Just rambling............

June 22, 2003

Well, All, I can't find anymore trouble to get into here on the

board, and since it is now 3:15am here in Ohio, I think its time for

me to hit the bed. I've been very depressed today. I don't know

whats going on, well, I do know its a side effect to the CP, but I

don't like it very well, and wish it would just go away! My pancreas

has been giving me fits all week. Wish it would just go find

something else to aggravate tonight, I'm not in the mood! I remember

when I first got the internet, in 98 I think, I use to sit up nights

after nights searching for something, anything about the pancreas.

Now all I have to do is look here & on Marks site. Thank you all for

making my search so much easier! Anyways, back to my

remembering....I remember people who would almost give up the fight,

these people would post this stuff, and I thought, I'm never, ever

going to give up! Some might remember this..my motto was " I'm going

to beat this thing....NO MATTER WHAT! " Well, I've lost some of my

fight along the way. Back then the depression wasn't on the surface

like it is now. And I didn't have the meds I do now, can't think of

any reason why that would make a difference, sorry. But, thats just

me rambling here this fine Sunday morning. The girls are all

sleeping peacefully, and I'm up....again, trying to wait until that

clocks tells me its time for my next dose of pain meds, just to ease

it up some, just a little, any at all! I've been soooooooooo grumpy

these past few days, don't know how my kids can take it! I try not

to take it out on them, I really do. But my pain makes me

evil.....and I'm just so touchy lately. I have no patience with

anyone anymore, and I don't like it! Its a wonder they haven't done

what you've seen people do on TV, killed me & stuffed me into the

freezer!!! Kinda drastic, I know, and of course I'm only kidding!

Gosh! I'm really done now. It is finally time for the next dose

of stadol......it says I can use it every 3 to 4 hours, as needed,

well, I'm needing, and I'm using it! Hopefully it will knock some of

this pain away for awhile anyways. Sorry, I'm just rambling. Hope

evryone is doing ok today.

Lots of Hugs,

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