RE: from bad to worse to worst

[Guest guest]

I am new here in the group, but I do understand just how frustrating everything

is with these kids!!!

Hon about the only thing we can all do is pray for each other and talk and

vent!! It seems like we are so alone in this world!! I will pray for God to

give you the strength to deal with everything that is going on in your life!!!

I wish I could get one Teacher who understands these kids??? I haven't yet!!!

I am going thru the same thing you are and I am to the end of my rope!!

Hang in There.......... OK??

Jo Sue

Uplift - soar with your imagination! <uplift@...> wrote:

.......today I had to go to another town for an important meeting. Dh took ds

to school. It has always been a

problem when Dh took him to school. I even told Dh not to struggle with

ds, but if he sees ds can't settle, he should simply tell him he can see

iti s hard and offer him a day off with him at home. I told Dh to NOT

leave him at the gate, but to take him to his class, and NOT to leave school

before he is sure ds is settled in class. as usual, he did not listen

and left immediately after dropping him off at the gate.

within minutes he ran out of class, started throwing little acorns on

children,

and then hit a kid. the principal called him and he started screaming at her

and kicking the desk. the special ed teacher tried talking him into trying

to come back to class, he ran out of school (but stayed near the gate). they

called me ,

I told them to call Dh who was home. they said he is not answering. I

called him., he

said he was leaving right away. but when I called 15 mintues later he was

still home!

by the time he got to school, Ds had already managed to get into a fight

with several older kids who ganged up on him . the principal screamed at him

that he is suspended. then

she left school to some meeting . the sped teacher did not write the

suspension

letter , instead she took ds to the art therapist. she had the good thought

of not letting ds leave school so angry. i am grateful for that. he was

there for 45 minutes, he calmed down and only then he was sent home. I tried

to call the principal - I do not agree to the suspension. if she wants him

to rest at home and to let the system rest, all she needs to do is ask me to

keep him home,. I cooperate. if she is writing suspension letters she has

already decided to throw him out. I am so angry.

of course none of the other boys who were involved was sent home.

tomorow I am going to talk to the principal. the sped teacher suggested I

bring ds so we can all talk together and so ds can feel and see that it is

taken care of. but I am afraid to take him as he is no position to be

reasonable now. and I don't trust him anymore to leave him alone at home

while I go there. there is

no chance Dh will stay home tomorrow ( a day off from work) although I

think the situation calls for it. I don't know what to do.

in the afternoon alan went to pick up dd from school. when he came back, he

found

ds had ravaged through the candies (ate , cut, threw stuff, and also put

stuff behind sister's bed so we will think she did it........quite

sofisticated for Asperger) he scribbled on her wall (also for us to be angry

at her, I guess or maybe he did it all simply because he is angry at the

world, life, and himself) and of course he is denying it all.

in the evening, he said he wanted to go to Toys R Us (?????????) and DH said

no way - so he ran away from home! we looked for him for more than half an

hour. I found him in the nearby garden, on a swing, next to a trickling

water fountain (it is evening, dark!)- - no doubt the perfect place to

calm down - but with no

grasp whatsoever of what he actually did and why we were concerned. I don't

know if I will be able to sleep tonight !

what do I do with this boy?!?

now he is constantly asking us for things he knows he won't get and when we

refuse he starts saying that the only goal we have in life is to make him

miserable. that we never find him real help, only waht is enough for other

people to say " oooh, llook how those parents are helping! " I can't believe

what I am hearing from him today!!!!!

the psychiatrist who prescribed the new med is out of town, and left me no

alternative number or name to call. I am at my wits' end. the new med

definitely helped eliminate the tics! but the angry outbursts are back and

worse.

well, thank you for listening.

I don't even know what to ask from you.

[Guest guest]

I can't offer any real advice but I sooooooo sympathize with you!

