Re: I have a whale in the living room*

June 18, 2003

Oh, Fania... ((((HUGS)))))

It sure sounds like a lot is going on at school and maybe he is shutting the

way he needs to....I wish I had answers for you.

We are still in the midst of the end of the year chaos even though school was

over last Thursday...the after effects linger on. The whole end of year

changes where enough to over-stress Joe and then my dh having hernia surgery,

then

a week off (schedule change no matter what it is is hard) and next week we

are doing summer school! New teacher, different class ....you get the picture.

Is it worth it? He woke up at 5:30 screaming and asking for daddy and for a

hug! When he is melting the only thing that works is holding him close. He

has been stimming a lot and has little patience with anything. Between my 17

yr dd who is very difficult at the moment and my son....I can't say who is more

challenging...

Probably the teenager.

hang in there. my day is just starting and Joe has melted several times

already....can I run away LOL!

Johanna

June 18, 2003

<<<<<<When he is melting the only thing that works is holding him close. He

has been stimming a lot and has little patience with anything. Between my 17

yr dd who is very difficult at the moment and my son....I can't say who is

more

challenging...>

see, and i feel I have th etwo combined now!!!!!! lol

gotta laugh or I will collapse.....

Fania

June 18, 2003

In a message dated 6/18/2003 10:23:50 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

uplift@... writes:

> gotta laugh or I will collapse.....

> Fania

>

LOL! I do a little of both! somehow in the scheme of things it balances

out!

Johanna, who was just yelled at by her dd and then asked to be taken to get

face wash within 30 mins

June 18, 2003

> Will I survive these coming years ?

> *Kathy - lets see where THIS subject line takes you in poetry! lol

>

> Life is tough -

> but so are we !

> Fania

> ...are we ????

Fania,

LOL! that title DOES sound like a story just dying to be told,

doesn't it??

I'm sorry that M is driving you crazy these days. Hang tough..the

end of the school year is near. I was at my daughter's class today -

reading and giving them a little ice cream party - and there is an

adorable little boy in that class who is apparently a bit of a

challenge. He is always smiling. I know his mom casually and we

really like each other, but she has never asked for advise, so I

haven't offered it. However, before his mom arrived for the party,

the teacher was complaining to me about how tough he is and how no

behavior modification method has worked for him. Then, as I was

leaving the mother commented, " I hate my son. " I guess he'd been

squirming and talking while I was reading and talking to the class -

frankly he didn't bother me. I didn't even notice. But it is

heartbreaking to see the teacher's and mother's frustration and anger

with him.

Kathy

June 18, 2003

In a message dated 6/18/2003 4:25:48 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

uplift@... writes:

> lol, johanna, I jsut broke down crying when my mother called this evening.

> result : she is coming over here tomorrow to help out a bit.......

>

> F

>

Oh, good! I hope you can get some rest.... this too shall pass, or so I am

reminded:)

June 18, 2003

Fania,

Does M have a therapist with whom he works regularly? I know he has a

psychiatrist, but does he have someone to talk to? This has helped

tremendously. Initially, he wouldn't talk at all. But his therapist is older, in

her sixties or seventies, wily and has been around the barn a few times (i.e.

knows all the tricks that children play) and now he does talk. He doesn't even

fuss about going any more. (I used to have to get dh to put him into the car for

his appointments.) Just a thought...

Liz

uplift wrote:

> bad week at school. no one has the patience, everyone is just waiting eagerly

to the end of the year (12 more days) , nothing is in place anymore, rules are

not enforced, classes are being cancelled so they can rehearse the end of year

party, classes are rehearsing with blasting music in the yard and can be heard

all over school, substitute teachers daily, and today I was just aghast - I went

intíu th÷ classroom and saw that they changed the order of the children's

sitting (physically changed the way the tables are set), so I said : " oh! I see

you have a new sitting arrangement! " and the children answered : " yes! we change

it every day !!!!! " I looked at the aide,a îâ she just nodded for yes and

something like " don't ask! "

> M was sitting in his new seat, twirling his hair with both hands , his eyes

totally glassy.

> I suggested we go home, he refused, but also refused to sit and study, and ran

away from classes. finally I took him home. at home I told him he should do a

few pages of classwork.homework in each of the subject matters he was supposed

to learn today (because I am not entirely sure that it was only due to

overstimulation, or that he could not have made an effort today), at first he

refused, but then he sat down quietly at his desk and did it within minutes with

no problem (so it IS only the overstimulation?)

> now dh got home from work, and ds is sitting (if you can call it sitting -

head down, legs up, sort of sitting on his shoulders) and making sounds of a

....whale.......

> Will I survive these coming years ?

> *Kathy - lets see where THIS subject line takes you in poetry! lol

>

> Life is tough -

> but so are we !

> Fania

> ...are we ????

