Re: Don't know what to do

[Guest guest]

,

I would definitely call the teacher, otherwise she'll keep right on discussing

things with him in inappropriate ways.

It's a drag to have to educate the teacher, but it looks like you're the elected

one this time around. What can she

be thinking?

Liz

Stack wrote:

> Yesterday started talking about Autism. We have never brought it

> up but don't hide it either. I asked him where he heard the term. He

> said school. I asked him what it meant he said I don't know really

> but I know it's me. I asked him if he had any questions. He said no

> so I dropped it, remeber he is 4 1/2. Today he came home talking

> about stimming. I asked again where he heard that term. He said his

> teacher told him about it. I asked him what it was and he said it was

> when baby S keeps saying more and doesn't stop and it bothers me. S

> has Down's syndrome and isn't very verbal so calls him a baby.

> said it is also when I do this, he twisted and twirled his hands

> like when he is stressed. I just learned the term a short while ago

> from you people! I think this is too much imformation for a 4 year

> old. I know you don't know but talking to him is like talking to

> an adult at times so people take for granted that he can understand

> more than he actually can. I don't think the teacher would have had

> this conversation with any other kid. I don't know what to do. I

> haven't talked to dh because he would expolde! Should I call the

> teacher or drop it?

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Assuming that what the teacher has said hasn't upset , then this seems like

a Good Thing. With accurate information, the world makes more sense. Many

people who weren't identified as being on the Autism Spectrum until they were

older have expressed: " if only I had known about autism/stimming/etc when I was

younger then I would not have felt so bad about myself. It was a real relief to

finally have an explanation. " It seems to me that having an accurate

explanation when young, even if it is not completely understood at that time, is

helpful.

in Massachusetts

> Yesterday started talking about Autism. We have never brought it

> up but don't hide it either. I asked him where he heard the term. He

> said school. I asked him what it meant he said I don't know really

> but I know it's me. I asked him if he had any questions. He said no

> so I dropped it, remeber he is 4 1/2. Today he came home talking

> about stimming. I asked again where he heard that term. He said his

> teacher told him about it. I asked him what it was and he said it was

> when baby S keeps saying more and doesn't stop and it bothers me. S

> has Down's syndrome and isn't very verbal so calls him a baby.

> said it is also when I do this, he twisted and twirled his hands

> like when he is stressed. I just learned the term a short while ago

> from you people! I think this is too much imformation for a 4 year

> old. I know you don't know but talking to him is like talking to

> an adult at times so people take for granted that he can understand

> more than he actually can. I don't think the teacher would have had

> this conversation with any other kid. I don't know what to do. I

> haven't talked to dh because he would expolde! Should I call the

> teacher or drop it?

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks for your responc\se. I guess my point was that he is just so young. I

don't know whether he is upset by it or not. He is hard to read sometimes.

[Guest guest]

, the teacher should have consulted you before engaging your son in

discussions about his disorder. It is not for the teacher to teach him about

his disorder. I would definitely contact her.

BTW he is certainly old enough to learn what " stimming " means, IMHO. It's

just that it's not her place to teach him, unless you have said so. And it's

certainly not her place to inform him of his diagnosis.

/ 4makelas@...

Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

----- Original Message -----

From: " Stack " <the3stacks@...>

remeber he is 4 1/2. Today he came home talking

> about stimming. I asked again where he heard that term. He said his

> teacher told him about it.

[Guest guest]

, I will repeat what I just posted. It is the parent's decision what

to tell the child about his/her diagnosis, not the teacher. This teacher is

overstepping her bounds.

/ 4makelas@...

Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

----- Original Message -----

From: " " <swamp1@...>

> Assuming that what the teacher has said hasn't upset , then this seems

like a Good Thing. With accurate information, the world makes more sense.

Many people who weren't identified as being on the Autism Spectrum until

they were older have expressed: " if only I had known about

autism/stimming/etc when I was younger then I would not have felt so bad

about myself. It was a real relief to finally have an explanation. " It

seems to me that having an accurate explanation when young, even if it is

not completely understood at that time, is helpful.

[Guest guest]

I'd call the teacher, but rather than to complain, I'd try to find

out what she knows, find out if she was trying to help your son.

Don't be immediately defensive. You're better off being diplomatic.

It sounds like she's consciencious enough to try to communicate

honestly with your child. That's more than what a lot of teachers

are willing to do.

You could let her know, after you get the stories straight, that

you'd prefer not being blind-sided by " things you should know " tid-

bits after school from your son. : )

> Yesterday started talking about Autism. We have never brought

it

> up but don't hide it either. I asked him where he heard the term.

