body betrayal?

[Guest guest]

Boy, after I got home from Indianapolis, I took a percocet, got in bed with my warm rice sox & heating pad all tucked along my leg, & slept for 5 hours! Between that 6-hour excursion to the sarc doc & my cold, I was wiped out. My leg pain is better, at least while sitting or lying down. Still can't stand for more than a few minutes without the severe cramping in my hip & down my leg, but it's a big improvement over last week! I have an appt with a surgeon in two weeks to see if there are any possible surgical options. Meanwhile I'm trying to go about my business as usual. One thing I hate about situations like this is that now I feel like I have to be on guard all the time & very careful how I move. When that awful leg pain started 2 weeks ago I had just turned to my left. We don't know if that triggered it, or it was just a coincidence, but now I don't trust my body. I worry that just the wrong move will start it up again. The sarc has been bad enough; before that I had a lot of confidence in my body. I had already been having back problems for many years, but nothing I couldn't handle or work around. Then the sarc monster had to butt into my life & force me to stop, decrease or modify so many of my activities. But I made adjustments (with much bitching & complaining) & learned my "new norm." Well, several new norms as more symptoms popped up. But for several years things had been pretty stable. Then this happened & now I catch myself creeping around like an old lady, afraid to make a wrong move. I can barely remember how it felt to be carefree in physical activities; just enjoying myself & assuming that all my body parts would do what they were supposed to do! It almost feels like a betrayal; that sounds a little strong, but I can't think of a better description. On the other hand, my body could make a good case for being betrayed by me--years of poor nutrition, neglect, erratic exercise, etc. Maybe it's payback! Anyway, I know that fear & overprotection can actually cause injury, so I'm trying to do my mindfulness meditation & consciously relax when I catch myself guarding too much.

Ramblin' RoseModerator "I child-proofed my home and they STILL get in!" (Bumper sticker)