Re: Second guessing

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/23/03 6:36:14 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

myfishruleWJG@... writes:

> And in the background there she is... my little miricle child. With her

> diaper hanging out... trying to play a puzzle with another girl but getting

> the brush off, trying so hard to fit in but how can she with that big sign

> DIFFERENT hanging over her head in bright lights.

How blessed she is to have someone who even thinks about her in such a loving

compassionate way.The world is so very hard on children at times.

The Grammas & Keion

[Guest guest]

Sorry . That really sucks :-( Sue

[Guest guest]

Ok, I sent this one from Yahoo, now it's got Mark's name. I bet you all

first thought we had a new dad!

Sue

----- Original Message -----

[Guest guest]

Thanks Gals. This will be the third week. No aid but I have someone going

in on Friday to see what is going on. Everyone says she is doing " just fine "

but does that mean she isn't causing trouble or that she is indeed " just

fine. " Her teacher seems to be able to read when she's stimming on a toy and

they disappear so that's great. I just worry that she could be doing so much

better with the right supports.

She usually has a communications book and we talk about her day that way.

Today they had a puppet show and her teacher didn't have time to write. She

asked me this morning if she told me anything and apologized about not

writing. I said it was ok but that she just isn't like the other kids she

won't say I did this or that. I need to set things up like show her the art

project and say what did you do at arts and crafts today? Then when she sees

the project she'll say " I colored " - " I painted " .

I'm going out for dinner with some of " the girls " one of whose husband is a

new DAN dr in the area that everyone is raving over. They also have an

autistic child.

I have other friends but no one every understands me like you girls do. I

honestly don't know how I could have made it this far without you all.

{{Everyone}}

[Guest guest]

,

I love hearing about 's progress, she reminds me very much of my

at that age. I think she is in the perfect setting now!

I agree with Jacquie that you should give her (and classmates) some time to

adjust to the new setting.

You might want to call an IEP meeting and have specific socialization goals

and supports added into her school services. You can request a peer buddy be

provided (where the teacher actually identifies one or two " outgoing " kids to

interact with ).

Last summer attended a YMCA day camp with NT kids his age (he was 4.5

then). I observed for two days, both days I came home very upset because he

just refused to participate and was content to be off by himself. I realize

now that he needed extra supports there, i.e. a teacher to facilitate the

interaction, that it was not going to happen on its own in a short amount of

time.

Good luck and keep us posted!

-BJ in polis, MD

[Guest guest]

How many days has been in the new class, ?

It's going to take time. Time for the kids in the class to adjust to a new

kid, time for her to feel safe and comfortable there, time for her to adjust

to the place and start showing what she's really capable of to these new

people. The transition is going to really SUCK. Try not to doubt your

decision too much in these early days while she struggles through the

transition. Try (and I know it's hard) to reserve judgement until a couple

weeks have passed. THAT;s when you'll really be able to tell if this is

going to work or not.

>I ask about her day, I

get the big NR. (No response).

NEVER talked about his day at school until this year. What I finally

did was ask the teachers what the kids did that day and then ask him pointed

questions: " You painted today. What colours did you paint? "

Even now, I barely get any response from him when I ask about his day,

unless something happened that he considered HUGE - and he's almost 7, and

quite verbal. It's like if something is in the past, he's truly just

forgotten about it, even if the past was only hours ago. He only seems to

think in one direction -- forward. " How was your day? " " Can we stop and

get a treat? " " Sure. What was the best part of school? " " I'm going to

play playstation when we get home. " and on and on....

It sucks.

Don't give up, ok? Give the class a chance. She may very well surprise you

yet.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> I hate this. 's old classroom wasn't right for her. The

teacher was

> great but she was mimicing the other kids. She was trying to

interact and

> the boys were getting aggressive with her. I had to move her I had

no

> choice.

What a shame. You don't want her learning that though. It's no fun.

>

> But I don't think the class she's in is right either. When I

dropped her off

> half her class crowded around me peppering me with comments... " I

have

> spiderman shoes " , " my shoes light up " , " Watch me " , " look how far I

can

> kick " ... I never realized how very far behind she is until now.

Does she have an aide? The social stuff is so so hard. Some kids

are naturally gregarious and some NT kids are not though, so not all

NT kids are going to clamour like that, but yes, I know what you

mean. It's hard to see them with thier peers sometimes.

>

> And in the background there she is... my little miricle child.

With her

> diaper hanging out... trying to play a puzzle with another girl but

getting

> the brush off, trying so hard to fit in but how can she with that

big sign

> DIFFERENT hanging over her head in bright lights. Two more weeks

with no

> speech and even then only an hour a week. She needs someone every

day. Just

> putting her in a class with typical kids is not enough.