>

June 18, 2003

Oh, that's so sad. Just the child who needs his mother's love the most, too. I'm

sure she said it out of frustration and anger and didn't really mean it, but the

poor kid must pick up on those feelings all the time. Oh, it makes me just

cringe. Also it makes me want to scoop him up and bring him home. I don't mind

squirming and talking.

Liz

Kathy Winters wrote:

> Then, as I was

> leaving the mother commented, " I hate my son. " I guess he'd been

> squirming and talking while I was reading and talking to the class -

> frankly he didn't bother me. I didn't even notice. But it is

> heartbreaking to see the teacher's and mother's frustration and anger

> with him.

>

> Kathy

June 18, 2003

In a message dated 6/18/03 11:47:15 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

uplift@... writes:

> I was just aghast - I went intÃu thÃ· classroom and saw that they changed

> the order of the children's sitting (physically changed the way the tables are

> set), so I said : " oh! I see you have a new sitting arrangement! " and the

> children answered : " yes! we change it every day !!!!! " I looked at the aide,a

> Ã®Ã¢ she just nodded for yes and something like " don't ask! "

>

Daily?? It's a wonder any child can learn in that environment!

Roxanna Ã¶Â¿Ã¶

" ...don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he'd

ever wished for...

He lived happily ever after. "

Willy Wonka

June 18, 2003

> Oh, that's so sad. Just the child who needs his mother's love the

most, too. I'm

> sure she said it out of frustration and anger and didn't really

mean it, but the

> poor kid must pick up on those feelings all the time. Oh, it makes

me just

> cringe. Also it makes me want to scoop him up and bring him home. I

don't mind

> squirming and talking.

> Liz

>

Liz,

This mother really adores her son. I have seen that clearly. I

think she was just expressing her frustration and embarrassment to

me. She knows that I have two difficult sons, so I think she felt

safe saying it to me. I didn't judge her for it. I just felt her

pain. I think maybe I should give her a call. Prior to this, I

didn't know that the teacher was this fed up with the boy. But the

teacher told me today that no behavioral management technique has

worked with him and he's the only kid in the class who is driving her

crazy. She was clearly frazzled by him. I think maybe the mother

needs some guidance on where to go for help - if she's receptive to

it. But the " I hate my child. " comment was an opening.

If this breaks your heart, you'll die when I tell you what my

daughter said today. She told me (and I didn't even ask about this

boy) that the teacher has been yelling loudly at him a lot lately and

that she (my daughter) is so upset about it that she just wants to

tell the teacher to stop it.

I think that the teacher is feeling a lot of stress that is

contributing to her mood. The principal I mentioned before is

driving the teachers crazy and there is a tremendous amount of

stress. She told me that the superintendant was coming today to talk

with all the teachers because of the problems they are having with

the principal. So, my issues with this principal are only the tip of

the iceberg. She has managed to turn the entire teaching staff

against her. I just keep hoping they'll give her her walking

papers. Anyway, I digressed...the point is, this teacher is very

upset about the principal's controlling nature and that seems to be

contributing to her grouchy moods.

Kathy

June 18, 2003

> now dh got home from work, and ds is sitting (if you can call it

sitting - head down, legs up, sort of sitting on his shoulders) and

making sounds of a ...whale.......

> Will I survive these coming years ?

> *Kathy - lets see where THIS subject line takes you in poetry! lol

Fania,

Since he's a whale today, maybe you can do a guided meditation with

him - tell him to blow that stress out of his blow hole!! LOLOLOLOL!!

Kathy (only half joking)

June 18, 2003

<<<<<<Does M have a therapist with whom he works regularly? I know he has a

psychiatrist, but does he have someone to talk to? This has helped

tremendously.>

NO. this is one of the things I did not succeed to put in place since we moved

to our new house. it WILL be in place by september, we must!!!

he had an art therapist for two years who was also a clinical social worker. but

this year he does not.

well! go find a good therapist who is familiar and adept at treating asperger,

adoption and just plain frustration issues......... and it should be a man,

preferably too!!!

and it is not like we live in the center of the country....

<<<<<<<Just a thought...>

been thinking about it for mionths, Liz... I do hope I will find one soon. in

fact, I would love to find a family therapist who is versed in all the above !

Fania

June 18, 2003

-----

<<<<<LOL! I do a little of both! somehow in the scheme of things it balances

out!

Johanna, who was just yelled at by her dd and then asked to be taken to get

face wash within 30 mins>

lol, johanna, I jsut broke down crying when my mother called this evening.

result : she is coming over here tomorrow to help out a bit.......

F

June 18, 2003

Kathy,

As a former teacher, I know what it's like to work for a controlling,

out-of-control principal. Way after I left the school, they finally managed to

oust the principal of my school, but it took some doing. (It was a private

school and she started the school.) It really does have a negative effect on

staff morale.

