I so need something Was: spanking!

January 31, 2003

At 9:56 PM -0800 1/30/03, wrote:

> I don't know what's wrong with me...I mean I do, but I can't seem

>to get myself in gear. I'm in the process of getting a divorce and

>yesterday, all of a sudden, my husband sends me this long email

>about how he loves me and doesn't want one, etc.

Regarding hubby: divorce is scary. It is natural, in the middle of

it all, to be scared so sh*&less out of one's mind that one wants to

turn back to the terrible life he/she had just tried to leave behind.

Best advice: don't turn back; DEAL WITH THE FEAR!

> I'm having feelings of abandonment, which are totally unfounded as

>I have the bestest friends in the world (all you included....).

>It's nuts. It's like I'm self-destructing. I'm the level headed

>one. The gal they all go to with the problems. I have the

>answers...for everyone else, not me. I need to find the trigger to

>get myself back in line and on the right path. I'm meandering

>through the woods with no goal or purpose....lost.

Sweetheart, that's GOOD! Go with it! Don't run from those feelings

of gloom. Head into the wind; ride out the storm. From my own past

experience in this regard, I would sometimes allow myself the

self-indulgent luxury of sitting in my recliner and letting the

miasma envelop me, sometimes weeping through it all, but knowing that

some day I would come out of it and get to the other side of the

mountain where the sun shone. I am certain that (FOR ME, maybe not

for others), had I tried to run from those feelings, I might still be

crippled emotionally today, some 25 years later.

> Crap! This is getting longer than I'd intended. Thank you Ceep

>for the words....I guess I'm asking for more. I know what to do,

>it's just doing it. I'm numb.

Numb is not bad. It's what you do with numb that counts.

>There's so much more, but I won't bore you all. Just everyone keep

>talking, I read every post and in them find hope.

Love and good wishes in your journey,

Steve

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