Why isn't she getting more speech? And why the break with no

speech? Yuck. No, being in a typical class is not enough. It helps

but it isn't enough. She has to have supports in place to make it

work. It's so frustrating sometimes trying to get what they need.

The more you work with them, the earlier you do, the better the long

term outcome. I hate all the politics and money that go into this

stuff.

>

> I went to pick her up and what's she doing? Going down the same

slide that

> she goes on every day over and over. She is alone. I ask about

her day, I

> get the big NR. (No response).

Does she have a communication book? Do you connect with the teacher

daily? How are you supposed to know anything? Ugh.

We go home I try to change her diaper. She

> gets upset and screams no no no. She starts throwing herself

around. She's

> getting too big I can't hold her the way I use to. I ask her if

she wants

> underwear she says yes.

>

> We have friends over, he is wonderful () and a little older

than she

> is. Very verbal and plays well. They have fun. He goes home a

couple hours

> later. She is still dry. We play for another hour. She is still

dry. I

> have her sit on the potty. Nothing. She flushes and then tries to

stick her

> head in the potty so she can watch the water spin. (I pray she

doesn't do

> THAT at school). She gets the once upon a potty tape and book. I

set things

> up. She pees on the couch.

Ugh ugh ugh. Sigh. Hang in there. ((Hugs))

[Guest guest]

> I hate this. 's old classroom wasn't right for her. The

teacher was

> great but she was mimicing the other kids. She was trying to

interact and

> the boys were getting aggressive with her. I had to move her I had

no

> choice.

What a shame. You don't want her learning that though. It's no fun.

>

> But I don't think the class she's in is right either. When I

dropped her off

> half her class crowded around me peppering me with comments... " I

have

> spiderman shoes " , " my shoes light up " , " Watch me " , " look how far I

can

> kick " ... I never realized how very far behind she is until now.

Does she have an aide? The social stuff is so so hard. Some kids

are naturally gregarious and some NT kids are not though, so not all

NT kids are going to clamour like that, but yes, I know what you

mean. It's hard to see them with thier peers sometimes.

>

> And in the background there she is... my little miricle child.

With her

> diaper hanging out... trying to play a puzzle with another girl but

getting

> the brush off, trying so hard to fit in but how can she with that

big sign

> DIFFERENT hanging over her head in bright lights. Two more weeks

with no

> speech and even then only an hour a week. She needs someone every

day. Just

> putting her in a class with typical kids is not enough.

Why isn't she getting more speech? And why the break with no

speech? Yuck. No, being in a typical class is not enough. It helps

but it isn't enough. She has to have supports in place to make it

work. It's so frustrating sometimes trying to get what they need.

The more you work with them, the earlier you do, the better the long

term outcome. I hate all the politics and money that go into this

stuff.

>

> I went to pick her up and what's she doing? Going down the same

slide that

> she goes on every day over and over. She is alone. I ask about

her day, I

> get the big NR. (No response).

Does she have a communication book? Do you connect with the teacher

daily? How are you supposed to know anything? Ugh.

We go home I try to change her diaper. She

> gets upset and screams no no no. She starts throwing herself

around. She's

> getting too big I can't hold her the way I use to. I ask her if

she wants

> underwear she says yes.

>

> We have friends over, he is wonderful () and a little older

than she

> is. Very verbal and plays well. They have fun. He goes home a

couple hours

> later. She is still dry. We play for another hour. She is still

dry. I

> have her sit on the potty. Nothing. She flushes and then tries to

stick her

> head in the potty so she can watch the water spin. (I pray she

doesn't do

> THAT at school). She gets the once upon a potty tape and book. I

set things

> up. She pees on the couch.

Ugh ugh ugh. Sigh. Hang in there. ((Hugs))

[Guest guest]

She is soooo young yet! The fact that she wants to play with other kids or that

she is playing with any child is great! Greggory was alot like that at 3 yrs

old. ALOT! In fact he really couldn't answer any question at that age. The

regular preschool may be hard for her to fit in but I think she will get better

at it. The exposure for her will start to show its rewards. But if you think she

needs more speech I would press the issue with her IEP team. Hang in there.

Jacquie H

Second guessing

I hate this. 's old classroom wasn't right for her. The teacher was

great but she was mimicing the other kids. She was trying to interact and

the boys were getting aggressive with her. I had to move her I had no

choice.

But I don't think the class she's in is right either. When I dropped her off

half her class crowded around me peppering me with comments... " I have

spiderman shoes " , " my shoes light up " , " Watch me " , " look how far I can

kick " ... I never realized how very far behind she is until now.

