the expert on school stuff obviously, but the school can do this to her child?? I would think they have to educate him, make accommodations to meet his needs, correct?? Our experience: You are not alone, dear; one great thing about this support group is it sounds like most of us are alike / could change houses and about be living that family's life.....we never realized how much our children's issues are due to Aspergers....we thought it was just 'our children' / maybe US, it is 'refreshing' to know that this is what we are 'all' living. I know you report having an appointment next week; personally, our eldest son's doctor gave us a couple of scripts to get us through until we could see a psychiatrist (it took 4 months to get in for our first appointment); and our second son, now 6, and also AS, his pediatrician was treating him, until he started to realize it was 'more' than what he thought but he did continue to medicate him (nothing new but at least the ADHD stuff was medicated) while we waited to see the psychiatrist (about 6-8 weeks). Perhaps, at least having the pediatrician introduce a medication to get you to the psychiatric appointment would be helpful; I remember doing that, thinking we could make it until whenever that appointment was.....I would think that anyone knowing your child is about to be removed from class due to behaviors can get you a little more 'attention' / 'in' to be soon sooner; I would even call and see if anyone canceled; call daily at like 9 and 4 or something but I would be doing whatever to get him in earlier if possible. Good luck, and keep us posted. Ruthie & Parents of 13 & 6 yr old AS sons and a 4 yr. old son. ( ) PLEASE HELP ME My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn. Alyssa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 Maybe a better consequence would be doing something else - like working off his misbehavior by doing a chore? RoxannaAutism Happens Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Discover the new Windows Vista Learn more! Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows. Answers - Check it out. Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Travel. Looking for a deal? Find great prices on flights and hotels with FareChase. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2007 Report Share Posted September 25, 2007 I would have the school pay for an independent evaluation at their expense if they did their own and do not want to consider the eval's you have brought in from reputable outside sources. Find another outside source and get an eval and make them pay the bill. I don't know that it works all the time but after doing this just once, I didn't have to do it twice. Other ideas are to document the problem you are arguing over. Go to school and do observations. Send someone in to do observations. Document document document. The more you can document the problem(s), the more ammunition you have when dealing with the school. Also, you can get your own therapists and doctor's to come with you to meetings to explain and advocate for your ds. Sometimes they might treat a parent badly but will be more receptive to someone "with credentials." Of course, some schools are nasty even to professionals you bring in. But it's a good thing to try. And of course, get a lawyer is another way. But yes, expensive! We've done this and spent a fortune to get a program in place that was acceptable. Another option pre-lawyer would be to get a mediator to come in and help settle things. But most effective, I believe, is having documentation. Save notes from teachers, always write follow ups, samples of work, etc. Knowing you can prove your case might be most intimidating to a school. Maybe. lol. RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) PLEASE HELP ME My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2007 Report Share Posted September 26, 2007 Hi Liz, Thank you for the website to check out. I actually never had any school services for my dd either before or after she was DX. I was told that she was too mild to need services and that they were spending too much money on me already because of my twins with ASD. So we have always had to go it alone with her, including school meetings, principal meetings, moving schools, social skills training, etc, etc, etc. NO advocates available in this province and no social worker was allowed to attend the meetings either. We have been through a lot with her. So other than a few accomdations that I fought for, to make high school easier nothing else was ever done for her. I have learned a lot from the Internet etc and our province has had some ABA available for the last 4 yrs, but only for preschoolers. Our Provincial Autism society fought for 5 years for ABA therapy to be available here and when they finally introduced it they put in an age cutoff of 6 years old. My boys were 7 at the time so they didn't qualify. They are just starting to teach TAs and Methods and Resource teachers how to be Autism Support Workers and Clinical Supervisors respectifully, so that school age children can access ABA as well. This isn't the easiest province to live in but we do the best we can. We are definitely behind the times. LOL Thanks Again Liz Marie Helping you earn $ from home www.freedom4families.com > > > >> > > > >>> > > > >>> Liz, > > > >>> that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is > > > >>> close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you > > to " stop > > > >>> arguing " or to " act right, behave " in the store again. They > > can > > > >>> sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long > > for > > > >>> them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each > > other) > > > >>> but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this > > > >>> during the summer. > > > >>> {great idea} - Do you live in New Yo rk City? I miss it > > there > > > >>> so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the > > > >>> middle of no where. LOL > > > >>> thanks Liz > > > >>> Rose > > > >>> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell. > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Don't let your dream ride pass you by. Make it a reality with > > > > Autos. