Re: Re: Don't like my kid much lately.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 1:31:01 PM Eastern Daylight Time, vhunnius@...

writes:

> I just said, " Okay. Have a good day at school! "

>

> Jacquie

>

>

>

You know he doesn't hate you.Ok this opens up a sensitive question for me to

ask.

Sometimes I wonder if Keion has any idea that we love him-he hates

affection-but loves to wrestle and deep pressure will calm him in second .He

also screams if you get near his face to kiss him.

He is very big for his age-will be 2 next month but looks like a 4-5 year

old in height and build.He is very strong and hurts us with pinching,biting

and kicking.He seems very happy doing it.We have to give our cat away this

week because the cat adores Keion but Keion tortures the poor thing

My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for his needs

he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so sad.

The Grammas & Keion

[Guest guest]

> They addressed this very thing in parenting class. The best response

> to it is to shrug your shoulders and say, " I'm sorry you feel that

> way because I love you " .

I just said, " Okay. Have a good day at school! "

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> They addressed this very thing in parenting class. The best response

> to it is to shrug your shoulders and say, " I'm sorry you feel that

> way because I love you " .

I just said, " Okay. Have a good day at school! "

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> They addressed this very thing in parenting class. The best response

> to it is to shrug your shoulders and say, " I'm sorry you feel that

> way because I love you " .

I just said, " Okay. Have a good day at school! "

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Hmmmmmm......This is just according to my experience but Alec really seems to

care less about Jeff or I. In an affectionate sort of way or loving sort of way.

We meet his needs and play with him and those things make him happy but he

doesn't care who do these things for him. This is the way it is. He does not

care who he is left with or if he is left with someone. He has no special

attatchment to Jeff or I or Yessenia. As for Greggory, he does seem to have a

special bond with him. I dont what to tell you.

Jacquie H

Re: Re: Don't like my kid much lately.

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

> about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for his

needs

> he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so sad.

> The Grammas & Keion

I was told that too, when was about 3. As you can tell, that has NOT

born true AT ALL.

The idea that auties don't love is a myth. They just don't always have a

conventional way to express it.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Hmmmmmm......This is just according to my experience but Alec really seems to

care less about Jeff or I. In an affectionate sort of way or loving sort of way.

We meet his needs and play with him and those things make him happy but he

doesn't care who do these things for him. This is the way it is. He does not

care who he is left with or if he is left with someone. He has no special

attatchment to Jeff or I or Yessenia. As for Greggory, he does seem to have a

special bond with him. I dont what to tell you.

Jacquie H

Re: Re: Don't like my kid much lately.

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

> about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for his

needs

> he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so sad.

> The Grammas & Keion

I was told that too, when was about 3. As you can tell, that has NOT

born true AT ALL.

The idea that auties don't love is a myth. They just don't always have a

conventional way to express it.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Definitely NOT true in our case either. As a matter of fact, gets

ticked of when I come home and granny is watching him, because he wants HER

to stay longer. He definitely has a strong attachment to her. I know he

loves me too, as he cries if I try to leave him somewhere different or

something like that, and he hugs, cuddles, and wants ME to kiss his

boo-boos. :-)

ellen

Re: Re: Don't like my kid much lately.

Hmmmmmm......This is just according to my experience but Alec really seems

to care less about Jeff or I. In an affectionate sort of way or loving sort

of way. We meet his needs and play with him and those things make him happy

but he doesn't care who do these things for him. This is the way it is. He

does not care who he is left with or if he is left with someone. He has no

special attatchment to Jeff or I or Yessenia. As for Greggory, he does seem

to have a special bond with him. I dont what to tell you.

Jacquie H

Re: Re: Don't like my kid much lately.

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care

much

> about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for

his

needs

> he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so

sad.

> The Grammas & Keion

I was told that too, when was about 3. As you can tell, that has

NOT

born true AT ALL.

The idea that auties don't love is a myth. They just don't always have

a

conventional way to express it.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 3:35:41 PM Eastern Daylight Time, trudynme@...

writes:

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

> about us as far as affection

That's a bullshit MYTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! has gotton to the point now

where she'll smack me and then right after say momma are you ok? It's just

something you need to work on. At do2learn.com they have faces we printed

them out and did drills with them. Who is sad? Who is happy? Then we moved

onto How do I feel and really emphasis the faces. Then we moved onto in

front of a mirror having her make a face and we needed to tell her what it

was.

