Curiosity - Question for divorced or single OSSG Grads

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone and Thanks for the kind words of support.

I have absolutely what percentage of this OSSG Grad population is

divorced and/or single, out there dating various people and not one

person in specific.

As I stated in my introduction when I had the RNY I was married. I

never thought I would be in the dating world (which I detest btw)

again.

Dating or having sexual relations with people who do NOT know that I

had my stomach stapled has been interesting.

I don't neccessarily feel I need to devuldge my surgery to anyone on

a first or even a second date. I dated a man for a month and just

always took home doggy bags. I didn't feel it was his business to

know about my surgery.

Eventually we ended up having sex. I didn't even think about the 6

inch scar down my middle. After a few rounds in the bedroom he

finally asked me why I had the scar. I didn't know what to say to

him, other than I would tell him about it someday (which I did, 2

months later).

I've been with a few other men as well since my separation. One knew

before I met him what I had done (and since I was just separated and

very angry I didn't care). I won't go into the other story because

I'm rather unhappy with my actions.

Anyway - I am wanting to have a LTR. I need to let the fears go

away. However telling these men who wonder why I'm dragging doggy

bags home all the time - or inquiring about the scar, is

uncomfortable to say the least.

Can anyone out there share with me how they handle it...?

Becky

[Guest guest]

This is a great question Becky and it gets asked every so often on all the

groups eventually -- I wear a bikini so I get the question -- at times, not

often but too often for my " comfort " and I am a " NO TELLER " IOW, I never did

and don't plan to start telling people I had WLS. When someone asks I say,

" Broken Heart... tried to put it back together... " or some such similar

response depending on the asker. I'm married so I'm not in the dating or

single or looking or any such " group " but I am amazed at the people who have

the nerve to ask!!! I just feel like if they are that BOLD then I can be

BOLD right back -- one that has stopped many " right there " is " Heart

Removal... " and that's enough to stop most... (IOW, none of your damn

business!!!) If you really want to shut them up try... " Got knifed in an

argument when someone was getting to personal with me... think I should get

it inked? " Or, you could always go with the immortal... " I was a heart

donor.... " that will give them the SHUT UPS!!!

Sorry my replies are usually not nice when someone dares to ask -- I just

don't see people going around talking about every scar they have UNTIL they

are actually in a LTR and then only IF you choose to discuss it.

Some " nicer " things might be to just say... " Gall Bladder " or something

similar. I guess that would be nicer but I like the " Heart Donor " better

*evil grin* makes them stop and think what a stupid question and how " out of

line " the question was.

hugz,

~denise

[Guest guest]

OMG OMG OMG!!!!

This is the very topic I have wanted to discuss for so long but I

didn't know if anyone was ineterested.

I so want to dump my husband (I think), but I have fears about

economic security and whether or not I can date or ever have sex

again.

I really hope people explore this thread.

Vicki A.

- In Graduate-OSSG , " Becky "

wrote:

> Hello Everyone and Thanks for the kind words of support.

>

> I have absolutely what percentage of this OSSG Grad population is

> divorced and/or single, out there dating various people and not one

> person in specific.

>

> As I stated in my introduction when I had the RNY I was married. I

> never thought I would be in the dating world (which I detest btw)

> again.

>

> Dating or having sexual relations with people who do NOT know that

I

> had my stomach stapled has been interesting.

>

> I don't neccessarily feel I need to devuldge my surgery to anyone

on

> a first or even a second date. I dated a man for a month and just

> always took home doggy bags. I didn't feel it was his business to

> know about my surgery.

>

> Eventually we ended up having sex. I didn't even think about the 6

> inch scar down my middle. After a few rounds in the bedroom he

> finally asked me why I had the scar. I didn't know what to say to

> him, other than I would tell him about it someday (which I did, 2

> months later).

>

> I've been with a few other men as well since my separation. One

knew

> before I met him what I had done (and since I was just separated

and

> very angry I didn't care). I won't go into the other story because

> I'm rather unhappy with my actions.

>

> Anyway - I am wanting to have a LTR. I need to let the fears go

> away. However telling these men who wonder why I'm dragging doggy

> bags home all the time - or inquiring about the scar, is

> uncomfortable to say the least.

>

> Can anyone out there share with me how they handle it...?

