Guest guest Posted October 6, 2003 Report Share Posted October 6, 2003 Hello to all, I'm a lurker. I joined this group a while back, when my girlfriend started thinking about having the surgery so I could learn more about it, and help her in the process, some of the posts have been very helpful to me in understanding what she is going through, but at this moment, I need more support that she does. She had her surgery in April and since then has lost a total of 75 lbs, and is only about 30 lbs away from her goal, and she looks great! Which brings me to my problem. I have always found her to be a beautiful woman, inside and out, I never minded the layers of fat, as she called them, and I loved and love her no matter what, I always thought she was very attractive. The problem is that now I'm not the only one who finds her attractive and that is killing me. She is a very sexy girl always was, and I hope always will be, I love that about her, only problem is that now when we walk down the street the men who did not take a second look at her before, now do, and totally stare. Lately I feel as if she is getting younger because of her extra energy and new look, and I feel old next to her. I don't want to loose this woman, she is the love of my life, and I know I will not find anyone like her no matter how hard I look. It's not that I feel that she will leave me, because I know she loves me just as much as I love her, but I'm afraid my jealousy will take the best of me and turn our relationship into a mutual nightmare, I don't want to turn into a possessive, jealous and paranoid boyfriend, but all this attention on her is driving me crazy! I'll take help from either men or women, all I want is for somebody to tell me if they have gone through this, and how they have handled it. Thank you, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2003 Report Share Posted October 6, 2003 , It's great that you are so honest and aware with your feelings. My husband stated that the thought crossed his mind that after I had surgery and lost weight, I might find another man. The fact is that we've been married 21 years and he's loved me through thin and fat. I feel that if any man who's interested after I loose weight, but wasn't before, isn't really interested in me. Anyway, When my husband came with me to my 2 week check up, he swore the other man in the elevator was " checking me out' (Yeah right, I was still over 250 lbs.) He said he was proud to have me on his arm, and felt like saying, " Too bad, she's mine " He used to feel this way when we were younger as well. So. I guess my advice is to be confident in your realtionship and instead of jealousy, feel Pride that she is with you!!! Debbie R, WI RNY 8/7/03 286/243/150 Jealousy Problems Hello to all, I'm a lurker. I joined this group a while back, when my girlfriend started thinking about having the surgery so I could learn more about it, and help her in the process, some of the posts have been very helpful to me in understanding what she is going through, but at this moment, I need more support that she does. She had her surgery in April and since then has lost a total of 75 lbs, and is only about 30 lbs away from her goal, and she looks great! Which brings me to my problem. I have always found her to be a beautiful woman, inside and out, I never minded the layers of fat, as she called them, and I loved and love her no matter what, I always thought she was very attractive. The problem is that now I'm not the only one who finds her attractive and that is killing me. She is a very sexy girl always was, and I hope always will be, I love that about her, only problem is that now when we walk down the street the men who did not take a second look at her before, now do, and totally stare. Lately I feel as if she is getting younger because of her extra energy and new look, and I feel old next to her. I don't want to loose this woman, she is the love of my life, and I know I will not find anyone like her no matter how hard I look. It's not that I feel that she will leave me, because I know she loves me just as much as I love her, but I'm afraid my jealousy will take the best of me and turn our relationship into a mutual nightmare, I don't want to turn into a possessive, jealous and paranoid boyfriend, but all this attention on her is driving me crazy! I'll take help from either men or women, all I want is for somebody to tell me if they have gone through this, and how they have handled it. Thank you, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2003 Report Share Posted October 6, 2003 Debbie R, WI Thanks to you for replying to my post, believe me, I feel just like your husband when it comes to the pride I feel, not only because of her new look, but because of the person I know is inside that lovely lady next to me. Sometimes I feel I should talk to her about my feelings, but then I start to worry that she might not understand my feelings, or that I might not be able to explain them clearly. I think the next step for me might have to be some counseling, because I really don't want this to