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2007 Report Share Posted September 26, 2007 *too bad all the people on this site don't live closer to each other. everybody has such great ideas, and so many ideas, we won't get that from any doctor. LOL ***can you picture all of US going to a CSE meeting in the same school? That would be one awesome school!!!!!! --- On that note, anyone in or around southeast Tennessee? --- LOL, all of US going to a meeting?? LOL That would be a very very scared school learning very quickly about the spectrum disorders and related needs of our kids. But your right within a very short time it would be the best school for all of our kids!!! Rose wrote: > Ruthie, > your thoughts on " choice " I agree and do the same. I don't take away > a special birthday present. that's theirs. I don't take away sports, > needs exercise and socializing. there are just some things I don't > take away. but the things you mentioned, I also take away, TV, > computer. But it doesn't work as a consequence for him. out of > site/out of mind. for now. I still use that. > Your first paragraph, I had to laugh. but, the timing for him to > repeat what I said in the past. Urggggg!!!. also, my son doesn't get > sarcasm. Nor does he realize it if he says something, and it come > out/sounding sarcastic to someone else. after he explains what he > meant by what he said. I have to explain how it can sound to another > person. > *too bad all the people on this site don't live closer to each other. > everybody has such great ideas, and so many ideas, we won't get that > from any doctor. LOL ***can you picture all of US going to a CSE > meeting in the same school? That would be one awesome school!!!!!!! > Rose > > */RUTHIE BRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123@...>/* wrote: > > TRUE--and we are very careful to pick consequences for our > children that fit each of the three of them separately. 'the > repeating you'---I would praise the daylights out of that: Oh, > honey, I am sooooo glad that you understand and believe, too, that > " too much TV is not good anyway. " That just makes me SOOO proud > to be your mom when I hear you say things like that!! I just know > that you are going to leave home when you are grown up and have > some great skills.....even at 13, my son EATS this up---I > obviously have to say it age appropriately! > > Another GREAT idea that works for us, especially with the 13 year > old---okay, here's the deal..... " tell the plan " ......, if > that does not go as planned, what do you feel would be an > appropriate consequence? 99 percent of the time, his idea is much > more STRICT than anything we had in mind, and think, over the > years, he may have chosen his consequence ONCE---pretty much does > what we had planned to avoid his own consequence! Also, he feels > mature by this. > > With a need or not, ice cream outing is a reward, earn it or > don't. We often hear (and have since 18 months of age HONESTLY) > from the 13 year old, fine, don't care, did not want that anyway, > etc.--we call him our sabatoger. We do NOT make things that are > NOT A CHOICE a reward or consequence, PERIOD. He never misses a > sporting activity regardless of homework issues, behavior, etc. > and it has been this way since 6 years of age / HE NEEDS THE > EXERCISE AND SOCIAL NETWORKING AND TO BELONG TO SOMETHING--and he > loves it----if we take it for a consequence, he won't ever go out > again, and we know that, so that is NOT a choice. He wants to go > to a Raiders (OAKLAND) football game, so we bought him tickets for > his birthday (November 22) to see them at the Chiefs---NOT GOING > TO BE A CHOICE--he cannot earn it (tickets are too expensive for > that!!!) so he knows it is a birthday and Christmas gift this > year. Best loss for him is the cable to the gaming system. He > gets so much time everyday, can earn EXTRA TIME for good behavior, > and looses it for things he know are rule breakers. It works. He > will stop mid-sentence and re-phrase it / he quit cursing and > verbally abusing us in a month's time (FOR REAL----he is doing it). > > We just can't believe we finally have a system that is working; I > do credit tons of professionals and parents for their ideas though > / we try almost everything that comes down the pike that is free! > > Ruthie > > * Re: ( ) > PLEASE HELP ME > > Hello Alyssa, > you have your own answer right > here. You wrote: > ****I feel helpless becouse I do > not know what to > do for him I try to punish him for > what he does, but he does not see > that he has done anything wrong**** > He doesn't know...