>

> Becky

[Guest guest]

Goodness gracious, y'all! People have ALL KINDS of scars in all kinds of

places and they don't think twice about them with a new partner. Decide

to tell or not, and if you decide not to tell, then just say you had

abdominal surgery, or even intestinal surgery if you like. Neither is a

lie.

My separation started two months after my surgery. At five months

post-op, I started dating a wonderful man (my pottery teacher... Take

those classes you're interested in, gals, and don't limit yourself to

your fellow students, score the best in the room LOL) and he knows all

about the whole surgery thing. He's fascinated and nothing but

supportive. He's watched me (very intimately) go from 220 lbs (down from

my 310 high) to 128 pounds and he's really enjoyed it. It's boosted my

self-confidence a great deal to have Mark behind me the whole way.

My ex (the divorce was final two months ago) now regrets splitting from

me but that's too damn bad. He missed that boat because it sailed out of

his harbor a long time ago while he was looking at other yachts --

couldn't appreciate what was there, and I decided that I didn't want my

daughter to see me living with a man that did not love or respect her

mother. I am really glad that he moved out!

Mark knew me when I was at my biggest and was attracted to me even then;

he told me after we'd been dating for four months that he'd never

thought anything positive about a fat person, never mind wanted to have

sex with one, and that I turned his whole world upside-down on that

front. He's learned a lot from me about fat people, and I've learned a

lot from him through our open discussions of fat prejudice.

My attitude on this: I don't want to be intimate and share my life with

someone who is going to negatively judge me for how I dealt with a

medical problem that was threatening my life. Would you apologize to a

potential lover, or worry about what they were going to think, about

your scar from open heart surgery? I really see my RNY as similar

life-saving surgery.

Love me or leave me alone. I've absolutely had it with conditional love

and I will never again accept from my loved one that I am somehow " not

good enough " for them. That's a load of crap. I may sometimes (often)

make mistakes, I may disappoint them, I might accidentally hurt them

even, but in NO WAY are they somehow superior to me because I used to be

really fat. There are plenty of men who will ADMIRE you for the way you

fought for your life and WON. Mark calls my collection of scars (and I

have quite a few, with almost 10' of scars from the reconstructive

surgery) a map of my long journey back to health and a symbol of my

strength. Who wouldn't want to keep one like him?? :-)

Don't accept second-best. Don't find yourself thinking " good enough " or

" better than " ... If he doesn't make your heart sing, dump him in a

flash. Dumping one like that is in itself a very empowering

experience... It's liberating to know that you will stand up for

yourself!

Ziobro

Open RNY 09/17/01

Plastics 07/11/01

310/128/125

BMI 54.9 to 22.0

Jeans size 32 to size 4

http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/profile.phtml?N=M987208445

Re: Curiosity - Question for divorced or single

OSSG Grads

OMG OMG OMG!!!!

This is the very topic I have wanted to discuss for so long but I

didn't know if anyone was ineterested.

I so want to dump my husband (I think), but I have fears about

economic security and whether or not I can date or ever have sex

again.

I really hope people explore this thread.

Vicki A.

- In Graduate-OSSG , " Becky "

wrote:

> Hello Everyone and Thanks for the kind words of support.

>

> I have absolutely what percentage of this OSSG Grad population is

> divorced and/or single, out there dating various people and not one

> person in specific.

>

> As I stated in my introduction when I had the RNY I was married. I

> never thought I would be in the dating world (which I detest btw)

> again.

>

> Dating or having sexual relations with people who do NOT know that

I

> had my stomach stapled has been interesting.

>

> I don't neccessarily feel I need to devuldge my surgery to anyone

on

> a first or even a second date. I dated a man for a month and just

> always took home doggy bags. I didn't feel it was his business to

> know about my surgery.

>

> Eventually we ended up having sex. I didn't even think about the 6

> inch scar down my middle. After a few rounds in the bedroom he

> finally asked me why I had the scar. I didn't know what to say to

> him, other than I would tell him about it someday (which I did, 2

> months later).

>

> I've been with a few other men as well since my separation. One

knew

> before I met him what I had done (and since I was just separated

and

> very angry I didn't care). I won't go into the other story because

> I'm rather unhappy with my actions.

>

> Anyway - I am wanting to have a LTR. I need to let the fears go

> away. However telling these men who wonder why I'm dragging doggy

> bags home all the time - or inquiring about the scar, is

> uncomfortable to say the least.

>

> Can anyone out there share with me how they handle it...?

>

> Becky

[Guest guest]

All I have to say is

YOU GO GIRL!!! Best wishes to you and your love!!!!

