so upset with DH (long, sorry)

[Guest guest]

I know I've read several posts on here in regards to one's DH

not agreeing with the necessity for treatment, etc... Mine also did

not agree with the need for banding until i brought him a conclusive

diagnoses and measurements that confirmed what I'd been talking to

him about... now I am excited to start sessions with a DO

(osteopathy) and DH just told me that he doesn't agree... i told him

that he could join the other side along with the peds that gave us

the " it'll round out " line... and he said, how do you know that

wouldn't have been the case?...uggh! i told him he was very

uninformed on the topic... he's made comments before about " why do i

fill my head with all of this nonsense " ...basically why do i even

worry about it anymore...

also, recently the boys were evaluated by EI for speech and

tested at a 9 mo level for expressive comm. and a 12 mo level for

cognitive comm...they are 18 mos old...yet he still added that they

also don't need the help with their speech... i am aware that they

may soon have a language explosion, but having a EI rep come out

twice a month to give us pointers on how we can help them along is

not going overboard... i feel like he thinks i am one of " those "

moms... i told him i was going forward with or without his support,

but the truth is i want his support... as my husband and their

father... it's really hard coming from him... so i just needed to

vent before i broke into tears at work... any advice is

appreciated... and sorry for the long post

Shenelle

Katy, TX

[Guest guest]

{{{{}}}}} I cant imagine dh not agreeing, mine tends to listen to my explanation of things to avoid having to do reading and research himself, I think he is glad i do it. I think the bottom line is, is it worth risking that it wont round out and then what?

as for ei, a child cant just be outside the normal range or a little behind to qualify, there has to be a significant delay and then ei is free, so why wouldnt someone accept it? if they have an explosion, great, but if not research shows earlier the intervention the better and faster the results. my son is 23 mo and just started his ei this week, only reason i did so early is b/c we waited till my older dd was 3 before we had her speech evaluated, other kids we knew were graduating from therapy just as she was starting so we knew early would be better, now that i know how far behind he is i wish i hadnt played wait and see for the last 6 mo so you are doing great, you are on top of tings, it sounds like you know your boys very well and that will definitely be to their advantage

On Wed, Oct 29, 2008 at 2:16 PM, keejaylove <keejaylove@...> wrote:

I know I've read several posts on here in regards to one's DH not agreeing with the necessity for treatment, etc... Mine also did not agree with the need for banding until i brought him a conclusive

diagnoses and measurements that confirmed what I'd been talking to him about... now I am excited to start sessions with a DO (osteopathy) and DH just told me that he doesn't agree... i told him that he could join the other side along with the peds that gave us

the " it'll round out " line... and he said, how do you know that wouldn't have been the case?...uggh! i told him he was very uninformed on the topic... he's made comments before about " why do i

fill my head with all of this nonsense " ...basically why do i even worry about it anymore... also, recently the boys were evaluated by EI for speech and tested at a 9 mo level for expressive comm. and a 12 mo level for

cognitive comm...they are 18 mos old...yet he still added that they also don't need the help with their speech... i am aware that they may soon have a language explosion, but having a EI rep come out twice a month to give us pointers on how we can help them along is

not going overboard... i feel like he thinks i am one of " those " moms... i told him i was going forward with or without his support, but the truth is i want his support... as my husband and their father... it's really hard coming from him... so i just needed to

vent before i broke into tears at work... any advice is appreciated... and sorry for the long postShenelleKaty, TX -- SC SAHM to:

4 princesses: Emma, Becca, , and the Birthday BoyHappy 2nd Birthday !There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.Winston Churchill

[Guest guest]

Hey Shanelle-

Sorry you're having such a hard time with your DH. I had a similar

problem at the beginning of the whole banding process, my DH was (I

felt) more concerned with the possible expense of the helmet rather

than the shape of my son's head, even though he could see there was

a problem. I was basically to the point where I said, I don't care

what you think, I'm doing it anyway. He came around though, even

though he still was just deferring to me and didn't feel strongly

one way or the other.