Sometimes she can't read my face or other peoples but never say NEVER.

Hugs

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 3:35:41 PM Eastern Daylight Time, trudynme@...

writes:

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

> about us as far as affection

That's a bullshit MYTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! has gotton to the point now

where she'll smack me and then right after say momma are you ok? It's just

something you need to work on. At do2learn.com they have faces we printed

them out and did drills with them. Who is sad? Who is happy? Then we moved

onto How do I feel and really emphasis the faces. Then we moved onto in

front of a mirror having her make a face and we needed to tell her what it

was.

Sometimes she can't read my face or other peoples but never say NEVER.

Hugs

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 8:12:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

moretuna@... writes:

> As I reach the door I hear him say, softly

> " I love it. Thanks Mom. "

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 8:12:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

moretuna@... writes:

> As I reach the door I hear him say, softly

> " I love it. Thanks Mom. "

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 5:06:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time, vhunnius@...

writes:

> The idea that auties don't love is a myth. They just don't always have a

> conventional way to express it.

>

> Jacquie

>

>

>

Thank you.

The Grammas & Keion

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 8:12:05 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

moretuna@... writes:

> Keion may not show affection the way other kids do,

> but he will care for you, in his own way, in his own

> time.

>

> Tuna

>

>

>

>

thanks to everyone-guess when you love someone as much as we love him you

want him to experience it too.you are the best group!

The Grammas & Keion

[Guest guest]

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

> about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for his

needs

> he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so sad.

> The Grammas & Keion

I was told that too, when was about 3. As you can tell, that has NOT

born true AT ALL.

The idea that auties don't love is a myth. They just don't always have a

conventional way to express it.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

> about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for his

needs

> he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so sad.

> The Grammas & Keion

I was told that too, when was about 3. As you can tell, that has NOT

born true AT ALL.

The idea that auties don't love is a myth. They just don't always have a

conventional way to express it.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 9:44:33 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

myfishruleWJG@... writes:

> Sometimes she can't read my face or other peoples but never say NEVER.

>

> Hugs

>

>

>

Thank you.

The Grammas & Keion

[Guest guest]

Keion will care for you deeply, in his own way.

I bought a book he'd been wanting yesterday.

After he read some of it, I came and sat in his room

with him.

" do you like the book? "

no answer

" is it a funny book? "

no answer

" Well, good night then "

As I reach the door I hear him say, softly

" I love it. Thanks Mom. "

Keion may not show affection the way other kids do,

but he will care for you, in his own way, in his own

time.

Tuna

=====

mom to:

, 8, ASD

, 4, NT

Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.

- Whoopi Goldberg

______________________________________________________________________

Post your free ad now! http://personals.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

>>>As I reach the door I hear him say, softly " I love it. Thanks Mom. " >>>>

AWwwww that is so sweet!!!

Re: Re: Don't like my kid much lately.

Keion will care for you deeply, in his own way.

I bought a book he'd been wanting yesterday.

After he read some of it, I came and sat in his room

with him.

" do you like the book? "

no answer

" is it a funny book? "

no answer

" Well, good night then "

As I reach the door I hear him say, softly

" I love it. Thanks Mom. "

Keion may not show affection the way other kids do,

but he will care for you, in his own way, in his own

time.

Tuna

=====

mom to:

, 8, ASD

, 4, NT

Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.

- Whoopi Goldberg

______________________________________________________________________

Post your free ad now! http://personals.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

I think Keion will love you, and probably does now. It is simply harder

for our kids to express it, like Jacquie said. Predicting a child's

response to you at such a young age is difficult at best. Keep the

faith. I know it's hard.

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

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[Guest guest]

And Keion is one blessed boy to have Grammas like you.

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

[Guest guest]

> As I reach the door I hear him say, softly

" I love it. Thanks Mom. "

Tuna,

This is just so sweet.

