Guest guest Posted January 6, 2003 Report Share Posted January 6, 2003 , My father died of schiroses of the liver because he was an alchy. My shrink believes my depressions were inherited from him. He used alcohol and like you I used food. For 15 years I was a bookkeeper at a substance abuse facilities. I tried to tell my druggies, that food was my drug of choice. They really didn't buy it. It is easier for us, because I can't go to jail for eating to much popcorn, and it has no street value. But it does destroy people's lives. Fay Bayuk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2003 Report Share Posted January 6, 2003 Vicki, I was reading your post and a couple of others (about seizing the moment, grabbing the day, getting off the pot, excess skin rippling in the breeze etc....), and it brought to mind something that I've thought about a fair bit, in relation to both my parents. It's going to seem weirdly off-topic, but bear with me. Dad died nearly 2 years ago, of an abdominal aneurysm. He died because he was an alcoholic, had been one for 35 years or so. He had a stomach bug of some kind, but being addicted to booze, he managed to convince himself that the best thing would be to have a scotch or two, to " settle things down " . Five minutes after drinking, he started vomiting, collapsed, and bled to death internally. The vomiting had ruptured the aneurysm, and that was it for him. Lights out. It took my mother nearly 14 months to kill herself with booze after Dad died. She, too, was a career alcoholic, and she'd had health problems galore in the past couple of decades, including dying twice and being resuscitated. (Famous quote from my sister: " Do you think she saw the giant beer can at the end of the tunnel? " Only funny if you have alcoholic parents. Maybe not even really funny then.) But this time, my mother wasn't just flirting with death; she was serious about it, and set to drinking herself to death. When I got to her house, I found about six weeks' worth of empties in her garage: 40 40-ouncers of hard liquor, and 18 dozen empty beer cans. Quite a feat for someone who didn't weigh 100 lbs., and could barely walk. She was 68 when she died. Dad was 70. They were beautiful, full of life and energy when they were young. What happened? When I try to think about what brought them to such a place, all I can piece together is that it started with my mother's depression, which started when I was about 5. She would drink to make herself feel good on a Saturday night, and it worked -- to a point. She'd be gorgeous, she'd laugh and socialize and sing and play her banjo, and everyone said she was the life of the party. Dad drank then too, the big happy guy that everyone loved. But our family hit a few crises, and the drinking increased from every weekend to every night, then every day. And it stopped being fun pretty early on. We kids were severely neglected, and we hid ourselves from our parents, who grew cruel and nasty as the alcohol rotted their brains. I used to be angry at them, thinking, " You could have stopped this! You could have taken control! " But these days, I'm not so sure they could have. You see, they were doing the same thing I used to do when I'd reach for a handful of jelly beans when I was feeling down. They used alcohol to self-medicate, to take away the sadness and depression they felt over things that were happening in their lives. They didn't have the emotional tools to deal with their problems up front, and alcohol seemed like a good way to dull the pain. Only problem is, alcohol is a known depressant, one of the worst there is. So the thing they relied on to " get them through " and " help them feel better " turned out to be the very thing that was making them feel worse and worse. Just like me and my food. The things I ate were for comfort, for solace, to push back the waves of anger, to give me the feeling that at least *someone* cared about me...but the grim reality was that I'd " come to " feeling hung over, low and sad and stuffed and depressed, worse than when I'd started. And I'd vow never to do it again, until the next time. And that's why these days I'm thinking, " Yes! Now is the time! because if not now, when? and if not me, who? " If I don't take advantage of my pouch to learn to self-limit my eating, no one else can do it for me. And if I let my food cravings get out of hand again, no one can stop me from going back to that old, fearful, ugly place. If I do it, I'll be doing it to myself, but I'll be doing it to others, too. My family will suffer, my husband will suffer, I will suffer. It's not about being thin, it's not even about being healthy. It's about taking control of the food before it has a chance to take control of me again. I cannot say with complete confidence that " that will never happen to me " , but I can say that for today, for right now, I'm the one on top. I only hope for the strength to stay there, because the alternatives look pretty nasty. And that's why, Vicki and others out there, I applaud your resolve. Food isn't the answer, and it's not the enemy either. It's just food. It's our heads that need to be turned