He

> said school. I asked him what it meant he said I don't know really

> but I know it's me. I asked him if he had any questions. He said

no

> so I dropped it, remeber he is 4 1/2. Today he came home talking

> about stimming. I asked again where he heard that term. He said

his

> teacher told him about it. I asked him what it was and he said it

was

> when baby S keeps saying more and doesn't stop and it bothers me.

S

> has Down's syndrome and isn't very verbal so calls him a

baby.

> said it is also when I do this, he twisted and twirled his

hands

> like when he is stressed. I just learned the term a short while

ago

> from you people! I think this is too much imformation for a 4 year

> old. I know you don't know but talking to him is like talking

to

> an adult at times so people take for granted that he can

understand

> more than he actually can. I don't think the teacher would have

had

> this conversation with any other kid. I don't know what to do. I

> haven't talked to dh because he would expolde! Should I call the

> teacher or drop it?

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> , I will repeat what I just posted. It is the parent's decision what

> to tell the child about his/her diagnosis, not the teacher. This teacher is

> overstepping her bounds.

>

> / 4makelas@s...

> Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

,

I guess I don't understand this. What bounds? If a child asks a question,

would parents want a teacher to lie or be evasive instead of being truthful?

Being untruthful does not seem like a reasonable default behavior for a teacher.

I suppose that if parents want to hide something from their child, they can ask

the teacher in advance to do that, but otherwise it seems to me that the teacher

should not presume that information should be kept from a child who is asking

about something.

in Massachusetts

[Guest guest]

I see what was saying but if the child directed the conversation to

go that direction, ie asked about his disorder or was trying to find more

about it, as a teacher myself, I would tell the child what I know about the

disorder but if the child asks me if HE is that, I would say that he wold

have to talk to his parents because even if I was told he has a specific

diagnosis, to me, my telling him would be like confirming it. Since I do not

have a degree in Psychology, I can't confirm ANYTHING. I would still feel

comfortable that I did not lie to the child and kept to my professionl

parameters. Sometimes passing the buck is not a bad thing. Along with that I

would let the parent know the child id asking questions about his diagnosis.

I just thought I would give what I would do in this case.

( ) Re: Don't know what to do

>

> > , I will repeat what I just posted. It is the parent's decision

what

> > to tell the child about his/her diagnosis, not the teacher. This teacher

is

> > overstepping her bounds.

> >

> > / 4makelas@s...

> > Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

>

> ,

> I guess I don't understand this. What bounds? If a child asks a

question, would parents want a teacher to lie or be evasive instead of being

truthful? Being untruthful does not seem like a reasonable default behavior

for a teacher. I suppose that if parents want to hide something from their

child, they can ask the teacher in advance to do that, but otherwise it

seems to me that the teacher should not presume that information should be

kept from a child who is asking about something.

> in Massachusetts

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/13/2003 11:51:33 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

4makelas@... writes:

> BTW he is certainly old enough to learn what " stimming " means, IMHO. It's

> just that it's not her place to teach him, unless you have said so.

Thanks for your response. I guess I just would have liked to have known so I

could deal with it. It just came out of the blue! She sends home a note every

day so she could have added that was curious about stimming and Autism

and how she dealt with it.

[Guest guest]

, the child obviously didn't ask the teacher to give a name to his

behaviour ... or to his diagnosis ... he is too young. There was nothing in

the post in question to indicate that the child was asking the teacher

anything. There was no need for the teacher to lie or be evasive. She should

have kept her mouth shut.

Many parents do not want their children to know their diagnosis for reasons

of their own, perhaps the teacher is assuming the diagnosis. Whatever. The

point is that it is up to the parents to disseminate such information to the

child and to decide when the child is ready. Some children get extremely

upset to be given a label that they are different, although they are. I

would be extremely upset myself to find out that my son was given this type

of information at school, unless the school approached me first (which they

have, actually).

's new resource teacher went to a conference over the summer to

educate herself about autistic spectrum disorders. She brought back a

workbook, and ASKED PERMISSION to work through it with , to help her

to understand him better ... she did not take it upon herself, although she

knows his diagnosis and knows that he knows it, to just do it.

/ 4makelas@...

Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

----- Original Message -----

From: " " <swamp1@...>

If a child asks a question, would parents want a teacher to lie or be

evasive instead of being truthful? Being untruthful does not seem like a

reasonable default behavior for a teacher. I suppose that if parents want

to hide something from their child, they can ask the teacher in advance to

do that, but otherwise it seems to me that the teacher should not presume

that information should be kept from a child who is asking about something.

[Guest guest]

> , I will repeat what I just posted. It is the parent's

decision what

> to tell the child about his/her diagnosis, not the teacher. This

teacher is

> overstepping her bounds.

>

> / 4makelas@s...

> Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

>

It is kind of a slipperly slope. I would not appreciate a teacher

doing that with one of my kids at all. One reason is that my kids

tend to get the first idea in their head and then they can't adjust

that with another idea.

A teacher talked to my ds about college and actually talked him out

of going to college. I was really ticked off. I don't know if the

teacher thought she was doing him a favor by guiding him to a

more " realistic " life plan or what. But I was really ticked. The

same teacher would leave our meetings and go back and discuss

everything with my son. It totally annoyed me. Then he would come

home spouting " her " opinion of every idea we were discussing.

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

> I see what was saying but if the child directed the

conversation to

> go that direction, ie asked about his disorder or was trying to

find more

> about it, as a teacher myself, I would tell the child what I know

about the

> disorder but if the child asks me if HE is that, I would say that

he wold

> have to talk to his parents because even if I was told he has a

specific

> diagnosis, to me, my telling him would be like confirming it. Since

I do not

> have a degree in Psychology, I can't confirm ANYTHING. I would

still feel

> comfortable that I did not lie to the child and kept to my

professionl

> parameters. Sometimes passing the buck is not a bad thing. Along

with that I

> would let the parent know the child id asking questions about his

diagnosis.

> I just thought I would give what I would do in this case.

>

,

that's a great move on your part! I like your idea best.

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

> I see what was saying but if the child directed the conversation to

> go that direction, ie asked about his disorder or was trying to find more

> about it, as a teacher myself, I would tell the child what I know about the

> disorder but if the child asks me if HE is that, I would say that he wold

> have to talk to his parents because even if I was told he has a specific

> diagnosis, to me, my telling him would be like confirming it. Since I do not

> have a degree in Psychology, I can't confirm ANYTHING. I would still feel

> comfortable that I did not lie to the child and kept to my professionl

> parameters. Sometimes passing the buck is not a bad thing. Along with that I

> would let the parent know the child id asking questions about his diagnosis.

> I just thought I would give what I would do in this case.

>

That makes sense.

in Massachusetts

[Guest guest]

Roxanne, I have noted that both 's case manager and his paediatrician

have mentioned in his hearing that he will want to be independent and move

out of home as soon as he can. Poor kid is only 15 yet!

Parental goals are for him to leave high school at 21, work towards getting

the job of orderly that he wants, and perhaps semi-independent at 25. But

there is no way he will be driving at 16, or 18 ... he can't even ride his

bike following the rules of the road! ... he has a math LD and is currently

functioning at grades 3/5 in that subject. He can't use time properly, or

tell time accurately, and he can't make change. He has the assistance of an

EA for just about everything at high school. How on earth could he be

independent? I think it is a more gradual process. He gets lots of

opportunities at home that would be limited if he didn't live under our

roof.

Of course we want him to be independent, and we are doing our best to

broaden his horizons. But he will simply not be ready at 18, when most kids

are. I get quite irritated when others suggest to him otherwise, as he has

agreed with our goals for him and he is doing really well. His case manager

actually said to him that boys don't want to stay at home once they are

finished high school. Well, really! Some boys, maybe! is quite

content at home and we intend to give him a lot of privacy. We are hoping

that a setup can be managed where he lives in his own apartment in our home

or nearby, and comes to us for dinner and assistance and transportation. He

could have a lot of independence that way and still have support until he is

ready to spread his wings. I think pushing our kids to be ready before they

are is a BIG mistake!

wants to fly in planes and go to New York. He will need support to

manage these things. He wants to chase storms! He has an anxiety disorder on

top of the AS. He needs peace and quiet, and an outline for his day if he is

to make the most of it.

Feedback, anyone?

/ 4makelas@...

Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

----- Original Message -----

> A teacher talked to my ds about college and actually talked him out

> of going to college. I was really ticked off. I don't know if the

> teacher thought she was doing him a favor by guiding him to a

> more " realistic " life plan or what.

[Guest guest]

<<<<<<<Of course we want him to be independent, and we are doing our best to

broaden his horizons. But he will simply not be ready at 18, when most kids are.

>>

our psych says that it takes until ages 21-23 to really be able to say if a

person with AS can or cannot live independantly.

in anycase, you know you child best.

<<<<<<His case manager

actually said to him that boys don't want to stay at home once they are

finished high school. >

ok, tell her I know an NT man , who stayed with his parents until 35.......

ha ha ha !tell her not to argue - I know him really well!

<<<<<< I think pushing our kids to be ready before they

are is a BIG mistake!>>>>

I agree.

F

[Guest guest]

>

> wants to fly in planes and go to New York. He will need

support to

> manage these things. He wants to chase storms! He has an anxiety

disorder on

> top of the AS. He needs peace and quiet, and an outline for his day

if he is

> to make the most of it.

