New here and in need some encouraging advice(long)

[Guest guest]

I think I may have posted once before, but I'm fairly new here. I'm

having some real mental and possible unhealthy issues about weight

gain. I read through all the recent posts about weight gain, but I'm

still so incrediably worried about gaining weight and not being able

to loose it after the baby comes and I feel like you ladies are the

only ones who can truly understand where I'm coming from and the only

ones who can offer any advice.

I had an U/S on Monday and right now I'm 8 weeks pregnant. (After a

long 6 years of trying! YIPEE!!!) BUT I'm already watching the scale

like a hawk. So much so that I feel like I'm becoming obsessed to the

point that it's not healthy for me or the baby and to the point where

I haven't really been able to enjoy this pregnancy so far. Next month

I'll be 1 yr. post op and have lost a total of 120lbs. For the past

month, I've leveled off and haven't lost anything...Just hovered

between 140lbs & 145lbs. I'm very happy at my current weight of

145lbs. So far in this pregnancy...I haven't gained anything, so it

seems so totally unreasonable for me to be reacting the way that I

am, but I'm freaking out!

For the past year, I've worked hard at training myself on what to

eat, when to eat and most importantly when to STOP eating. I've

gotten used to the discomforts of over eating and when my tummy pains

after a meal I know why...too much this or too much that. I finally

lost that relationship that I once had with food. I began to eat

because I knew I needed to, not because something looked good and was

calling my name. I ate 3 meals a day because I had to. Not because I

was hungry or craved food. Now that I've finally figured out my new

body...it changed! I thought I was ready for pregnancy, but now I'm

not so sure! It feels like my body is turned upside down! It seems

like my tummy aches ALL the time now. Like I'm constantly starving!

I'll eat something and feel fine for a little bit and then a little

while later....like an hour or so... I feel like I need to eat again,

but I keep thinking " I can't possibly be hungry...I just ate! " and

I'll let myself feel sick and be miserable for a few hours because I

don't want to overeat and feel sick or worse yet...overeat and GAIN!!

(Ugh...that's a 4-letter word!) Does that make sense?

Like any expectant mom, I'm worried about my baby and it's overall

health. I want to do what's right to ensure a healthy pregnancy and

baby. We have 3 other children (1 of which is my biological) and I

was overweight to start and then gained 60 lbs with him! I don't want

to repeat that! I know in my mind that I will gain...that I need to

gain, but I'm afraid that I will sabatoge myself and not eat enough

for my baby to gain what he needs to for fear of the amount of weight

I'll gain....I know...very selfish reasons. How can I break through

this mental wall of weight gain and relax and enjoy this pregnancy

without trying to starve myself and my baby?

Any advice please!