around, and it's up to us to make that happen. Good luck, comrades! We're going to need it. I. -- <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> RNY September 19, 2001 Dr. Freeman, Ottawa General Hospital BMI then: 43.5 BMI now: 22 -152 lbs <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2003 Report Share Posted January 6, 2003 , You are right. Thanks for taking the time to share. Vicki A. > Vicki, I was reading your post and a couple of others (about seizing > the moment, grabbing the day, getting off the pot, excess skin rippling > in the breeze etc....), and it brought to mind something that I've > thought about a fair bit, in relation to both my parents. It's going to > seem weirdly off-topic, but bear with me. > > Dad died nearly 2 years ago, of an abdominal aneurysm. He died because > he was an alcoholic, had been one for 35 years or so. He had a stomach > bug of some kind, but being addicted to booze, he managed to convince > himself that the best thing would be to have a scotch or two, to > " settle things down " . Five minutes after drinking, he started vomiting, > collapsed, and bled to death internally. The vomiting had ruptured the > aneurysm, and that was it for him. Lights out. > > It took my mother nearly 14 months to kill herself with booze after Dad > died. She, too, was a career alcoholic, and she'd had health problems > galore in the past couple of decades, including dying twice and being > resuscitated. (Famous quote from my sister: " Do you think she saw the > giant beer can at the end of the tunnel? " Only funny if you have > alcoholic parents. Maybe not even really funny then.) But this time, my > mother wasn't just flirting with death; she was serious about it, and > set to drinking herself to death. When I got to her house, I found > about six weeks' worth of empties in her garage: 40 40-ouncers of hard > liquor, and 18 dozen empty beer cans. Quite a feat for someone who > didn't weigh 100 lbs., and could barely walk. She was 68 when she died. > Dad was 70. They were beautiful, full of life and energy when they were > young. What happened? > > When I try to think about what brought them to such a place, all I can > piece together is that it started with my mother's depression, which > started when I was about 5. She would drink to make herself feel good > on a Saturday night, and it worked -- to a point. She'd be gorgeous, > she'd laugh and socialize and sing and play her banjo, and everyone > said she was the life of the party. Dad drank then too, the big happy > guy that everyone loved. But our family hit a few crises, and the > drinking increased from every weekend to every night, then every day. > And it stopped being fun pretty early on. We kids were severely > neglected, and we hid ourselves from our parents, who grew cruel and > nasty as the alcohol rotted their brains. I used to be angry at them, > thinking, " You could have stopped this! You could have taken control! " > But these days, I'm not so sure they could have. > > You see, they were doing the same thing I used to do when I'd reach for > a handful of jelly beans when I was feeling down. They used alcohol to > self-medicate, to take away the sadness and depression they felt over > things that were happening in their lives. They didn't have the > emotional tools to deal with their problems up front, and alcohol > seemed like a good way to dull the pain. > > Only problem is, alcohol is a known depressant, one of the worst there > is. So the thing they relied on to " get them through " and " help them > feel better " turned out to be the very thing that was making them feel > worse and worse. Just like me and my food. The things I ate were for > comfort, for solace, to push back the waves of anger, to give me the > feeling that at least *someone* cared about me...but the grim reality > was that I'd " come to " feeling hung over, low and sad and stuffed and > depressed, worse than when I'd started. And I'd vow never to do it > again, until the next time. > > And that's why these days I'm thinking, " Yes! Now is the time! because > if not now, when? and if not me, who? " If I don't take advantage of my > pouch to learn to self-limit my eating, no one else can do it for me. > And if I let my food cravings get out of hand again, no one can stop me > from going back to that old, fearful, ugly place. If I do it, I'll be > doing it to myself, but I'll be doing it to others, too. My family will > suffer, my husband will suffer, I will suffer. It's not about being > thin, it's not even about being healthy. It's about taking control of > the food before it has a chance to take control of me again. I cannot > say with complete confidence that " that will never happen to me " , but I > can say that for today, for right now, I'm the one on top. I only hope > for the strength to stay there, because the alternatives look pretty > nasty. > > And that's why, Vicki and others out there, I applaud your resolve. > Food isn't the answer, and it's not the enemy either. It's just food. > It's our heads that need to be turned around, and it's up to us to make > that happen. Good luck, comrades! We're