Guest guest Posted January 8, 2003 Report Share Posted January 8, 2003 After losing 135 pounds + I feel so much stronger, physically, emotionally, spiritually. People look at me and think I am all together and am a strong woman (I think that may come from being verbose!). But right now I am riddled with fear. Fear over whether or not I can ever love my husband again. Resentment over the crappy way he has treated me for the past 12 years. Resentment that he, now that I have had it, is trying to weenie his way into my life again. Resentment over the obligation I feel from society to make it work because " you should give hime a chance " or " all men are like that " . Fear about supporting myself and the kids. Fear of being a slave to work and never getting to spend time with the kids. Fear of hard work. Experienced managers in this area take 18 months or more to find work. I haven't worked in 15 years and have to start over. There is no job base left in Santa Cruz, and I don't want to do the 3 hours a day to Silicon Valley. Fear of poverty. Fear of dating. Fear of sex. Fear of my body either looking like a deflated blimp or a leftover from enstein's bride. Fear of taking away from my kids if I leave, and letting them grow up in an atmosphere devoid of love and respect if I stay. Fear of losing my basset hounds and my cat. I get so much out of the posts from people in this group. I love the inspirational posts which give me hope. But I also really appreciate the honest post about hating dating. I have a lot of decisions to make and I don't have a lot of information. I know this will all work out. My stagnation in weight loss now is no doubt intimately linked to my need to get over my fears. Damn the stock market!! I should have gone through this 2 years ago! Jobs in abundance and a nice fat savings account! Oh well, as the Chinese say, the rice is cooked. I'll take it day by day. No matter what, I am making progress and most every day is better than before. I never want to go back. Smiles, Vicki A. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2003 Report Share Posted January 8, 2003 Dear Vicki, I certainly understand the fear of being alone trying to make things work. I suppose in some respect I am lucky in that I never married and never had kids. So the only life I am affecting is my own. Doesn't always make the fear less. If I loose a job, I run the risk of loosing everything. When I finally decided to file for disability, I was so afraid of not having money. My income stopped the end of October. I didn't get SSI until the middle of December. Finally had to borrow against my 401K plan just to make sure I could pay the bills. I was able to cash out the 401K plan the following year. There was no one else to depend on. It is totally scary. But I was actually more afraid of being married then I am of being single. And sometimes that feels like total insanity. My mother and one sister totally envied my singlehood. My mother is single for the first time in her life and she no longer mentions how envious she is. In fact we discuss how hard it is. But we also discuss that we probably wouldn't have it any other way right now. You will be fine whatever you decide to do. We (or atleast I) will always be here to support you sweetheart. Keep up the faith. Lori Owen - Denton, Texas CHF 4/14/01 479 lbs. SRVG 7/16/01 401 lbs. Current Weight 339.5 lbs. Dr. Ritter/Dr. Bryce On Wed, 08 Jan 2003 17:38:14 -0000 " vickiang vickiang@...> " vickiang@...> writes: > After losing 135 pounds + I feel so much stronger, physically, > emotionally, spiritually. People look at me and think I am all > together and am a strong woman (I think that may come from being > verbose!). > > But right now I am riddled with fear. > > Fear over whether or not I can ever love my husband again. > Resentment over the crappy way he has treated me for the past 12 > years. Resentment that he, now that I have had it, is trying to > weenie his way into my life again. Resentment over the obligation I > > feel from society to make it work because " you should give hime a > chance " or " all men are like that " . > > Fear about supporting myself and the kids. Fear of being a slave to > > work and never getting to spend time with the kids. Fear of hard > work. Experienced managers in this area take 18 months or more to > find work. I haven't worked in 15 years and have to start over. > There is no job base left in Santa Cruz, and I don't want to do the > 3 > hours a day to Silicon Valley. Fear of poverty. > > Fear of dating. Fear of sex. Fear of my body either looking like a > > deflated blimp or a leftover from enstein's bride. > > Fear of taking away from my kids if I leave, and letting them grow > up > in an atmosphere devoid of love and respect if I stay. > > Fear of losing my basset hounds and my cat. > > I get so much out of the posts from people in this group. I love > the > inspirational posts which give me hope. But I also really > appreciate > the honest post about hating dating. > > I have a lot of decisions to make and I don't have a lot of > information. > > I know this will all work out. My stagnation in weight loss now is > > no doubt intimately linked to my need to get over my fears. > > Damn the stock market!! I should have gone through this 2 years > ago! Jobs in abundance and a nice fat savings account! > > Oh well, as the Chinese say, the rice is cooked. > > I'll take it day by day. No matter what, I am making progress and > most every day is better than