gettin' up & outta bed (still trying) but worse

[Guest guest]

In May I wrote a short post asking for advice for

a family member. Wanting to give them privacy for

awhile, I didn't mention many details. But Dave

my brother-in-law, is still in bed, back on a pic

line. Not even watching television.

Thank you so much, Heidi, for answering me initially

and to all the rest of you, whose trials & tribulations

& triumphs I've been following.

It's been really helpful to read your stories and get

a feel for the kind of things that can go on, with

severe and chronic pancreatitis.

My gut reaction is that Dave's doctors need to do

something more than TALK AT him if he's to have a

chance to get out of bed or indeed survive. He's

had two set backs since I wrote, two more trips to

the hospital, a large cyst drained, had a stent put in.

BUT, NO physical therapist out to the house, in this whole

2 1/2 month period. (Dave told my sister to cancel first

planned visit, he felt too weak)

The family's tried to get him up. Today, his daughter's

talking to them both separately about PT. The kids don't

know if he has coverage, the med. bills are piling up, labeled

but not inspected.

During the second set back it became obvious my sister was

not well herself. Last Friday our growing fears were confirmed

she is stage 4 lung cancer. I imagine you all find this almost

as shocking (or is it, numbing?) as I do. I also think you

know how to be supportive and kind, won't shy away.

Two things you folks could help with.

1. Comments about physical therapy and managing doctors

who made not be doing enough in this direction for Dave

(he's the one with pancreatitis, just to keep you all straight

in my saga)

2. Suggestions about what to do about Robin, who after

15 yrs of marriage still addresses her in laws as Mr

and Mrs. Clearly something prickly is going on in both

directions between these two women and even at the family

level.

I don't know her husband's position on this

matter, but the rest of us have prodded her. So far,

she has not even been able to bring herself to call my

sister long distance since this awful cancer diagnosis.

Well, I have had friends like that with my own illness

and seen this attitude in other cases, too.

Some kids aren't brought to care for others or for

whatever reason, end up not conquering their anger and fears.

I think of it as unacceptable, as self-indulgent. Maybe I'm

too harsh. But from the sick side, let me tell you... it

is really sad and horrifying and lonely to watch family

members and friends shy away. My sister wasn't good

with me, I hate to see the cycle continued any longer.

Robin did promise me on Saturday she'd call, but she

didn't and hasn't.

If you have any comments on the latter problem, send them

to me OFF list, please. Yes, I know I have to tread carefully

talking to Robin-- she is just a niece-in-law, in a different

city. But, we've had some honest discussisons in the past on

family scuffles and have alot in common, temperamentally,

and with our career paths and so on.

I am trained in psychology, in research and in terms of learning

and behavior (that's good when they need help with the medical

literature) but I'm not a trained clinician. The other good part

is my cousin's doctor and very kind and smart. None of us, tho,

are local... so the phone co. and airlines are gonna profit.

Best wishes to all you.

--

Sally

Sally L. Hobson, Ph. D.

mailto:hobson@...

http://www.adelphi.edu/~hobson