Re:'cure?

[Guest guest]

I want to thank everyone for all your support about the whipple, and about

that monstrous DR. of a surgeon. The deeper I get into the world of CP the more

I learn that too many of these Dr.'s that are successful think they are higher

than God. It makes me angry that they even put their thoughts close to God,

for God is special and loving for me. The DR. s are not special and

loving!!!!!!

I am feeling better and today I am going to sleep pay bills,(which I

am lucky that a wagon hasn't come to pick me up and put me in jail) and try and

go for a walk. This walk is the first since the surgery. I ended up in the ER

on Friday in tears and feelings of defeat. I was having bad chills, fevers

and having a hard time keeping things down. My Internist, who is new, couldn't

take the time to help me so I called my old Internist and he had everything set

up at the ER. My hickman was moving sluggishly, and no one could pull blood

out to see if it was infected. At the hospital a nurse was finally able to pull

the blood and no infection was found. I guess sometime this week I am going

to have a new one put in. Once again, the hospital that I had the surgery for

the whipple didn't flush it right so now I am in need of a new hickmnan.

I want to agree with the person that called Kimber and angel. Yes, she

is very much an angel as are so many in this group. AS I have said before I

would be lost without this group. I am attuned to my body thanks to this group.

By the way, I refuse to go back to the surgeon who only knows cruelty for my

six weeks check up. I know he is going to tell me that my pains are in my head

and that there is nothing wrong with me. I have already gone through hearing

those words of " It's all in your head. " To me that would be going backwards. I

still have pain in my pancreas that takes my breath away. Thank goodness that

as fast as the pain comes it leaves. I am thankful for those that have had

the whipple and are able to tell me where they are as far as pain/and no pain. I

just don't believe that I can be " cured. " I feel that I will always be

battling this disease, I just hope I have more good days than bad. My biggest

issue

right now is the fact that I went into this whipple exhausted and

malnourished. Now I have to keep up my strength and work with healing. When I

have the

down days it just seems that I want to quit. I am tired of fighting this thing.

It has been almost 4years of hard work.

Last but not least, I am not sure who asked about if the more they did

the worst the disease seemed to get. I had that same problem in the

beginning. I felt like I had Mono again along with pain. Coming to acceptance

that I

had to plan my day with rest and errands/children/schools/DR.s apts. was the

only way of surviving. Acceptance of this disease and grieving the past was one

of my biggest hurdles I have ever dealt with. I hope this helps. I know

everyone has helped me so.

lots of hope and pain free days Paget