I give up.

[Guest guest]

Yesterday, I was informed that Elias (age 5 and 9 mos) would not be allowed

to participate in the holiday program at school because of his erratic

tantrums and " not knowing if he would tantrum on stage in front of

everyone. " I had a showdown with the administrator who made this decision,

who had NEVER EVEN SEEN HIS I.E.P. She also explained that the reason that

the next step for Elias's outbursts would be to suspend him for 2 or 3 days

is because that's the policy for kids who hurt other kids. We had the same

conversation about 5 times in a 20 minute time span. I said repeatedly that

exceptions are made for exceptional students, that punitive suspensions for

a 5yo child who can't even understand the concept of consequences were

completely inappropriate, and that it was their fault he was acting out so

much because they'd refused to listen to me from the get go when I told them

*five months ago* that he'd be bored silly in a mainstream kindergarten and

that he needed some support with transitions. I agreed to it (with much

trepidation) because I was told that it was to see how he'd do with a

minimum of support to add on as they went along and increase his support as

necessary instead of just sticking him in a totally self contained classroom

full of nonverbal Down Syndrome children like they did the LAST time we

tried public schools. That, too, was a disaster.

Anyway, my little boy is so hurt and devastated that he didn't get to sing

his Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer song today He practiced and practiced

that holiday routine at home and was so excited about it. I KNOW he

wouldn't have tantrumed. Supposedly he kicked another student during the

last rehearsal, which was " the last straw, " and he wasn't allowed to

rehearse yesterday. They lied to him and took him to the computer lab and

let him play there for an hour. Of course he comes home saying the other

kids tease, hit, pinch and hurt him, but when he shoves back, it's " Ohhhh

it's the autistic problem child again, let's all fixate on him! " It should

be noted that in his " gifted " class where he's doing advanced first grade

work, and not the kindergarten busywork BS they're forcing him to do every

day in his mainstream class, he has almost zero outbursts. (He also had very

few outbursts while I homeschooled him last year.) And they've been aware

that his main problem is transitions this whole time. In otherwords, they

KNOW what the problem is with the setting he's at, and he's only been in

their system for 3 1/2 months and they've not adjusted a single solitary

thing and seem to have thrown the IEP entirely out the window, yet they're

still placing the burden of responsibility on an autistic 5 year old's

shoulders.

I am not willing to do this to him over and over. These people are supposed

to be the best school for children with Asperger's - in fact, it's pretty

much his only placement option right now. They've just confirmed all my

worst fears. He hasn't learned a thing since he started school, and his

behavior has just gotten worse and worse with every passing day. The admin

yesterday kept trying to look sympathetic and saying " I understand. I am

validating your concerns here. " I finally snapped that I didn't care about

her validation or understanding, and that I found her repeatedly trying to

pacify me by saying that to be patronizing, and that I just wanted her to DO

SOMETHING. She wasn't happy with that, but I don't care.

He's home with me right now, and I don't think he's going back. I think I'm

just going to let him chill out over Christmas break and just start

homeschooling him again.