Beautiful Minds // goal weights

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> In a message dated 1/20/03 9:20:46 AM Central Standard Time,

> divequeen2002@... writes:

> << Your post brings up a question that I often want to ask

> people. Where did

> you get your " goal " weight? AND is it reasonable.

> ------------------------------

Thinking back my surgeon told me I'd be a 150'ish but I never put any

thought into his number and I remember lots of loosing people putting a goal

number post the number they started, were at, then goal -- I didn't have one

but I had things instead....

My major thing was to slide down the slide at the park with my then 3 year

old... it twists around and she was scared to go alone and always begging

me... Please slide down the slide with me and I could not. My first and top

goal from pre-op till I hit it was to slide down the slide with her. The day

I did that I was content and more than pleased -- actually, felt like a

dream had come true and I'll never forget that day... the delight for her

and for me was just so overwhelming and we slid down that slide probably 50

times and each time felt like a new conquest.

I have NO clue what I weighed that day... I slid down the slide with her

and that was so much more than enough that nothing could compare to that

" feeling "

After that -- a lot of " goal " feelings occurred -- mostly things I could do

with her that I couldn't do before -- and now I have some of my own

" feelings " of accomplishment and success -- I " feel " successful when I can

wear the same jeans for years in a row -- I felt a huge accomplishment when

I actually wore a hole through near the pocket of my favorite jeans...

When my echo-cardiogram came back much better post-op than it had been

pre-op I felt a huge milestone had been reached and currently my goal is to

make it past 42 without a major heart attack... I'll be the first on both

sides if I do that.

I do find myself getting freaky about the numbers now where I never did

before -- I think it is a built in response though because when the numbers

go up enough I can't wear my own cloths I freak out. The " freak out " part is

more about not wearing my own cloths than it is about the number that comes

up when that happened. Sheer panic to get my " size " back (fit back into my

own cloths) and complete and unforgiving fear that the numbers wouldn't stop

going up no matter what I did (old tapes from past dieting)

I would like to think after that experience that I would never allow that

to happen again BUT I know me and I know it can and even might happen again

although I'm not sure what " psyche " part allows for it... just knowing that

it happened once maybe? It can happen again?

Ah... I ramble...

hugz,

~denise