(he doesn't > understand that what he did is > wrong). Start with just baby > steps. Pick one thing that he > does inappropriately. (I know you > have many). but lets start with > just one. instead of giving him a > punishment. show him the > acceptable way he should act. > example: If he hits another child > for taking his favorite toy, > explain to him - we don't hit, but > can you ask your friend to give > you the toy back..{ we use our > hands for helping not hurting }. > I know that's a poor example (of > what your experiencing) but I > don't know what kind of concerns > you are having and I missed your > post on what his age is. but my > point is: if you tell your child > not to do something because it's > wrong, follow up by showing your > child what he should be doing. > try not to look at *_everything_* > that needs to be addressed. just > start with one and take baby > steps. when he accomplished that, > move on to the next. step by step > seems to work best with our > children. I see it like this: > first the child does these > concerns because of the type of > diagnosis he has, then it becomes > a habit, then manipulation, then a > learned skill. Now all this has > to get undone and a new > appropriate habit in its place. > this takes time and patients. > almost like a temper tantrum. > When the child starts to cry > because he wants his toy back > and we tell the sibling to " give > him his toy " , now! and he gets it > back. he has learned if he > screams loud enough and long > enough we will get tired of > hearing that and give him what he > wants to avoid all that stress & > noise. the next time it might be > for extra sweets, when you say no, > (wait till after dinner) the > screaming starts and the > outbursts. its easier to give the > sweets to avoid all that crying. > now when we're out in public we > give in quicker so the crying > doesn't distract the public and > all eyes on us. but, what we're > teaching the child is: When I cry > loud, I get what I want. that's a > learned habit which is hard to > break. these examples might not > be relating to what your going > through. but things do take long > to teach new ways of learning new > appropriate behaviors. with the > right strategies, being > consistent, and time, It's well > worth it and it does work. > boy oh boy, I've been there. > hugs & smiles > Rose > P.S. I hope nothing said was > offensive. I've just based this > on my own experience and what I've > seen with others., not yours. I > don't know you. but wishing you > the best. > hugs > > > */alyssaandreen > <alyssaandreen@...>/* wrote: > > My son was diagnosed with > aspergers last Febuary, but I > have not been > able to get on to see any > specialists yet. We have an > appointment next > week, but I am loosing my > mind. The school is telling me > something has > to be done becouse he cannot > stay in the class the way he > is, I don't > know what to do. He is getting > harder and harder to handle. > He cannot > pay attention to anything his > odd habits are getting more > frequent and > he is becoming angry becouse > he has no friends, becouse he > cannot seem > ton play apropriatly with > them. I am scared and feeling > realy alone, I > do not know where to turn I > feel helpless becouse I do not > know what to > do for him I try to punish him > for what he does, but he does > not see > that he has done anything > wrong, so punishments have > become more of a > torcher. Please tell me I am > not alone- I do not know where > to turn. > Alyssa > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! > Play Monopoly Here and Now > <http://us.rd./evt=48223/*http://get.games./proddesc?gamekey=m\ onopolyherenow> > (it's updated for today's economy) > at Games. > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! > Play Monopoly Here and Now > <http://us.rd./evt=48223/*http://get.games./proddesc?gamekey=m\ onopolyherenow> > (it's updated for today's economy) at > Games. > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Discover the new Windows Vista Learn more! > <http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?q=windows+vista & mkt=en-US & form=QBRE> > > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship > answers > <http://us.rd./evt=48255/*http://answers./dir/_ylc=X3oDMTI5MGx\ 2aThyBF9TAzIxMTU1MDAzNTIEX3MDMzk2NTQ1MTAzBHNlYwNCQUJwaWxsYXJfTklfMzYwBHNsawNQcm9\ kdWN0X3F1ZXN0aW9uX3BhZ2U-?link=list & sid=396545433>from > someone who knows. > Answers - Check it out. > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places > <http://us.rd./evt=48256/*http://travel./;_ylc=X3oDMTFhN2hucjl\ pBF9TAzk3NDA3NTg5BHBvcwM1BHNlYwNncm91cHMEc2xrA2VtYWlsLW5jbQ-->on > Travel. > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Looking for a deal? Find great prices on flights and hotels > <http://us.rd./evt=47094/*http://farechase./;_ylc=X3oDMTFicDJo\ NDllBF9TAzk3NDA3NTg5BHBvcwMxMwRzZWMDZ3JvdXBzBHNsawNlbWFpbC1uY20-> > with FareChase. > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Building a website is a piece of cake. > Small Business gives you all the tools to get online. > <http://us.rd./evt=48251/*http://smallbusiness./webhosting/?p=\ PASSPORTPLUS> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 27, 2007 Report Share Posted September 27, 2007 Hello Carolyn, I'm not there yet. My son is 10 and I think that far ahead all the time. I've heard from others that their child is in a group home. I spoken before on this site that I always see a young man (AS) approx 20-25 years old, working in Mc's. He does cleaning, and puts out the ketchup & stuff. He has someone from the agency come in and check up on him. I've also see him and a few of his friends from the group home, in the laundry room doing their clothes. He's happy and doing well. I was wondering if you could find something like this in your area for your son. Do you have an ARC/parent support group, or something like that where you live that can help you find living arrangements or maybe a job (with supervision) for your son? Has he tried to get on SSI? If he has and it was denied, appeal, and apply again. Hugs Rose carolynsuelowerychattanooga <sue@...