hunger as pleasure?

January 21, 2003

In a message dated 1/21/2003 6:45:41 PM Eastern Standard Time,

kdirving@... writes:

<< Debbie wrote:

> A guy at work was just telling me yesterday that he has

trained himself to make the feeling of hunger pleasurable by telling

himself that it is pleasurable every time he feels it. I find that

interesting because I hate the feel of hunger and I hate it every time

I feel it. >>

, I think that pre op I shared some of the feelings you expressed. I

was a very picky eater, but I was afraid to let myself get hungry and not be

able to find something acceptable to eat. I was very very poor as a young

adult, literally at times only having a couple of dollars a week for food.

Five years ago when I quit my corporate job to begin my own company I saw

that survival mode kick in because I became obsessed with stocking my freezer

and buying meat everytime it was on sale.

Strangely enough, I too have learned to love that feeling of hunger. I hate

the way I feel after eating food. My pouch hates solid food. Drinking

protein shakes or soup does not fill me up, I still feel hungry but I know I

am getting nourished. So I love that feeling of hunger, hoping it means I

will lose weight this week, greatly preferring the hunger pangs over the

urges to barf that follow eating solid food.

B

January 21, 2003

Debbie wrote:

> A guy at work was just telling me yesterday that he has

trained himself to make the feeling of hunger pleasurable by telling

himself that it is pleasurable every time he feels it. I find that

interesting because I hate the feel of hunger and I hate it every time

I feel it.

Wow, me too, Debbie. For me, that hungry feeling conjures up a sense of

panic: I must eat now, because there's not going to be enough for me if

I don't! I am sure that this goes back to my childhood. We weren't

poor, but both my parents had grown up in such desperate poverty that

they always skimped when they were grocery shopping. They shopped once

per week, no exceptions, and (for example) they might bring back

exactly 5 bananas for the week...for a family of five. We kids, who had

been scrounging around for the past two or three days eating whatever

we could find in the cupboards (sugar sandwiches, ketchup on dry toast,

etc.), would descend on the week's shopping, devour as much as we

could, and the cycle would start again. My brother (who was also the

biggest little snitch in the world, not that I'm bitter) would

frequently " help " carry the bags in from the car, so that he could

scope out the good stuff, which he would then " hide " so that we two

girls couldn't eat it all in the first day or so (he informed us, with

a smug little smirk). Of course, by the time we found his stashes, they

would be empty.

Meanwhile, of course, my parents and grandmother were terrified that I

was turning out " fat " , as my father and his mother had been. I wasn't

-- I was a tall, sturdy, active child -- but they determined that I was

not going to grow up with their lifelong weight problems, so they tried

to restrict my food even further. My parents would do things like buy

ice cream at Dairy Queen for everyone in the family...except for me. My

stomach is rumbling, just thinking about it.

So yeah, I suppose there are some people who can train themselves to

enjoy the feelings of hunger, but for me they are still too wrapped up

in feelings of deprivation and anger and desperation. Maybe that's

something I need to work on....

I.

--

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

RNY September 19, 2001

Dr. Freeman, Ottawa General Hospital

BMI then: 43.5

BMI now: 22

-152 lbs

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

January 22, 2003

With regard to hoarding food, loving food, etc. My Aunt was a concentration

camp survivor. She would brings bags and stuff to restaurants, because

throwing food away was never and option. She emptied anything that the

restaurant would have thrown out like the bread baskets. But, my brother's

and I lived with her and my cousin for a years. There was never any eating

disorder apparent. Her only problem was wasting food. She served very good

and nutritious meals. In fact when she first came to this country that was

her trade. Cooking. My mother talked about the poverty of their youth in

Hungary. Food would run out before spring. Yet no one developed an eating

disorder until me. Go figure.

Fay Bayuk

300/175

10/23/01

Dr

January 22, 2003

Wow, could I ever relate to this post!!!

My mother was always on a " diet " (Weight Watchers) and bought things like

canned tuna, fresh strawberries, other fruits, but it was her " diet food "

and we couldn't eat it. I remember coming home from school every afternoon

famished and looking for something to eat...and sneaking one or two of her

Diet Strawberries, the forbidden food. We had chickens, so I could usually

scramble up some eggs, but that was about it. When I finally got to high

school, I put myself on the school lunch program (low income) because my

parents never gave us lunch money, we never had food in the house, and

basically I supported myself (bought my own clothes, etc) because my father

was too lazy and too stoned to work. This was the time that I learned about

hoarding food because their might not be any tomorrow, and sneaking and

hiding food. I guarantee you that's why I got a warped sense of the value of

food, and this is where my obesity started. I was thin until I graduated

(never got enough to eat!) then when I was out on my own I could eat

anything (and everything) I wanted. Too many years of deprivation made me go

nuts once I could get my fill anytime. Now, I HATE being hungry, it almost

makes me panic-y, and I feel deprivation makes me go " off the deep end " .

That's why now I never " diet " . All food are allowed, none are " good " or

" bad " , I just try to be more moderate in what I eat....never want to get

into that binge/starve mode again.

KC

(PS- we never had toilet paper in the house either! I never liked to have

friends over because they would always comment that we never had snacks and

never had any toilet paper! My best friend from back then (25 years ago)

still teases me about it....)