Guest guest Posted January 24, 2003 Report Share Posted January 24, 2003 just two cent's worth. When our grandchild died, we went into a formal year of mourning and withdrawal from the world. It is a tradition in our religion and in our old country family to have a year to 'not be of the world' very much. yes, we went to work and yes we did laundry and grocery shopped and walked and talked and slept and ate. But, truly like the half-dead. Anyone who came near for whatevre reason was let know that we were not availible for most matters and could not be much as we would have liked to rejoin the land o the living. But that would have taken Superman to turn the world backward on its axis and make th tragedy that occured never happen at all. And so, we went on as best we could. We were not in any condition to be/do/act/live anything other than in that faraway place that is like hell ...with angels who at least often enough came through to bring comfort I think that when loved ones die, whether old or young, there has to be time that is sacred time, set aside for the heart and spirit and mind to catch up to the soul's understanding of such matters. It is up to the ones who are mourning to let others know how to treat those in mourning. I hope for those of you who are in fresh mourning that you will help others to now how to respect this time you are in, and will be in, for a time yet to come. A daily ritual that means something to you can help you to 'be with' what has occured in a special and holy way that is far unlike the day to day hectic pace. For us, there were the " ninety nights, " ninety evenings of lighting of a new 24 hour candle every night, and that time in the dark with just the one little candle burning brightly, for prayer and tears and askings for understandings. love, ceep Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2003 Report Share Posted January 24, 2003 Dear Ceep, I have been very quiet on the group for just this reason, I am still trying to deal with my little girls death. You put it so well. People think that such an amount of time has passed " get on with your life.. " That was my first born, only girl, she was so special and funny and loving, and nothing will ever take her place, and I will NEVER get over it, I am just learning how to live in my new adjusted way of life. It has been hard dealing with WLS and loosing her all within such a short period of time, I feel sort of guilty when people say how good I look, like if I hadn't had the surgery she may still be here, and which would they prefer, me to look better, and have a sad grieving spirit, or for me to have my little girl still here but have to be a morbidly obese person.. personally, I would rather be double what I was and have my Angel still here, but I know if I were still that large I may not have been around much longer.. It such a hard mental battle. I wonder at times if that is why I sometimes nearly sabatoge myself, trying to punish myself for what I did, what I caused to happen by changing the course of my life.. Life has so many questions.. I am sorry I rambled on so. Like I said I am still trying to figure it all out myself. I am excited to say the place where I live sponsors us at a health club, so I won't have to pay, and they have an indoor pool, I loved to swim... Although I must admit I am a little affraid about getting in the water, (since my drowned, but she drowned in an above ground pool and it was only 20 inches of water, rain water, that was not at all like a pools crystal clear water..) So I am going to try and face the pool... I may go to a counseling session right beforehand. Anyways, I love getting all the mail from you all, it is very informative and keeps me grounded in the WLS world.. HUGS ~~Chandra mommy to Angel (forever 5) and 2 wild and rowdy boys, Noah 4, and Jonah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2003 Report Share Posted January 24, 2003 Chandra you sound like you are taking all the necessary steps to keep going with your life. A mother does not GET OVER the death of a child. No matter the cause of the child's death, there is always guilt. You are a good mommy and fine human being, the eating has nothing to do with your value to us and your family. The post op eating problems are just part of being post op. If you conquer the swimming, that will be an amazing feat and show of your strength, even it is just wading in the pool for a few minutes. Love hearing from you Fay Bayuk 300/175 10/23/01 Dr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2003 Report Share Posted January 25, 2003 Fay, Thank you for your encouraging words. I am going to get a swimsuit this weekend.. AGH!! That is a little scary in itself, it has been forever since I bought one, the last one I had was a very tight 28!! So it will be nice to get to buy a normal sized one. I am excited and scared to go swimming. I know that I need to be strong too, so that I can teach my little Noah that it is okay to get into the water. His counselor said we will need to do some special sessions to help get him ready for lessons, no matter what we tell him he still believes that pools are the way you go to Heaven. I don't know for sure if I should try him this summer for lessons or wait another year till he is 5 and his brother is 3 so they can both go at the same time? Anyone have any tips on ages of teaching them to swim?? Thanks again. Hugs, Chandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2003 Report Share Posted January 25, 2003 I can! I taught water babies for years and years. Step one...play " dolphins. " It teaches them that putting your head under water is okay. Jac mailto:jholdaway@... http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com/ http://members.cox.net/xxxfarmpaints Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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