> wrote: > --- On that note, anyone in or around southeast Tennessee?We live in Southeast Tennessee. Our son is 23, trying to find others looking for a support group for older kids and/or parents anywhere with olders.I am especially interested in living arrangements besides with Mom and Dad and any suggestions along those lines. He could function on his own with some help...but there is no help for someone out of school that does not receive SSI. Like to find other possible roomates?? Sue Moody friends. Drama queens. Your life? Nope! - their life, your story. Play Sims Stories at Games. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 27, 2007 Report Share Posted September 27, 2007 I wish you luck. Our son is only 14 and we are keeping our eyes open for some kind of group home for him if, in the future, we think it becomes necessary. Kinda planning ahead and being prepared. I do not know where to steer you. Sorry. in GA ( ) Re: PLEASE HELP ME > --- On that note, anyone in or around southeast Tennessee?We live in Southeast Tennessee. Our son is 23, trying to find others looking for a support group for older kids and/or parents anywhere with olders.I am especially interested in living arrangements besides with Mom and Dad and any suggestions along those lines. He could function on his own with some help...but there is no help for someone out of school that does not receive SSI. Like to find other possible roomates?? Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2007 Report Share Posted September 30, 2007 This information may help you. I would call the Department of Developmental Disabilities and Vocational Rehabilitative Services and see if there are any programs your son would be eligible for. NIOSH Topic : Workers with Developmental Disabilities : Tennessee Contacts | CDC NIOSH Disability Benefits See what's new at AOL.com and Make AOL Your Homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2008 Report Share Posted January 18, 2008 Hi ,People have different ways of teaching their children ways to calm down. The one that's worked for us is a simple time out in the bedroom. It was never punitive, rather an observation. "You seem upset. It looks like you need some quiet time." Or don't say anything. Just lead her by the hand to her room, then tell her she can come out when she feels better and can obey the rules. My son (now 19) still takes a self-imposed "time out" when he's stressed or angry.LizOn Jan 18, 2008, at 8:46 PM, and Makarios Darawi wrote:I posted this two days ago, but I haven't received any replies, so I try again.To add to what you'll read below, I've been trying to nip some behavioral problems in the bud since posting this.But please, I need some response from parents with young kids like mine (age 4), or parents with older kids who can help me understand what to do.How much of this behavior (described below) could be attributed to Asperger's? Can she help (control) herself? How do we teach her self-control? Do ordinary disciplinary methods work?Thanks again.>> Hi Group,> > I'm looking for your ideas.> > Our daughter presents as anxious some days/times at home. She is > four years old, and diagnosed with Aspergers and is also undergoing > treatment for Sensory Integration. Sometimes she is "calm-alert" but > at other times she gets hyper or anxious. We are faithfully > completing her sensory diet. Her OT is going to try Cranial Sacral > therapy for the first time this week, which she thinks may help with > anxiety.> > Her anxiety is often in regards to her 18-month old brother getting > her stuff. (her room, which is off-limits to him and she closes the > door regularly; her toy she's playing with at the time or her drink > etc.) We are consistent with giving her support if he interferes or > gets in her space, and vice versa. We work on turn taking and > waiting until one child is finished with a toy before the other can > use it.> > At other times she is also anxious/demanding towards us, her > parents. She panics and wants things a certain way. She is very > controlling.> > Some of the inappropriate things she does when she's anxious and not > calm/alert is screaming, grabbing objects, pushing brother. Also an > issue with throwing objects but it could be caused by sensory needs > which we are working on.> > So, what do we do to help her to be calm, besides the sensory > things? Could this be a stage which she'll grow out of?> > How do we address the negative behaviors? We use consequences, but > I'll admit it hasn't been consistent because I'm not convinced that > she always knows what she's doing, or could control these reactions. > She can go from playing calmly to a sudden anxious and impulsive > reaction after a trigger. Or she could be in a general state of > anxiety, about to tantrum, at which point I try to do calming sensory > things.