Nothing like starting a morning off with a bang!!!! Are you sure the

doc didnt have anyone covering him????? One thing though..... My AS

daughter does the same thing as far as ..... she drew the # 3 all

over her new dresser. When I confronted her she said " Brady " did

it. At that time Brady did not know how to draw a 3!!! She would

also hide candy wrappers behind his Toy Box so that when I found them

I would start yelling at him when in actuallity she had done it! If

she breaks something she takes it to Bradys room, pretends like she

found it there and then expects me to nail Brady for it! So be

careful about getting on your dd for things!!!! I hope and pray that

your day gets better and I hope the principle comes to her senses

about the suspension and I would raise the very valid point that if

she is going to suspend your son then the other should be suspended

to!!!!! Try to have a better day! I will keep my fingers crossed

for you!!

Lots of Hugs,

Steph

>

> ......today I had to go to another town for an important meeting.

Dh took ds

> to school. It has always been a

> problem when Dh took him to school. I even told Dh not to struggle

with

> ds, but if he sees ds can't settle, he should simply tell him he

can see

> iti s hard and offer him a day off with him at home. I told Dh to

NOT

> leave him at the gate, but to take him to his class, and NOT to

leave school

> before he is sure ds is settled in class. as usual, he did not

listen

> and left immediately after dropping him off at the gate.

> within minutes he ran out of class, started throwing little acorns

on

> children,

> and then hit a kid. the principal called him and he started

screaming at her

> and kicking the desk. the special ed teacher tried talking him into

trying

> to come back to class, he ran out of school (but stayed near the

gate). they

> called me ,

> I told them to call Dh who was home. they said he is not

answering. I

> called him., he

> said he was leaving right away. but when I called 15 mintues later

he was

> still home!

> by the time he got to school, Ds had already managed to get into a

fight

> with several older kids who ganged up on him . the principal

screamed at him

> that he is suspended. then

> she left school to some meeting . the sped teacher did not write the

> suspension

> letter , instead she took ds to the art therapist. she had the good

thought

> of not letting ds leave school so angry. i am grateful for that. he

was

> there for 45 minutes, he calmed down and only then he was sent

home. I tried

> to call the principal - I do not agree to the suspension. if she

wants him

> to rest at home and to let the system rest, all she needs to do is

ask me to

> keep him home,. I cooperate. if she is writing suspension letters

she has

> already decided to throw him out. I am so angry.

> of course none of the other boys who were involved was sent home.

> tomorow I am going to talk to the principal. the sped teacher

suggested I

> bring ds so we can all talk together and so ds can feel and see

that it is

> taken care of. but I am afraid to take him as he is no position to

be

> reasonable now. and I don't trust him anymore to leave him alone at

home

> while I go there. there is

> no chance Dh will stay home tomorrow ( a day off from work)

although I

> think the situation calls for it. I don't know what to do.

> in the afternoon alan went to pick up dd from school. when he came

back, he

> found

> ds had ravaged through the candies (ate , cut, threw stuff, and

also put

> stuff behind sister's bed so we will think she did it........quite

> sofisticated for Asperger) he scribbled on her wall (also for us to

be angry

> at her, I guess or maybe he did it all simply because he is angry

at the

> world, life, and himself) and of course he is denying it all.

> in the evening, he said he wanted to go to Toys R Us (?????????)

and DH said

> no way - so he ran away from home! we looked for him for more than

half an

> hour. I found him in the nearby garden, on a swing, next to a

trickling

> water fountain (it is evening, dark!)- - no doubt the perfect

place to

> calm down - but with no

> grasp whatsoever of what he actually did and why we were concerned.

I don't

> know if I will be able to sleep tonight !

> what do I do with this boy?!?

> now he is constantly asking us for things he knows he won't get and

when we

> refuse he starts saying that the only goal we have in life is to

make him

> miserable. that we never find him real help, only waht is enough

for other

> people to say " oooh, llook how those parents are helping! " I can't

believe

> what I am hearing from him today!!!!!

> the psychiatrist who prescribed the new med is out of town, and

left me no

> alternative number or name to call. I am at my wits' end. the new

med

> definitely helped eliminate the tics! but the angry outbursts are

back and

> worse.

> well, thank you for listening.