>

> Feedback, anyone?

>

> / 4makelas@s...

> Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

Future goals are tough. I think we need to be realistic but at the

same time, not aim too low. I think as Royce gets older, we will

narrow down what he wants to do with himself. And we'll also know

better how well he will do by himself. I just hate other people

coming in and saying " he should do this " when they don't really know

that's what he wants. Or even what we can afford to do for him.

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

Roxanna, at 15 years old, I don't think knows what he wants. He

certainly can't make informed decisions about his future (although he has

decided he wants to work in hospital as an orderly, which is a realistic

career goal given his math LD).

He is aware that other kids leave home right after high school and go out to

work, and some go to university or college and then to work, having left

home in the process. He is comfortable with our suggestion that he plan on

living with us for a few years until he is ready to move out on his own. Why

do strangers have to stick their noses in to this?

/ 4makelas@...

Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

[Guest guest]

> Roxanna, at 15 years old, I don't think knows what he wants.

He

> certainly can't make informed decisions about his future (although

he has

> decided he wants to work in hospital as an orderly, which is a

realistic

> career goal given his math LD).

>

> He is aware that other kids leave home right after high school and

go out to

> work, and some go to university or college and then to work, having

left

> home in the process. He is comfortable with our suggestion that he

plan on

> living with us for a few years until he is ready to move out on his

own. Why

> do strangers have to stick their noses in to this?

Here it is the law that they sit down with kids in sped and discuss

their future plans as early as age 14. The reason is that too often

their future goals were ignored and they would graduate all these

kids who could not do anything constructive.

But as with everything in sped, it seems, it's just a bunch of

paperwork and people who don't really seem to know or understand the

process or our needs or even include the family in this planning.

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

Fever blisters are viral, at least for me. I take olive leaf extract and lysine

and they are gone in two days. I have also not used o of o internally before.

I have used grapefruit seed extract and that really worked for my son. With

chelation he would every so often get really giggly and hyper. A single drop

would stop all that.

I am not one of the experts around here, sorry!

For not having been to a DAN! yet you are really on track! I didn't see you

mention EFAs, are you doing any of those? Brains are greater than 50% fat and

require good sources to keep things moving properly. Would definitely look into

that, in my opinion.

If you aren't sure if she is tolerating the vitamin c you could drop back the

dose and see what happens. One of the fustrating issues with autistic kids is

it seems when you treat something another issue pops up!

Didn't see your other post yet but am working my way through. Have you

checked out the autism and mercury group yet? Many of us are getting a

tremendous amount of things done and many of us without a DAN!.

melindafaith2005 <melindafaith2005@...> wrote:

My daughter has been running a low grade temp everyday since we added

vit c nine days ago. We are giving her Vit c three times per day

totaling 125mg. She has fever blisters. She started crossing her

fingers and walking on her toes. She stopped those behaviors shortly

after we started enzymes in June. Her awareness is fluctuating.

Should we go slower with treatment or increase it? Meaning should we

decrease the vit c or add more anti-viral? Viratop, olive leaf

extract.

Should we add more afp?

We were concerned that the yeast was growing back so we added in o of

o three days ago. I have never used this supplement before. We have

been giving o of o two drops per day except today I gave her three.

If anyone could give me some suggestions that would be great. We are

on a long waiting lists to see a DAN doctor. I posted o of o and

enzymes administration question a few days ago - still hoping for a

response on my questions about how to give them.

We are on SCDiet,Houston's trio enzymes,probiotic and vit c and

antigen drops.

Thank You, Melinda

[Guest guest]

>

> My daughter has been running a low grade temp everyday since we added

> vit c nine days ago.

For my kids, this would have been the virus leaving the brain and

causing more " normal " virus symptoms. So it would have been a good

sign for my kids.

If she does not tolerate corn, be sure it is a non-corn-derived

vitamin C, like TwinLab Allergy C made from sago palm. Most vitamin C

is made from corn.

>>We are giving her Vit c three times per day

> totaling 125mg.

For my kids, this dose would have been negligible. I give 1000mg for

two of my kids, and at one point for my #2 I was giving 25 grams

[25,000mg] per day.

>>She has fever blisters.

These are usually viral, so might be the virus coming out thru her

mouth area. Try giving lysine, which helps sores around the mouth.

>> She started crossing her

> fingers and walking on her toes.

The toe walking can be a sign of constipation, and that might be

yeast, because viral " die off " caused yeast for my kids.

> Should we go slower with treatment or increase it? Meaning should we

> decrease the vit c or add more anti-viral? Viratop, olive leaf

> extract.

> Should we add more afp?

I would keep that level and increase your yeast protocol. Increase it

after you are sure that yeast is under control.

Dana