> > I really appreciate your ideas. Medication is the last thing we > would want to consider, especially at this young age. My husband has > also not accepted the diagnosis yet.> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2008 Report Share Posted January 18, 2008 Hi. For us,,,,,,self-control comes with age. For our son with AS and our daughter with OCD/Anxiety,,,,,and even for our "normal"(ha ha) kids. I always figured that if you can say,,,,"If you stop, we can have some ice cream" and she stops.............then it can be controlled. But if saying something LIKE that makes her honestly WANT to stop but not be able to or if she doesn't even appear to hear it or care,,,then it's AS or whatever is going on. That's what we've seen with our kids, anyway. As far as addressing the behavior,,,,,,,,,,,,,you have to address it. It's just hard when you know they can't necessarily help it. It made us change how we thought about discipline. When I want to freak out......I have to realize that when they are in a "rage" or "anxiety attack" type thing,,,,,,,they aren't listening............not cause they don't want to......but because they can't. We've learned that the best way to deal with OUR kids,,,,,,is to ignore until they're done. Not in a cruel way. And,,,,,not for an hour. Ha ha. I also, after a bit (minute? 2 minutes? Whatever...),,,,,I also, talk quiet to them. Maybe ask them if they are ok......if I talk quiet,,,,,if they're able to start to calm down,,,then they'll attempt to stop to hear me. When we first started dealing with all of the "issues",,,,,,,,,,I would let my confusion, ebarrassment,,,,whatever,,,,,,,get in the way of what was really best for him/her or our family as a whole. So,,,,,hope this helped a bit. I tend to ramble. Robin and Makarios Darawi <jenniferdarawi@...> wrote: I posted this two days ago, but I haven't received any replies, so I try again.To add to what you'll read below, I've been trying to nip some behavioral problems in the bud since posting this.But please, I need some response from parents with young kids like mine (age 4), or parents with older kids who can help me understand what to do.How much of this behavior (described below) could be attributed to Asperger's? Can she help (control) herself? How do we teach her self-control? Do ordinary disciplinary methods work?Thanks again.>> Hi Group,> > I'm looking for your ideas.> > Our daughter presents as anxious some days/times at home. She is > four years old, and diagnosed with Aspergers and is also undergoing > treatment for Sensory Integration. Sometimes she is "calm-alert" but > at other times she gets hyper or anxious. We are faithfully > completing her sensory diet. Her OT is going to try Cranial Sacral > therapy for the first time this week, which she thinks may help with > anxiety.> > Her anxiety is often in regards to her 18-month old brother getting > her stuff. (her room, which is off-limits to him and she closes the > door regularly; her toy she's playing with at the time or her drink > etc.) We are consistent with giving her support if he interferes or > gets in her space, and vice versa. We work on turn taking and > waiting until one child is finished with a toy before the other can > use it.> > At other times she is also anxious/demanding towards us, her > parents. She panics and wants things a certain way. She is very > controlling.> > Some of the inappropriate things she does when she's anxious and not > calm/alert is screaming, grabbing objects, pushing brother. Also an > issue with throwing objects but it could be caused by sensory needs > which we are working on.> > So, what do we do to help her to be calm, besides the sensory > things? Could this be a stage which she'll grow out of?> > How do we address the negative behaviors? We use consequences, but > I'll admit it hasn't been consistent because I'm not convinced that > she always knows what she's doing, or could control these reactions. > She can go from playing calmly to a sudden anxious and impulsive > reaction after a trigger. Or she could be in a general state of > anxiety, about to tantrum, at which point I try to do calming sensory > things.> > I really appreciate your ideas. Medication is the last thing we > would want to consider, especially at this young age. My husband has > also not accepted the diagnosis yet.> > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2008 Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 I would concentrate on teaching her appropriate behavior in the situations you are describing. For instance, do we really behave "calm-alert" when someone walks in our house and takes something that belongs to us? If her brother gets in her stuff, she is going to yell and scream like all kids would. She needs help using words to handle the situation but I still think, teaching her words to use will not stop her from yelling about it. In that situation, it is probably better to find a way to prevent him from getting into her room altogether or some way to put her stuff up where he can't get it. If she is drinking something and he grabs her drink, I would imagine she would yell at him. (I would too. <G>) I would just work on teaching her to use words appropriate to the situation. And you can understand her frustration