Re: discipline ?...daughter and stepdaughter hitting each other

[Guest guest]

Your little girl is very lucky to have her step sister. She will be able to

teach her lots. If you can have a little discussion about how she can be a

big help to her little sister she may take on a helping role. Explain to her

that her little sister can't talk. Show her how this feels. Have her put her

hand over her mouth and try to tell you something. Show her what is must

feel like for her little sister. Explain to her that she hits because she

cant talk and it is not personal. Kids strike because they take things

personally. Also your verbal step daughter may not understand that her

little sister can understand speech. She may hit her because she thinks she

cant understand her words because she is non verbal.

My little guys hit their cousin a lot. She use to hit them back too. It was

a vicious circle for awhile. She is with us 4 days of the week for 12 hours

so I had to get a grip on it. I explained to my neice that they didnt mean

to hit her, it was just that they did know how to express themselves. I

played a little hitting game with my neice. I put my hands up and let her

hit my palms hard. Then she put her hands up and let me hit them. I asked

her if it hurts and she said not really. ( I didnt hit that hard) I told her

she probably didnt feel like it hurt because she knew that we were not mad

at each other. I told her that her little cousins weren't really mad at her

either when they hit her. This helped with the retalliation but my boys did

hurt her so I had to address them too. She really has taken on a helping

role. I call her their angel. I even bought her a little silver ID bracelet

that says Angel Mia. On the back we inscribed, love and . She

loved this. She wears this little bracelet all the time and I always remind

her what it means. I tell her that she is so special because she is a

helping angel. They do still have some spats though, but she really has

taken on a helping role and I am so in love with her for what she has done

for my boys. She has become a live in theapist really. To be honest, I had

a hard time in the beginning with her I think because it was hard to see her

develop normally when my guys didn't. Once I saw her as a little rescue

Angel, I had a new appreciation for her. It tell her that all the time. Now

when the boys do something that would have annoyed her in the past, (like

take all the peices to her doll house and put them in their dump truck) we

look at each and roll our eyes and laugh. She is truly a blessing for our

little guys. I am glad I know this now.

[ ] discipline ?...daughter and stepdaughter

hitting each other

> My daughter is 4 years old and is speech impaired at a 2 year old

> level. My stepdaughter is 6 and is not speech impaired. A recent

> discipline problem has risen. The six year old can come up to me and

> tell me if my daughter hit her. But, she won't come up to me to tell me

> if she hit my daughter obviously, and my daughter cannot tell me. How

> do I handle this situation? I have no clue where to start! Thanks

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think there is a bigger issue at play. We have this with my 2 kids,

age 4, no speech stuff, age 2, speech impaired. The hitting is not so

much of a thing as I have seen it and the little one cries if it

happens. My little guy is not much of a hitter to begin with and

neither is the other but when they do hit it is mostly out of

frustration, she because she is bored or annoyed that he can't talk to

her like her friends and he because while he can talk he is not easily

understood.

I think talking to a 6 year old about why it happens and then putting

them both in time out when either one hits and talking to the apraxic

kid and the speaking child about how we treat people, what you will put

up with, etc. may go a long way.

Hang in there!

>

> My daughter is 4 years old and is speech impaired at a 2 year old

> level. My stepdaughter is 6 and is not speech impaired. A recent

> discipline problem has risen. The six year old can come up to me and

> tell me if my daughter hit her. But, she won't come up to me to tell

me

> if she hit my daughter obviously, and my daughter cannot tell me. How

> do I handle this situation? I have no clue where to start! Thanks

>

[Guest guest]

,

Your insight on so much of this amazes me. Thankyou! I think you just

gave me a great idea of something special I can do for my daughter.

She has been put out what with 5 therapists per week coming for her

brother and no one for her. She is good to him and talks to him and

helps him. The spats have lessened lately because he is for sure

standing his ground and actually speaking. Still, the whole family is

getting used to it all. Hubby seems to come down on her for nothing,

I am busy researching and not always doing enough with them, and she

gets frustrated with all of this. Still, she helps out a ton, like

going places and never once blowing him off when he tags along. He

relies on her and she is totally ok with it, really has his back. I

know this may not be a forever thing but at the ripe ol age of four

I'd say she deserves a reward. That bracelet idea is a good one. I'll

do it on Valentines Day...the day he turns 3 and ages out of EI and

we all become his therapists...no doubt the scariest day to come. All

of these children are so very special and have so many gifts.

Thanks so much!

L

>

> Your little girl is very lucky to have her step sister. She will

be able to

> teach her lots. If you can have a little discussion about how she

can be a

> big help to her little sister she may take on a helping role.

Explain to her

> that her little sister can't talk. Show her how this feels. Have

her put her

> hand over her mouth and try to tell you something. Show her what is

must

> feel like for her little sister. Explain to her that she hits

because she

> cant talk and it is not personal. Kids strike because they take

things

> personally. Also your verbal step daughter may not understand that

her

> little sister can understand speech. She may hit her because she

thinks she

> cant understand her words because she is non verbal.