When it came around to getting my son evaluated for speech through

our equivalent of EI, he basically just kept his mouth shut and let

me do what I wanted. I will say that after being so paranoid about

my son's speech delay, he is now bursting with new words every day

(most of which only I can understand). It took so long to get the

speech therapy actually started (like 3 months since his first eval)

that I almost wished we hadn't because of how far he had come since

they first saw him. But the ST does think he lacks some strength in

his facial muscles (a result of his tort) which is hindering some

speech and sounds, so I figured we would stick with it until the end

of the year and then see if I felt it was necessary to continue.

The point is, I think in the end you have to do what you feel is

best and it totally sucks that your DH isn't supporting you. But I

feel the health and well-being of our children is something to fight

for, it's just unfortunate that sometimes it's our own spouses that

we have to fight for it. I guess my advice would be just to try and

stay rational and explain your point of view (over and over if you

have to) as best you can, ask him outright for his support and

hopefully he'll see how important it is to you. And vent here as

much as you'd like!

Best of luck!

Jake-2 (DOCBand Grad 9/19/08)

Jordan-4.5

>

> I know I've read several posts on here in regards to one's DH

> not agreeing with the necessity for treatment, etc... Mine also

did

> not agree with the need for banding until i brought him a

conclusive

> diagnoses and measurements that confirmed what I'd been talking to

> him about... now I am excited to start sessions with a DO

> (osteopathy) and DH just told me that he doesn't agree... i told

him

> that he could join the other side along with the peds that gave us

> the " it'll round out " line... and he said, how do you know that

> wouldn't have been the case?...uggh! i told him he was very

> uninformed on the topic... he's made comments before about " why do

i

> fill my head with all of this nonsense " ...basically why do i even

> worry about it anymore...

> also, recently the boys were evaluated by EI for speech and

> tested at a 9 mo level for expressive comm. and a 12 mo level for

> cognitive comm...they are 18 mos old...yet he still added that

they

> also don't need the help with their speech... i am aware that they

> may soon have a language explosion, but having a EI rep come out

> twice a month to give us pointers on how we can help them along is

> not going overboard... i feel like he thinks i am one of " those "

> moms... i told him i was going forward with or without his

support,

> but the truth is i want his support... as my husband and their

> father... it's really hard coming from him... so i just needed to

> vent before i broke into tears at work... any advice is

> appreciated... and sorry for the long post

>

> Shenelle

> Katy, TX

>

[Guest guest]

Shanelle,

It does make it so hard when DH stands as a road block every time you try to do something that you deem necessary to help your kids. Mine acted totally blind back when I was trying to determine myself if my daughter had plagio/brachy. Every time he kept saying that her head was fine and that I was obsessed...

Just like , the cost of the helmet was a factor, but also seeing her in a helmet and putting her through "torture" to quote his own words. While I was getting informed, he chose to completely stay out of it, still not knowing the difference between plagio and brachy. At the end, I went for it anyway. He came around when HIS mother told him to let me do what was best for our daughter... His mother rocks!

This said, our experience with her first helmet was a great disappointment. We chose the wrong provider and are starting all over again with a DOC band, tomorrow. I won't give up. I am hoping that one will get her where I'd be happy. If not, I'll opt for band #2. This time around, he is not arguing with me so much because my insurance is paying for it... I know that he can be cheap sometimes but when it comes to my daughters, I have learned to never let that be a factor.

Do what you have to do and check this board often. It has been my greatest informed support.

Leila

From: <nwilkens2275@...>Subject: Re: so upset with DH (long, sorry)Plagiocephaly Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 8:28 PM