as well. I mean, let her know it is maddening when brother grabs or gets into her stuff and that you understand that. Help her come up with strategies to contain him or teach him to stop doing it. I usually will say, "I get upset when someone does that to me too. It sometimes helps to move my drink farther away from him so he can't reach it next time." So you commiserate and let her know her feelings are typical to the situation, then offer a solution to prevent the problem or ask her to come up with a solution. Arguing over toys is also a common problem for kids to have. Sometimes waiting for a person to be done with a toy you want can be "too long" to wait. You can also set a timer on popular toys. Brother can play with it for 4 minutes, then it's her turn and vice versa. But I think at age 4, yelling and pushing when someone grabs your toy is not that unusual a reaction. (My teen kids still yell and scream if someone touches their stuff, lol. And honestly, when they get into my own stuff and invade my own personal "space", I might speak a little louder than usual at them because it upset me when that happens. Maybe I am a bad person to reply to this, lol) RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) Please Help Me I posted this two days ago, but I haven't received any replies, so I try again.To add to what you'll read below, I've been trying to nip some behavioral problems in the bud since posting this.But please, I need some response from parents with young kids like mine (age 4), or parents with older kids who can help me understand what to do.How much of this behavior (described below) could be attributed to Asperger's? Can she help (control) herself? How do we teach her self-control? Do ordinary disciplinary methods work?Thanks again.>> Hi Group,> > I'm looking for your ideas.> > Our daughter presents as anxious some days/times at home. She is > four years old, and diagnosed with Aspergers and is also undergoing > treatment for Sensory Integration. Sometimes she is "calm-alert" but > at other times she gets hyper or anxious. We are faithfully > completing her sensory diet. Her OT is going to try Cranial Sacral > therapy for the first time this week, which she thinks may help with > anxiety.> > Her anxiety is often in regards to her 18-month old brother getting > her stuff. (her room, which is off-limits to him and she closes the > door regularly; her toy she's playing with at the time or her drink > etc.) We are consistent with giving her support if he interferes or > gets in her space, and vice versa. We work on turn taking and > waiting until one child is finished with a toy before the other can > use it.> > At other times she is also anxious/demanding towards us, her > parents. She panics and wants things a certain way. She is very > controlling.> > Some of the inappropriate things she does when she's anxious and not > calm/alert is screaming, grabbing objects, pushing brother. Also an > issue with throwing objects but it could be caused by sensory needs > which we are working on.> > So, what do we do to help her to be calm, besides the sensory > things? Could this be a stage which she'll grow out of?> > How do we address the negative behaviors? We use consequences, but > I'll admit it hasn't been consistent because I'm not convinced that > she always knows what she's doing, or could control these reactions. > She can go from playing calmly to a sudden anxious and impulsive > reaction after a trigger. Or she could be in a general state of > anxiety, about to tantrum, at which point I try to do calming sensory > things.> > I really appreciate your ideas. Medication is the last thing we > would want to consider, especially at this young age. My husband has > also not accepted the diagnosis yet.> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2008 Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 That is REALLY good advice, Roxanna. Thank you for replying. I think that I'm gonna take a good hard look at myself and the unrealistic high expectations I sometimes find myself desiring. Thanks for the counsel! Jo MIRoxanna <madideas@...> wrote: I would concentrate on teaching her appropriate behavior in the situations you are describing. For instance, do we really behave "calm-alert" when someone walks in our house and takes something that belongs to us? If her brother gets in her stuff, she is going to yell and scream like all kids would. She needs help using words to handle the situation but I still think, teaching her words to use will not stop her from yelling about it. In that situation, it is probably better to find a way to prevent him from getting into her room altogether or some way to put her stuff up where he can't get it. If she is drinking something and he grabs her drink, I would imagine she would yell at him. (I would too. <G>) I would just work on teaching her to use words appropriate to the situation. And you can understand her frustration as well. I mean, let her know it is maddening when brother grabs or gets into her stuff and that you understand that. Help her come up with strategies to contain him or teach him to stop doing it. I usually will say, "I get upset when someone does that to me too. It sometimes helps to move my drink farther away from him so he can't reach it next time." So you commiserate and let her know her feelings are typical to the situation, then offer a solution to prevent the