Re: IEP meeting from Hades

May 12, 2003

Good for you, Maggie. You went into the meeting educated and knowing what

you wanted. I think it's a shame that the teacher can't mark off some boxes

for you. We have a communication book problem with our school. They llike

to send home a little sticker saying " I had a good day " and call it

communication. Ha! It sounds like you got a lot though and like you have

some people on your side. You did a good job.

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>From: autumnindigo@...

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: parenting_autism

>Subject: IEP meeting from Hades

>Date: Mon, 12 May 2003 20:29:26 -0400

>

>'s IEP meeting was today. The participants were: Mrs. Lussier

>(school principal), Mrs. ('s primary teacher), Mrs.

>(interpreter), lie Nagler (occupational therapist), Libby

>(speech therapist), Dr. Goodrich ('s psychologist), Jo (Family

>Resource Center Director and friend), and me. Mrs. Sutton (reading

>specialist) and Mrs. Bowers (third grade teacher) made brief cameos. The

>first hour, which essentially involved reporting 's progress, went

>smoothly. I have learned not to argue with test results, because

>although they don't reflect 's knowledge and ability, his skills do

>not exist unless he performs them at school. Dr. Goodrich exited after

>the first hour…her presence was actually quite nice, since she

>essentially listened and then complimented the school performances on

>their work with . Sadly, it was the second hour that was MOST

>dramatic.

>

>Mrs. reviewed HER goals for for next year. I had minor

>corrections, but I was agreeable. And then I did the dastardly deed…I

>introduced my spreadsheet for 's goals ('s idea).

>Essentially, it required that Mrs. check off each day which IEP

>goals had worked on. This information IS NOT given to me on his

>daily note typically. I made it clear that I would provide the sheets

>each week and that I wanted the information simply to have a better

>knowledge of 's day, which would determine which skills I would

>focus on in the evening. Mrs. flat out refused to do this. She

>said she conveys enough information to me, that I am only required to

>have IEP goal information every nine weeks during report card time, and

>that she has nine other children whose needs she must attend to. I

>pursued this, because I was puzzled why it was so difficult for her to

>check off boxes. Even Mrs. Lussier seemed a bit perturbed by Mrs. '

>response. I am certain that I conveyed my disappointment and frustration

>(I was chewing on a pen cap which cracked in half during this time), but

>I finally said, " I'm not going to get this. Let's move on. " And at this

>point, Mrs. checked out emotionally from the meeting. She made

>little contributions to further discussion, busying herself with her many

>papers. So Mrs. Lussier and I led the meeting…wait, I should correct

>myself. Mrs. made little contribution except to veto all my

>requests.

>

>Next, lie made a strong case for sensory integration for . I

>was hesitant to work with her at first, since I considered her lazy, but

>I have corrected those wrong impressions. She worked damn hard to

>evaluate for SI and to advocate for him to have this during the

>meeting. No comment from Mrs. . She was looking for a piece of

>paper she had neglected to bring to the meeting. will have OT

>focusing on sensory integration for an hour a week, to be scheduled when

>school resumes. YAY!

>

>I next asked that 's IEP contain a sign language goal. Nope, said

>Mrs. . He has a reading program and other programs during which he

>can learn sign. I pointed that that much of 's difficulty in

>communication is a result of insufficient sign vocabulary. Even though I

>study signs every day, I am not fluent, and it is difficult to learn on

>one's own. So Libby took over, since it is a communications goal. She

>wrote the goal so that would learn signs to reflect social studies

>and science curriculum. I KNEW there was no way I would get social

>studies and science goals, but Mrs. Lussier promised I can borrow

>textbooks….joy, I get to teach all that he's missed. But I was so

>glad that Libby stepped in--for whatever reason, Mrs. defers to

>her.

>

>Finally, cringing inwardly, I requested that be included in third

>grade recess. 's special ed class doesn't have recess (some

>nonsense about having difficulty getting the children in wheelchairs

>outside), and I believe it's a wonderful opportunity for to play

>with his NT peers. Nope, said Mrs. . Recess would be during

>'s reading time, and Maggie, if you want one thing, you have to

>give up another. I said, Mrs. , surely you don't think I would

>sacrifice 's reading for recess. At this point I was ready to

>lunge across the table to throttle her and put her out of everyone's

>misery. Mrs. Lussier stepped in--she assured me that a compromise can be

>made, that can have recess at least twice a week, that she will

>check classroom schedules and we can decide next year when he will be

>included. Mrs. Lussier will do this. She does what she says she will

>do, and she rather adores my boy.

>

>At one point during the meeting, I pointed out to Mrs. that

>has chunks of time in his day when nothing of particular importance is

>occurring. For example, he doesn't need to watch Nickelodeon at school.

>(Between 1130 and 12, the kids watch Nick. Every time I go into the

>classroom at this time the TV is tuned to that channel.) SO, the last

>thing Mrs. says to me, in an extremely snotty voice, is " We hardly

>ever watch Nickelodeon. The kids watch educational programs. " Well, I

>suppose one could consider Blue's Clues educational.

>

>I know Mrs. is very unhappy with me. To her, I am like chalk

>across a blackboard, and vice versa. However, I only want what is best

>for --my motivation is not to make her school life hell. Although

>at this point, if that occurs too, who am I to quibble? I cannot express

>how grateful I am that Mrs. Lussier and Libby were there, particularly

>Mrs. Lussier. She is a great advocate for , and I specifically

>asked her to be at the IEP meeting, to make every effort to attend,

>because I knew Mrs. would deny my input. Before I left the school,

>Mrs. Lussier patted my arm and said, " Don't worry, Maggie. We'll get

>everything together for you. " And I know that she will.

>

>Mrs. IS a wonderful teacher-- has made tremendous strides in

>her classroom. And it is not my wish to alienate her. I just want what

>is best for . But I'm sure at this point, Mrs. has laminated

>my photo and is throwing darts at it.

>

>Maggie

>

May 12, 2003