> I don't even know what to ask from you.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

(((((Fania)))))

I hope it helped just to let it out. Its so hard when everyone is all in the

emotional mix of it all. I hear you too when you talk about trying to convey

reasons for doing it a certain way to your dh and having dh not hear or do what

is asked. Like your subject says...from bad to worse. I hope the principal

will reconsider. Would it help to tell her your side about what you wanted to

happen and also that the meds may be affecting M right now adversely?

Try to take a bath or shower (whichever is more relaxing) and let it all go...or

try:). Do you read (other than AS kinds of books) that sometimes helps though

sometimes I'm too upset to deal with it. I really should take my own advice

LOL! Hang in there and keep us posted on how it goes with the school.

Johanna

Uplift - soar with your imagination! <uplift@...> wrote:

.......today I had to go to another town for an important meeting. Dh took ds

to school. It has always been a

problem when Dh took him to school. I even told Dh not to struggle with

ds, but if he sees ds can't settle, he should simply tell him he can see

iti s hard and offer him a day off with him at home. I told Dh to NOT

leave him at the gate, but to take him to his class, and NOT to leave school

before he is sure ds is settled in class. as usual, he did not listen

and left immediately after dropping him off at the gate.

within minutes he ran out of class, started throwing little acorns on

children,

and then hit a kid. the principal called him and he started screaming at her

and kicking the desk. the special ed teacher tried talking him into trying

to come back to class, he ran out of school (but stayed near the gate). they

called me ,

I told them to call Dh who was home. they said he is not answering. I

called him., he

said he was leaving right away. but when I called 15 mintues later he was

still home!

by the time he got to school, Ds had already managed to get into a fight

with several older kids who ganged up on him . the principal screamed at him

that he is suspended. then

she left school to some meeting . the sped teacher did not write the

suspension

letter , instead she took ds to the art therapist. she had the good thought

of not letting ds leave school so angry. i am grateful for that. he was

there for 45 minutes, he calmed down and only then he was sent home. I tried

to call the principal - I do not agree to the suspension. if she wants him

to rest at home and to let the system rest, all she needs to do is ask me to

keep him home,. I cooperate. if she is writing suspension letters she has

already decided to throw him out. I am so angry.

of course none of the other boys who were involved was sent home.

tomorow I am going to talk to the principal. the sped teacher suggested I

bring ds so we can all talk together and so ds can feel and see that it is

taken care of. but I am afraid to take him as he is no position to be

reasonable now. and I don't trust him anymore to leave him alone at home

while I go there. there is

no chance Dh will stay home tomorrow ( a day off from work) although I

think the situation calls for it. I don't know what to do.

in the afternoon alan went to pick up dd from school. when he came back, he

found

ds had ravaged through the candies (ate , cut, threw stuff, and also put

stuff behind sister's bed so we will think she did it........quite

sofisticated for Asperger) he scribbled on her wall (also for us to be angry

at her, I guess or maybe he did it all simply because he is angry at the

world, life, and himself) and of course he is denying it all.

in the evening, he said he wanted to go to Toys R Us (?????????) and DH said

no way - so he ran away from home! we looked for him for more than half an

hour. I found him in the nearby garden, on a swing, next to a trickling

water fountain (it is evening, dark!)- - no doubt the perfect place to

calm down - but with no

grasp whatsoever of what he actually did and why we were concerned. I don't

know if I will be able to sleep tonight !

what do I do with this boy?!?

now he is constantly asking us for things he knows he won't get and when we

refuse he starts saying that the only goal we have in life is to make him

miserable. that we never find him real help, only waht is enough for other

people to say " oooh, llook how those parents are helping! " I can't believe

what I am hearing from him today!!!!!

the psychiatrist who prescribed the new med is out of town, and left me no

alternative number or name to call. I am at my wits' end. the new med

definitely helped eliminate the tics! but the angry outbursts are back and

worse.

well, thank you for listening.

I don't even know what to ask from you.

[Guest guest]

<<<<<<I hope it helped just to let it out.>>

it really doesn't <g> but ahqt else can I do right now ?

you weren't on hte list a year+ aog, I think, but this is deja vu: teh

strikes, teh sides not working, and his behaviour deteriorating to the point

of really bad outbursts. tehn add to it the change in meds, and teh fact

that it is happening to him the second time- he is absolutely sure (he says

so) taht he is " damaged goods " . like he said tonight : " I am worth as much

as an electrical device thrown into a river " ....

and they say he kids with AS can't learn metaphores....