Hey Shanelle-Sorry you're having such a hard time with your DH. I had a similar problem at the beginning of the whole banding process, my DH was (I felt) more concerned with the possible expense of the helmet rather than the shape of my son's head, even though he could see there was a problem. I was basically to the point where I said, I don't care what you think, I'm doing it anyway. He came around though, even though he still was just deferring to me and didn't feel strongly one way or the other. When it came around to getting my son evaluated for speech through our equivalent of EI, he basically just kept his mouth shut and let me do what I wanted. I will say that after being so paranoid about my son's speech delay, he is now bursting with new words every day (most of which only I can understand). It took so long to get the speech therapy actually started (like 3 months since his first

eval) that I almost wished we hadn't because of how far he had come since they first saw him. But the ST does think he lacks some strength in his facial muscles (a result of his tort) which is hindering some speech and sounds, so I figured we would stick with it until the end of the year and then see if I felt it was necessary to continue. The point is, I think in the end you have to do what you feel is best and it totally sucks that your DH isn't supporting you. But I feel the health and well-being of our children is something to fight for, it's just unfortunate that sometimes it's our own spouses that we have to fight for it. I guess my advice would be just to try and stay rational and explain your point of view (over and over if you have to) as best you can, ask him outright for his support and hopefully he'll see how important it is to you. And vent here as much as you'd like! Best

of luck!Jake-2 (DOCBand Grad 9/19/08)Jordan-4.5>> I know I've read several posts on here in regards to one's DH > not agreeing with the necessity for treatment, etc... Mine also did > not agree with the need for banding until i brought him a conclusive > diagnoses and measurements that confirmed what I'd been talking to > him about... now I am excited to start sessions with a DO > (osteopathy) and DH just told me that he doesn't agree... i told him > that he could join the other side along with the peds that gave us > the "it'll round out" line... and he said, how do you know that > wouldn't have been the case?...uggh! i told him he was very > uninformed on the topic... he's

made comments before about "why do i > fill my head with all of this nonsense"... basically why do i even > worry about it anymore... > also, recently the boys were evaluated by EI for speech and > tested at a 9 mo level for expressive comm. and a 12 mo level for > cognitive comm...they are 18 mos old...yet he still added that they > also don't need the help with their speech... i am aware that they > may soon have a language explosion, but having a EI rep come out > twice a month to give us pointers on how we can help them along is > not going overboard... i feel like he thinks i am one of "those" > moms... i told him i was going forward with or without his support, > but the truth is i want his support... as my husband and their > father... it's really hard coming from him... so i just needed to > vent before i broke into tears at work... any advice

is > appreciated. .. and sorry for the long post> > Shenelle> Katy, TX>

[Guest guest]

Thanks ladies. I can always count on you to put things in

perspective. Yesterday DH sent me an email apologizing and said he

would just " shut up " about it because he knows it is something i

really want to do... I told him how much he'd upset me and i think

he's coming along. I will keep you all posted on their progress. The

DO is a super nice lady and is doing us a favor with the cost since

our insurance considers this an " experimental " treatment. Our first

session is this coming Saturday. We will see if DH comes, but I am

also prepared to go alone. Thanks again for the support.

Shenelle

Katy, TX

> >

> > I know I've read several posts on here in regards to one's

DH

> > not agreeing with the necessity for treatment, etc... Mine also

> did

> > not agree with the need for banding until i brought him a

> conclusive

> > diagnoses and measurements that confirmed what I'd been talking

to

> > him about... now I am excited to start sessions with a DO

> > (osteopathy) and DH just told me that he doesn't agree... i told

> him

> > that he could join the other side along with the peds that gave

us

> > the " it'll round out " line... and he said, how do you know that

> > wouldn't have been the case?...uggh! i told him he was very

> > uninformed on the topic... he's made comments before about " why

do

> i

> > fill my head with all of this nonsense " ...basically why do i even

> > worry about it anymore...

> > also, recently the boys were evaluated by EI for speech and

> > tested at a 9 mo level for expressive comm. and a 12 mo level for

> > cognitive comm...they are 18 mos old...yet he still added that

> they

> > also don't need the help with their speech... i am aware that

they

> > may soon have a language explosion, but having a EI rep come out

> > twice a month to give us pointers on how we can help them along

is

> > not going overboard... i feel like he thinks i am one of " those "

> > moms... i told him i was going forward with or without his

> support,

> > but the truth is i want his support... as my husband and their

> > father... it's really hard coming from him... so i just needed to

> > vent before i broke into tears at work... any advice is

> > appreciated... and sorry for the long post

> >

> > Shenelle

> > Katy, TX

> >

>