get out of hand and destroy the best relationship I've had in my life. Thanks so much for taking the time to help me, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2003 Report Share Posted October 6, 2003 > Hello to all, > > I'm a lurker. I joined this group a while back, when my girlfriend > started thinking about having the surgery so I could learn more about > it, and help her in the process, some of the posts have been very > helpful to me in understanding what she is going through, but at this > moment, I need more support that she does. She had her surgery in > April and since then has lost a total of 75 lbs, and is only about 30 > lbs away from her goal, and she looks great! Which brings me to my > problem. > > I have always found her to be a beautiful woman, inside and out, I > never minded the layers of fat, as she called them, and I loved and > love her no matter what, I always thought she was very attractive. > The problem is that now I'm not the only one who finds her attractive > and that is killing me. > > She is a very sexy girl always was, and I hope always will be, I love > that about her, only problem is that now when we walk down the street > the men who did not take a second look at her before, now do, and > totally stare. Lately I feel as if she is getting younger because of > her extra energy and new look, and I feel old next to her. I don't > want to loose this woman, she is the love of my life, and I know I > will not find anyone like her no matter how hard I look. > > It's not that I feel that she will leave me, because I know she loves > me just as much as I love her, but I'm afraid my jealousy will take > the best of me and turn our relationship into a mutual nightmare, I > don't want to turn into a possessive, jealous and paranoid boyfriend, > but all this attention on her is driving me crazy! > > I'll take help from either men or women, all I want is for somebody > to tell me if they have gone through this, and how they have handled > it. > > Thank you, > > , There are two important things to know here. First is that jealousy is a manifestation of a lack of confidence in yourself. The second is that a lack of confidence is one of the biggest turn-offs to women! They can sense it like a shark smells blood. ;D Seriously, you've got to get it under control. Try, as one poster suggested, being proud of her. Be cocky. When men look at her, keep in mind that it's YOU she's chosen. Not them. Try to realize how good she makes YOU look! Face it, bud, if you can attract and keep a lovely woman of wonderful character, you are a stud. And if you can't actually feel it, act as if. Soon you may change your own mind. Dep Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 my hubby says " so the other guys are lookin' at her, so what. " If you love her and trust her don't worry about it. She's with you for a reason and you should trust that. He seems to think he won't be jealous after I have my surgery but, we'll just see! LOL in MI 327 (yep one more pound gone this week on Optifast!) Pre-op Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 hey frank if you were with when she was big, they she should appreciate your feelings toward her. I had WLS and lost 65lbs so far, my wife is concerned now that she is the " heavy one " in the family. I tell her that most men like bigger women. I am a fan of voluptous women. This surprises her. > Hello to all, > > I'm a lurker. I joined this group a while back, when my girlfriend > started thinking about having the surgery so I could learn more about > it, and help her in the process, some of the posts have been very > helpful to me in understanding what she is going through, but at this > moment, I need more support that she does. She had her surgery in > April and since then has lost a total of 75 lbs, and is only about 30 > lbs away from her goal, and she looks great! Which brings me to my > problem. > > I have always found her to be a beautiful woman, inside and out, I > never minded the layers of fat, as she called them, and I loved and > love her no matter what, I always thought she was very attractive. > The problem is that now I'm not the only one who finds her attractive > and that is killing me. > > She is a very sexy girl always was, and I hope always will be, I love > that about her, only problem is that now when we walk down the street > the men who did not take a second look at her before, now do, and > totally stare. Lately I feel as if she is getting younger because of > her extra energy and new look, and I feel old next to her. I don't > want to loose this woman, she is the love of my life, and I know I > will not find anyone like her no matter how hard I look. > > It's not that I feel that she will leave me, because I know she loves > me just as much as I love her, but I'm afraid my jealousy will take > the best of me and turn our relationship into a mutual nightmare, I > don't want to turn into a possessive, jealous and paranoid boyfriend, > but all this attention on her is driving me crazy! > > I'll take help from either men or women, all I