Liz

Kathy Winters wrote:

> Liz,

> This mother really adores her son. I have seen that clearly. I

> think she was just expressing her frustration and embarrassment to

> me. She knows that I have two difficult sons, so I think she felt

> safe saying it to me. I didn't judge her for it. I just felt her

> pain. I think maybe I should give her a call. Prior to this, I

> didn't know that the teacher was this fed up with the boy. But the

> teacher told me today that no behavioral management technique has

> worked with him and he's the only kid in the class who is driving her

> crazy. She was clearly frazzled by him. I think maybe the mother

> needs some guidance on where to go for help - if she's receptive to

> it. But the " I hate my child. " comment was an opening.

>

> If this breaks your heart, you'll die when I tell you what my

> daughter said today. She told me (and I didn't even ask about this

> boy) that the teacher has been yelling loudly at him a lot lately and

> that she (my daughter) is so upset about it that she just wants to

> tell the teacher to stop it.

>

> I think that the teacher is feeling a lot of stress that is

> contributing to her mood. The principal I mentioned before is

> driving the teachers crazy and there is a tremendous amount of

> stress. She told me that the superintendant was coming today to talk

> with all the teachers because of the problems they are having with

> the principal. So, my issues with this principal are only the tip of

> the iceberg. She has managed to turn the entire teaching staff

> against her. I just keep hoping they'll give her her walking

> papers. Anyway, I digressed...the point is, this teacher is very

> upset about the principal's controlling nature and that seems to be

> contributing to her grouchy moods.

>

> Kathy

>

June 18, 2003

> Kathy,

> As a former teacher, I know what it's like to work for a

controlling,

> out-of-control principal. Way after I left the school, they finally

managed to

> oust the principal of my school, but it took some doing. (It was a

private

> school and she started the school.) It really does have a negative

effect on

> staff morale.

> Liz

>

Liz,

I am praying that oust this woman sooner rather than later. I

honestly can't understand what they were thinking when they hired

her. I have been told that there were some excellent candidates for

the job within the district. But they hired this woman from out of

the area. There is absolutely nothing impressive about her. I just

don't get it. Maybe they'll give her her walking papers...or maybe

she'll get the hint and move on. I think I have to go do a guided

visualization for that!! LOL!

Kathy

June 19, 2003

Roxanna, they still learn something because they know they have test next

week....

" oh! I see you have a new sitting arrangement! " and the

> children answered : " yes! we change it every day !!!!! " I looked at the

aide,a

> Ã®Ã¢ she just nodded for yes and something like " don't ask! "

>

Daily?? It's a wonder any child can learn in that environment!

Roxanna Ã¶Â¿Ã¶

" ...don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he'd

ever wished for...

He lived happily ever after. "

Willy Wonka

June 19, 2003

----- <<<<<<Since he's a whale today, maybe you can do a guided meditation

with him - tell him to blow that stress out of his blow hole!! LOLOLOLOL!!>>

excellent idea,Kathy !!!!!

actually, now I get it !! in my guided iamgery with his class on sunday I did

use a cd with relaxing music with whale sounds in teh background!!! kathy, he

may be actually trying ot do jsut that -relaxing wiht the whale sounds - but not

being aware of it! teh things you sometimes fail to se right under your nose !

anyway, it is thursday morning, he opted to stay in bed and rest and not go to

school today, and I didn't hesitate to agree......

Fania

Kathy (only half joking)

June 19, 2003

not really rest.......... she will help with th ekids, so I can be free

to....clean the house, go for errands, do the huge box of paperwork I have been

postponing, gee I think she better stay a few days !

F

Re: ( ) I have a whale in the living room*

In a message dated 6/18/2003 4:25:48 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

uplift@... writes:

> lol, johanna, I jsut broke down crying when my mother called this evening.

> result : she is coming over here tomorrow to help out a bit.......

>

> F

>

Oh, good! I hope you can get some rest.... this too shall pass, or so I am

reminded:)

June 19, 2003

In a message dated 6/18/03 3:30:08 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

rwinters@... writes:

> However, before his mom arrived for the party,

> the teacher was complaining to me about how tough he is and how no

> behavior modification method has worked for him. Then, as I was

> leaving the mother commented, " I hate my son. " I guess he'd been

> squirming and talking while I was reading and talking to the class -

> frankly he didn't bother me. I didn't even notice. But it is

> heartbreaking to see the teacher's and mother's frustration and anger

> with him.

>

How awful and sad :-(

Roxanna

Ã²Â¿Ã²

It makes sense to go up the molehill

dressed for the mountain

Nan, the Wiser

June 19, 2003

In a message dated 6/18/2003 10:19:15 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

uplift@... writes:

> do the huge box of paperwork I have been postponing, gee I think she better

> stay a few days

LOL, I have one of those too... I think she should definitely stay for a

week:)

June 19, 2003

<<<<Write down now so you don't forget...>

will do that , D ! thank you .

F

June 19, 2003