problem or ask her to come up with a solution. Arguing over toys is also a common problem for kids to have. Sometimes waiting for a person to be done with a toy you want can be "too long" to wait. You can also set a timer on popular toys. Brother can play with it for 4 minutes, then it's her turn and vice versa. But I think at age 4, yelling and pushing when someone grabs your toy is not that unusual a reaction. (My teen kids still yell and scream if someone touches their stuff, lol. And honestly, when they get into my own stuff and invade my own personal "space", I might speak a little louder than usual at them because it upset me when that happens. Maybe I am a bad person to reply to this, lol) RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) Please Help Me I posted this two days ago, but I haven't received any replies, so I try again.To add to what you'll read below, I've been trying to nip some behavioral problems in the bud since posting this.But please, I need some response from parents with young kids like mine (age 4), or parents with older kids who can help me understand what to do.How much of this behavior (described below) could be attributed to Asperger's? Can she help (control) herself? How do we teach her self-control? Do ordinary disciplinary methods work?Thanks again.>> Hi Group,> > I'm looking for your ideas.> > Our daughter presents as anxious some days/times at home. She is > four years old, and diagnosed with Aspergers and is also undergoing > treatment for Sensory Integration. Sometimes she is "calm-alert" but > at other times she gets hyper or anxious. We are faithfully > completing her sensory diet. Her OT is going to try Cranial Sacral > therapy for the first time this week, which she thinks may help with > anxiety.> > Her anxiety is often in regards to her 18-month old brother getting > her stuff. (her room, which is off-limits to him and she closes the > door regularly; her toy she's playing with at the time or her drink > etc.) We are consistent with giving her support if he interferes or > gets in her space, and vice versa. We work on turn taking and > waiting until one child is finished with a toy before the other can > use it.> > At other times she is also anxious/demanding towards us, her > parents. She panics and wants things a certain way. She is very > controlling.> > Some of the inappropriate things she does when she's anxious and not > calm/alert is screaming, grabbing objects, pushing brother. Also an > issue with throwing objects but it could be caused by sensory needs > which we are working on.> > So, what do we do to help her to be calm, besides the sensory > things? Could this be a stage which she'll grow out of?> > How do we address the negative behaviors? We use consequences, but > I'll admit it hasn't been consistent because I'm not convinced that > she always knows what she's doing, or could control these reactions. > She can go from playing calmly to a sudden anxious and impulsive > reaction after a trigger. Or she could be in a general state of > anxiety, about to tantrum, at which point I try to do calming sensory > things.> > I really appreciate your ideas. Medication is the last thing we > would want to consider, especially at this young age. My husband has > also not accepted the diagnosis yet.> > > Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2008 Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 I know this was posted a month ago, but I have lots of mail in my box, and I'm just getting around to reading it all! I am from Rochester, NY, and I have a 7-year old daughter who was dx'd Asberger's two years ago. When she gets anxious, when she has a temper tantrum, when she gets " the sillies, " we use several things to calm her down: --She has a small pop-up Disney Princess tent in her room. We put a bathroom-size rug underneath it and keep it full of small pillows and books. She can go into the " princess tent " and hide until she feels better. --She likes to be wrapped up tight in blankets, so we either let her sit on the couch with a blanket pulled tight over her head (not so she'll suffocate or anything...)OR we lay a blanket on the floor and roll her up in it, and she pretends she is a hot dog, and we pretend to add things like " ketchup " or " pickles " while we roll her up. --There's always jumping on the bed--this gets rid of the sillies really quick--five minutes and she's pooped! Next month we're going to get a mini-trampoline to save our poor mattress! --She also likes to sit on my Swiss exercise ball and bounce around in the kitchen while I cook. This also poops her out. I hope these help! C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2008 Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 All good ideas! Thanks for sharing... ( ) Re: Please Help Me I know this was posted a month ago, but I have lots of mail in my box,and I'm just getting around to reading it all!I am from Rochester, NY, and I have a 7-year old daughter who was dx'dAsberger's two years ago.When she gets anxious, when she has a temper tantrum, when she gets"the sillies," we use several things to calm her down:--She has a small pop-up Disney Princess tent in her room. We put abathroom-size rug underneath it and keep it full of small pillows andbooks. She can go into the "princess tent" and hide until she feelsbetter.