<<<<<<< I hope the principal will reconsider.>

I hjope so too. bu thse has said many times already taht as long ashe

doesnot hit other kids she is ok with wahtever helps him, including not

beeing in class all day long. but once he hits it becomes dangerous and it

may get otehr parents involved and she does not need the comotion in her

school. today's outburst happened during teh break, so all teh kids and all

teh teachers witnessed it. teh sped told me today honestly that if it were

not for me being tehre all teh time and explaingin him tot he school,he

would have been thrown out right after his very first outburst. and this

last one was a serious one and that the principal is fuming.

<<Do you read (other than AS kinds of books) that sometimes helps though

sometimes I'm too upset to deal with it.>

I haven't read a book that is not professional in so many years ! I simp;ly

have no patience.

but I do go to choir , and I started studying onec a week in the evening....

f

[Guest guest]

<<<<<<< Are you sure the

doc didnt have anyone covering him?????>>>>>

she said she would, but there is no answer in her office, and when i call

her private number I jsut get an answering machine saying : " this is an

answering machine, leave a message at teh beep " .....

there must ahev been a mistake, I can't imagine she forgot to record the

alternative number for emergencies.

but it is starting to look like we need a more available doctor.....

<<<<<<< I hope and pray that

your day gets better and I hope the principle comes to her senses

about the suspension and I would raise the very valid point that if

she is going to suspend your son then the other should be suspended

to!!!!! Try to have a better day! I will keep my fingers crossed

for you!!>>>>>>>>

Thank ou, Steph!

F

[Guest guest]

{{{{hugs}}}}

I would be suspicious of the new med. Even if there are no direct side-effects,

it might leave him feeling " wrong " all the time. This could be sufficiently

stressful that he would overreact to the usual stresses that he can normally

deal

with. It may be worth trying no-meds for a while. This could give you a better

sense of his current " baseline " uninfluenced by meds. (Don't worry about the

tics for now.) However, be careful if you decide to stop the meds. You

probably need to stop gradually.

I hope the school understands... They clearly aren't providing the services

that

they know he needs.

Just a suggestion for when he says he wants something: try asking him to write

it down for you to keep so that you will know what things he wants. Maybe

doing that will make him understand that his " wants " are taken seriously, and

that might be enough to settle him even if he doesn't get it right now. (And

when things are going better, ==>remember: it will get better!<==, you could

reward him with something from the list.)

I hope you can contact the psych soon. Maybe her answering machine is one

that she can check the messages on when she is away??

Sending positive thoughts...

in Massachusetts

[Guest guest]

<<<<<Just a suggestion for when he says he wants something: try asking him

to write

it down for you to keep so that you will know what things he wants. Maybe

doing that will make him understand that his " wants " are taken seriously,

and

that might be enough to settle him even if he doesn't get it right now.

(And

when things are going better, ==>remember: it will get better!<==, you

could

reward him with something from the list.).

that is an idea!

but teh way he is demanding all these things that are considered " prizes "

here after a day like today, are actaully making me feel he is really " not

here " and it worries me, like he is not at all understanding what is going

on.

<<<<<<Sending positive thoughts...>>

thanks, !!

F

[Guest guest]

> ... are actaully making me feel he is really " not

> here " and it worries me, like he is not at all understanding what is going

> on.

It is most likely true that he doesn't understand what is going on. He is

probably being overwhelmed by a combination of the new meds and a school

environment that is difficult for him to cope with. It is always so hard to

tell

whether meds are helping or making things worse (or both!). Has M said

anything about how he thinks the med is affecting him?

Does it make any sense to keep M out of school when his needs can't be met

(i.e. while the strike continues)? Or would that be forever?

I hope everything improves soon.

in Massachusetts

[Guest guest]

<<< It is always so hard to tell

whether meds are helping or making things worse (or both!). >>>

the risperdal helped him for a few months and teh it seemed it started to

cause more problems than benefits.

