- Re: Keeley, Re: Re: Frustration & tears

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks for this heartfelt message. You couldn't have said this better,

especially about the decision making process. It started so early for us, too.

Right after she was born I saw her gut was distended and looked abnormal. I

kept telling the midwife that something was wrong, and she just said " Oh, she

looks fine " . I insisted the docs check her out immediately, so I only got to

hold her for a few minutes after birth. When they didn't return for a couple

hours I knew that something was really wrong. I think I cried more in the two

weeks she spent in the NICU then I've ever cried my whole life. Now that she is

6m. she is such a little momma's girl, and I just love it. I look forward to

her telling me that I'm the " bestest mommy " . I'm sure you did melt when

said this. It's words like that that make it all worth it. He sounds like

a very sweet boy.

Keeley

mom to Leila, 6m. wcf, and Hadley 2.5yrs. nocf

Keeley, Re: Re: Frustration & tears

Hi Keeley,

It seems that nobody understands unless they have been there and done that,

and friends mean well, and family wants to help but doesnt really know how,

but it will all be ok for you and your precious little girl.

I too have cried with , and I have cried without , sometimes it

seemed that I cried more than , he is alot stronger than his mommy,

thats for darn sure. But even while crying I didnt give in, I just told him

it had to be done, and now at three and a half, he tells me when he needs a

treatment, and when he needs a bolus, and he knows that when his feeds are

ready at night it is bedtime, and tells me its " sleepy time " , I think for me

the hardest thing was all the decisions you have to make that affect your

child from the very beginning, and the fact that they arent the normal

decisions, like do they need a coat, or should they wait that 30 minutes

before swimming after eating, or is it time to come in from playing outside

because it is getting dark, but they are life maintaining decisions, should I

let the docs do that procedure, should I bring him home on IVs or leave him

in the hospital for the 2 weeks, should I send him to school or keep him

home because the other kids in school are sick right now, and these decisions

hurt because you know as a mommy some of them are going to hurt them. But I

am quite positive that you are a wonderful mommy and you will do for your

little girl everything you have to to keep her as healthy as you can, and if

she gets sick, then you will kick yourself and think you could have done

something different, or better, or a little more, and just remember at those

times, that you have done the best you can, and that one day she will look at

you and rub your face and tell you " your the bestest mommy I ever had " , just

like my little boy did in the hospital this time. It will melt your heart,

and make you cry, but only this time they will be happy tears cause you will

know you did everything right by her.

I kinda rambled here, and tend to do that often when I write.

Take care,

, mommy of 4, 3 wcf, a g-tube and his wonderful personality,

, 17, Caleb, 7, and , 6