I so need something mesage

[Guest guest]

Dear : You tell us what its going to take to get you to stop doing

child abuse on your poor innocent body.

You have a heck of a lot of challenges all stacked up like a wavering tower

of pancakes. What I find for myself when I am overwhelmed (which is what your

condition is right now sounds like) is to first and foremost take care of the

body. When that is taken care of, make myself a list of what will die without

me, and take care of that: body, young children if any nearby, plants,

animals. Then, I take care of what will put me in financial ruin if I dont

repsond; bills, collecting, etc. Then I prioritize everything else. And put

most of it at the bottom. Your way may be different. But, you have to tell us

your plan. I'll give you til midnight tonight.

Officer ceep, ha! you thought there were no " water, vits and protein police "

[Guest guest]

<< took all my vitamins and only had one cup of coffee....to be good to

myself. >>

that's a good start. Keep dong that part, and the rest will fall into place.

First the body, then the children, then animlas, the bill paying, then no

more than three priorities after that. If husband if one of them, contain it

all in one place (set aside a limited time to talk or think about it) instead

of letting it leak all over drenching your days and nights ineffectively.

most people are not all that good at ordering things anyway, But during

overwhelm, it is the quickest and most efficient way back to sanity. To

instinst, not these ten thigs, but FIRST this ONE thing. Then, this next

thing. Then, this next one.

love,

ceep

[Guest guest]

some us just need to be mommied on occasion. Thank goodness for Ceep and the

others standing by willing and able to do the job.

Fay Bayuk

Patience can be a waste of time.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/2/2003 12:05:05 AM Eastern Standard Time,

lgallagher95830@... writes:

<< I've done my best today, though. I slept in (which I don't), I took all

my vitamins (which I usually forget part of them), and I've been drinking

watered down Gatorade all day (which I usually drink Diet Pepsi). I also

haven't really done anything all day. I went to the pharmacy for dad and

took my son to his dad's. That's it. And I'm trying very hard not to feel

guilty or to jump up and clean anything, etc. I guess it's the concept of

baby steps. I'm trying. >>

Ok, that's a good start....now how about a pedicure? Manicure? Massage?

Good book? Good Movie? Concert? Sunday Drive along the Pacific coast?

Better yet, a weekend in Big Sur??

I've been through 3 divorces. All three husbands were good decent

men, I just had no business marrying any of them, and I went through all the

guilt and recriminations cause none of them wanted the divorce. They all

found companions who were MUCH better suited to them than I was and realized

a happiness they would not have had with me. I don't know your age, but

over the years I've become very self sufficient, realizing nobody is going to

take responsibility for me or take care of me, it is up to me to find my own

passion and happiness. I work like a crazy woman, at work I do love. And

then I live an exciting life that none of my friends can even understand.

I take a long road trip every year, driving anywhere from 5 to 10 thousand

miles in a month's time. I go from Mexico to Canada, from the Atlantic to

the Pacific. Somedays the only thing I say all day is " do you have a non

smoking room? " I've stayed at the Plaza in NYC and a Motel 6 in Santa

all on the same trip. I don't know why, but that traveling has made me

stronger, wiser, calmer and more settled than anything I've ever done in my

life.

I think all that driving, isolation and natural beauty inspires much inner

reflection in the absence of external judgments.

I can't imagine that heaven could be any prettier than Fess 's

DoubleTree down in Santa Barbara. The Grand Tetons and Yellowstone are the

grandest cathedrals in this country. Get some fresh air and beauty inside

yourself.

Hugs

B

[Guest guest]

<< not to feel guilty or to jump up and clean anything, etc. ..the concept

of baby steps >>

Ding, ding, ding, ding! You are right!

I worked on writing a poem long ago where the furniture as the woman walks

past it, groans, " clean me, dust me, " the floor cries out " sweep me, wax me. "

The poor woman finally puts carrots in her ears, draping the greenery nicely

arond her shoulders. She sits in a comfy wing chair, drinks a fine chai and

happily reads a book instead. The end of the poem asks the reader to guess

the title of the book. There are some suggestions in the poem. One is, How To

Live in a Hut. One is, Teaching Furniture to Clean Itself. One is, No More

Guilt: Being Weird and Wonderful In One's Own House. One is, How to Talk Back

To Anything. One is just called, Less.

Since you have the insight, you have the ticket to ride, baby girl. Use it.

love,

ceep

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/2/03 8:01:04 AM Central Standard Time, ngbcpa1@...

writes:

> I've been through 3 divorces. All three husbands were good decent

> men, I just had no business marrying any of them, and I went through all

> the

> guilt and recriminations cause none of them wanted the divorce. They all

> found companions who were MUCH better suited to them than I was and

> realized

> a happiness they would not have had with me. I don't know your age, but

> over the years I've become very self sufficient, realizing nobody is going

> to

> take responsibility for me or take care of me, it is up to me to find my

> own

> passion and happiness.

,

Thanks so much for sharing that.. at times I feel like the biggest heel.. my

ex was not an abusive man, although he was somewhat controlling (in a very

passive way! lol) but I never really loved him, although he still tries so

hard to get me to go back with him, I truely just want him to go on with his

life and find a new love, I even tried to set him up on a blind date, but he

just got mad... I hope that he like your ex's will find someone to love him

like he deserves, and I want to find true happiness in my own life myself..

This past weekend was the first time I have been alone since before my little

girl died, the boys went to stay with their dad.. Scared me to death to let

them go, I cried an cried friday when he took them. Then one of my best

friends from high school called and we went and had out pix done at glamour

shots, we were there for forever, but had such a good time just laughing and

acting like teenagers again! lol.. Then Sat. another friend called and we

went to lunch, then that night another very good friend called and she and

her sis both had the surgery too, we went out to dinner (all split our

meals!) and we had so much fun, then we went to a movie.. thank God for

friends, I would have been going crazy worrying about my boys, but my friends

kept my mind busy, and I had so much fun, felt like a real grown up again,

and saw that there is still so much joy in life even through the pain of

grieving.. anyways, I really rambled on here... thanks again for sharing!

~~Chandra