Jen

[Guest guest]

I know it has been said that autistic individuals do not feel emotions as we

do, and do not experience " love " as we think of it. Certainly there have

been periods where I believed this. But as time has passed, and n's

awareness has increased, I feel very confident that he loves me *in his

way*. He cares very much if I leave, even if Daddy is home with him. He

comes running to me when the speech therapist upsets him. There are other

signs, but the important thing is that I think you will come to know them

in time.

n also bites, scratches and hits me. And in a strange way, these are

also signs of love too. He does not act out this way with anyone else

(sometimes with dh, but less so). I know it is because he feels very

comfortable with me and that I have earned his trust. I didn't used to

believe this (that acting out was actually a sign of security), but I do now

100%.

Autie kids are really tough in the 18 mo to 3 age while they struggle to

acquire language, but it *will* get better.

And, yes, Keion loves you very much.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 11 wks

> Sometimes I wonder if Keion has any idea that we love him-he hates

> affection-but loves to wrestle and deep pressure will calm him in second

..He

> also screams if you get near his face to kiss him.

> He is very big for his age-will be 2 next month but looks like a 4-5

year

> old in height and build.He is very strong and hurts us with

pinching,biting

> and kicking.He seems very happy doing it.We have to give our cat away this

> week because the cat adores Keion but Keion tortures the poor thing

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

> about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for his

needs

> he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so sad.

> The Grammas & Keion

>

[Guest guest]

> > FREAKED. He started screaming at me, saying *I* forgot it was

> > pajama day, it was all MY fault, and we HAD to go home and change

> > into pajamas. >

>

> Theory of mind? ' psych once said that " people with autism

> believe that everyone knows everything they know " ...not that this

> makes the encounter any less unpleasant.

I didn't even CONSIDER the whole theory of mind thing, Raena! You're

absolutely right.

> Sorry, Jacquie...but this made me laugh out loud. EVERY kid tells

> mom he hates her from time to time...

Well, I finally realized what I had to be thankful about -- one thing that I

mourned long ago was the idea that my child would ever give enough of a crap

about things to slam the door one me and scream, " I hate you! You ruined my

life! "

So in that way, 's telling me he hated me was actually a wonderful gift.

:-)

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

I disagree with what you were told! I truly believe that even the most

severe kids know that they are safe with us. In the future, you may find

that you get more of the trouble behavior from him than his teachers do (if

not now even). This is because our kids trust us to be there and love them

so much so that they are comfortable letting themselves go when they are

with us. Don't ever let someone tell you that it's because you don't try to

control him or you are too easy on him. It's because he loves you that he

can release himself and feel safe doing so.

Not letting you near his face is simply a sensory issue for him. Will he

allow you to kiss the top of his head? This is where would allow me

to kiss him until he was about 10. Then once we started him on meds, he

gave me his cheek and for the first time told me he loved me! (and this is

a very high functioning kid who is totally verbal!)

Since he likes deep pressure, what about bear hugs? Or how about laying on

him (holding up a bit of your weight on your elbows and knees) and you can

cradle his head in your hands or arms? This way you get the physical hug

and he gets pleasure from it. Not allowing light touch means to him it

could feel like pain, so everything you do should be with more pressure than

you would normally use.

Don't get discouraged and don't give up!!

Sue

[Guest guest]

I disagree with what you were told! I truly believe that even the most

severe kids know that they are safe with us. In the future, you may find

that you get more of the trouble behavior from him than his teachers do (if

not now even). This is because our kids trust us to be there and love them

so much so that they are comfortable letting themselves go when they are

with us. Don't ever let someone tell you that it's because you don't try to

control him or you are too easy on him. It's because he loves you that he

can release himself and feel safe doing so.

Not letting you near his face is simply a sensory issue for him. Will he

allow you to kiss the top of his head? This is where would allow me

to kiss him until he was about 10. Then once we started him on meds, he

gave me his cheek and for the first time told me he loved me! (and this is

a very high functioning kid who is totally verbal!)

Since he likes deep pressure, what about bear hugs? Or how about laying on

him (holding up a bit of your weight on your elbows and knees) and you can

cradle his head in your hands or arms? This way you get the physical hug

and he gets pleasure from it. Not allowing light touch means to him it

could feel like pain, so everything you do should be with more pressure than

you would normally use.

Don't get discouraged and don't give up!!

Sue