And in the background there she is... my little miricle child. With her

diaper hanging out... trying to play a puzzle with another girl but getting

the brush off, trying so hard to fit in but how can she with that big sign

DIFFERENT hanging over her head in bright lights. Two more weeks with no

speech and even then only an hour a week. She needs someone every day. Just

putting her in a class with typical kids is not enough.

I went to pick her up and what's she doing? Going down the same slide that

she goes on every day over and over. She is alone. I ask about her day, I

get the big NR. (No response). We go home I try to change her diaper. She

gets upset and screams no no no. She starts throwing herself around. She's

getting too big I can't hold her the way I use to. I ask her if she wants

underwear she says yes.

We have friends over, he is wonderful () and a little older than she

is. Very verbal and plays well. They have fun. He goes home a couple hours

later. She is still dry. We play for another hour. She is still dry. I

have her sit on the potty. Nothing. She flushes and then tries to stick her

head in the potty so she can watch the water spin. (I pray she doesn't do

THAT at school). She gets the once upon a potty tape and book. I set things

up. She pees on the couch.

[Guest guest]

She is soooo young yet! The fact that she wants to play with other kids or that

she is playing with any child is great! Greggory was alot like that at 3 yrs

old. ALOT! In fact he really couldn't answer any question at that age. The

regular preschool may be hard for her to fit in but I think she will get better

at it. The exposure for her will start to show its rewards. But if you think she

needs more speech I would press the issue with her IEP team. Hang in there.

Jacquie H

Second guessing

I hate this. 's old classroom wasn't right for her. The teacher was

great but she was mimicing the other kids. She was trying to interact and

the boys were getting aggressive with her. I had to move her I had no

choice.

But I don't think the class she's in is right either. When I dropped her off

half her class crowded around me peppering me with comments... " I have

spiderman shoes " , " my shoes light up " , " Watch me " , " look how far I can

kick " ... I never realized how very far behind she is until now.

And in the background there she is... my little miricle child. With her

diaper hanging out... trying to play a puzzle with another girl but getting

the brush off, trying so hard to fit in but how can she with that big sign

DIFFERENT hanging over her head in bright lights. Two more weeks with no

speech and even then only an hour a week. She needs someone every day. Just

putting her in a class with typical kids is not enough.

I went to pick her up and what's she doing? Going down the same slide that

she goes on every day over and over. She is alone. I ask about her day, I

get the big NR. (No response). We go home I try to change her diaper. She

gets upset and screams no no no. She starts throwing herself around. She's

getting too big I can't hold her the way I use to. I ask her if she wants

underwear she says yes.

We have friends over, he is wonderful () and a little older than she

is. Very verbal and plays well. They have fun. He goes home a couple hours

later. She is still dry. We play for another hour. She is still dry. I

have her sit on the potty. Nothing. She flushes and then tries to stick her

head in the potty so she can watch the water spin. (I pray she doesn't do

THAT at school). She gets the once upon a potty tape and book. I set things

up. She pees on the couch.

[Guest guest]

,

It sounds like you are an incredible advocate for . She is lucky to

have you.

I agree with Jacquie that you may want to give it a bit longer. At my

daycares, adjustment periods could take anywhere from 2 weeks to three

months, and these are relatively NT kids. One child cried and cried all

day long every day for three months. He was absolutely convinced that

his mother would not pick him up again. But he did adjust, and he is

happy and playful.

Extra supports may be needed too, such as an aide and peer buddy. I have

confidence, though, that you will figure it all out. Have fun tonight!

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

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[Guest guest]

,

It sounds like you are an incredible advocate for . She is lucky to

have you.

I agree with Jacquie that you may want to give it a bit longer. At my

daycares, adjustment periods could take anywhere from 2 weeks to three

months, and these are relatively NT kids. One child cried and cried all

day long every day for three months. He was absolutely convinced that

his mother would not pick him up again. But he did adjust, and he is

happy and playful.

Extra supports may be needed too, such as an aide and peer buddy. I have

confidence, though, that you will figure it all out. Have fun tonight!

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

[Guest guest]

I agree with Maggie. LOL (we must be thinking on the same wave length, Maggie)

Maybe an aide to help her stay on task and interact or do whatever would be a

good thing for her to help her adjust.

Jacquie H

Re: Second guessing

,

It sounds like you are an incredible advocate for . She is lucky to

have you.

I agree with Jacquie that you may want to give it a bit longer. At my

daycares, adjustment periods could take anywhere from 2 weeks to three

months, and these are relatively NT kids. One child cried and cried all

day long every day for three months. He was absolutely convinced that

his mother would not pick him up again. But he did adjust, and he is

happy and playful.