going to need it. > > I. > -- > <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> > RNY September 19, 2001 > Dr. Freeman, Ottawa General Hospital > BMI then: 43.5 > BMI now: 22 > -152 lbs > <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2003 Report Share Posted January 6, 2003 In a message dated 1/6/03 2:59:07 PM Central Standard Time, kdirving@... writes: << It's not about being thin, it's not even about being healthy. It's about taking control of the food before it has a chance to take control of me again. I cannot say with complete confidence that " that will never happen to me " , but I can say that for today, for right now, I'm the one on top. I only hope for the strength to stay there, because the alternatives look pretty nasty. >> ----------------------------- A very thoughful, thought-provoking, and insightful post, . It made me cry as I saw the addict in myself. And also, bcuz right now, I can't even say I'm the one on top. But I sure wish everyone else the best and can stand here and cheerlead for everyone else's success. Carol A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2003 Report Share Posted January 6, 2003 > Just like me and my food. The things I ate were for > comfort, for solace, to push back the waves of anger, to give me the > feeling that at least *someone* cared about me...but the grim reality > was that I'd " come to " feeling hung over, low and sad and stuffed and > depressed, worse than when I'd started. And I'd vow never to do it > again, until the next time. > and the odd thing about using food for comfort or to medicate or whatever purpose other than nutrition is that food is only comforting while we are indulging in it. once we are done chewing, finished the cupcake or whatever, the comfort is over, it does not linger. those who use alcohol or pot or whatever, most other addictions give a longer lasting, residual sort of high that will carry for awhile. food isn't typically like that. maybe a few minutes once done eating but not long lasting like a good drunk could be. sue there is more on this topic in the book Fit From Within Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2003 Report Share Posted January 6, 2003 Oh ....this is so true. My sisters Mother in law was a woman who loved to poo-poo nutrition or exercising her whole life.....thought it was rediculous. Now at the age of 69 she had kidney failure and a heart attack all within a week. Guess who now has to take her to Doctors, dialysis 3 times a week, food shopping, clean her house and do all her errands......yup, you guessed it, my sister....who, by the way works 45 hours a week, homeschools her daughter who is special needs and needs therapy 3 days a week too. We all owe it to each other and our loved ones to stay or get in the best health possible. When my parents both died of the same cancer I felt so cheated and hurt for my mom....that woman was always conscious of her health and eating habits, didn't smoke or drink. But my dad, now he was an alcoholic, ate irresponsible and wouldn't take reflux medicine (was afraid it would make him sterile) he died of Barrett's Syndrome cancer that is specifically brought on by untreated reflux........I was secretly angry with him!!!!! He left two younger sons, 18 and 21! Once he was diagnosed he begged his kids to take their meds (5 of us 8 have reflux and several grandkids)......boy did he wish he could go back 20 years to the time that I was begging him to get on meds!! Hindsight is 20/20 and if I can learn from someone else's I will............ P. I'll be doing it to myself, but I'll be doing it to others, too. My family will suffer, my husband will suffer, I will suffer. Getting off the pot > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2003 Report Share Posted January 7, 2003 And then The Guilt sets in. Oh man, so not worth it most of the time. Never was, after it. Thanks, Vitalady T www.vitalady.com If you are interested in PayPal, please click here: https://secure.paypal.com/affil/pal=vitalady%40bigfoot.com Re: Getting off the pot > > Just like me and my food. The things I ate were for > > comfort, for solace, to push back the waves of anger, to give me the > > feeling that at least *someone* cared about me...but the grim reality > > was that I'd " come to " feeling hung over, low and sad and stuffed and > > depressed, worse than when I'd started. And I'd vow never to do it > > again, until the next time. > > > > and the odd thing about using food for comfort or to medicate or whatever > purpose other than nutrition is that food is only comforting while we are > indulging in it. once we are done chewing, finished the cupcake or whatever, > the comfort is over, it does not linger. those who use alcohol or pot or > whatever, most other addictions give a longer lasting, residual sort of high > that will carry for awhile. food isn't typically like that. maybe a few > minutes once done eating but not long lasting like a good drunk could be. > > sue > there is more on this topic in the book Fit From Within > > > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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