<<<Has M said

anything about how he thinks the med is affecting him? >>>

yes, after three days ont eh clonidine he said he has no urges anymore

(complex tics) but now after today's outburst he says no med will ever help

him. he is very very frustrated and depressed over the fact that the

outbursts are back.

<<<<<Does it make any sense to keep M out of school when his needs can't be

met

(i.e. while the strike continues)? Or would that be forever?>

yes to both..... ;-(

F

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Jo Sue,

-- Re: ( ) from bad to worse to worst

I am new here in the group, but I do understand just how frustrating

everything is with these kids!!!

Hon about the only thing we can all do is pray for each other and talk and

vent!! It seems like we are so alone in this world!! I will pray for God

to give you the strength to deal with everything that is going on in your

life!!!

I wish I could get one Teacher who understands these kids??? I haven't

yet!!!

I am going thru the same thing you are and I am to the end of my rope!!

Hang in There.......... OK??

Jo Sue

Uplift - soar with your imagination! <uplift@...> wrote:

........today I had to go to another town for an important meeting. Dh took

ds

to school. It has always been a

problem when Dh took him to school. I even told Dh not to struggle with

ds, but if he sees ds can't settle, he should simply tell him he can see

iti s hard and offer him a day off with him at home. I told Dh to NOT

leave him at the gate, but to take him to his class, and NOT to leave school

before he is sure ds is settled in class. as usual, he did not listen

and left immediately after dropping him off at the gate.

within minutes he ran out of class, started throwing little acorns on

children,

and then hit a kid. the principal called him and he started screaming at her

and kicking the desk. the special ed teacher tried talking him into trying

to come back to class, he ran out of school (but stayed near the gate). they

called me ,

I told them to call Dh who was home. they said he is not answering. I

called him., he

said he was leaving right away. but when I called 15 mintues later he was

still home!

by the time he got to school, Ds had already managed to get into a fight

with several older kids who ganged up on him . the principal screamed at him

that he is suspended. then

she left school to some meeting . the sped teacher did not write the

suspension

letter , instead she took ds to the art therapist. she had the good thought

of not letting ds leave school so angry. i am grateful for that. he was

there for 45 minutes, he calmed down and only then he was sent home. I tried

to call the principal - I do not agree to the suspension. if she wants him

to rest at home and to let the system rest, all she needs to do is ask me to

keep him home,. I cooperate. if she is writing suspension letters she has

already decided to throw him out. I am so angry.

of course none of the other boys who were involved was sent home.

tomorow I am going to talk to the principal. the sped teacher suggested I

bring ds so we can all talk together and so ds can feel and see that it is

taken care of. but I am afraid to take him as he is no position to be

reasonable now. and I don't trust him anymore to leave him alone at home

while I go there. there is

no chance Dh will stay home tomorrow ( a day off from work) although I

think the situation calls for it. I don't know what to do.

in the afternoon alan went to pick up dd from school. when he came back, he

found

ds had ravaged through the candies (ate , cut, threw stuff, and also put

stuff behind sister's bed so we will think she did it........quite

sofisticated for Asperger) he scribbled on her wall (also for us to be angry

at her, I guess or maybe he did it all simply because he is angry at the

world, life, and himself) and of course he is denying it all.

in the evening, he said he wanted to go to Toys R Us (?????????) and DH said

no way - so he ran away from home! we looked for him for more than half an

hour. I found him in the nearby garden, on a swing, next to a trickling

water fountain (it is evening, dark!)- - no doubt the perfect place to

calm down - but with no

grasp whatsoever of what he actually did and why we were concerned. I don't

know if I will be able to sleep tonight !

what do I do with this boy?!?

now he is constantly asking us for things he knows he won't get and when we

refuse he starts saying that the only goal we have in life is to make him

miserable. that we never find him real help, only waht is enough for other

people to say " oooh, llook how those parents are helping! " I can't believe

what I am hearing from him today!!!!!

the psychiatrist who prescribed the new med is out of town, and left me no

alternative number or name to call. I am at my wits' end. the new med

definitely helped eliminate the tics! but the angry outbursts are back and

worse.

well, thank you for listening.

