Re: A depressing Week

[Guest guest]

Your son handled it well - esp. judging from the response of peers

and adults in the vicinity. Sometimes you need to physically stand up

for yourself.

Story for you - friend of mine has a simply lovely 13 year old

daughter. She is beautiful to behold and sweet and talented and

smart. Not a showoff or anything - just a good girl. She was targeted

by the girls at her school last year (a nice catholic school). These

girls just " pick " girls to target (remember middle school). She was

misreble - the school would do nothing for fear of angering the

parents of the girls and losing tuition. She left the school and is

doing great. Point is - kids tease. Even if you are " normal " . So

don't get too down - if you can manage it.

Maybe it's time for karate or boxing lessons to channel feelings and

gain skills....hang in their mama.

>

> My dear friends.....

>

> We had so many positives in the last year that it was bound to

happen but I simply was not mentally prepared for it. Last week, the

bullying started up again in Mark`s life. It was just one kid but

him telling me of it knocked me flat on my rear end.

>

[Guest guest]

Awww, Janice. Sorry for your blues. Weather can take it's toll,

that's for sure.

But, great story and good for Mark (I think? This time? Oh well,

one day and one battle at a time. :-)) I'm glad he knows he can

stand up for himself and sees himself as both worthy and able. Those

are big wins in my book!

>

> My dear friends.....

>

> We had so many positives in the last year that it was bound to

happen but I simply was not mentally prepared for it. Last week,

the bullying started up again in Mark`s life. It was just one kid

but him telling me of it knocked me flat on my rear end.

>

> I just couldn`t handle it emotionally. I found myself in hopeless

tears sobbing into my pillow. After all of this work, this

dyspraxia beast was winning again. Not only that, Mark lost a

textbook at school. I ripped into him verbally and just got really

angry. Every thing seemed all too much and I just felt

overwhelmed. I have not felt this way in years and years. Now, it

could have been the weather for its been a miserable -30 below for

the last couple of weeks. We have had little sunshine and are all

feeling extremely shut-in. But I just felt so deslolate. He had

been doing so well with his friendships this year. Kids seemed to

like him. The teachers all think that he is a sweetheart. But, no,

the bullying was back and we were losing the battle..... once

again. I thought we were winning this time. How could I have been

so mistaken.....

>

> Man, was I feeling blue!

>

> I should not smile and I should not laugh but here is the

story..... Mark came home and he looked extremely guilty. I

thought it was over losing his textbook (which he had indeed

found). I asked him what the matter was and he made me promise not

to be angry. I told him that I could not promise him that.....

>

> Well, the `bully` gave him a big shove that day and Mark turned

around and popped him one in the nose. The bad dude slugged back

and Mark responded in kind. Eventually the two held to a stand-

off. To Mark`s surprise he got a big HIGH FIVE from me! Good-bye

Bully!

>

> He also got a high-five from all of his friends, mentors and

adults around him!

>

> He did complain that he was lousy at fighting and I told him not

to let this become his demeanor but in this case, he needed to fight

or get continuously harrassed by this brat.

>

> Since, I have caught him watching wrestling and other boxing

matches on the TV, I sincerely hope that he will not become a

fighter but I am thankful that he stood up for himself in this case

and put an end to the bullying.

>

> Hope I have not created a different problem...... See what you

all have to look forward to..... hope NOT!

>

>

> Janice

> Mother of Mark, 13

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Janice, my special needs daughter has a home program, so the bullying isn't

applicable to her, but my typically developing sons (8th grade and freshman

in college) have had some experiences that might help you.

First, just last week, one of my best friends called me upset about her son

(who has some special needs) who was bullied very badly at the lunch table.

She wanted me to ask my son who is in this boy's same grade (8th), if he saw

anything going on. As soon as I mentioned it to my son, he was upset and said

he was taking matters into his own hands. I gave him appropriate warnings, but

he assured me all would be fine. My friend called me the next day to thank

my son. First, he asked someone what was going on, then approached the entire

table and showed the bullies what it is like to be made fun of and warned

them never to bother the other boy again. The worse bully actually whispered

into the my friend's son's ear, " tell (my son) that I am your best

friend. " Of course the boy didn't. My son has been to this boy's lunch table a

few

more times to monitor matters.

As another poster said, bullies keep bullying until they fear retaliation or

punishment. My son's friend didn't want to go to the administration. So, for

him, my son's intervention helped. In fact, he was thinking of changing

schools but told his mom, he has friends and will watch his back.

I think kids need someone to watch their backs. Bullying can ruin self

esteem and I don't believe it should ever be tolerated as part of growing up.

For my college age son, we did tell the school administration when he was

being bothered in 6th grade, and they took care of it. When he started high

school, he told me that suddenly the kids who were jerks, became nice kids. He

said it was like a switch turning off on them.

One family in my town is suing the district because they feel that their

complaints about kids bullying their son, went unresolved. Bullying is a

terrible thing. I hope your son has much better days. Carolyn

**************The year's hottest artists on the red carpet at the Grammy

Awards. Go to AOL Music.