--She likes to be wrapped up tight in blankets, so we either let hersit on the couch with a blanket pulled tight over her head (not soshe'll suffocate or anything...) OR we lay a blanket on the floor androll her up in it, and she pretends she is a hot dog, and we pretendto add things like "ketchup" or "pickles" while we roll her up.--There's always jumping on the bed--this gets rid of the silliesreally quick--five minutes and she's pooped! Next month we're goingto get a mini-trampoline to save our poor mattress!--She also likes to sit on my Swiss exercise ball and bounce around inthe kitchen while I cook. This also poops her out.I hope these help! C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Problem is, my son would LOVE to go sit in the car instead of the restaurant. I would let him if I could but it's against the law to leave them in the car by themselves.MS <msweigart@...> wrote: If they are acting inappropriate, I will bring them out to the car if we are in a restaurant and talk to them until they are ready to go back in. Then as further issues arize, I mention that they will go to the car again and that usually works. Every now and again they need a reminder because you need to follow through or else they know you are bluffin' From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of RoseSent: Monday, September 24, 2007 3:01 PM Subject: Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Liz, that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to "stop arguing" or to "act right, behave" in the store again. They can sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this during the summer. {great idea} - Do you live in New York City? I miss it there so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the middle of no where. LOL thanks Liz RoseLiz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote: We live in an area where there are lots of restaurants within walking distance off our house. So if ds complains too much while we're eating out, we just tell him, "Fine. Go home then." He doesn't like to walk home by himself, but he knows he has a choice -- either go home or stop complaining. Liz On Sep 24, 2007, at 1:20 PM, Lowry wrote: Have you tried telling them that if they misbehave, you will just take them home. THat is the only thing that worked for us when it came to eating out at a family restaurant....if Adam misbehaved we just up and left whether we had eaten or not, we paid our bill of course but our attitude was "too bad , so sad" Adam, I guess you don't want to eat out tonite. love and hugs, wife, mom and grandma to my beloved aspies Luggage? GPS? Comic books? Check out fitting gifts for grads at Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Another great resource in San Diego is http://www.sd-autism.org/communityResources.htmlRose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: Liz can you check now for a better location in San Diego, like where the services are better for your son? maybe check out from "parent to parent", if there is anything similar to what you have now. moving stinks!!! its like always starting over again. its hard on our kids too. would you be living in San Diego for a while? or would you be moving again depending on your husbands job? wishing you the best Rose Liz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote: Rose, No, we won't stay in Cambridge. We'll go back to San Diego in June. Dh has a tenured position at the University of California, and we'll return to it. We have good support systems there, though I sure wish we had a group in San Diego like the Asperger Association of New England (AANE). They are in Watertown, and are just awesome. They run all sorts of groups for kids and parents and are a great resource. But we are not so "with it" in the willd, wild west. Liz On Sep 24, 2007, at 7:45 PM, Rose wrote: Liz, do you plan on staying there? where would you like to live? I would like to live in like NYC. where you can walk out your door and shop right on your block. for food, clothes, anything. You don't even have to walk into a store. they have sidewalk shopping. If you don't like the price of something, just go across the street and see who's cheaper. For transportation, you can hop on a train or a bus. a bike or Rollerblades work fine too. But, I'm staying where we are now because the schools are better and its not as overwhelming as the big apple for my kids..They have the best therapist, and the social skills class is awesome. RoseLiz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote: Rose, Usually, I live in San Diego, but for last year and this year, we're living in Cambridge (Boston) Massachusetts. My dh took a sabbatical and my son is finishing up his second year at a junior college near here. We lived here before we moved to San Diego 15 years ago, so it's been like coming home. Liz On Sep 24, 2007, at 3:00 PM, Rose wrote: Liz, that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to "stop arguing" or to "act right, behave" in the store again. They can sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this during the summer. {great idea} - Do you live in New York City? I miss it there so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the middle of no where. LOL thanks Liz Rose Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell. Don't let your dream ride pass you by. Make it a reality with Autos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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