>

> My little guys hit their cousin a lot. She use to hit them back

too. It was

> a vicious circle for awhile. She is with us 4 days of the week for

12 hours

> so I had to get a grip on it. I explained to my neice that they

didnt mean

> to hit her, it was just that they did know how to express

themselves. I

> played a little hitting game with my neice. I put my hands up and

let her

> hit my palms hard. Then she put her hands up and let me hit them. I

asked

> her if it hurts and she said not really. ( I didnt hit that hard) I

told her

> she probably didnt feel like it hurt because she knew that we were

not mad

> at each other. I told her that her little cousins weren't really

mad at her

> either when they hit her. This helped with the retalliation but my

boys did

> hurt her so I had to address them too. She really has taken on a

helping

> role. I call her their angel. I even bought her a little silver ID

bracelet

> that says Angel Mia. On the back we inscribed, love and

. She

> loved this. She wears this little bracelet all the time and I

always remind

> her what it means. I tell her that she is so special because she is

a

> helping angel. They do still have some spats though, but she really

has

> taken on a helping role and I am so in love with her for what she

has done

> for my boys. She has become a live in theapist really. To be

honest, I had

> a hard time in the beginning with her I think because it was hard

to see her

> develop normally when my guys didn't. Once I saw her as a little

rescue

> Angel, I had a new appreciation for her. It tell her that all the

time. Now

> when the boys do something that would have annoyed her in the past,

(like

> take all the peices to her doll house and put them in their dump

truck) we

> look at each and roll our eyes and laugh. She is truly a blessing

for our

> little guys. I am glad I know this now.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> >

> > My daughter is 4 years old and is speech impaired at a 2 year old

> > level. My stepdaughter is 6 and is not speech impaired. A recent

> > discipline problem has risen. The six year old can come up to me and

> > tell me if my daughter hit her. But, she won't come up to me to tell

> me

> > if she hit my daughter obviously, and my daughter cannot tell me. How

> > do I handle this situation? I have no clue where to start! Thanks

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You know......

Mark used to hit around that age as well. I think it was because of his

frustration at not being verbally understood so he would just give his sister a

nice `whack` to voice his displeasure! She became the tattle-tail and he became

the dog!

BUT.... they are so completely close now and they have gone through every stage

immagineable together from older sis playing Mom and always making sure that no

one bullied him or took advantage of him to playmate especially in chess,

checkers, yatzee, backgammom and all of those geeky games that he`s very good at

that no one else wants to play.

When Mark broke his arm at the age of 3.5..... the first person he asked for

(surprisingly) was his sister.

Now you may say that..... well they are Steps so it is different but it is not.

I am the 5th and only child of my mothers second marriage and my sister next in

line to me is my ``bestest`` of friends to this day. Are we full-flegded

blood....no..... but she has been there as long as I can remember and there is

no one else I could ever want more to be my sister! The parents make a lot more

about blood and relations then do the children.

Sibling rivelry is natural and is a wonderful sign that they are indeed sisters!

Just separate them both when they use a fist instead of other means of

communication. Even when Mark could barely speak, I ALWAYS indicated that he

must `try to use words not fists` to communicate with. It is an important tenet

particularly for our children who will point, punch, shove etc. instead of using

their voice. We want them to work towards using this voice for it is in

there..... we just need to pull it out from them no matter how difficult it is.

Mark would get so aggravated when every one around him would say..... say that

again.... what was that.... speak clearly sweetheart, I cannot understand

you..... it drove him to the brink of violence and was completely frustrating

for him.

These days, Mackenzie (Marks sister) has had to learn not to play mom so much

because Mark will no longer tolerate it. But she does advise with regards to

school and expectations and she also will quiz Mark on various subjects before

tests..... always urging him forward through his dyspraxia. She has been a

great therapist for him for she really tells him like it is. She lets him know

`what is cool` and the expectations of the other children. She gives him a

little heads-up as to what to expect.

Some time ago we were in the bookstore and of course, I was at the special needs

section.... there was a book called `The Other One`and Mackenzie loudly

exclaimed.... That`s me! I am the other one! Of course, she was right. She was

the well-child.... the one who had to be perfect, not cause trouble and always

protect her little brother. Her needs always came second because we had to save

Mark`s life! Well, this was not really true but it was how `she`saw the world.

We have since spent a lot of time talking about this and I have made a lot of

efforts to ensure that she does not carry the scars of being the òther one......

Most importantly, I tried to indicate that I needed to heal Mark and make him

well so that Mackenzie did not have the burden of taking care of him when he is

older but that she could experience a brother who she could actually lean on and

get support from...... not always give support to.

So, make sure that you encourage this beautifiul friendship, through all of its

difficulities. Blood matters not in these situations but the bond that develops

through time can be what sustains us through adulthood. I don`t know what I

would ever do without the strong close relationship of my sister, my rock and my

last minute baby-sitter! Though our blood is different, our ideologies are the

same since we were raised together and no one knows me like her.

Janice

Mother of Mark, 13

[ ] discipline ?...daughter and stepdaughter

hitting each other

> My daughter is 4 years old and is speech impaired at a 2 year old

> level. My stepdaughter is 6 and is not speech impaired. A recent

> discipline problem has risen. The six year old can come up to me and

> tell me if my daughter hit her. But, she won't come up to me to tell me

> if she hit my daughter obviously, and my daughter cannot tell me. How

> do I handle this situation? I have no clue where to start! Thanks

>

>

>

>