(http://music.aol.com/grammys?NCID=aolcmp00300000002565)

[Guest guest]

HI Janice,

yikes that is cold!!!

yea my boy is only 7 and i think about bullying and i think i would handle your

story the same say. and yes keep me posted I as well hope the praise does not

create a monster. but..... something tells me that it won't. your boy is

probably hypersensitive to others so i would not worry.

good for him for feeling confidant in himself to stick up for himself and that

was totally you mom. good work!!!

chris

[ ] A depressing Week

My dear friends.....

We had so many positives in the last year that it was bound to happen but I

simply was not mentally prepared for it. Last week, the bullying started up

again in Mark`s life. It was just one kid but him telling me of it knocked me

flat on my rear end.

I just couldn`t handle it emotionally. I found myself in hopeless tears sobbing

into my pillow. After all of this work, this dyspraxia beast was winning again.

Not only that, Mark lost a textbook at school. I ripped into him verbally and

just got really angry. Every thing seemed all too much and I just felt

overwhelmed. I have not felt this way in years and years. Now, it could have

been the weather for its been a miserable -30 below for the last couple of

weeks. We have had little sunshine and are all feeling extremely shut-in. But I

just felt so deslolate. He had been doing so well with his friendships this

year. Kids seemed to like him. The teachers all think that he is a sweetheart.

But, no, the bullying was back and we were losing the battle..... once again. I

thought we were winning this time. How could I have been so mistaken.... .

Man, was I feeling blue!

I should not smile and I should not laugh but here is the story..... Mark came

home and he looked extremely guilty. I thought it was over losing his textbook

(which he had indeed found). I asked him what the matter was and he made me

promise not to be angry. I told him that I could not promise him that.....

Well, the `bully` gave him a big shove that day and Mark turned around and

popped him one in the nose. The bad dude slugged back and Mark responded in

kind. Eventually the two held to a stand-off. To Mark`s surprise he got a big

HIGH FIVE from me! Good-bye Bully!

He also got a high-five from all of his friends, mentors and adults around him!

He did complain that he was lousy at fighting and I told him not to let this

become his demeanor but in this case, he needed to fight or get continuously

harrassed by this brat.

Since, I have caught him watching wrestling and other boxing matches on the TV,

I sincerely hope that he will not become a fighter but I am thankful that he

stood up for himself in this case and put an end to the bullying.

Hope I have not created a different problem..... . See what you all have to look

forward to..... hope NOT!

Janice

Mother of Mark, 13

[Guest guest]

I think just knowing that you can defend yourself is important and

does not necessarily lead to a fighting life. In fact, that

confidence takes away a lot of the bully's power. You should

consider it tremendous progress that there hasn't been more bullying

lately. All kids are mean some of the time, and some kids are mean

all of the time, and EVERY kid is targeted occasionally. The fact

that it is no longer a chronic problem is terrific! And I'm glad

Mark taught that kid a lesson. Sometimes I think boys are so lucky.

Physical bullying stinks, but fighting back goes a long way toward

ending it. The mean-talk bullying of girls can be so devastating,

and so much more difficult to end. I can still remember specific

mean things said to me as a child, and it's been a long, long time.

And you, Janice, probably need to do something decadent and self-

indulgent to forget the bad week and frigid weather. I personally

like to read a good novel while getting a pedicure. Then I know in

my head I COULD wear sandals if I wanted to.

in NJ

(I thought it was cold here today until I read your post. I feel

warmer already!)

>

> My dear friends.....

>

> We had so many positives in the last year that it was bound to

happen but I simply was not mentally prepared for it. Last week, the

bullying started up again in Mark`s life. It was just one kid but

him telling me of it knocked me flat on my rear end.

>

> I just couldn`t handle it emotionally. I found myself in hopeless

tears sobbing into my pillow. After all of this work, this dyspraxia

beast was winning again. Not only that, Mark lost a textbook at

school. I ripped into him verbally and just got really angry. Every

thing seemed all too much and I just felt overwhelmed. I have not

felt this way in years and years. Now, it could have been the

weather for its been a miserable -30 below for the last couple of

weeks. We have had little sunshine and are all feeling extremely

shut-in. But I just felt so deslolate. He had been doing so well

with his friendships this year. Kids seemed to like him. The

teachers all think that he is a sweetheart. But, no, the bullying

was back and we were losing the battle..... once again. I thought

we were winning this time. How could I have been so mistaken.....

>

> Man, was I feeling blue!

>

> I should not smile and I should not laugh but here is the

story..... Mark came home and he looked extremely guilty. I thought

it was over losing his textbook (which he had indeed found). I asked

him what the matter was and he made me promise not to be angry. I

told him that I could not promise him that.....

>

> Well, the `bully` gave him a big shove that day and Mark turned

around and popped him one in the nose. The bad dude slugged back and

Mark responded in kind. Eventually the two held to a stand-off. To

Mark`s surprise he got a big HIGH FIVE from me! Good-bye Bully!

