Re: pancreatitis & working

[Guest guest]

> When I finally accepted the fact that I was too sick to work, I got

> really depressed. I worked hard to become an RN & desperately

wanted to keep working.

> So I decided I would try something else, & tried to work

> as a vet tech for almost a year. But I continued to get worse. I

am now on disability, & let go of my nursing license.

> I just turned 40 & am grateful

> that I am still here to be with people I love. I may have lost my

> ability to hold a job, but I also have so much to be thankful for.

> Don't get me wrong, I definately have my bad days, angry days, a

poor me days, but when I do have a good day, I enjoy it as much as I

can.

> I am grateful for this website & the freedom I have to say what I

feel here. And that there are thhose of you out there who know how I

feel without me trying to put it into words.

>

> With warm thoughts to all of you,

> Deanna

Hi y'all. I've been a member of this group for many years, inactive -

in lurk status for approximately the past 2 years - but, this topic

is luring me out from hiding.

I am an R.N., avidly practiced emergency department nursing for

almost 19 years. I have been coping with chronic pancreatitis since

1992; have had the usual tests & procedures, and am now at the point

where fairly decent pain control is my main goal. After years of

consulting with " experts " in Florida, Massachusetts, & New York, I

have come to accept that there is no cure for me for this disease. I

also have had multiple sclerosis since approx. 1982, so its been a

double whammy.

My work life went from full time employment, to part-time with

multiple absences, to coming in " on call " occasionally to work a 2-3

hour shift. Finally, even that very short shift became impossible. I

will not drive, let alone work, when taking narcotics for break-

through pain, or if distracted by severe pain.

As of January, 2001, I have been on social security disability and

cannot express how thankful I am to have the financial relief. I have

maintained my nursing license, so I guess deep down, I haven't been

able to accept that I will never be able to function in that arena

again.

Its been a long, hard journey. I've kicked & fought the whole way,

but, at this point, mostly I'm focussed on my blessings. I have a

family who have been alongside of me for most of the bumps &

obstacles. I'm still able to walk (although slower, for a shorter

distance, & with a limp), have a caring pain management doc & mostly

adequate pain relief available, have a competent GI doc. This group

has been a true blessing; a source of support & information. Having

this awful disease has taught me to be grateful for the good days;

not to take for granted the ability to get out of bed & go about your

activities.

My having pancreatitis is a help to others. My daily struggle was a

great education for the staff of the emergency department where I

worked. My disease resulted from pancreas divisum, not alcoholism, so

the staff KNOWS that they can't assume that they're dealing with an

alcoholic. It went a long way toward showing that needing rapid pain

relief can happen to anyone, that not everyone screaming for drugs is

drug-seeking without a legitimate need.

Most days I'm a long distance from the angry person crying " Give me

my life back!! " I still miss the profession I love, keep up with the

nursing literature, and maintain my friendships with several ex co-

workers. There are black days, when I wallow in self-pity, but mostly

I've learned to focus on the positive aspects of life.

It seems that a lot of members of this board are nurses or in the

medical field. Do y'all agree?

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a physically & mentally comfortable

day,

jang