Re: [SPAM] Re: A depressing Week

[Guest guest]

We are in Canada so the odds of a child having a gun or a knife is pretty rare

(unheard of actually). The schools are very different here. There is no gang

violence here and this school is pretty small and tender.

With regards to high-fiving Mark..... it is a matter of knowing the child. This

is a pretty meek and mellow child who others have a tendency to push around and

pick on. Mark has a history of being bullied. Mark spends his time trying to

lay low and fly under the radar. He is a nice, nice boy BUT..... he is

frightened of those children and refuses to stand up for himself. To see him

stand up.... to refuse to be pushed around..... is wonderful! It is a pivotal

moment of his life!

Some times to be a man means that while you don`t instigate, you must be

prepared to stand your ground. For the first time, Mark did this and guess

what..... the bully is now gone and life is peaceful. Mark decided NOT to be a

victim! This is a huge step forward for this child!

I would never have said this prior to experiencing daily harrassment from other

children on sports teams, at school, in the park.... you name it, my son and

many, many more with dyspraxia..... receive chronic intimidation and bullying.

The original reason why I let him go to special education in grade 4 was to give

him a break from the daily nightmare of bullying. It was an aweful existance.

It seems that eveyone has a good time picking on a dyspraxic child...... they

are weaklings and visibly vunerable!

I DO believe that this is an issue that dyspraxic children face from reading

story after story on the dyspraxia families board and the adults board.

Bullying is a problem for our children as they lack the verbal tools to stand up

for themselves. They lack the visual skills and awareness to see what is going

on around them and they are too trusting of others who would harm them. In

addition, they have such poor motor control of their bodies, other kids run

circles around them and basicly use them as a means to kicking board.

Children..... particularly in the primary grades are terribly cruel.... used to

say things to Mark like call him `retard`, tell him he had the `heebee jeebees`

(becuase of his saliva issues) and they warned each other not to befriend him.

Up until now, we had not received this treatment in Juniour High.... just grade

school. BUT... had Mark let this bully win, he would have had to endure endless

teasing and he would once again have become the `dog` that everyone was allowed

to kick. This is the way it is.... one bully can ostracize you and turn your

life into a nightmare for other kids begin to avoid you as well for they fear

the bully too.

.... Tanner only has or had apraxia..... am I correct in this..... If you

saw full fledged dyspraxia, you would high-five Mark as well! There is a reason

why my highly religious and devout next door neighbour came over and told

Mark.... ``Good for YOU.... Sweetheart! Don`t you ever let anyone hurt you ever

again!`` I just aboutr fell over since I had turned to her for advice as to how

to handle the situation adequately.

It is because my poor boy had been picked on for years and years..... grades one

through three were a daily nightmare.... thus my depression! I just couldn`t

face going through it again. This time, Mark rescued my spirit for I simply did

not have the strength to endure that horrible time once more. I shouldn`t be

happy that he used physical force but I know that he had to in order to gain

this `chumps`respect.

So... had he been caught, Mark would have received a suspension but it would

have been worth it!

Now..... I need to ensure that this is the end of it.... That is what is

important! To resort to violence once perhaps may be forgiven but he must now

draw on that performance and not feel that he needs to repeat it! We had a long

talk and I HOPE he gets it.

Janice

Mother of Mark, 13

[sPAM][ ] Re: A depressing Week

Janice what are your views on the light therapies used to treat

seasonal affective disorders http://www.ncpamd.com/seasonal.htm

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/18/health/18mind.html?fta=y Seems

like they are benign -and hey if they help! I hope you are feeling

better (hey do you take fish oils? if you do maybe take a few extra!)

I don't know about the bully story being dyspraxia raising it's ugly

head again. Sounds like your guy has support from peers and teachers

and for whatever reason got into a fight at school with some other

boy which happens from time to time to any child.

Most schools today have zero tolerance and punching another child in

the face even if one says it was in self defense for being pushed

first could possibly get your child in serious trouble. Under the

newer zero tolerance -some places they would even arrest both the

other child and Mark!

http://www.rutherford.org/articles_db/legal_features.asp?article_id=71

Nobody wants to know how far some kids go today in fighting -but too

often you hear horror stories. Just google it -here's a recent one

from Alaska

Monday's fight began when one student punched the other; then, the

one that was punched pulled a knife and stabbed the other.

http://www.ktuu.com/Global/story.asp?S=7857438

So in that light I am speechless that adults (from the school?!)

would high five Mark for punching another child no matter what the

reason.

Is this other child a bully historically to others or was this out of

the ordinary for him? Not that it matters now -but it would be a

good start to a conversation with your son. Let your son know that

people fight with others sometimes and not because of dyspraxia.

They fight because they are angry, jealous, not feeling good about

themselves, in a bad mood for reasons sometimes as silly as a parking

space.

Here's a great article on bullying- fighting

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bullying/MH00126

=====

[Guest guest]

,

Girls ARE mean! It actually surprises me how bad it can be. My NT daughter

belongs to a club called The NO Gossip Girls.... that they formed at their

school! Different, yes, but hopefully it will do the job.

It just warmed up on Saturday (now just around 0 Celcius) but we had literally 2

weeks of really cold weather. We will often get cold weather in January or

February but it will just dip into the low minus -26 range.... never the -30 to

-35 range! In all my years, I can never remember such persistent cold. It was

enough to make anyone crazy. I do know that we were all feeling it here in

Alberta. Sadly, 2 young children froze to death in our neighboring province of

Saskatchewan. I have been very careful not to assume that my children can just

take the bus home or walk to a friends given the true nature of the cold.

Of course, in the midst of our cold snap, the tornadoes hit the Southern US and

so I realized that we were lucky for we had not suffered a tradegy just some

nasty weather.

Before Mark had actually retaliated..... all of those 'old' memories came

flooding back..... the days when he was little and oh, so vunerable. It is

amazing how that experience has scarred even me..... lord knows what those

memories have done to him! The school is supposed to protect your child but

they really do lack the resources to manage these tasks. They have little

training in special kids.

We have turned our NACD evaluation into a Park City, Utah Family ski trip and I

so look forward to February 27.... to ditching this town and flying away......

Janice

Mother of Mark, 13

[sPAM][ ] Re: A depressing Week

I think just knowing that you can defend yourself is important and

does not necessarily lead to a fighting life. In fact, that

confidence takes away a lot of the bully's power. You should

consider it tremendous progress that there hasn't been more bullying

lately. All kids are mean some of the time, and some kids are mean

all of the time, and EVERY kid is targeted occasionally. The fact

that it is no longer a chronic problem is terrific! And I'm glad

Mark taught that kid a lesson. Sometimes I think boys are so lucky.

Physical bullying stinks, but fighting back goes a long way toward

ending it. The mean-talk bullying of girls can be so devastating,

and so much more difficult to end. I can still remember specific

mean things said to me as a child, and it's been a long, long time.

And you, Janice, probably need to do something decadent and self-

indulgent to forget the bad week and frigid weather. I personally

like to read a good novel while getting a pedicure. Then I know in

my head I COULD wear sandals if I wanted to.

in NJ

(I thought it was cold here today until I read your post. I feel

warmer already!)