before. > > I never want to go back. > > Smiles, > > Vicki A. > > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2003 Report Share Posted January 8, 2003 Vicki, You don't owe it to stay in any situation where you are not happy, safe and secure. If your old man was a son-of-a-bitch in the past, chances are he's gonna be one now and in the future. Don't stay in, or get back into somethin' that's gonna make you hate yourself and your partner. Randy rlogle@... www.geocities.com/rogle32/ AIM: rlogleeln Open RNY: Sept. 26, 2001: 207 lbs gone. Daddy to Doogun, Jasper, and Zoe. Lord, Please help me to become the Person my Dog's think I am. Fear > After losing 135 pounds + I feel so much stronger, physically, > emotionally, spiritually. People look at me and think I am all > together and am a strong woman (I think that may come from being > verbose!). > > But right now I am riddled with fear. > > Fear over whether or not I can ever love my husband again. > Resentment over the crappy way he has treated me for the past 12 > years. Resentment that he, now that I have had it, is trying to > weenie his way into my life again. Resentment over the obligation I > feel from society to make it work because " you should give hime a > chance " or " all men are like that " . > > Fear about supporting myself and the kids. Fear of being a slave to > work and never getting to spend time with the kids. Fear of hard > work. Experienced managers in this area take 18 months or more to > find work. I haven't worked in 15 years and have to start over. > There is no job base left in Santa Cruz, and I don't want to do the 3 > hours a day to Silicon Valley. Fear of poverty. > > Fear of dating. Fear of sex. Fear of my body either looking like a > deflated blimp or a leftover from enstein's bride. > > Fear of taking away from my kids if I leave, and letting them grow up > in an atmosphere devoid of love and respect if I stay. > > Fear of losing my basset hounds and my cat. > > I get so much out of the posts from people in this group. I love the > inspirational posts which give me hope. But I also really appreciate > the honest post about hating dating. > > I have a lot of decisions to make and I don't have a lot of > information. > > I know this will all work out. My stagnation in weight loss now is > no doubt intimately linked to my need to get over my fears. > > Damn the stock market!! I should have gone through this 2 years > ago! Jobs in abundance and a nice fat savings account! > > Oh well, as the Chinese say, the rice is cooked. > > I'll take it day by day. No matter what, I am making progress and > most every day is better than before. > > I never want to go back. > > Smiles, > > Vicki A. > > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2003 Report Share Posted January 8, 2003 Holy cow Batman, get thee to a therapist, stat! Fear SUCKS. I went through that right after I hit goal... I was afraid of EVERYTHING. If you ever do end up making that Summit drive over here to San , let me know, I've got the BEST counselor on the planet! I went through hell and high water with my husband after my weight loss. It took almost a year for him to understand that me needing him to learn how to express himself emotionally to me was not just " my problem " . Once we started working in counseling he finally realized he's not the " open book " he thought he was. There's nothing like having someone say " If want more from me, we're screwed " We are rediscovering each other in amazing ways now each and every day. How is it that two people can spend 14 years together and not know everything about each other? We continuously change... I am finding myself stepping back now, and considering what I really want out of life, what I really want to do with my life, for the rest of my life instead of living day to day, paycheck to paycheck. The Silicon Valley grind is a bitch sometimes, and I want outta here soon. As far as the kid thing goes... I don't have any, but I've been one, and had divorced parents. I personally feel it is better for a loveless couple to divorce and find people they can be happy with, or be happy just with themselves. All children are better off with emotionall available parents, no matter what the situation. If you are in a loveless situation, you can inevitably shut down, even to your kids. Wow Vicki, you have a LOT of things to work out... I'm impressed by your courage at posting it all here too... that rocks. I'm also glad you feel that you WILL make it through, that's the best first step and the best tool you have to get through this. Your attitude will carry you through! Good luck grrrlie, I for one will be here to cheer you on http://www.eradain.com/apoplexy Fear But right now I am riddled with fear. I know this will all work out. My stagnation in weight loss now is no doubt intimately linked to my need to get over my fears. I'll take it day by day. No matter what, I am making progress and most every day is better than before. I never want to go back. Smiles, Vicki A. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2003 Report Share Posted January 8, 2003 Wow Vicki, you have a LOT of things to work out... _________________________________________________________ I love it...... In other words Vicki, you're a freakin' nut bar....LOL..... God forbid I put some of my issues out on the list... , I'm just jokin' I understand what you're sayin' and that you didn't mean anything bad about it.... Now if it were me you'd outright tell me that I'm a nut bar..... Randy rlogle@... www.geocities.com/rogle32/ AIM: rlogleeln Open RNY: Sept. 26, 2001: 207 lbs gone. Daddy to Doogun, Jasper, and Zoe. Lord, Please help me to become the Person my Dog's think I am. Fear > > But right now I am riddled with fear. > I know this will all work out. My stagnation in weight loss now is > no doubt intimately linked to my need to get over my fears. > > I'll take it day by day. No matter what, I am making progress and > most every day is better than before. > > I never want to go back. > > Smiles, > > Vicki A. > > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2003 Report Share Posted January 8, 2003 LOL... I just re-read that a minute ago too ... ACK, so totally not what I meant! Like they say, takes a nutbar to know one! hehehehe thenutbar Re: Fear Wow Vicki, you have a LOT of things to work out... _________________________________________________________ I love it...... In other words Vicki, you're a freakin' nut bar....LOL..... God forbid I put some of my issues out on the list... , I'm just jokin' I understand what you're sayin' and that you didn't mean anything bad about it.... Now if it were me you'd outright tell me that I'm a nut bar..... Randy rlogle@... www.geocities.com/rogle32/ AIM: rlogleeln Open RNY: Sept. 26, 2001: 207 lbs gone. Daddy to Doogun, Jasper, and Zoe. Lord, Please help me to become the Person my Dog's think I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2003 Report Share Posted January 8, 2003 Yeah Randy, I'm a nut bar, but with a package. I have a daily support group meeting, and I have you guys. Stay tuned over the next year. It's better than realty TV, plus you guys are a part of it. Love ya, Vicki A. In Graduate-OSSG , " Randy Ogle " wrote: > Wow Vicki, you have a LOT of things to work out... > _________________________________________________________ > I love it...... In other words Vicki, you're a freakin' nut bar....LOL..... > God forbid I put some of my issues out on the list... , I'm just > jokin' I understand what you're sayin' and that you didn't mean anything bad > about it.... Now if it were me you'd outright tell me that I'm a nut > bar..... > Randy > rlogle@c... > www.geocities.com/rogle32/ > AIM: rlogleeln > Open RNY: Sept. 26, 2001: 207 lbs gone. > Daddy to Doogun, Jasper, and Zoe. > Lord, Please help me to become the Person > my Dog's think I am. > Fear > > > > But right now I am riddled with fear. > > I know this will all work out. My stagnation in weight loss now is > > no doubt intimately linked to my need to get over my fears. > > > > I'll take it day by day. No matter what, I am making progress and > > most every day is better than before. > > > > I never want to go back. > > > > Smiles, > > > > Vicki A. > > > > > > > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2003 Report Share Posted January 9, 2003 Hi Vicki, I am mostly a lurker on this list but your post really hit me. It reminded me of when I was married. I was married 18 years, the last ten not being good. The larger I got, the more my husband was totally disgusted with me and my body, treating me like I didn't exist. I was petrified of leaving. How would I support myself and my children, where would I live, who would give me a job and what would I do, I hadn't worked outside my home in almost twenty years when I finally did decide to leave. Well, for ten years I cried myself to sleep so many nights because I had a man living with me more like a roommate than a husband. I had all the material things and in fact, it took moving to Half Moon Bay to a gorgeous house on the golf course (my dream house for sure) to realize I had all these material things and I was still miserable. That was my turning point. If you have any thoughts of possibly leaving, you get yourself to a very good attorney and find out where you stand financially. I went to three and when they all told me the same thing, I knew I could manage financially with the two kids. Sure, I couldn't live like I was, but I could still live very nicely and I have. I can honestly say that the last day as the moving truck was packed up and I got in my car to drive over the hill to my new place, it was such a liberating and empowering feeling. I had FINALLY done something for ME. It took me four years to get a job. Six months after my WLS, I put my resume on the web and had numerous bites within two hours. This was on a Thursday and I started my new job the following Monday. Next week I will have been there two years. My therapist said look at all those years you worried about leaving your ex, look at all the years you worried about being hired and doing a good job. And both things have worked out so much better for you. God, was she right. I'm rambling but it was in your subject FEAR, that I saw myself. My whole life has been lived in fear, still is. I was afraid my mother wouldn't love and accept me, no one would ever want to marry me, no one would hire me or if they did, keep me there, etc. etc. You know, it's funny I dated a lot from the day I left my ex till shortly after my surgery. I haven't had one date in the past two years. It's strange, the opposite of most people after surgery it seems. I look at my situation this way now, when I was so fat, that is what people saw so I looked for men who were attracted to that and made sure they saw a picture of me before dating them (met them all on the net). I felt like what you see is what you get. Today, I am still not thin, but am down about 110 lbs and now it is so scary