want is for somebody > to tell me if they have gone through this, and how they have handled > it. > > Thank you, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 One of the things my nutritionist told me was that they were noticing a large divorce rate among people who've had WLS. She said it wasn't because the people who had the surgery were leaving their spouse because they were thin and happy now, it was the uncontrolable jealously that the spouse exhibited. Picking fights over nothing. Please put your jealously aside. Be stronger than that. She loves YOU. She's not going anywhere. She does feel better about herself, she has more energy and she wants to burn it. But for me, I know that I'm not looking in the mirror 24- 7, so I " forget " that I'm physically 1/2 the person I was. I still " feel " like nothing is different. So my emotions, especially towards my DH have not changed! As a matter of fact, I want him to hold me more because I can feel his arms around me so much better now than I could 75lbs ago. Does that make sense? It's good that you recognize that this could become an issue. I hope now that you realize this, you're not going to let come in between you and your GF. She's with you. Spoil her just like you did before. I would definately talk to her and let her know how you feel & that you are trying to work through this. I'm sure that she'll understand and have more patience with you in tough situations and even help to avoid instances where you might become jealous. Dh and I have been going through this and it does drive me crazy sometimes, but because I'm aware of his feelings and the potential disaster that could come, I do my best to make sure he knows that he's still, and will always be my #1! Good luck to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 frank, riveting dilemma. @ support group meetings, i had been warned about how the dynamics of relationships would change, & that's been the case, big time. but in a good way. my wonderful hubb never complained about my weight, never ever. the only thing i can do & have done, is return this amazing unconditional love. one of the featured speakers was a psychologist, & his advice to us " losers " , is to reassure our significant other. there's no temptation to trade in my handsome hunk for a shallow bozo. best of luck to you all & the TG for true & special love. & btw, jealousy just means you're human, just be subtle & cool about it. be proud of your beautiful gal. lori h. > Hello to all, > I'm a lurker. I joined this group a while back, when my girlfriend > started thinking about having the surgery so I could learn more about > it, and help her in the process, some of the posts have been very > helpful to me in understanding what she is going through, but at this > moment, I need more support that she does. > Thank you, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 FRANK I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THA IT IS GOOD TO BE HONEST WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. WHEN I WENT FOR MY PSYC EVAL BEFORE I WAS APPROVED THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT THE DOCTOR TOLD ME WAS THAT THE JEALOUSY THING COULD HAPPEN AND THAT IT IS VERY VAREY IMPORTANT NOT TO LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE. IN OTHER WORDS IF THERE IS A PROBLEM NO MATTER HOW BIG OR SMALL DISCUSS IT AT THAT TIME DO NOT LET IT JUST SIMMER BECAUSE THAT IS WHEN REAL PROBLEMS OCCUR. ALSO YOU SHOULD TAKE A LONG LOOK AT YOUR RELATIONSHIP (1)DID CHOOSE HER BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT THAT NO ONE ELSE WOULD BE INTERESTED IN HER (2) DO YOU THINK THAT THE ONLY REASON SHEISWITH YOU IS BECAUSE NO ELSE WAS INTERESTED IN HER. THESE ARE QUESTIONS THAT I ASKED MY HUSBAND WHEN HE KIDDINGLY MADE THE REMARK THAT ONCE I HAE THE SURGERY (10-28-03) THAT I MIGHT LEAVE HIM. WHICH IS FAR FROM THE TRUTH. BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY TALK TO HER. LET HER KNOW YOUR FEELINGS NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OF YOU HOLDING YOUR TRUE FEELINGS INSIDE. IF YOU LOVE HER TRUST HER WITH YOUR FEELINGS. BECAUSE RIGHT OR WRONG. GOOD OR BAD THEY ARE STILL YOUR FELINGS AND IF SHE LOVES YOU SHE WILL UNDERSTAND THAT. NORA PRE-OP 10-28-03 MICHIGAN WILLIAMS2614@..._ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 Jess, I know your husband, lol. He's gonna be jealous whether he wants to admit it right now or not. He already is at times, lol. Hugssss in Indiana -- Re: Jealousy Problems my hubby says " so the other guys are lookin' at her, so what. " If you love her and trust her don't worry about it. She's with you for a reason and you should trust that. He seems to think he won't be jealous after I have my surgery but, we'll just see! LOL in MI 327 (yep one more pound gone this week on Optifast!) Pre-op Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2003 Report Share Posted October 7, 2003 LOL!!! I know your right! I love you, you're the best :) in MI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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