I don't even know what to ask from you.

[Guest guest]

I am very lucky in that department. My son has an incredible teacher. He has a

reading disability and is starting to have problems in Math - his best subject.

His teacher takes a weeks worth of school work home every w/e and does a picture

chart of all the problems. She has also written tons of social stories (all

with visual cues) to help him out. She is the bst thing that ever happened to

him. The aids aren't so good but at least we have her.

Re: ( ) from bad to worse to worst

I am new here in the group, but I do understand just how frustrating everything

is with these kids!!!

Hon about the only thing we can all do is pray for each other and talk and

vent!! It seems like we are so alone in this world!! I will pray for God to

give you the strength to deal with everything that is going on in your life!!!

I wish I could get one Teacher who understands these kids??? I haven't yet!!!

I am going thru the same thing you are and I am to the end of my rope!!

Hang in There.......... OK??

Jo Sue

Uplift - soar with your imagination! <uplift@...> wrote:

.......today I had to go to another town for an important meeting. Dh took ds

to school. It has always been a

problem when Dh took him to school. I even told Dh not to struggle with

ds, but if he sees ds can't settle, he should simply tell him he can see

iti s hard and offer him a day off with him at home. I told Dh to NOT

leave him at the gate, but to take him to his class, and NOT to leave school

before he is sure ds is settled in class. as usual, he did not listen

and left immediately after dropping him off at the gate.

within minutes he ran out of class, started throwing little acorns on

children,

and then hit a kid. the principal called him and he started screaming at her

and kicking the desk. the special ed teacher tried talking him into trying

to come back to class, he ran out of school (but stayed near the gate). they

called me ,

I told them to call Dh who was home. they said he is not answering. I

called him., he

said he was leaving right away. but when I called 15 mintues later he was

still home!

by the time he got to school, Ds had already managed to get into a fight

with several older kids who ganged up on him . the principal screamed at him

that he is suspended. then

she left school to some meeting . the sped teacher did not write the

suspension

letter , instead she took ds to the art therapist. she had the good thought

of not letting ds leave school so angry. i am grateful for that. he was

there for 45 minutes, he calmed down and only then he was sent home. I tried

to call the principal - I do not agree to the suspension. if she wants him

to rest at home and to let the system rest, all she needs to do is ask me to

keep him home,. I cooperate. if she is writing suspension letters she has

already decided to throw him out. I am so angry.

of course none of the other boys who were involved was sent home.

tomorow I am going to talk to the principal. the sped teacher suggested I

bring ds so we can all talk together and so ds can feel and see that it is

taken care of. but I am afraid to take him as he is no position to be

reasonable now. and I don't trust him anymore to leave him alone at home

while I go there. there is

no chance Dh will stay home tomorrow ( a day off from work) although I

think the situation calls for it. I don't know what to do.

in the afternoon alan went to pick up dd from school. when he came back, he

found

ds had ravaged through the candies (ate , cut, threw stuff, and also put

stuff behind sister's bed so we will think she did it........quite

sofisticated for Asperger) he scribbled on her wall (also for us to be angry

at her, I guess or maybe he did it all simply because he is angry at the

world, life, and himself) and of course he is denying it all.

in the evening, he said he wanted to go to Toys R Us (?????????) and DH said

no way - so he ran away from home! we looked for him for more than half an

hour. I found him in the nearby garden, on a swing, next to a trickling

water fountain (it is evening, dark!)- - no doubt the perfect place to

calm down - but with no

grasp whatsoever of what he actually did and why we were concerned. I don't

know if I will be able to sleep tonight !

what do I do with this boy?!?

now he is constantly asking us for things he knows he won't get and when we

refuse he starts saying that the only goal we have in life is to make him

miserable. that we never find him real help, only waht is enough for other

people to say " oooh, llook how those parents are helping! " I can't believe

what I am hearing from him today!!!!!

the psychiatrist who prescribed the new med is out of town, and left me no

alternative number or name to call. I am at my wits' end. the new med

definitely helped eliminate the tics! but the angry outbursts are back and

worse.

well, thank you for listening.

I don't even know what to ask from you.