Re: Janice-Re: Frustrated , needing some advise-Long

[Guest guest]

Traci,

When your intellectually 'normal' child is going to 'speech class' (which was

what we called it) year after year, 'special' kindergarden and riding the bus

with kids in wheel chairs.... it's pretty tough for them 'not to know' that

something is up!

They know.... they know that they can't keep up. They know that the world just

seems to go too fast for them and that they are always one or two or three steps

behind everyone else. I remember when Mark asked me if he was retarded. That

was the day that my heart broke in two. I told him that he wasn't retarded and

we were going to find out what this was no matter what and we were going to fix

it. From then on, dyspraxia has been an 'open' subject in my household. It is

open amongst Mark's friends and we all share the challenges and work through

strategies together. We are a tight, tight unit because we have had to be. It

was our survival and it was the only way that I could preserve my child's sense

of self. That is the most important thing; kids who cannot talk about it and

share the ups and downs risk falling into depression. Your daughter needs to be

assured that this is a 'physical' problem rather than an 'intellectual' problem.

It brought a lot of relief to Mark when I explained that his muscles didn't work

the way that they should; that is why he has trouble with speech, trouble with

coordination and trouble with his hands. I continue to separate Mark the person

from the condition that Mark has, known as dyspraxia. This condition may weaken

hands but Mark is the strong mind.

By the way, our kids are often magnificent readers so you might want to start

your child young. For Mark, his high level of academic achievement in reading,

word-attack and comprehension really rescued his self-esteem. It is hard to go

through life feeling like you, as Mark puts it, 'suck at everything' and have

everybody bully you all of the time.

Things are very different now and Mark CAN keep up but it wasn't until I took

him to NACD last September that his world truly began to change. Oh, by the

way, one of those nasty kids who used to bully him was on his basketball team

tonight (first practice). Mark was absolutely horrified when the 'monster'

yelled out to all and sundry, " hey, you're the kid that drooled on my shoes in

grade 2! " Well.... Mark's buddy stepped up to the plate and made some joke

about how aweful those shoes must have been to have made Mark sick! ....and

saved the day! I can see that Mark is about to be gunning for this kid and I'm

trying to hold him back. Yikes.... payback time is coming and I can see revenge

in my boy's eyes. See, Mark is actually one of the fastest and tallest kids on

this team! He is not even aware of how fit I have made him! I will have to

have a talk with him about foregiveness.... before a 'different' kind of trouble

ensues!

I'm tired and in need of sleep. I do feel for you and for what is coming around

your corner. Be strong, open a dialogue with your precious child and don't get

angry; she really, really needs a pal right about now.... and your it!

We are indeed here for you. Sometimes there are a million emails but just

squeak a little louder if you don't get a response. Sometimes people don't

respond because they have not 'been there' before. Look at me.... I did all of

this completely alone.... whine, whine, whine! Okay, enough of the pity party!

But it sure would have been nice to have located a chat group 7 years ago! Back

then, I didn't even know that DCD and dyspraxia were the same thing.... There

was not a lot of information out there.

Janice

[sPAM] [ ] Janice-Re: Frustrated , needing some

advise-Long

Janice,

Wow! Thanks for the reply you were just what I needed, i am going to

somehow keep that post and refer back to it. How old is your child

and how long did it take before he/she realized there was a

problem. No my dd doesnt verbally recognize that she has a problem

but she knows deep inside that she is struggling, otherwise, she

would have never clung to the original teacher on the first day, (my

guess is because that Teacher was the only one in there and my dd

new she would never make it sharing her with 21 other students) and

yes she did shut down. Your words have really helped me Janice and

I couldnt thank you more. I am really interested in hearing your

story. I am sorry if I made anyone feel bad with my reply back to

Annie it was just that I have posted on this group site before with

sometimes NO reply back from anyone. I had been with this group

since my dd was 3 1/2 and she is now 7 and at the beginning people

did reply to posts but I do realize that over the years this group

has grown and it just gets to be too much to read every one but I

wanted to thank you and Annie very much for noticing and replying.

Traci

>

> hi, my name is Traci and my dd is 7 with a diagnosis of Apraxia of

> speech ,autistic charateristics,processing delays,DSI,and is

> farsighted with a lazy eye and wears glasses. The reason why I am

> writing to all of you is because she started 1st grade on a very

bad

> note and the teacher, who was previously a special ed teacher is

now

> teaching regular ed,was very abrupt with my dd and that threw my

dd

> into a state of shut down.

>

> Here is a little history, in Kindergarten she was 1/2 day in

> afternoon and there was a teachers assistant. Life was very good

> and she adjusted so well. At the end of last year we all had a team

> meeting and they told me that they were letting go of all the aides

> and teachers assistants because the county was bringing in a Unit.

> My dd has always thrived in a regular ed setting with some support,

> she made some friends as well. I didnt know any better (definatley

> feeling guilty) but I agreed that we would try her out in the 1st

> grade with no teachers assistant and would go into the learning

> center to do her work sheets because she needs additional time to

> process and work. Like I said that all worked out last year

> beautifully with one thing different from this year, she still had

> the teacher assistant. What I didnt realize is that she was

> depending on that assistant to be there as did all the kids but she

> knew she needed her more and I didnt know that.

>

> The first day of first grade she was clinging to the teacher very

> badly and something happened that day that affected my dd for the

> past 2 1/2 weeks, behaviours came out that I have never seen in her

> especially at school. It turns out that when I went to parent

> orientation, the teacher told me that she is progressing (I think

> she was saying that to try and throw something positive in) and

then

> she says but she has been sucking her thumb ALOT and putting her

> head down on her desk most of the time (I wanted to say and how is

> that progressing?!!) Anyway, I beat feet from there, next morning I

> came into see the principal and it turns out they want her to go

> into the Unit (which I found out only has 2 very low functioning

> children in there and 3 aids) not that I am singling them out from

> my dd but my problem is this, The one child does not talk at all

and

> the other talks very minimal. My dd communicates at a 5 yo level

> and plays very well with her peers. She is at grade level with

> regular ed as long as she has time to process. Anyway, I then

> called the director of special services and pretty much told him

> that they were wrong what they did and that per her IEP that does

> not end until 10/1/07 has writen on there by me (my goals) " that

> communication between me and the Teacher and the Teachers aide. " He

> tried to work his way around the IEP but I wouldnt let up, he

agreed

> with me that we could move my dd to the other 1st grade classroom.

> The reason why he agreed to this is because there was a wrap around

> aide with another little boy who is in a wheelchair but has no

> cognative diabilities and they would share her.

>

> Now my dd started in the other classroom this last Friday and the

> morning through lunch was very good but after recess (the new

> teacher told me) she told her like 5 or 6 times that she was not

> going to do her math paper, they took her in the learning center

> and it took her 20 to 25 minutes to write her name! This is a

> behaviour from her that i am not used too because she always did

her

> work.

>

> now I am getting nervous because I am trying some different

> disciplinary things at home but she is being so stubborn that Im

> afraid she wont continue this at school. I am so frustrated with

> her and with the school because if things were just left the same

as

> last year I know she would have done fine, I am so afraid that this

> last 2 1/2 weeks has set her back and it will take too long for her

> to regain her confidence back and it will be too late.

>

> I really needed to vent with someone who could understand.

>

> Thank you

>

>

> Traci

>