Extra supports may be needed too, such as an aide and peer buddy. I have

confidence, though, that you will figure it all out. Have fun tonight!

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

> But I don't think the class she's in is right either. When I dropped her

off

> half her class crowded around me peppering me with comments... " I have

> spiderman shoes " , " my shoes light up " , " Watch me " , " look how far I can

> kick " ... I never realized how very far behind she is until now.

Yes, these are difficult moments ...

>

> And in the background there she is... my little miricle child. With her

> diaper hanging out... trying to play a puzzle with another girl but

getting

> the brush off, trying so hard to fit in but how can she with that big sign

> DIFFERENT hanging over her head in bright lights. Two more weeks with no

> speech and even then only an hour a week. She needs someone every day.

Just

> putting her in a class with typical kids is not enough.

Well you know, my grade school experience was like this too. I was always

sort of an outcast and felt like I had a big sign that said DIFFERENT over

my head. I imagine this is hard to observe as a parent. Sometimes I think

we as parents fear that others will not see the " miracle " child that we see,

not appreciate them for who they are. But, you love and accept her, and

*everyone* on this list loves and accepts her, and that's a lot of people to

love and support a child.

> I went to pick her up and what's she doing? Going down the same slide

that

> she goes on every day over and over. She is alone. I ask about her day,

I

> get the big NR. (No response). We go home I try to change her diaper. She

> gets upset and screams no no no. She starts throwing herself around.

She's

> getting too big I can't hold her the way I use to.

Oh yes, please SOMEONE tell me how to handle this gracefully? I am fighting

the same battle. Right now I know n has a dirty diaper, but I don't

want to fight the life and death struggle it will take to change him. He's

too big to wrestle!

Feeling your pain ...

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 10 wks

[Guest guest]

Great minds think alike, Jacquie. Or maybe very tired ones?

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

[Guest guest]

Great minds think alike, Jacquie. Or maybe very tired ones?

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

[Guest guest]

LOL.....they can be great and tired.....right?

Jacquie H

Re: Second guessing

Great minds think alike, Jacquie. Or maybe very tired ones?

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

[Guest guest]

LOL.....they can be great and tired.....right?

Jacquie H

Re: Second guessing

Great minds think alike, Jacquie. Or maybe very tired ones?

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

[Guest guest]

Oh yes, please SOMEONE tell me how to handle this gracefully? I am fighting

the same battle. Right now I know n has a dirty diaper, but I don't

want to fight the life and death struggle it will take to change him. He's

too big to wrestle!

Gracefully? LOL I have no idea how to do that. I still have to wrestle Alec

down at 60 lbs! ~sigh~

Jacquie H

[Guest guest]

>

> I'm going out for dinner with some of " the girls " one of whose husband is

a

> new DAN dr in the area that everyone is raving over. They also have an

> autistic child.

>

Have fun! Knowing a DAN Dr. could be good!

I have other friends but no one every understands me like you girls do. I

> honestly don't know how I could have made it this far without you all.

Awww, you'll make us all blush! :-)

>

> {{Everyone}}

Back at cha!!

Sue

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/24/03 8:48:53 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

penny@... writes:

> I really wish we all did live closer.

> Jacqui would LOVE to play with !

>

Where do you live again? would love to play with Jacqui too. She

loves all little girls.

[Guest guest]

Damn rollercoaster.

I really wish we all did live closer.

Jacqui would LOVE to play with !

Penny :-D

Second guessing

I hate this. 's old classroom wasn't right for her. The teacher was

great but she was mimicing the other kids. She was trying to interact and

the boys were getting aggressive with her. I had to move her I had no

choice.

[Guest guest]

Damn rollercoaster.

I really wish we all did live closer.

Jacqui would LOVE to play with !

Penny :-D

Second guessing

I hate this. 's old classroom wasn't right for her. The teacher was

great but she was mimicing the other kids. She was trying to interact and

the boys were getting aggressive with her. I had to move her I had no

choice.

[Guest guest]

Damn rollercoaster.

I really wish we all did live closer.

Jacqui would LOVE to play with !

Penny :-D

Second guessing

I hate this. 's old classroom wasn't right for her. The teacher was

great but she was mimicing the other kids. She was trying to interact and

the boys were getting aggressive with her. I had to move her I had no

choice.

[Guest guest]

Hi BJ!

Penny :-D

Re: Second guessing

,

I love hearing about 's progress, she reminds me very much of my

at that age. I think she is in the perfect setting now!