Mornings at my house

[Guest guest]

5:30, the radio comes on. swats it. " Liz, time to get up " He rolls

over and goes back to sleep. I stagger off to the bathroom, where I make

use of the facilities and steel myself for my next encounter.

I go quietly into 's room, put my hand on his foot and gently

shake it. " Go away, Mom, " the other end moans.

" You want me to come back later? " I ask him.

" Yeah. "

So I go downstairs and let the dog out, then go get dressed. Today I

decide on blue jeans (what else), a white turtleneck, and a brightly

colored vest that brought me from Australia.

I go back to 's room and hand him his clothes. " Okay, " he says,

" Okay Mom, shoo! " he says, dismissing me. " Shoo! "

I go downstairs and put on my shoes. They're clogs by Modellista and

they are so comfortable I feel like I'm walking on air. Then I poke

around

by the computer until I find 's glasses, and I take them into the

kitchen and wash them.

Ten minutes has passed. I go upstairs and stand outside 's door.

" Do you have your undies on? "

" Mom! Don't nag! "

" Do you? "

" Almost! Now go away! "

The words " hurry up " are on the tip of my tongue, but I don't say them.

I know they won't help. I go downstairs and pile two apples and two

oranges at his place. It's probably all he'll eat for breakfast. I put

some bread there, too, knowing that it's probably hopeless.

I go back upstairs. " How are you doing, ? "

" Nag demerit, you dumb blonde, " he retorts.

" First of all, you can't give me a demerit for nagging you because I'm

just asking. Second of all, I am neither dumb nor blonde. I am a red

head. Third of all, GET YOUR PANTS ON before I put you in the car the

way you are! "

" Yeah? " He giggles. " You and who else? " He gets out of bed and stands

next to me. Both of us standing straight and tall, I come up to the

bottom of his nose.

" And how were you going to get me into the car?? "

" We moms have our ways, never fear, " I tell him. "

" Ooh, I'm scared. "

" Put your pants on, " I say, " We have to go. Or were you planning to go

to school in your underwear? "

" Humph. Very funny. "

I go down and wipe the condensation off the car and when I get back,

is wearing pants and sitting at the table, where he is plowing

through the two oranges I set out for breakfast, and has cut up two

more.

" Meds! Don't forget your meds! "

" I took them already. Nag demerit for you! " He cackles unmercifully. Every nag

demerit for me translates into cash for him at the end of the week, assuming

that he hasn't amassed too many nag demerits himself.

I get his socks, he puts them on, then he gets his shoes on, then we go!

We take two apples for him to eat in the car. The doctor will be kept

away for yet another day.

Liz

Mom to Tess (age 20) and (age 15)