Jac

mailto:jholdaway@...

http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com/

http://members.cox.net/xxxfarmpaints

[Guest guest]

Yeah, I got divorced after a 24 year marriage. We would have celebrated

our 25th anniversary 3 months after our divorce was final. He hurt

me.......hurt me BAD by not wanting me after all those years. And I

didn't think I would EVER trust another man again. I started

dating.....I am NOT an alone person. I do not do alone....so this forced

me to date. I started before my WLS! And continued after WLS. I had some

good times and some guys that I am embarrassed about. THEN all of a

sudden I met someone. Someone who made my heart sing......who taught me

to trust again. WHO was NOT afraid of my surgery (and then SURGERIES)

was not afraid of open affection. Was not afraid of my imperfections. I

have to say......it took along time for the trust to be there. But

was patient. We went through some personal hell in our first year

together. The loss of his daughter.......two knee surgeries and a

revision to my original RNY. He didn't go anywhere. He stayed and loved

me. I told him about my surgery on our first date. He was a little

puzzled by the fact that I didn't eat much. When I told him he was

facinated. Wanted to know more. Learned to prepare protein drinks and

even eat protein bars. We celebrate the 4th year of our togetherness on

the 4th of July. He makes my heart sing.......my WILD THANG!!!! LOL

Debbie in Gig Harbor

ladybostons@...

www.paws2print.com

[Guest guest]

Becky,

Since I date quiet often I'd like to figure out how to handle it. I have a

friend that just tells people right when he meets them. I don't. I date and

if they ever ask about my different eating habits, like no sugar, I say it's

because it causes my blood sugar to drop, which it does. If, after a coupla'

months and if I end up in the bed with the guy then if he asks I tell. I've

only had this happen with one man, since that's all I've slept with. I was

in a LTR (8 years) prior and right after surgery, and don't sleep with

someone after just a few dates. I'm dating someone very special right now,

who, the night we met, told me he had a terminal illness. He was brave

enough to tell me that, I couldn't tell him about my surgery though. So, I

said all that to say this, I don't have a clue how to handle it....LOL....

Randy

rlogle@...

www.geocities.com/rogle32/

AIM: rlogleeln

Open RNY: Sept. 26, 2001: 205 lbs gone.

Daddy to Doogun, Jasper, and Zoe.

Lord, Please help me to become the Person

my Dog's think I am.

Curiosity - Question for divorced or single OSSG

Grads

> Hello Everyone and Thanks for the kind words of support.

>

> I have absolutely what percentage of this OSSG Grad population is

> divorced and/or single, out there dating various people and not one

> person in specific.

>

> As I stated in my introduction when I had the RNY I was married. I

> never thought I would be in the dating world (which I detest btw)

> again.

>

> Dating or having sexual relations with people who do NOT know that I

> had my stomach stapled has been interesting.

>

> I don't neccessarily feel I need to devuldge my surgery to anyone on

> a first or even a second date. I dated a man for a month and just

> always took home doggy bags. I didn't feel it was his business to

> know about my surgery.

>

> Eventually we ended up having sex. I didn't even think about the 6

> inch scar down my middle. After a few rounds in the bedroom he

> finally asked me why I had the scar. I didn't know what to say to

> him, other than I would tell him about it someday (which I did, 2

> months later).

>

> I've been with a few other men as well since my separation. One knew

> before I met him what I had done (and since I was just separated and

> very angry I didn't care). I won't go into the other story because

> I'm rather unhappy with my actions.

>

> Anyway - I am wanting to have a LTR. I need to let the fears go

> away. However telling these men who wonder why I'm dragging doggy

> bags home all the time - or inquiring about the scar, is

> uncomfortable to say the least.

>

> Can anyone out there share with me how they handle it...?

>

> Becky

>

>

>

> Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

>

> Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, Deb! I wish you could come to our party on the 18th! It is our (mine and

Fred's) 3rd anniversary. The 20th anniversary for one couple, and the 34th

for the third. I started the party planning, and the other two couples just

jumped in. We have a boatload of mutual friends, and decided that we just

wanted a mutual celebration of love (that isn't kinky)! There will be a DJ

and finger food, and lots of fun. Fred and I look forward to getting to Bud

and Jane's 34 years (I'll just be 77 then).

Jac

mailto:jholdaway@...

http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com/

http://members.cox.net/xxxfarmpaints