>

> He also got a high-five from all of his friends, mentors and adults

around him!

>

> He did complain that he was lousy at fighting and I told him not to

let this become his demeanor but in this case, he needed to fight or

get continuously harrassed by this brat.

>

> Since, I have caught him watching wrestling and other boxing

matches on the TV, I sincerely hope that he will not become a fighter

but I am thankful that he stood up for himself in this case and put

an end to the bullying.

>

> Hope I have not created a different problem...... See what you all

have to look forward to..... hope NOT!

>

>

> Janice

> Mother of Mark, 13

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Janice what are your views on the light therapies used to treat

seasonal affective disorders http://www.ncpamd.com/seasonal.htm

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/18/health/18mind.html?fta=y Seems

like they are benign -and hey if they help! I hope you are feeling

better (hey do you take fish oils? if you do maybe take a few extra!)

I don't know about the bully story being dyspraxia raising it's ugly

head again. Sounds like your guy has support from peers and teachers

and for whatever reason got into a fight at school with some other

boy which happens from time to time to any child.

Most schools today have zero tolerance and punching another child in

the face even if one says it was in self defense for being pushed

first could possibly get your child in serious trouble. Under the

newer zero tolerance -some places they would even arrest both the

other child and Mark!

http://www.rutherford.org/articles_db/legal_features.asp?article_id=71

Nobody wants to know how far some kids go today in fighting -but too

often you hear horror stories. Just google it -here's a recent one

from Alaska

Monday's fight began when one student punched the other; then, the

one that was punched pulled a knife and stabbed the other.

http://www.ktuu.com/Global/story.asp?S=7857438

So in that light I am speechless that adults (from the school?!)

would high five Mark for punching another child no matter what the

reason.

Is this other child a bully historically to others or was this out of

the ordinary for him? Not that it matters now -but it would be a

good start to a conversation with your son. Let your son know that

people fight with others sometimes and not because of dyspraxia.

They fight because they are angry, jealous, not feeling good about

themselves, in a bad mood for reasons sometimes as silly as a parking

space.

Here's a great article on bullying- fighting

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bullying/MH00126

=====

[Guest guest]

Well-- I am just going to say that I am GLAD that Mark fought back! I'm not

one that advocates kids hitting each other (or ANYone hitting each other)

but, sometimes that's all that it takes to get a bully to back down.

I think it's a huge step for Mark as a young man to be ABLE to stick up for

himself physically-- and momma, you can tell him Hurrah from me too! LOL

And for what it's worth-- considering how schools and kids are these days--

it sounds as though he's a NORMAL TEEN BOY!!! the bullying doesn't have to

be related to the Apraxia at all, and could just mean that the bully found

him to be a normal teen to push around. :-)

becky

**************The year's hottest artists on the red carpet at the Grammy

Awards. Go to AOL Music.

(http://music.aol.com/grammys?NCID=aolcmp00300000002565)

[Guest guest]

I wanted to thank everyone for letting me 'bleed' all over them this past week!

It's been a rough one but life is definately looking up again. What would I do

without you all to support me? I managed before but it is so much easier now

that you're here holding my hand through the rough days!

My Sweetie took me on an extravagently romantic weekend break (without kids) and

it gave me the energy to recharge my batteries and to come home and work that

therapy with renewed gusto.

On Sunday morning, the weather magically warmed up for us and we were able to

hike and swim in the Rockies. One place we went to is the hot springs at

Sulpher Mountain. I hadn't even realized it before.... or at least equated the

springs with just the mineral that my boy is short on!

Right in my own backyard (well.... 4 hours drive away).... I have Sulpher

hotsprings! So, this is definately on my 'To-Do' list; a nice weekend break

where we take in Sulpher Mountain! Apparently, the sulpher level is highest in

the spring and the fall so I will have to go when it's at it's stinkiest.....

Janice

Mother of Mark, 13

[Guest guest]

NIIIIIIIICCCCCE!!!! wish that were in my backyard.

you deserve it

[ ] Re: A depressing Week

I wanted to thank everyone for letting me 'bleed' all over them this past week!

It's been a rough one but life is definately looking up again. What would I do

without you all to support me? I managed before but it is so much easier now

that you're here holding my hand through the rough days!

My Sweetie took me on an extravagently romantic weekend break (without kids) and

it gave me the energy to recharge my batteries and to come home and work that

therapy with renewed gusto.

On Sunday morning, the weather magically warmed up for us and we were able to

hike and swim in the Rockies. One place we went to is the hot springs at Sulpher

Mountain. I hadn't even realized it before.... or at least equated the springs

with just the mineral that my boy is short on!

Right in my own backyard (well.... 4 hours drive away).... I have Sulpher

hotsprings! So, this is definately on my 'To-Do' list; a nice weekend break

where we take in Sulpher Mountain! Apparently, the sulpher level is highest in

the spring and the fall so I will have to go when it's at it's stinkiest... ..

Janice

Mother of Mark, 13

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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