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RE: Fear/ VERY LONG

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When things were going wrong in my marriage I was terrified. I had done

the good little Navy wife thing.......supported my husbands

career....never went back to college once I was married.....was a stay

at home Mom......and hubby's career came FIRST! Each transfer was FUN!!!

We would talk about where we would ask to go NEXT.....BEFORE we ever got

to the NEW place. I loved it. Him asking for Divorce after all I had but

INTO him. (I had encouraged his college education, his applying to

become an Officer...shoot my parents helped pay for the books so He

could work on his masters)......it crushed me. I thought we had a good

marriage. We NEVER fought, I worshiped him and bragged at what a

wonderful husband he was. There I was.....some wonderful husband....no

education......no way to support myself......and faced with having to

change my standard of living....because.......HE DIDN'T WANT ME. I had

NO idea just how others viewed my marriage. He had always been stand

offish......not real demonstrative. HECK he fully believed in no PDA's

(Public displays of Affection)! Once told me that I didn't NEED to hang

on him all the time. (I was trying to hold his hand)And our sex

life???(Can't call it a LOVE life)That was non-existent. We went YEARS

in between intimacy. I had asked off and on for YEARS if my weight

bothered him. Was assured that it didn't. (I have to say...his current

partner looks dumpy compared to me....and I know....that is very

CATTY...but it gives me GREAT pleasure).

Ok......so where am I going with all of this? I survived. I made sure

that I got what was due to me. It may sound harsh, but I told him out

right......he couldn't afford to divorce me......and that if he did

decide that he really wanted a divorce that I would take him to the

cleaners. I got myself a GOOD retired Naval JAG officer for a divorced

lawyer. And fortunately for me.....Florida (I was living in Pensacola at

the time) is an ALIMONY state. So......I got........42% of his military

retirement (he did 30 years). I also got 5/12ths of his civilian pay

(when he gets a pay raise so do I). I also got a percentage of the house

we had in Pensacola, and I insisted on an amount that would be used for

a down payment on a home of my own...once I figured out where I wanted

to be. I also asked for and got.....a new vehicle that he had to make

payments on for the first year and he had to take out life insurance in

an amount that would cover my alimony should he kick the bucket. ALSO (I

know, I know....didn't I get ENOUGH?) I am the beneficiary of his

Survivor Benefits for his military retirement. I felt, and I think

rightly so, that I had given my life to him and his career. I had gone

willingly where HE needed to go, WHEN he needed to go, to farther his

career. That meant taking our daughter out of school in the middle of

the school year at times. It wasn't EASY, but I felt it was just the way

things needed to be. He WAS the prime bread winner after all. I worked

part time......occasionally and did LOTS of volunteer work.

I was scared.......but I fought for myself. I was fortunate that our

Daughter had joined the navy two years before so there were NO children

at home. I swallowed hard........got myself out of Pensacola......moved

where I WANTED to be. I went to work for a Temporary agency......and BOY

did they keep me busy. I dated......even though THAT scared the HECK out

of me. He had been my ONE and ONLY. I was convinced that no one would

love a FAT woman (pre-WLS). Funny......I was busy most weekends. I found

out that I was a bright, vivacious, loving woman and that men respond to

that. I discovered that I could manage on my own (of course THAT was a

given.......I had been running our household finances for 24 years....).

You know.......I THRIVED!!!

I want to thank you. This has reminded me that I am a STRONG person.

That I can take care of myself. Sometimes I get so bogged down in life

that I forget these things.

See, this list is THERAPY!

Vicki, If I can do this. So can you........IF you HAVE to. You have to

do what is RIGHT for you.

Debbie in Gig Harbor

ladybostons@...

www.paws2print.com

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Awwwww Shucks.......Twernt Nothin' I had the BEST councilor at the

time. He was a retired Army Officer. Told me he spent WAY too much time

counseling women who were in my exact situation and that he didn't want

to see me in the same predicament. I also had a VERY good friend at the

time who had gotten divorced after 28 years to a Navy guy.......and SHE

didn't take ANY thing. I was watching her struggle just to LIVE. So, I

listened. I took advise and did what I had to do FOR ME! LOL But my

sister says I am THE poster child on HOW to do a divorce.

Debbie in Gig Harbor

ladybostons@...

www.paws2print.com

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Just another point of view here. I would dearly LOVE to have ever had the

opportunity to have selflessly given up my career and supported my husband's.

But I never had that choice. I had to selfishly continue to work 80 and 90

plus hour work weeks for the last 20 years. I still got to be responsible

for every damn birthday gift, Christmas card, social event, housekeeping

detail and other wifely duty. It was also my pleasure to pay alimony cause I

was the primary breadwinner. Needless to say I am not enamored with the

viewpoint that the one who goes out and works their ass off all day owes any

able bodied adult a residual lifetime income. I am so tired, so overworked

that I go to bed sick and crying just about every night. Here it is 3:57 am

and I'm online cause I can't sleep for dreaming about work. I would give

anything to have someone take care of me, even just for a little while cause

I've NEVER had it, not even as a little kid.

Every person has to do what is right for them, but every time I hear someone

talking about what a sacrifice it was to stay home for 20 years I cannot

refrain from laughing out loud.

I can relate to just about every fear in Vicki's post even though my life is

very different. She speaks of the fear of hard work, the awful commute,

giving up the freedom of spending time with her kids. She's right to be

afraid, those are wonderful things to have. And when I hear them get twisted

around into some sort of penalty that someone suffered so someone else could

go out and work, therefore the worker should now give up half their future

earnings it just doesn't seem right.

The OTHER burned point of view

B

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, Your case is different. You did both rolls. He did not do the stay

at home chores that enabled you to have a family life and career. The spouse

who deserves alimony, has helped the career, not hindered like your guy. Just

my 2 cents. By the way, I have always worked, my husband has worked on and

off, but his home contribution has been awesome. I spent many a night crying

because I wanted someone to take care of me. My parents never did either.

But guess what, it ain't never gonna happen, but I no longer will worked

under the pressure like before. It only took 60 years to get here. :):):)

Fay Bayuk

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Well, you have your point of view and I have mine. You did NOT

walk in my shoes or put up with my EX. And I have not done your shoes

either. I WAS lucky that I had the " privilage " to stay home. We could

afford to send HIM to school......NOT me.....so HE went. I put up with

the emotional distance......just figuring that was the way things were.

Didn't KNOW there were men who LIKE affection. Gee, I am sorry you work

so hard and have to pay alimony......but then maybe HE earned it. I had

to protect myself and I am NOT going to let you make me feel BAD about

what I did. The divorce was NOT my choice....it was HIS. Had it been MY

choice I am sure things would have been different.

Debbie in Gig Harbor

ladybostons@...

www.paws2print.com

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<< Just another point of view here.  I would dearly LOVE to have ever had the

opportunity to have selflessly given up my career and supported my husband's.>>

:  

I'm so sorry for your pain.  I wish you the best life has to offer ... maybe

it's just around the corner.  Best wishes.

Bobbie

Anchorge, AK

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