Being a Grown Up

[Guest guest]

<< I really am a big girl now...not in size, but in heart. So why am I still

proving myself? >>

Jac --

As I've mentioned before, my background is law as well, prosecution vs.

enforcement. So, I'm here to tell ya, it don't matter how big and bad you

are, it don't matter if you're a cop, vice, lawyer, doctor or judge for

cryin'-out-loud. It just don't matter. I think we're all still 10 years old

in the eyes of our parents.

Emotionally, some of us can't grow up (and our parents won't lets us), some

of us do grow up (and our parents let us know we're still not too big to be

put over their knee), and some of us DO grow up and let our parents KNOW we

are all grown up (but our parents never accept it).

You look like one of the lucky ones that Daddy finally let you be a grown up

and love you just the same. I, for one, the tough girl / independant / hard

headed / outspoken / always-be-there-for-ya kinda gal, am STILL proving

myself to my mother.

Why??? I set myself up for failure everytime. But, I still try. At 47, it'

s fewer and farther between, but I still try. I figure I just needed MORE

than the normal kid, more hugs, more kisses, more attention. Didn't get it

(I was the fat kid, who just couldn't push myself " away from the table).

And, I guess I'm still workin' on it (from my mom). Geeze ... what we do to

our kids (you can jump in here anytime, Miss Ceep, o' wise one)!

I gotta tell ya, gal, being married to an Okie was my saving grace. No

matter how many times I'd get shot down by my mom, that redheaded cowboy was

always there to put me back on my saddle.

Some of us never learn to just give up. =)

Bobbie

Anchorage, AK

[Guest guest]

This is a semi-related WLS post. It's to everyone, but Vicki A in

particular....because I have fears.

This morning, I received an email from my father. It was purely business

related, but the big breakthrough (for me anyway), was that he has

acknowledged that I HAVE a business, and he has apparently done his research

and found that I do good business and good work. I do graphics illustration

and heat transfer design products...tee shirts, mugs, etc...And my father is

placing an order with me for 50 or more shirts, and 20 or more mugs, for his

archery club. I know my father. If he didn't think I had the best price and

offered the best product available, he wouldn't even talk to me about it.

He's a retired graphics artist, and he knows a lot of people in the

industry. He could get this job done, and I'd never know anything about it.

Now for the WLS related part...

I was a fat child, the oldest of 5 children and perfect in every way except

my weight. My father tried to bribe me for years and years, then just

stopped speaking to me. That no speaking went on of over 6 years....until I

did my research and decided to have wls. And I called him. I said, " I'm

having this surgery. It's risky and I may not survive it. But I won't die

without telling my father I love him, no matter what. " And then, I quit

being the " ugly step child. " I talk to my father, and he talks to me. But I

quit letting him talk down to me. And now, at nearly 47 years old, I am an

adult. A business person. And worthy of his consideration. I haven't changed

so much. He did. But now, I have to live up to my own expectations even

more than his. That's my fear.

A few years ago, my father came to visit me. He rode with me on patrol, on

midnight shift. I made one of my best apprehensions that night. A man wanted

for murder on multiple counts, out of California...I took him down, and

took his gun. My daddy was sitting in my police car, and his eyes were the

size of silver dollars. He knew there was a 38 in the glove compartment...He

told me he was too amazed to move...I think the look on his face was better

than the arrest.

I really am a big girl now...not in size, but in heart. So why am I still

proving myself?

Jac

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