for me to get out there in the dating world. I feel like now I won't be seeing as the big fat woman people will see the real me. How raw and exposed that feels. And so scary. And more fear. S%*t, haven't I wasted enough of my life living in fear. Of course if there is any way you and your husband can work together to make the marriage work, that is always best. No doubt about that. For me, there was no love for too many years. My ex couldn't see through my fat to even see other problems there were. The last thing he said to me upon leaving the house the last time was well, if you could have just kept your body in shape, we could have worked everything else out. Well, I didn't even answer him, turned and got in my car and drove off saying to myself this man just has no clue. I'm sorry I got off on such a tangent here. Work together to try and keep your marriage together if at all possible. If not, go talk to an attorney and find out the real facts. And, the last thing, have you ever been to the Peninsula Hospital support group? If so, we've probably seen one another, maybe even talked before. As you can see, my writing gets really jumbled as I just type what I'm thinking and feeling at the moment and of course that is never in any kind of semblance of order! You are not alone Vicki. We have already won when we believe it in our hearts. ICQ: 67869779 AIM: joydenisek > After losing 135 pounds + I feel so much stronger, physically, > emotionally, spiritually. People look at me and think I am all > together and am a strong woman (I think that may come from being > verbose!). > > But right now I am riddled with fear. > > Fear over whether or not I can ever love my husband again. > Resentment over the crappy way he has treated me for the past 12 > years. Resentment that he, now that I have had it, is trying to > weenie his way into my life again. Resentment over the obligation I > feel from society to make it work because " you should give hime a > chance " or " all men are like that " . > > Fear about supporting myself and the kids. Fear of being a slave to > work and never getting to spend time with the kids. Fear of hard > work. Experienced managers in this area take 18 months or more to > find work. I haven't worked in 15 years and have to start over. > There is no job base left in Santa Cruz, and I don't want to do the 3 > hours a day to Silicon Valley. Fear of poverty. > > Fear of dating. Fear of sex. Fear of my body either looking like a > deflated blimp or a leftover from enstein's bride. > > Fear of taking away from my kids if I leave, and letting them grow up > in an atmosphere devoid of love and respect if I stay. > > Fear of losing my basset hounds and my cat. > > I get so much out of the posts from people in this group. I love the > inspirational posts which give me hope. But I also really appreciate > the honest post about hating dating. > > I have a lot of decisions to make and I don't have a lot of > information. > > I know this will all work out. My stagnation in weight loss now is > no doubt intimately linked to my need to get over my fears. > > Damn the stock market!! I should have gone through this 2 years > ago! Jobs in abundance and a nice fat savings account! > > Oh well, as the Chinese say, the rice is cooked. > > I'll take it day by day. No matter what, I am making progress and > most every day is better than before. > > I never want to go back. > > Smiles, > > Vicki A. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 15, 2007 Report Share Posted July 15, 2007 Dear Judy, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It's so hard to see our kids suffer in any way. I haven't seen a follow-up post from you; I hope you & Joe have some answers by now. Please let us know how things are going. Since I can't hold you in person, I'll have to send you a gentle cyber hug. Love and prayers, Rose Ramblin' Rose Moderator Reply-To: Neurosarcoidosis To: Neurosarcoidosis Subject: FEARDate: Mon, 09 Jul 2007 04:48:19 -0000 Well as usual things are not working out as I would like thrm to be.Tomorrow morning (July 9th) my son goes for his eval with the thoracic surgeon. He is the one I went to when I was diagnosed in 1971.His CT Scan does not look like typical sarc. But his PCP ordered bloodwork which included a angiotensin enzyme test which came up very positive for Sarc. Damn Sarc Monster. He's putting up a good front but I know he's scared of lung cancer, and to tell the truth so am I.I"ve had this horrible disease since 1971. It makes me so angry that he now has it also. He's such a neat loving person. Today he said I want to get this over with, they should juat give me some medicine and I'll be over with this.My methotrexate doesn't seem to be working aa well as it did the first couple of months.GUYS i need you prayers and strength to get through this. I sure wish that I could receive the daily digest from the group.Something is screwed up and no one can figure out what the problem is.I know that many of you have through the fear i feel.I gtried to sign into tonights chat but it would not go past the login.I am so scared dor Joe. I am crying so hard I can bearly see the screen.Why is it that we are more brave when things happen and then we fall apart when things hqppen to our kids. Joe is the aame age as my dad ehen he died.So enough of my wining.Judy in PA Don't get caught with egg on your face. Play Chicktionary! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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