My brother needs help

April 28, 2003

My niece is 14 years old and she has been waiting for a transplant

for about 6 months. So far she's doing OK. That isn't the reason

I'm here though. My brother, her father, has recently become

terribly depressed. His plunge into blackest depression seemed to

coincide with the decision/necessity to put her on the transplant

list. He just admitted to me that this is the first time he's

allowed himself to face the fact that she could die any day. He's

been in denial so long, and alone with his fear and pain for so long

that it's just overwhelming him now. As far as I know he has never

talked to another CF parent, never shared his fears and his pain and

his grief. He's not a talkative guy and he plays the 'strong, silent

type' to perfection. In fact, he has played it to the point of

having ulcerative colitis and disabling depression. I think it's way

past time for him to open up and talk and to get some support. A few

years ago my wife got cancer and after a long, ugly illness, died.

During and after her illness I got a great deal of wonderful support

from a couple of groups, one on-line and one in 'real' life. I'm

hoping to find something here that might help my brother in the same

way. He's the only one I have and I want to keep him around.

So, (too late to make a long story short) if theres anyone here with

some experience with depression and denial and grief who would be

generous enough to correspond with my brother, please let me know.

Thank you.

April 29, 2003

In a message dated 4/29/2003 1:36:37 AM Central Daylight Time,

oldb_2000@... writes:

>

> My niece is 14 years old and she has been waiting for a transplant

> for about 6 months. So far she's doing OK. That isn't the reason

> I'm here though. My brother, her father, has recently become

> terribly depressed. His plunge into blackest depression seemed to

> coincide with the decision/necessity to put her on the transplant

> list. He just admitted to me that this is the first time he's

> allowed himself to face the fact that she could die any day. He's

> been in denial so long, and alone with his fear and pain for so long

> that it's just overwhelming him now. As far as I know he has never

> talked to another CF parent, never shared his fears and his pain and

> his grief. He's not a talkative guy and he plays the 'strong, silent

> type' to perfection. In fact, he has played it to the point of

> having ulcerative colitis and disabling depression. I think it's way

> past time for him to open up and talk and to get some support. A few

> years ago my wife got cancer and after a long, ugly illness, died.

> During and after her illness I got a great deal of wonderful support

> from a couple of groups, one on-line and one in 'real' life. I'm

> hoping to find something here that might help my brother in the same

> way. He's the only one I have and I want to keep him around.

>

> So, (too late to make a long story short) if theres anyone here with

> some experience with depression and denial and grief who would be

> generous enough to correspond with my brother, please let me know.

>

> Thank you.

I think a lot of men deal with CF this way. My husband did the same thing. We

have two daughters with CF and for a long time he would not even talk about

it. I think he though it would all go away. Now that he is on antidepressants

it has help. He still doesn't talk to other people about it but at least he

talks to me about it more then he us too. Everyone deals with tragedy

differently. It helps me to know more and to talk to others that way I know I

am not alone. Tell your brother he needs to get in with this group and he

will have lots of people to talk too or he can lurk for a while too. Anything

to let him know he is not alone. Deb A

April 29, 2003